DEAR PRUDENCE
Dear Prudence,
I am happily married, financially stable, and a mom of a beautiful, feral toddler. On a drunken night I convinced myself that I did, in fact, want a sibling for my toddler—quite the 180 from my staunch stance of being “one and done!” I’m now 10 weeks pregnant with my second child and plagued with nausea, vomiting, and most of all regret. Should I terminate this pregnancy and tell all (including my husband) that I miscarried? He, his parents, and my parents are all excited about baby No. 2. I, however, am completely disappointed in myself for having a lapse in judgment and thinking I would be OK with getting pregnant again.
—Thinking About Termination
“I don’t want to be a parent” is a wholly sufficient reason to schedule an abortion. You are under no obligation to disclose your decision to terminate a pregnancy to anyone else, no matter how excited they may have been about your pregnancy or how much they might wish you to carry your pregnancy to term. Your husband’s and your other relatives’ interest in, relation to, or attendant feelings about your pregnancy and your prospective parenthood of another child must always remain secondary to theirs. Your pregnancy is not a decision to be made by an executive committee whereby other people can purchase shares in your reproductive choices because they’ve married you, or because they hope to become grandparents again, or for any other reason.
If you decide to have an abortion, you may choose to inform your husband beforehand if you think he’ll be supportive (emotionally and physically, since you’ll need care while recovering), or afterward, if you trust he’ll keep it in confidence. That’s not mandatory, but you may find it relieves some of your sense of isolation if you think you’ll be on the same page. But I hope you’re able to share your regret and distress with your partner, not so he can talk you out of them, but because secrecy and shame can make for a damaging combination, especially in the long term. It may also minimize the likeliness that you’ll feel additional pressure in the future to go along with the general family excitement about a second child and give them what you think they want.
You don’t say anything about your husband’s (or your other relatives’) views on abortion. You may not know these views, but if you have reason to believe your husband or family would antagonize you for having had an abortion, you should prioritize your own well-being and safety first. If you decide you want to move forward with termination and don’t feel prepared to discuss it with your husband, then consider confiding in a trusted friend or your doctor. Whatever you decide, don’t let your disappointment or your embarrassment keep you from making an informed and self-interested decision about something as huge as raising a second child.
Should I Abort My Pregnancy and Tell My Husband I Miscarried?
I’m plagued with nausea, vomiting, and most of all regret.
BY DANNY M. LAVERYDear Prudence,
I am happily married, financially stable, and a mom of a beautiful, feral toddler. On a drunken night I convinced myself that I did, in fact, want a sibling for my toddler—quite the 180 from my staunch stance of being “one and done!” I’m now 10 weeks pregnant with my second child and plagued with nausea, vomiting, and most of all regret. Should I terminate this pregnancy and tell all (including my husband) that I miscarried? He, his parents, and my parents are all excited about baby No. 2. I, however, am completely disappointed in myself for having a lapse in judgment and thinking I would be OK with getting pregnant again.
—Thinking About Termination
“I don’t want to be a parent” is a wholly sufficient reason to schedule an abortion. You are under no obligation to disclose your decision to terminate a pregnancy to anyone else, no matter how excited they may have been about your pregnancy or how much they might wish you to carry your pregnancy to term. Your husband’s and your other relatives’ interest in, relation to, or attendant feelings about your pregnancy and your prospective parenthood of another child must always remain secondary to theirs. Your pregnancy is not a decision to be made by an executive committee whereby other people can purchase shares in your reproductive choices because they’ve married you, or because they hope to become grandparents again, or for any other reason.
If you decide to have an abortion, you may choose to inform your husband beforehand if you think he’ll be supportive (emotionally and physically, since you’ll need care while recovering), or afterward, if you trust he’ll keep it in confidence. That’s not mandatory, but you may find it relieves some of your sense of isolation if you think you’ll be on the same page. But I hope you’re able to share your regret and distress with your partner, not so he can talk you out of them, but because secrecy and shame can make for a damaging combination, especially in the long term. It may also minimize the likeliness that you’ll feel additional pressure in the future to go along with the general family excitement about a second child and give them what you think they want.
You don’t say anything about your husband’s (or your other relatives’) views on abortion. You may not know these views, but if you have reason to believe your husband or family would antagonize you for having had an abortion, you should prioritize your own well-being and safety first. If you decide you want to move forward with termination and don’t feel prepared to discuss it with your husband, then consider confiding in a trusted friend or your doctor. Whatever you decide, don’t let your disappointment or your embarrassment keep you from making an informed and self-interested decision about something as huge as raising a second child.
" isn't going to fly with your family and hiding it is insane. Its like a reddit post. Nobody is making actual decisions based on this. 
