Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Maxxicus Callahan]

He has this extremely narcissistic complex where he thinks the left wing is supposed to be thinking about him and his needs 24/7.

He sees ignoring the fact that he hasn't had a girlfriend in a decade as the same as ignoring him if he was dying in the street from starvation.

It's infuriating.

Lucas gives the term “oppression olympics” a whole new meaning

 

[WonderWino]

View attachment 1968461

State Mandated GF

Lucas ranting about making the 'hateful world' go away brings up another point. President wern wouldn't just be issuing insane executive orders, he would have the ability to launch nuclear weapons. I wonder how long it would be before he'd lose his shit and start dropping nukes because people pissed him off. Starting with arizona to punish his mother for saying its not in the cards and on king roys elk kingdom when he realizes he isn't the crown prince

and i'm starting to think of a sequel game already for lucas: a chips challenge parody where lucas has to solve the cockblocking puzzle on each level to get the keys to the zoomer bae

 

[Chucky McDurban]

I mean honestly in his situation that would be a good move to get into the stock market. He doesn't have to worry about food or rent because he lives at a homeless shelter and they give him 2-3 meals a day. He doesn't have to pay for school because of grant money, he doesn't need health or auto insurance the state provides him with free HC. He basically has a free ride in life, so he is in the ideal position to throw money in the stock market, his stimulus and disbursement checks would easily give him some nice stocks, and he would get that kind of money on a quarterly basis. He also has EBT to help him with extra food and supplies, so really what is the risk? He is already at rock bottom. But then we have to remember Lucas meets all the criteria for being a fat faggot and loser at life, this is a man who will not actively try to better his situation, rather he will expect others to do it for him. Another homeless individual in his position may actually use all of their benefits to better themselves. Lucas can only hope to be a ward of the state, forever destined to be Spokane's most hated "Bumcel".

It’s why I said stock options. I don’t mean him buying stocks outright to keep him from possibly spending the money on Clinkerdagger, I mean actually getting stock options on and advance. Not for the faint of heart. Here’s an option horror story. I agree with what you said though! If only he actually cared about things like his future

Lucas ranting about making the 'hateful world' go away brings up another point. President wern wouldn't just be issuing insane executive orders, he would have the ability to launch nuclear weapons. I wonder how long it would be before he'd lose his shit and start dropping nukes because people pissed him off. Starting with arizona to punish his mother for saying its not in the cards and on king roys elk kingdom when he realizes he isn't the crown prince

and i'm starting to think of a sequel game already for lucas: a chips challenge parody where lucas has to solve the cockblocking puzzle on each level to get the keys to the zoomer bae

You aren’t fully obligated and don’t owe ALL of it, just a portion, but people have jumped the gun immediately seeing those numbers and have committed seppuku or major crimes to get money.

 

[WonderWino]

You aren’t fully obligated and don’t owe ALL of it, just a portion, but people have jumped the gun immediately seeing those numbers and have committed seppuku or major crimes to get money.

....What are you talking about?

 

[Chucky McDurban]

Also just took a quick glance and he’s really on the edge today. Noticed he also admitted he would never have another girlfriend. He keeps going back and forth between why ya cockblocking me and I’ll never get laid again. Van Gogh does not give off sanity vibes for sure so it’s definitely feels like a new chapter is about to begin for the Wern. Face swapping his face over poor and sad history figures. How long till he is face swapping over Stalin? Any bets?

....What are you talking about?

Stock options. I’m high and just got off work could’ve worded it badly but yeah. Look em up if I didn’t do them justice

 

[WonderWino]

Stock options. I’m high and just got off work could’ve worded it badly but yeah. Look em up if I didn’t do them justice

I didn't say anything about stock options in anything I wrote so I have no idea why you're bringing them up

 

[Da Dude123]

As for Lucas getting into the market. No dice. That is what the oligarchy does. Also, Lucas would spend that money on prime rib before trying to buy a call or a put. Also, he doesn't have a real bank account to transfer money from. Also, the payee would stop that too.

Lucas reeing about being cock blocked at the bars. When is the last time he went to a bar? We know he is banned from a lot of them.

 

[Wernology]

I didn't say anything about stock options in anything I wrote so I have no idea why you're bringing them up

I think they meant to reply to @Chucky McDurban

 

[Tron]

(Except when it comes to women, in which case they should be handed over like property)

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I propose a new term, in lieu of cockblocking, which has a legitimate meaning.

The sort of imaginary romantic interference which Lucas accuses the world of should be termed "Wernblocking".

