Oh goddess, so close to 1K pages hgshagshshasgsg
Truly the most autistic crossover since Sonichu.
Maybe I'm actually the autistic one, but I think if I was parading around as an abomination of mother nature the last thing I'd want to broadcast myself as is a clown of all things.
If only Jesse stood up for himself...
Quod Erat Demonstrandum
… So, here’s what has transpired since March 6th, 2021…
Kevin? Knowing vaping dangerous?Also what the hell is this? I thought kev knew vaping was dangerous
You shot your load too soonHAPPY 1000 PAGES KEVIN!!!
We hit 900 pages on March 6th, 2021! Have the tranchers fallen victim to a violent siege from a horde of armed, hyper right-wing FASH? Read on to find out
- Kevin’s new origin story consists of complimenting a boy (young Kevin) on his eyelashes until he develops gender dysphoria
- THE FASH DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE with Penny and his community of castrated degenerates at his disposal
- Kevin muses about kissing all the pretty women after being vaccinated
- Kevin claims he did not have a “denial beard”: beards donned by transwomen-in-denial to suppress their inner wahmen
- More projection of Kevin’s autogynephilic tendencies onto biological female characters, because cis women do not exist and if you enjoy a women’s personality, they are trans. NO EXCEPTIONS.
- In commemoration of International Women’s Day, Kevin gets featured on the Kiwi Farms front page
- Kevin strikes down another troon’s loan offer, proving that the Tranch wants free handouts to artificially breathe life into their insolvent business
- Over the course of two days, the Tranch accrued over $4000 USD in donations
- Twitter troll user 11mmsleepingpi1 fedposts under one of Kevin’s tweets
- The Tranch Twitter account claims they are not a militia and that they are under attack from local bigots and militia
- PUBLIC THREATS OF VIOLENCE, currently apparent to no one, have been made against the Tranch
- The Tranch appropriates Southern culture, folx, aren’t I right y’all?
- KF user @Chapstick4Lyfe spotted the fact that Kevin has recently added NERF gun ammunition to his Amazon wishlist
- Shit is heating up
- Homicide hobo Twitter user JonRogerTaylor2 from Stockton, California offers his security detail services
- In true Kiwi Farms fashion, on the same page of the man’s discovery, a picture of his penis is posted
- Kevin and his horde of stinky Mongoloids take the bait of the fedposting account and start sperging at it, doing what they do best: seething and screeching into the void
- More Antifa chapters from around the US pledge to help defend the Tranch
- Bonnie is helping with the compilation of dossiers: documents filled with evidence that may be presented in a court of law (LMAO)
- While the Tranchmembers plan on Nancy Drewing to find a culprit, Kevin is planning to take more naked photos of himself
- Kevin acknowledges that he is not “conventionally attractive”
- Kevin posts a photo of his “cute belly” (see: GUNT) peaking out of his shirt and it is covered in assorted hair varieties
- Wedge vows to wear a mask after the coof passes so that he can take golden showers and partake in cum-swapping orgies WORRY FREE
- Some craftsmen make armor plates for the Tranchers to protect themselves against the invisible FASH bullets
- Kevin encourages his brigade of Buffalo Bill LARPers to post two photos of themselves that they enjoy: the resulting photo dump is equal parts horrifying and hilarious
- In true cope, Mr. Kathryn Jackalope claims that vaginas cannot heal or seal up and that the “transphobic garbage” contained within the truism “vaginas don’t seal, wounds do” sometimes seeps in his head, but after a quick dilating session, the crotch wound is ripped open to acceptable levels and he slips back into troon reality
- KF user @Chapstick4Lyfe informs the thread regarding autogynephilia and its all-consuming nature that infests the minds of troons
- KF user @Law uncovers Jarrod’s/Josie’s past fedposting history on Facebook, and we learn more about his bigoted, sanctimonious personality
- Kevin tweets that “turning into a girl is hot af, y’all”
- The Tranch receive more ammunition and a night vision scope in the mail
- Rhys McKinnon pops in inform us that dilation can be accomplished by using a vibrator in lieu of the medical grade dildos
- Kevin expresses his wish to film more porn soon
- Following the superstraight debacle, wherein we learn that the average person (the majority of all people) find troons repulsive, and Twitter user N4J1MA makes a meme mocking Kevin, Kevin seetheposts about his hatred for “unqueers”
- JOKES ON YOU D00D, we are over here having fantastic sex!!!! I WAS ABLE TO FIT A Q-TIP IN MY VAG YESTERDAY!!!!
