She claims she got catfished on "Tinder or POF, can't remember." This is a lie right here; how can you not remember? They don't look the same.
She interrupts her own story twice to sperg about her stupid $50 bottle of shampoo. Turns out a guy who looks like Justin Trudeau "on steroids, beautiful!" and lives in France turned out not to be real, She describes how absolutely beautiful he looks, apologizing for sounding "stereotypical" in a nod to the 'farms and haydurs, and wonders aloud how he wouldn't have a girlfriend in gay paree...
Alas, when she got a voicemail from him, it sounded like an "African man"