Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

LOLOLOL. I'm sure there are legions of men just DYING to date a toxic cunt that looks like an over-inflated sex doll slathered in melted lard.

 

[multiverse]

Lord but she is dumb. Omg her agency is the TOP agency in all the USA!

Well, top 18 agency. Top 18 PR agency (not a modeling agency). Top 18 PR agency that represents influencers and youtubers. Well, top 18 PR agency that specializes in representing youth.

So basically, Tess is a top youth influencer, you could kind of say, if you don't look too hard, or see her, or hear her!


Man, does she ever respect Rylee's simple request to not be shown on her socials. She respects the living heck out of it - right up until mommy's narc supply is low because she ain't got a man rn, possibly because she can't fit in a restaurant booth and is a bitch to boot.

 

[PuffyGroundCloud]

Lord but she is dumb. Omg her agency is the TOP agency in all the USA!

Well, top 18 agency. Top 18 PR agency (not a modeling agency). Top 18 PR agency that represents influencers and youtubers. Well, top 18 PR agency that specializes in representing youth.

So basically, Tess is a top youth influencer, you could kind of say, if you don't look too hard, or see her, or hear her!
View attachment 2007812

Man, does she ever respect Rylee's simple request to not be shown on her socials. She respects the living heck out of it - right up until mommy's narc supply is low because she ain't got a man rn.
View attachment 2007813

She's in agency?
I like to believe that she's an influencer for cake-related stuff from store-bought cake to Madonna Inn cake.

 

[Fliddaroonie]

God I thought het eldest didnt live with her.

Wait, were her two kids sharing room with the trooon?

 

[Fìddlesticks]

Poor Riley. Having to keep your mask and hats on - as you never know when Narc 3000tron is around to violate your privacy. So you can Grey Rock each encounter. Keep your face hidden so you can roll your eyes and practice a shit eating grin when mawm tells you she is "emotional intelligent".

I think Asians are lower in the register for Tess because they don't traditionally make the food she likes and the are far smaller than her. I cannot imagine her in Singapore trying to clothes shop! Oh wait. That's fucking hilarious. I can! Here comes guineas world breaking mochi ball! Edit. that's too cute. RUN, IT IS GODZILLA!!!

 

[America's Giggling Gigolo]

By popular demand, the hooves are back! And is it just me, or is her big toe black?! Really flattering wardrobe, as well. Watching this drugged out, massive buddha woman laughing next to a copy of a magazine that says "Size 22 Supermodel!" is killing me.

 

[multiverse]

God I thought het eldest didnt live with her.

Wait, were her two kids sharing room with the trooon?

He doesn't live with her; he's just having a meal with mom and bro. A visit from her 15 year old son who was kicked out. How nice!

And the troon is gone; Olly has moved out and made a big post about being used by cis women who sleep with you for trans points and then wave you around like a trophy.

By popular demand, the hooves are back! And is it just me, or is her big toe black?! Really flattering wardrobe, as well. Watching this drugged out, massive buddha woman laughing next to a copy of a magazine that says "Size 22 Supermodel!" is killing me.

View attachment 2007945

I think she's just wearing a dark nail polish on her feet - done by someone else obviously as she can't reach her feet. And that set is a shine to herself. Her massive, heaving, smelly self.

 

[maggots]

Tidbits from the newest podcast -

Spoiler

-Tess always brings up how hard it is for her as a single mom and yadda yadda I hate my kids.
-She met the guest who is a tattoo artist through Nick a decade ago, Nick has a tat by the artist and Tess wanted to stop covering her arms in cardigans so you get this-


-artist Nikko Hurtado did her whole arm.
-Tess going off extra about Nick with this dude, haven’t felt safe in a home in a decade, hard single mom during COVID, woe is me!!
-damn she has ads this time fml ...oh I can skip them thank god
-randomly starts bragging about a brand job she had (Glow Recipe I think) and how during the zoom meeting/party the brand told her to get shitfaced. She blacked out, upset some people and had to apologize to two people she offended. Doesn’t remember pics or photos being taken of her (pls leak pls).
-says she won’t be drinking again for awhile.
-where was Bowie during this blackout night?
-both are giggling about getting blackout drunk
-all to ask her guest “when was the last time you got blackout drunk?”
-Tess doesn’t know what to say when guest says they aren’t a drug person lol
-she’s so into herself. She tells us that the one requirement she has to be on the pod is that her guests must be actively helping make world a better place. She then asks how he is helping.
-he goes on this nice story about how when he tattoos some people, they gain a ton of confidence in themselves and it’s great to see. gives a Batman tattoo example, Batman tattoos get all the con ladies I guess and he likes to see people grow because of his art work.
-now this is where her selfishness kicks in, she says she never thought about how people could be self conscious about certain body parts, she’s dumbfounded about how others can feel transformed through tattoo art and gain confidence.
-says she always would cover her body up with cardigans and now with her tattoos wants to be naked all the time. This is all around the 17 min mark if you want to listen, it’s pretty astounding.
- talking about ending her marriage and emotional baggage. this is exactly what we would discuss at my slumber parties.
-Nikko is talking shit on Nick, saying there were times he wanted to get his boys and take him out back to whip his ass (I’m sure Nick would love that tbh) for being a dick.
-skimming now at half way point, they’re talking about tattoos and I think it’s boring. If you’re into that, this dude is pretty interesting. Just skip thru the Tess parts you won’t miss much
-two truths and a lie- I went to high school in an old Walmart building, I made out with a really famous celebrity in a club in uh Hollywood, I have a really high IQ
-talking about the celebrity make out session, doesn’t want to say who because they’re married and she felt bad once she realized who they were

