We joke around a lot that Wedge simply blew his anus out from all the horrible monkey sex he'd been having, but, other than the anal fish hook he SAYS (emphasis) he wears/wore everywhere, including the airport, what could he have been doing that did such extensive damage? Wedge strikes me a lot like Kevin: constantly bragging about being a poly slut bouncing around from partner to partner, but never really doing anything with anyone outside of cringy twitter interactions. Fuck, can anyone even stand to be in the same room as Wedge? And whatever happened to that super secret true girlfriend experience grift he had going a few months ago? I bet a total of 6 people signed up for it since then and 1 of them wasn't named Wedge.
Methinks he doth protest too much. Or he just damaged his anus on his own. Maybe Kevin loaned Wedge one of his beady dragon dildos he had to put on the shelf .
That poor doctor, though. Wedge probably has an inflation fetish. They're gonna blow him up like a willy wonka blueberry and he'll be like, 'mmmm, nope, still can't feel it...keep going!'