- Kevin verifies his body stats: a svelte 5’11” and 231 lbs making him the daintiest of women with a BMI of 32.2: 2.2 points ABOVE the obese class
- Kevin is officially a deathfat!
- KF user @Cerabella finds images of Wedge, pre-transition????, errr, whatever the fuck Wedge did to himself
- Still reminds me of a Scandinavian mass murderer regardless of the medical procedures
- Kevin seethes more regarding the pervasive and inconvenient truth of “some trans people are not trans whatsoever, and are sadistic exhibitionists chasing a nonsensical fetish at the expense of the safety, comfort, livelihood and sanity of others” and thoroughly DEBOONKS this claim
- A gargoyle without teeth masquerading as a Twitter troon sends the Tranch a package through UPS
- The Tranch receives a shipment of security cameras (which means nothing if they are set up on a perpetually failing power grid by a team of incompetent troons that cannot cook breakfast without poisoning themselves)
- According to the Tranch Twatter account, one of their alpacas has been assassinated by the FASH and a totally real autopsy is being conducted
- Kevin comes out of the closet and informs his followers that most Farmers have been pronouncing his last name correctly (think Gibbs)
- Penny creates a nightmarish breakfast for the express purpose of “fascist stompin’”
- Kevin claims that all troon detractors think troons smile the same and have gross hair
- Finally, Kevin deals in reality for once!
- Kevin contracts a serious case of food poisoning from Penny’s botulism breakfast
- Alicia, the genderspecial dominatrix and virtual prostitute mentioned in previous recaps, publicly sexts Kevin wherein they indulge in cum inflation kink and Alicia accidentally calls Kevin a dude
- Penny and Bonnie remind everyone that the totally real, totally existent militia is VERY DANGEROUS and are working in the dark in planning their siege
- Kevin chalks up his food poisoning to “period shits”
- The thread’s baby daddy @0 1 announces the official opening of the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch Community Watch thread
- Kevin admits most of his sex life comes from Twitter and he is “gushing out” the “local friend” from Twitter
- Jessica Cyboid, a Twitter troon with a “functional” neovagina, i.e., can fit large dildoes in themselves, sneak disses Kevin regarding his inability to stick anything in his neovagina
- KF user @Buttfuck McGee Returns informs the thread that the largest feasible fake penis Kevin can fit in himself is 7/8” thick and 2” long, and that is only after one hour of diddling himself
- This confirms that Kevin has long neglected his dilation schedule as his neovagina cannot accommodate a strand of linguine without at least sixty minutes of meat muddling
- Wedge got approved for long term care for his “illnesses”
- Wedge states that he can only work three days a week due to his disability
- The Tranch gets interviewed for a podcast and Bonnie and Penny forced Kevin to stay in his room, hiding from all media
- Kevin asks Gwen “Antifa Slut” Starlight to “fuck the gender right out” of him
- Wedge is grifting for rent and FFS surgery money, in the same tweet storm, he claims his mother is transgender by virtue of her having body dysmorphia
- Kevin complains about not receiving his Bidenbux
- Kevin tweets about a totally real dream wherein he recalls being back at school, presumably high school, and the school nurse tries to feed Kevin a pill that blocks estrogen uptake
- In accordance with the conduct of a true and honest woman, “without hesitation,” Kevin slaps the nurse
- Ash Kreis, also known as Ash Coyote, the documentarian responsible for “award-winning” documentaries about troons, furries, and troon furry accessories, created a GoScamMe to help fund the two documentaries they will be filming this year
- While scheduling his online vaccine appointment, Kevin finds out that a nurse once correctly identified Kevin as a straight man (see: a man that likes women) and seethe tweets about how the unqueers will never understand what it’s like to be exclusively attracted to trans women
- According to a Reddit post that KF user @Love Thug’s Hate reposted, being trans is part and parcel with having a baby fetish, especially MtF transsexuals, by virtue of their childhoods being “robbed”
- The troons claim that indulging in ABDL or ageplay (e.g., wearing pigtails, diapers, rainbow pajamas, and pacifiers for sexual purposes) enables them to take back their childhood