-tldr : Tess is boring. Episode was boring. I lost brain cells listening to this even at 1.8 speed. Also Tess hates her kids, so a big fuck you to Nick Holliday for leaving her alone with them.
edited to add words.

 

[multiverse]

Tidbits from the newest podcast -

Spoiler

-Tess always brings up how hard it is for her as a single mom and yadda yadda I hate my kids.
-She met the guest who is a tattoo artist through Nick a decade ago, Nick has a tat by the artist and Tess wanted to stop covering her arms in cardigans so you get this-

View attachment 2007924
-artist Nikko Hurtado did her whole arm.
-Tess going off extra about Nick with this dude, haven’t felt safe in a home in a decade, hard single mom during COVID, woe is me!!
-damn she has ads this time fml ...oh I can skip them thank god
-randomly starts bragging about a brand job she had (Glow Recipe I think) and how during the zoom meeting/party the brand told her to get shitfaced. She blacked out, upset some people and had to apologize to two people she offended. Doesn’t remember pics or photos being taken of her (pls leak pls).
-says she won’t be drinking again for awhile.
-where was Bowie during this blackout night?
-both are giggling about getting blackout drunk
-all to ask her guest “when was the last time you got blackout drunk?”
-Tess doesn’t know what to say when guest says they aren’t a drug person lol
-she’s so into herself. She tells us that the one requirement she has to be on the pod is that her guests must be actively helping make world a better place. She then asks how he is helping.
-he goes on this nice story about how when he tattoos some people, they gain a ton of confidence in themselves and it’s great to see. gives a Batman tattoo example, Batman tattoos get all the con ladies I guess and he likes to see people grow because of his art work.
-now this is where her selfishness kicks in, she says she never thought about how people could be self conscious about certain body parts, she’s dumbfounded about how others can feel transformed through tattoo art and gain confidence.
-says she always would cover her body up with cardigans and now with her tattoos wants to be naked all the time. This is all around the 17 min mark if you want to listen, it’s pretty astounding.
- talking about ending her marriage and emotional baggage. this is exactly what we would discuss at my slumber parties.
-Nikko is talking shit on Nick, saying there were times he wanted to get his boys and take him out back to whip his ass (I’m sure Nick would love that tbh) for being a dick.
-skimming now at half way point, they’re talking about tattoos and I think it’s boring. If you’re into that, this dude is pretty interesting. Just skip thru the Tess parts you won’t miss much
-two truths and a lie- I went to high school in an old Walmart building, I made out with a really famous celebrity in a club in uh Hollywood, I have a really high IQ
-talking about the celebrity make out session, doesn’t want to say who because they’re married and she felt bad once she realized who they were

-tldr : Tess is boring. Episode was boring. I lost brain cells listening to this even at 1.8 speed. Also Tess hates her kids, so a big fuck you to Nick Holliday for leaving her alone with them.
edited to add words.

She she gets blackout drunk while both working and in charge of a child who is not even school aged yet; despises her kids and motherhood (she has mentioned this in 2 of the 3 episodes thus far); and when she says what she really thinks about other people during her blackout (while working and child minding) she wake up without friends or a job because she is an unbearable dick.

