I noticed something odd when it comes to a specific type of lolcow. I'm probably delivering old news that's posted somewhere else but I didn't find anything.
1. Need or Want to Correct Perceived Misinformation or Disinformation
Due to a combination of autism and ego, the lolcow has an incessant need to be right and needs you to understand that their point of view is logical, reasonable, and completely sane.
- Chris wanted to make sure you understood that he was a "High Functioning Autistic Male with a sweet, peaceful dream" of giving birth to his clone whilst shitting his pants and that this was normal.
- Len, by way of "The_Knight_Rider", wanted to make sure you understood that "Len would scare Isis if you piss him off" whilst shitting in his pants and that this was normal.
2. Justification of Anti-Social Behavior
Because of an inability to understand social cues, the lolcow believes everyone else's behavior is wrong and theirs is correct.
- There is nothing wrong with an attraction sign while loitering in public places in hopes of getting picked up by a woman.
- There is nothing wrong with taking creepshots of women or selling candy to children in public places in hopes of getting picked up by a woman (or single mom.)
- Chris does not have an unhealthy and psychologically damaging obsession with a blue colored hedgehog that goes fast.
- Len does not have an unhealthy and psychologically damaging obsession with a blue colored locomotive that goes fast.
- Everyone should drink their own jizz.
- Everyone should fuck pillows.
- There is nothing wrong in vandalizing a retail store display because you don't like the color of a fictional character's arms.
- There is nothing wrong in trying to derail the train of a railroad company because of people you don't like.
3. Self-Deprecation In Hopes of Garnering Sympathy
Desperately wanting to be included in a group, the lolcow will sacrifice themselves in hopes of gaining acceptance by their peers.
- When on the receiving end of endless insults, Chris drew a comic in which he tortured himself, believing that this would make him sympathetic in the eyes of his detractors. It made things worse.
- When on the receiving end of endless insults, Len revealed his learning disabilities and bullying as a youth, believing that this would make him sympathetic in the eyes of his detractors. It made things worse.
4. Declaring War
With no other option, the lolcow declares war on the antagonists, adopting a "scorched earth policy" in which self-immolation is a necessary byproduct of destroying the enemy.
- Chris uploaded new content about himself to the CWCki and ED pages under pseudonyms, tried to join a fake trolling forum to "get the upper hand" and revealed more information about himself than anyone could hope for by normal surveillance.
- Len has created an army of sockpuppets to bully and suppress real users. His Kiwi Farms neutralization has left him impotent, causing him to validate embarrasing stories and create more Facebook pages to criminally harass and stalk former co-workers.
It should be noted, this is a suicide mission in the fullest sense. When a lolcow comes to the realization that this war cannot be won, they enter a state of chaos in which the last stage only has two possible outcomes.
5. Shellshocked Into Obscurity
The lolcow goes dormant or extinct. The ridicule and embarassment that could've been resolved by logging off in the first place, finally happens. There may be residual evidence of documented retardation and as years pass, the lolcow has actually learned how to change, delete or completely neutralize their online presence. They become the unfunny footnote of old memes, collect dust and fade into obscurity.
OR
5. The Transfiguration Into A Golden Calf
The lolcow doubles down on their weird fetishes and habits, fighting a losing battle in which every shred of human decency is extracted from them until there is nothing left. They can never live their digital existence down. The Internet has latched onto the person behind the screen and much like a parasite, infects every area of the lolcows life, even past death. They are a deified laughing stock in which their mockery resonates and radiates into the caverns of space and time.
Len is that calf.
Shine on, you crazy foamer.
EDIT: Spelling. What. I'm drunk right now nigga.