- While at the doctor, Wedge misinterprets the doctor’s words as sexual advances
- This same doctor visit leads KFers to believe that Wedge’s alleged disability is rectum-based
- Twitter troon, and one of Kevin’s friends, nyaaABDL, justifies their diaper fetish by claiming they are too small/underdeveloped to fit on a toilet seat
- In a tweet exchange with Wedge, Kevin claims he has “big naturals,” in reference to his tubular cross-sex-hormone-induced breasts
- Kevin claims other troons believe he is a great kisser, and more people should know this
- Following their COVID vaccinations, the gang of troons wish to “kiss all the cuties,” including French kissing of course
- KF user @Lubby Smith finds a tweet highlighting a subreddit, known as r/egg_irl, that grooms young, impressionable teenagers into “cracking their eggs” or pushing them into transitioning
- In that subreddit, one of Kevin’s grooming tweets is highlighted and multiple troons rejoice in the fact that it was that very tweet that motivated them to transition
- “Some people” visited the Tranch to film the residents and Kevin is very, very tired from the exercise that is standing upright and talking
- Kevin seetheposts about Jesse Singal, one of the many people Brianna Wu argues with on Twitter
- Regarding the Singal story, it is necessary to provide a short recap of the events
- Singal is a journalist that Wu claims is highly transphobic and stalks and harasses trans women and has the receipts to prove so
- Singal implores Wu to release these alleged receipts, as to the surprise of no one, they simply do not exist
- This sends troons into a spiraling fury as once again, they get BTFO’d
- March is most definitely not a good month for troons
- Don’t you love to see it?
- Kevin confirms that he bought the $800 Transformer and is unsure of whether the abomination has shipped
- The Tranch has purchased a tractor for… um… whatever the fuck they do there, and Bonnie will apply for financing on the superfluous piece of farm equipment acquired through fraudulent grifting
- Bonnie shows off his rectangular dump truck ass in a “badass” photo-op
- As of March 23rd, 2021, the Tranch has grifted over $104,000 USD on one of their GoFundMe campaigns
- KF user @mickey339 digs through Kevin’s Twitter history of yore, noting that it wasn’t until 2017 that Kevin really started ramping up his degeneracy and Twitter obsession
- In another seetheposting spree, Kevin claims that it is transphobic to claim that “transfemmes” (biological males) underwent male socialization pre-transition as well as falsely claiming that testosterone has been removed from his male body through HRT
- Spergy author’s note: can we talk about how Twatter troons use the terms “trans women” and “transfemmes” in addition to “trans men” and “transmasculine” interchangeably?
- Isn’t ascribing masculine traits to just men and feminine traits to just women deeply sexist?
- Kevin wants his eventual fursuit to have titties
- Kevin rejoices in the fact that he has soft, smooth lady skin while looking like a bloated corpse pulled from the river: a corpse of which heavily used heroin during his lifetime, often resorting to shooting up directly into his face and using his face like a literal pincushion (big ups to KF user @Friendly Futa for the edit)
- Kevin claims it is ableist for the developers of Overwatch to give the losing players nothing when they lose
- GIT GUD BOY
- According to Kevin, regarding humanoid or non-humanoid Pokemon, “Anything is fuckable if you believe it in your heart! See that little pink bit? Might be an hole?”
- Mode_view is 88% sure that Kevin “trans’d” him, that is, groomed him into trooning out
- KF user @88 get! calculated that since Kevin’s public descent into degeneracy on Twitter, he has tweeted, on average, 128 tweets per day (5.3 tweets per hour, uninterrupted)
- Kevin receives his first dose of coof vaccine before the elderly
- KF user @Lubby Smith informs the thread about a grifting troon couple consisting of a FtM that claims their partner will die without their medicine
- We learn that this couple is infamous for their fraudulent grifting
- The same couple claims to have leased a cat and will soon have the feline repossessed in the event they miss subsequent payments
- Yes, you read that correctly. Read it again if you need.