As a bonus, this suggests the connotation that Lucas blocks himself from romantic opportunities, the very blocking he so aggressively accuses the world of.

 

[Stafford Beer Bong]

View attachment 1969196

(Except when it comes to women, in which case they should be handed over like property)

So his human need is zoomer puss puss because without it, he will die. Much like a diabetic being denied life saving insulin.

Because he needs it or he will die, it becomes a human right and now must be given to him by the government? Just like putting a price tag on insulin every diabetic needs is a denial of human rights, there should be no price tag on zoomer puss puss. It should be produced and distributed for free to those most in need.

Is this a proper translation of this inane Wern pic?

 

[wenttobermuda]

View attachment 1969196

(Except when it comes to women, in which case they should be handed over like property)

First, Lucas has stated that he will die without puss puss. He didn't use the term "puss puss," but that was his message. Second, while I'm all for justice and helping the less fortunate, Lucas is the type that expects others to draw his breath for him.

I propose a new term, in lieu of cockblocking, which has a legitimate meaning.

The sort of imaginary romantic interference which Lucas accuses the world of should be termed "Wernblocking".

As a bonus, this suggests the connotation that Lucas blocks himself from romantic opportunities, the very blocking he so aggressively accuses the world of.

Inspired. I prefer dropping the "blocking" and going with "wern" or "werning."

Wern[blocking]
/fat ˈfaɡət/
verb
1. to be denied access to puss puss. "I was wern[block]ed by that bae."
2. to unsuccessfully attempt to obtain puss puss. "I'm wern[blocking]ing tonight."
3. to prevent someone who had no hope of obtaining access to puss puss from obtaining access to puss puss. "I wern[block]ed The Wern."

I'm curious how that works: He admits he doesn't approach women, so how exactly does he get cockblocked? By other men just standing there? Wew, lad. Imagine being that much of a beta male.

This is as much of the process as I've been able to work out:

Spoiler: tldr

Lucas enters a "Gen Z bar" with high hopes and great tension. Tonight, he tells himself, is the night I meet my girl. I'm gonna fist her puss puss. And also her anus.

Lucas would rather be at a high school dance, but he doesn't get invited to those. He hopes that the bar doesn't card, and that maybe some 16 year old were able to sneak in tonight. Perhaps there will be some very young looking 21 year olds at the bar, out to get impregnated by a gruff, father figure revolutionary.

Lucas knows nobody in the bar, so he takes a spot by himself, where he can observe the baes. Lucas is not dressed appropriately for the setting. He smells like an onion that someone pissed on. His body language is a scream: I am weird. So he stands out, and people give him his space.

Lucas orders a drink. I will break the ice by saying "Hi, I'm Lucas" and then order a bitch one of these, he tells himself. He scans the crowd, hoping to identify a hot bitch that will be receptive to his advances. Ideally, she will be by herself, or maybe with one other hot bitch.

Lucas spies a hot bitch. She looks a bit like his mother, maybe. She's sitting at table with three other girls, and a flamboyant twink wearing a shirt that declares "I Bottom For BBC!"

Cockblocked! Lucas fumes inwardly. That leftist in name only has 4 girlfriends! GREED MONGER!

At a nearby table, two women sit chatting amicably. One of them, Lucas decides, is hot enough to impregnate. As he sips his drink, a young man with a baseball comes and sits at the table with the two young women.

Cockblocked! Lucas grinds his teeth and orders another drink. That clone is going to fuck them both! Stupid capitalist bitches! He fidgets with his phone. She could've been the mother of our daughters!

Lucas scans the dance floor, but must turn his head away lest he throw up and burst into tears. There are just so many happy, hot bitches having fun dancing with flatbill clones. To hip hop. Don't they know about NIN and KMFDM? He feels unnecessary and unimportant. It's unfair and disgusting. Those aren't my girl he tells himself, but she's here, somewhere.

That's when the background sarcasm cuts in. Creep, you're never going to get laid. Lucas assures himself that he's plenty good. It is not his idea that he's a creep. Creep. Creep. Die alone. He hears a woosh and a pop and a woowoo, and he's knows that they're all bigots and it's all just the background sarcasm.

"You ok?" the bartender asks. Lucas orders another drink.

Lucas takes a selfie to memorialize the evening, and advertise it on social media. He would like all of his fans, and haters, to know that he is around hot bitches this evening. He goes to the clubs where the hot bitches are, and he has a good time. Creep. He's a part of this scene. That's just the background sarcasm.