This show might being boring and hard to listen to with her awful voice and vapid tedium, but there are some real gems here for the patient.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Tidbits from the newest podcast -

Spoiler

-Tess always brings up how hard it is for her as a single mom and yadda yadda I hate my kids.
-She met the guest who is a tattoo artist through Nick a decade ago, Nick has a tat by the artist and Tess wanted to stop covering her arms in cardigans so you get this-

View attachment 2007924
-artist Nikko Hurtado did her whole arm.
-Tess going off extra about Nick with this dude, haven’t felt safe in a home in a decade, hard single mom during COVID, woe is me!!
-damn she has ads this time fml ...oh I can skip them thank god
-randomly starts bragging about a brand job she had (Glow Recipe I think) and how during the zoom meeting/party the brand told her to get shitfaced. She blacked out, upset some people and had to apologize to two people she offended. Doesn’t remember pics or photos being taken of her (pls leak pls).
-says she won’t be drinking again for awhile.
-where was Bowie during this blackout night?
-both are giggling about getting blackout drunk
-all to ask her guest “when was the last time you got blackout drunk?”
-Tess doesn’t know what to say when guest says they aren’t a drug person lol
-she’s so into herself. She tells us that the one requirement she has to be on the pod is that her guests must be actively helping make world a better place. She then asks how he is helping.
-he goes on this nice story about how when he tattoos some people, they gain a ton of confidence in themselves and it’s great to see. gives a Batman tattoo example, Batman tattoos get all the con ladies I guess and he likes to see people grow because of his art work.
-now this is where her selfishness kicks in, she says she never thought about how people could be self conscious about certain body parts, she’s dumbfounded about how others can feel transformed through tattoo art and gain confidence.
-says she always would cover her body up with cardigans and now with her tattoos wants to be naked all the time. This is all around the 17 min mark if you want to listen, it’s pretty astounding.
- talking about ending her marriage and emotional baggage. this is exactly what we would discuss at my slumber parties.
-Nikko is talking shit on Nick, saying there were times he wanted to get his boys and take him out back to whip his ass (I’m sure Nick would love that tbh) for being a dick.
-skimming now at half way point, they’re talking about tattoos and I think it’s boring. If you’re into that, this dude is pretty interesting. Just skip thru the Tess parts you won’t miss much
-two truths and a lie- I went to high school in an old Walmart building, I made out with a really famous celebrity in a club in uh Hollywood, I have a really high IQ
-talking about the celebrity make out session, doesn’t want to say who because they’re married and she felt bad once she realized who they were

-tldr : Tess is boring. Episode was boring. I lost brain cells listening to this even at 1.8 speed. Also Tess hates her kids, so a big fuck you to Nick Holliday for leaving her alone with them.
edited to add words.

Making the world a better place, my ass.
He could actually “make the world a better place” if he dedicated just one day a month to cover-up scars on domestic or not violence victims, or tattoo nipples on women with mastectomy for free, you know, use his actual skill for good, not going outside his comfort and familiar routine.

Making the client feel more confident isn't on him - it's on client who decides to take a bold step; he's just doing the job he enjoys. And she can't not to talk about herself can she? I get that interview isn't exactly Q/A format, but so far she invited her “friend”, her waxxer and her tattoo artist to gossip and shit on her ex-husband.
The whole thing feels like you mistakenly join someone's Zoom conference call and stuck listening to the conversation without any context or your participation.

ETA: comments as kind as expected:

 

[Rotogravure]

And the troon is gone; Olly has moved out and made a big post about being used by cis women who sleep with you for trans points and then wave you around like a trophy.

I don't follow any instagram or anything, was it beau- teaful?

 

[Internet's Boyfriend]

-two truths and a lie- I went to high school in an old Walmart building, I made out with a really famous celebrity in a club in uh Hollywood, I have a really high IQ
-talking about the celebrity make out session, doesn’t want to say who because they’re married and she felt bad once she realized who they were

I'm torn between thinking she told more than one lie and thinking the "really famous celebrity" was actually someone really mundane.

Also bullshit she felt bad, she probably felt on top of the world thinking she could get someone to betray their marriage vows.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

He doesn't live with her; he's just having a meal with mom and bro. A visit from her 15 year old son who was kicked out. How nice!

And the troon is gone; Olly has moved out and made a big post about being used by cis women who sleep with you for trans points and then wave you around like a trophy.


I think she's just wearing a dark nail polish on her feet - done by someone else obviously as she can't reach her feet. And that set is a shine to herself. Her massive, heaving, smelly self.

No wonder she is so unhappy with motherhood. Without the Tranny Nanny Tess is the one taking selfies with them...um, caring for them.

I'm torn between thinking she told more than one lie and thinking the "really famous celebrity" was actually someone really mundane.

Also bullshit she felt bad, she probably felt on top of the world thinking she could get someone to betray their marriage vows.

The only way I would believe anything but the Walmart high school is if it was like a contestant on the Bachelorette or something and he was blackout drunk.

 

[maggots]

Making the world a better place, my ass.
He could actually “make the world a better place” if he dedicated just one day a month to cover-up scars on domestic or not violence victims, or tattoo nipples on women with mastectomy for free, you know, use his actual skill for good, not going outside his comfort and familiar routine.