- In another tweetstorm, Kevin endorses children whom irrevocably destroy their endocrine systems, mutilate their breasts and genitals, thereafter causing immense psychological distress: often culminating in suicide
- By virtue of his inability to form sentences and pull words from memory, Kevin claims he was inoculated with the “bimbo vaccine”
- Twitter furry BVDGRRL claims that an aversion to sexualizing animals is misogynistic
- Kevin muses that if he were born in the 1400s, he would be killed by virtue of his Tourette’s with the village people believing he would be demonically possessed
- More Twitter troons claimed their coof vaccine had feminizing effects: KEEP DREAMING DUDE LOL
- Kevin grooms more mentally ill individuals, need I write more?
- Kevin expresses his interest to film more porn, DO IT YOU COWARD!
- Since starting HRT and becoming w00min, Kevin has become hornier and more open to more fetishes
- Kevin claims to have started dilating with JUST vibrators
- A video is released of Kevin flirting with a goat and sounding like a fucking man
- Wedge claims shaving his legs and taint are easier now that he has been castrated
- Twitter furry Queer_Kara claims that women with children have “a breeding kink that went too far”
- In a public Twitter orgy, one user, shiversystem, thoroughly details sex act that involves a feminine lesbian werewolf gangbang complete with body fluid swapping with Kevin as their submissive, transforming into a wolf mid-sex act (No, I will not give anymore detail than that: it’s on page 993 if you want to blind yourself)
- Kevin receives a confirmation email regarding his $800 Unicron figurine
- Kevin gets publicly kinkshamed by liberal lesbians (actual women that are sick of troons) and the seething is wonderful
- In his seething, Kevin doubles down on the claim that he gets more “pussy” (see: infected, gangrenous axe wounds in the location where genitals used to be)
- KF user @Spunt responds in the best way possible and I wish to immortalize it in this recap forever and ever until the end of time
- “Kevin, there are Trappist monks at the tops of remote mountains who have got more pussy than you. There are incel mass-shooters who have got more pussy than you. There are "my 600lb life" contestants who have got more pussy than you. Alinity's dog has had more pussy than you. There are sewer-dwelling dwarf hobos who have got more pussy than you. There are literally cucumbers in women's fridges that have got more pussy than you.”
- Kevin gets locked out of his Twitter account on PC due to his autistic obsession with blockchaining non-troon accounts
- Someone claps back at Kevin and his “I get very much p00see” tweet to which he replies “report for misgendering”
- Kevin immediately assumes the detractor is a KF user: a stalking website wherein its users are all Traditional Catholics
- Kevin reveals that his report for misgendering has returned and the “offending” post did not break any TOS, thus no punitive action will be taken
- In one of his quote tweets, a non-English-speaking user called Kevin “disgusting” and Kevin reported it with the same result as before
- Kevin, a well-noted consoomer and fervent supporter of major corporations the average leftist would deem unethical and immoral, claims he buys his children’s toys from independent sources whenever possible
- Kevin deletes his original tweet stating that he gets more pussy than the unqueers (see below)
- I believe that’s what the kids call a “W”
- Wedge and Kevin try owning the cons by acting “cis and straight” but their writings still reek of troon stench
- Kevin mega concooms after picking up a Transformers My Little Pony comic book
- Wedge seetheposts about the whole of society being disgusted by him and his various fetishes
- Normal people do not appreciate every essence of their life being associated with some degenerate’s fetish
- Twitter transperson JesseJisk laments to Wedge about how being as disgusting and repulsive as possible does not help their cause
- The same person scolds Wedge on how he acts like a sockpuppet made by a 4chan poster based on how many negative stereotypes he fulfills
- Wedge claps back saying, “cis women have pregnancy and menstruation fetishes TOOOOOOOO!!!”
Fair enough, though in all honesty this charming person just so happens to be both.
"Pregnancy and menstruation are both dysphoria points for me."
HAPPY 1000th EVERYONE