Lucas starts surreptitiously taking pics of the hot bitches. He doesn't acknowledge it to himself, but he's going to jack off to those. Creep. Creep. Lucas's ears are ringing. Is he going to cry?

Just then Lucas spies a vision of loveliness that must be lifted directly from his fantasies: a fecund young hottie. She resembles his niece, only she has quite the adam's apple and very broad shoulders. Big hands, too. Otherwise perfect. She's standing unsteadily by herself, just feet away, at the bar. Puss puss.

Lucas slowly, tentatively, begins to approach her. He hopes she notices him and says hello. He repeats to himself: Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight? Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight?...

Lucas feels dizzy. He might burst. He's standing close to her. Does she notice him? Why isn't she saying anything? She seems engrossed by her phone.

Cockblocked!....

....to be continued.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Lucas ranting about making the 'hateful world' go away brings up another point. President wern wouldn't just be issuing insane executive orders, he would have the ability to launch nuclear weapons. I wonder how long it would be before he'd lose his shit and start dropping nukes because people pissed him off. Starting with arizona to punish his mother for saying its not in the cards and on king roys elk kingdom when he realizes he isn't the crown prince

and i'm starting to think of a sequel game already for lucas: a chips challenge parody where lucas has to solve the cockblocking puzzle on each level to get the keys to the zoomer bae

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

I’m sure it’s well established by now that all this “wernblocking” is purely a defence mechanism. If he tries to talk to a woman and falls flat on his face well it’s not his fault it’s all the other dudes at the bar “cockblocking” the Wern. I wonder if his schizo delusions are his desperate feeble mind trying to protect his own ego. Can the mind go to the length of creating hallucinations to protect itself in the same way people become tulpamamcers by imagining non-existent entities for long enough.

 

[Poop Shoot]

"Cockblocking" = other men existing around him.

Sometimes he can even be cockblocked without any men around because of the voices on the wind.

It's never because women have their own agency and find him repulsive, it's because the traffic whispers "stay away from lucas".

 

[IceQueen]

Does he think that socialists are supposed to have a sexual fetish for the poor and destitute?

Right lmao for all his talk about the “natural” pattern of life, he doesn’t understand that it’s human nature to want a partner who provides SOMETHING that others don’t or can’t. Literally anyone could throw some slop in a toaster oven or rub their disgusting hands on my feet, but not everyone can maintain a good job, a home, raise children, have certain skills, etc. It is literally human nature to not want to date or even really befriend someone who is at the absolute bottom of human society, willingly, and who does absolutely nothing to try to get out of the bottom.

I'm curious how that works: He admits he doesn't approach women, so how exactly does he get cockblocked? By other men just standing there? Wew, lad. Imagine being that much of a beta male.

Literally, yes. He has said many times that he was “cockblocked” because riiiiight when he was ABOUT to go up to a girl and cause her panties to drop and her to instantly propose to him with the sauve line of “Hi I’m Lucas”, another random guy that the girl doesn’t know goes up and kisses her. He has been asked how he knows that this mysterious other man is “random” and not the girl’s husband, boyfriend, etc. and he of course cannot answer that. Sometimes the other man doesn’t kiss the woman but simply goes and talks to her. Always right when Lucas was ABOUT to lmao. In addition to thinking that everyone hears voices, he also has made many statements that make it pretty clear that he assumes people can read his mind/know what he is thinking/what he wants. Similarly to how he used to say that people shouldn’t ask him why he wants a girlfriend, why said girlfriend has to be a certain age range, etc. because he’s said it plenty of times and made lots of videos on the subject. Which is true, he has, but the fact that he thinks that every single random person has seen his videos and knows exactly who he is and why he does the things he does is insane.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

First, Lucas has stated that he will die without puss puss. He didn't use the term "puss puss," but that was his message. Second, while I'm all for justice and helping the less fortunate, Lucas is the type that expects others to draw his breath for him.

Inspired. I prefer dropping the "blocking" and going with "wern" or "werning."

Wern[blocking]
/fat ˈfaɡət/
verb
1. to be denied access to puss puss. "I was wern[block]ed by that bae."
2. to unsuccessfully attempt to obtain puss puss. "I'm wern[blocking]ing tonight."
3. to prevent someone who had no hope of obtaining access to puss puss from obtaining access to puss puss. "I wern[block]ed The Wern."



