Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

There is a pretty great spell called not being a dumbass. You should try it.


I feel like there are new sexualities that are being made up every day.





Is it weird that I think it's a cute idea?


I don't get all these people trying to summon succubuses. Just get a fleshlight or something.


That's not even racist.


Why are these people so obsessed with slurs? I mean, they aren't nice to say, but when I think of "dark" slurs aren't the first thing to come to mind.

Seeing dead people doesn't sound fun. I don't know why you would want to do that.


Most witches wouldn't be witches then. Most of them I've come across hate everyone that isn't them.

New angie lore:

All jokes aside, I hope she's doing better now.


You know candles just mask your brothers body odor, not get rid of it right?


So you're in love with yourself?


I wonder what would happen if crystals were actually as effective as these people think they are.


No.


Dabbing a bit of period blood in the earhole should fix it right up.


I feel like it would be less effort to lick the roommate out.



@EyelessMC you should have dedicated your time learning about pedos, trannies and piss in Gender Studies to Dionysus for infinite power.


Thank you for this wisdom, angie. Very cool.

Imagine being her dad.


Why are these people so fond of useless resin crafts?


Just wait until the astral sex.


The child will probably be a demon.


Sage? CULTURAL APPROPRIATION!!!!! REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE REEEEEEE!!!!!!!

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Back in my day we just called that being chaste.

Thank you for this wisdom, angie. Very cool.

I have my doubts that if a Christian musician released a music video that offended pagans and a pagan Congresscritter complained, these people would be REEEEing.

Mind you, these are the same people who cry persecution when they see a crucifix yet attack anyone who prays within 50 feet of them

 

[Baloney Face]

Back in my day we just called that being chaste.

Calling it that is wa-a-ay too Squaresville for the paradigm of what's happening now.

 

[NoReturn]

[Second video]

That girl is a complete creep. If the sexes were reversed it would be undeniably obvious.

There is a pretty great spell called not being a dumbass. You should try it.

$14 on Etsy

Most witches wouldn't be witches then. Most of them I've come across hate everyone that isn't them.

"I think anyone that goes after another's faith is being pretty childish."
"Hi I'm Christian!"
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

All jokes aside, I hope she's doing better now.

Same.
Coke is bad Ang. Put the cocaine down!

You know candles just mask your brothers body odor, not get rid of it right?

Spoiler: ME REE

"Do candles chase away bad spirits?"
YES. That is literally one of the reasons people keep them! Jesus. This is day-one stuff. Did this girl think it was just for the aesthetic? What the fuck.

Also her brother stinks because he's related to her and probably a teenager. It should be common knowledge to parents that your sons will smell like open sewage pits to your daughters and vice versa. More stinky than they would to you or to their peers (there's a bunch of biological reasons for this, not least among them is that it's a preventative against incest.)
It's incredibly important to force your teenage sons to bathe and stay clean for this and many other reasons.

Why are these people so fond of useless resin crafts?

It's a long and proud tradition. Modern day orgonite. Blessed be.


Here's a dump of dumbassery

Spoiler: Tiktoks

¡Ay gordita! ¿Por qué ya no estás casada? Quit talking to de Norse gods and marry a good Catholic boy!

Normally I'd say this girl was just being full of herself, but it's Stevie Nicks so this actually isn't outside the range of possibility.

And for a change of pace, have some good shit.
By "good shit" I mean "Stuff that is either practical advice" and/or at the very least consistent with what magic is supposed to be within its own belief system.

Spoiler: TikToks

 

[NoReturn]

Guys I saw one in the wild today! She even had a wicca sticker on her car!
She was super obnoxious and loud and she and her friends were talking about wanting to fuck people in the Marvel movies.
Fascinating stuff!

Spoiler: WitchToks for thread content while I'm here

Also, an unironic congratulations to Angie for being four years sober!

 

[RazorBackBacon]

Also, an unironic congratulations to Angie for being four years sober!

Aww, congrats Angie!