You can tell how deluded this guy is when his answer to “how are you making the world a better place” is that he’s helping sad dudes get laid with a batman tattoo. I half thought he would have said something like you wrote, but no, Batman tattoos!

The only thing I’ll give this guy is he does do good tattoos, but it gets ruined when Tess is his biggest client and all his art is becoming mangled with her ever growing girth. It’s amazing that they look half as decent as they do now with 40 pounds gained strictly to her arms.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Tidbits from the newest podcast -

Spoiler

-Tess always brings up how hard it is for her as a single mom and yadda yadda I hate my kids.
-She met the guest who is a tattoo artist through Nick a decade ago, Nick has a tat by the artist and Tess wanted to stop covering her arms in cardigans so you get this-

View attachment 2007924
-artist Nikko Hurtado did her whole arm.
-Tess going off extra about Nick with this dude, haven’t felt safe in a home in a decade, hard single mom during COVID, woe is me!!
-damn she has ads this time fml ...oh I can skip them thank god
-randomly starts bragging about a brand job she had (Glow Recipe I think) and how during the zoom meeting/party the brand told her to get shitfaced. She blacked out, upset some people and had to apologize to two people she offended. Doesn’t remember pics or photos being taken of her (pls leak pls).
-says she won’t be drinking again for awhile.
-where was Bowie during this blackout night?
-both are giggling about getting blackout drunk
-all to ask her guest “when was the last time you got blackout drunk?”
-Tess doesn’t know what to say when guest says they aren’t a drug person lol
-she’s so into herself. She tells us that the one requirement she has to be on the pod is that her guests must be actively helping make world a better place. She then asks how he is helping.
-he goes on this nice story about how when he tattoos some people, they gain a ton of confidence in themselves and it’s great to see. gives a Batman tattoo example, Batman tattoos get all the con ladies I guess and he likes to see people grow because of his art work.
-now this is where her selfishness kicks in, she says she never thought about how people could be self conscious about certain body parts, she’s dumbfounded about how others can feel transformed through tattoo art and gain confidence.
-says she always would cover her body up with cardigans and now with her tattoos wants to be naked all the time. This is all around the 17 min mark if you want to listen, it’s pretty astounding.
- talking about ending her marriage and emotional baggage. this is exactly what we would discuss at my slumber parties.
-Nikko is talking shit on Nick, saying there were times he wanted to get his boys and take him out back to whip his ass (I’m sure Nick would love that tbh) for being a dick.
-skimming now at half way point, they’re talking about tattoos and I think it’s boring. If you’re into that, this dude is pretty interesting. Just skip thru the Tess parts you won’t miss much
-two truths and a lie- I went to high school in an old Walmart building, I made out with a really famous celebrity in a club in uh Hollywood, I have a really high IQ
-talking about the celebrity make out session, doesn’t want to say who because they’re married and she felt bad once she realized who they were

-tldr : Tess is boring. Episode was boring. I lost brain cells listening to this even at 1.8 speed. Also Tess hates her kids, so a big fuck you to Nick Holliday for leaving her alone with them.
edited to add words.

Tess met Nikko thru John, her ex that she moved to L.A. for and the person Rylee is currently living with.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Tess met Nikko thru John, her ex that she moved to L.A. for and the person Rylee is currently living with.

Your words make me wonder, if her ex-now-Ryleys-true-parent get to be a guest on a podcast. She probably tells him about her irritation about parenthood as well.

Hi sweety, being single mawm is hard amirite also can ya take Bowie too? He's already almost potty trained.

 

[maggots]

Your words make me wonder, if her ex-now-Ryleys-true-parent get to be a guest on a podcast. She probably tells him about her irritation about parenthood as well.

Hi sweety, being single mawm is hard amirite also can ya take Bowie too? He's already almost potty trained.

It’s not her ex. The way she talks on her pod made it seem like she was exclusively talking about Nick Holliday ex husband, but she was also talking about an ex named John (ty @yousoundlikeanasshole ) The guest is Nikko. Too many common names I know

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

It’s not her ex. The way she talks on her pod made it seem like she was exclusively talking about Nick Holliday ex husband, but she was also talking about an ex named John (ty @yousoundlikeanasshole ) The guest is Nikko. Too many common names I know

I know, I mean in the future. How many “my ***-er” she has left before asking her exes to come?

 

[multiverse]

I don't follow any instagram or anything, was it beau- teaful?

Here you go. Poor Olly, she's just a confused butch lezzie who likes straight girls masquerading as lipsticks, and gets burned every time. She needs to give up her trasmasc role play and find herself a nice lipstick lezzie to settle down with. Maybe learn how to fix cars or do carpentry or something.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Wow is Olly