This is as much of the process as I've been able to work out:

Spoiler: tldr

Lucas enters a "Gen Z bar" with high hopes and great tension. Tonight, he tells himself, is the night I meet my girl. I'm gonna fist her puss puss. And also her anus.

Lucas would rather be at a high school dance, but he doesn't get invited to those. He hopes that the bar doesn't card, and that maybe some 16 year old were able to sneak in tonight. Perhaps there will be some very young looking 21 year olds at the bar, out to get impregnated by a gruff, father figure revolutionary.

Lucas knows nobody in the bar, so he takes a spot by himself, where he can observe the baes. Lucas is not dressed appropriately for the setting. He smells like an onion that someone pissed on. His body language is a scream: I am weird. So he stands out, and people give him his space.

Lucas orders a drink. I will break the ice by saying "Hi, I'm Lucas" and then order a bitch one of these, he tells himself. He scans the crowd, hoping to identify a hot bitch that will be receptive to his advances. Ideally, she will be by herself, or maybe with one other hot bitch.

Lucas spies a hot bitch. She looks a bit like his mother, maybe. She's sitting at table with three other girls, and a flamboyant twink wearing a shirt that declares "I Bottom For BBC!"

Cockblocked! Lucas fumes inwardly. That leftist in name only has 4 girlfriends! GREED MONGER!

At a nearby table, two women sit chatting amicably. One of them, Lucas decides, is hot enough to impregnate. As he sips his drink, a young man with a baseball comes and sits at the table with the two young women.

Cockblocked! Lucas grinds his teeth and orders another drink. That clone is going to fuck them both! Stupid capitalist bitches! He fidgets with his phone. She could've been the mother of our daughters!

Lucas scans the dance floor, but must turn his head away lest he throw up and burst into tears. There are just so many happy, hot bitches having fun dancing with flatbill clones. To hip hop. Don't they know about NIN and KMFDM? He feels unnecessary and unimportant. It's unfair and disgusting. Those aren't my girl he tells himself, but she's here, somewhere.

That's when the background sarcasm cuts in. Creep, you're never going to get laid. Lucas assures himself that he's plenty good. It is not his idea that he's a creep. Creep. Creep. Die alone. He hears a woosh and a pop and a woowoo, and he's knows that they're all bigots and it's all just the background sarcasm.

"You ok?" the bartender asks. Lucas orders another drink.

Lucas takes a selfie to memorialize the evening, and advertise it on social media. He would like all of his fans, and haters, to know that he is around hot bitches this evening. He goes to the clubs where the hot bitches are, and he has a good time. Creep. He's a part of this scene. That's just the background sarcasm.

Lucas starts surreptitiously taking pics of the hot bitches. He doesn't acknowledge it to himself, but he's going to jack off to those. Creep. Creep. Lucas's ears are ringing. Is he going to cry?

Just then Lucas spies a vision of loveliness that must be lifted directly from his fantasies: a fecund young hottie. She resembles his niece, only she has quite the adam's apple and very broad shoulders. Big hands, too. Otherwise perfect. She's standing unsteadily by herself, just feet away, at the bar. Puss puss.

Lucas slowly, tentatively, begins to approach her. He hopes she notices him and says hello. He repeats to himself: Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight? Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight?...

Lucas feels dizzy. He might burst. He's standing close to her. Does she notice him? Why isn't she saying anything? She seems engrossed by her phone.

Cockblocked!....

....to be continued.

Fucking lost it at " He smells like an onion that someone pissed on ..." Howling, here...

 

[WonderWino]

He's starting to lose his shit

I also find it interesting we've been talking about how his cockblocking insanity works all day and now suddenly thats what he's ranting angrily about in the video. He couldn't make it more obvious that he's reading here and it pisses him off if he tried

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

First, Lucas has stated that he will die without puss puss. He didn't use the term "puss puss," but that was his message. Second, while I'm all for justice and helping the less fortunate, Lucas is the type that expects others to draw his breath for him.

Inspired. I prefer dropping the "blocking" and going with "wern" or "werning."

Wern[blocking]
/fat ˈfaɡət/
verb
1. to be denied access to puss puss. "I was wern[block]ed by that bae."
2. to unsuccessfully attempt to obtain puss puss. "I'm wern[blocking]ing tonight."
3. to prevent someone who had no hope of obtaining access to puss puss from obtaining access to puss puss. "I wern[block]ed The Wern."



This is as much of the process as I've been able to work out:

Spoiler: tldr

Lucas enters a "Gen Z bar" with high hopes and great tension. Tonight, he tells himself, is the night I meet my girl. I'm gonna fist her puss puss. And also her anus.

Lucas would rather be at a high school dance, but he doesn't get invited to those. He hopes that the bar doesn't card, and that maybe some 16 year old were able to sneak in tonight. Perhaps there will be some very young looking 21 year olds at the bar, out to get impregnated by a gruff, father figure revolutionary.

Lucas knows nobody in the bar, so he takes a spot by himself, where he can observe the baes. Lucas is not dressed appropriately for the setting. He smells like an onion that someone pissed on. His body language is a scream: I am weird. So he stands out, and people give him his space.

Lucas orders a drink. I will break the ice by saying "Hi, I'm Lucas" and then order a bitch one of these, he tells himself. He scans the crowd, hoping to identify a hot bitch that will be receptive to his advances. Ideally, she will be by herself, or maybe with one other hot bitch.

Lucas spies a hot bitch. She looks a bit like his mother, maybe. She's sitting at table with three other girls, and a flamboyant twink wearing a shirt that declares "I Bottom For BBC!"

Cockblocked! Lucas fumes inwardly. That leftist in name only has 4 girlfriends! GREED MONGER!

At a nearby table, two women sit chatting amicably. One of them, Lucas decides, is hot enough to impregnate. As he sips his drink, a young man with a baseball comes and sits at the table with the two young women.

Cockblocked! Lucas grinds his teeth and orders another drink. That clone is going to fuck them both! Stupid capitalist bitches! He fidgets with his phone. She could've been the mother of our daughters!

Lucas scans the dance floor, but must turn his head away lest he throw up and burst into tears. There are just so many happy, hot bitches having fun dancing with flatbill clones. To hip hop. Don't they know about NIN and KMFDM? He feels unnecessary and unimportant. It's unfair and disgusting. Those aren't my girl he tells himself, but she's here, somewhere.

That's when the background sarcasm cuts in. Creep, you're never going to get laid. Lucas assures himself that he's plenty good. It is not his idea that he's a creep. Creep. Creep. Die alone. He hears a woosh and a pop and a woowoo, and he's knows that they're all bigots and it's all just the background sarcasm.

"You ok?" the bartender asks. Lucas orders another drink.

Lucas takes a selfie to memorialize the evening, and advertise it on social media. He would like all of his fans, and haters, to know that he is around hot bitches this evening. He goes to the clubs where the hot bitches are, and he has a good time. Creep. He's a part of this scene. That's just the background sarcasm.

Lucas starts surreptitiously taking pics of the hot bitches. He doesn't acknowledge it to himself, but he's going to jack off to those. Creep. Creep. Lucas's ears are ringing. Is he going to cry?

Just then Lucas spies a vision of loveliness that must be lifted directly from his fantasies: a fecund young hottie. She resembles his niece, only she has quite the adam's apple and very broad shoulders. Big hands, too. Otherwise perfect. She's standing unsteadily by herself, just feet away, at the bar. Puss puss.

Lucas slowly, tentatively, begins to approach her. He hopes she notices him and says hello. He repeats to himself: Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight? Hello, my name is Lucas, having a good time tonight?...

Lucas feels dizzy. He might burst. He's standing close to her. Does she notice him? Why isn't she saying anything? She seems engrossed by her phone.

Cockblocked!....

....to be continued.

He sidles closer to the girl, his mantra ready in his head, the first words on the tip of his tongue.

She looks up, the Disco strobe lights twinkling off a subtle peach fuzz on her upper lip, which Lucas finds unexpectedly arousing.

"Hello cock block, are you having a Lucas time tonight?"

Curses! Foiled by his own cockblocking tongue!

The vision of feminine loveliness looks at him, one eyebrow slightly raised, broad shoulders half shrugging, clearly perplexed.

Lucas tries again, attempting the golden mantra of which the very contemplation so mysteriously causes his lil' wern to stiffen.

"Hi, Im a good time tonight. Are you having a Lucas?"

He giggles nervously. His disobedient tongue will be punished later, perhaps by the mastication of some hated vegetables. The very thought makes him shudder involuntarily.

The voices on the wind laugh uproariously.

(... To be continued...)

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

He's starting to lose his shit

I also find it interesting we've been talking about how his cockblocking insanity works all day and now suddenly thats what he's ranting angrily about in the video. He couldn't make it more obvious that he's reading here and it pisses him off if he tried

Rate me optimistic, but I think he's on track to get himself into some real trouble, at this rate. He definitely seems to be escalating in his derangement.