We're still mad at you, tho.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

Aww, congrats Angie!

We're still mad at you, tho.

Not mad, just disappointed.

 

[Agarathium1066]

Guys I saw one in the wild today! She even had a wicca sticker on her car!
She was super obnoxious and loud and she and her friends were talking about wanting to fuck people in the Marvel movies.
Fascinating stuff!

If we're talking about personal experiences with this stuff I managed to see an honest to god Hoteper in the wild recently. If you ever go into a shop that has a more 'new age' vibe you'll see statuettes of various deities but this woman was also equally loud in shouting into her phone about 'finnuh buy some shit' before picking up her son who's name sounded like an off brand antidepressant. She then asked the clerk what she would need to 'cast a spell to get this nigguh out my aura'.

The deer-in-the-headlights expression of the clerk was worth the trip alone, she did recover and suggested a black candle. The lady was delighted .. and then bought some funko-pop looking egyptian god statues too.

Also, an unironic congratulations to Angie for being four years sober!
View attachment 2050699

Dramatic and lying woman or not that's at least a good thing. I wonder if she stalks the thread, if so - Hi Angie!

 

[NoReturn]

The deer-in-the-headlights expression of the clerk was worth the trip alone, she did recover and suggested a black candle. The lady was delighted .. and then bought some funko-pop looking egyptian god statues too.

Now THERE'S a magical market to tap into.

1. Create spell candles charged with mystic intention for your own purposes
2. Sell to rubes
3. Customers burn candles, using their own energy to further your own power

Am I doing this right?

 

[Dante Alighieri]

Now THERE'S a magical market to tap into.

1. Create spell candles charged with mystic intention for your own purposes
2. Sell to rubes
3. Customers burn candles, using their own energy to further your own power

Am I doing this right?

I'll one up you-

Buy candles from Walmart, remove the labels, attach your own with some cutesy magically sounding rhyme like "Mystical Mango", and sell them for twice what you paid.

 

[Agarathium1066]

Now THERE'S a magical market to tap into.

1. Create spell candles charged with mystic intention for your own purposes
2. Sell to rubes
3. Customers burn candles, using their own energy to further your own power

Am I doing this right?

That's already a thing on Etsy and many other places. 'Ready to cast' spell kits, pre-charged candles 'blessed' with essential oils or whatever the buyer wants.

Sometimes they're shaped like a big ol' dick! This one is to curse yo man when he fuckin' around. (No refunds when he knocks up your neighbor.)

Pretty sure this one is just a relabeled bottle of acrylic paint. Technically one can stop being cursed by dying from drinking that.

https://www.etsy.com/people/n8zsrnjg

If you wish to peruse more of BLACCEMPORIUM's shop, do enjoy yourself. Yes, people have actually confirmed purchases and have positive reviews.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

Oh, and bonus points for adding as many buzzwords as possible.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

I'll one up you-

Buy candles from Walmart, remove the labels, attach your own with some cutesy magically sounding rhyme like "Mystical Mango", and sell them for twice what you paid.

I'll one up you with a photo:

Κύριε ελέησον.

 

[NoReturn]

I'll one up you with a photo:
View attachment 2055480
Κύριε ελέησον.

What the hell is that fleshy thing?
Also:

Is this not cultural appropriation? Or is it ok because Catholics are Fair Game?

That's already a thing on Etsy and many other places. 'Ready to cast' spell kits, pre-charged candles 'blessed' with essential oils or whatever the buyer wants.

View attachment 2055453
Sometimes they're shaped like a big ol' dick! This one is to curse yo man when he fuckin' around. (No refunds when he knocks up your neighbor.)

View attachment 2055454
Pretty sure this one is just a relabeled bottle of acrylic paint. Technically one can stop being cursed by dying from drinking that.

https://www.etsy.com/people/n8zsrnjg

If you wish to peruse more of BLACCEMPORIUM's shop, do enjoy yourself. Yes, people have actually confirmed purchases and have positive reviews.

It occurred to me that Etsy in particular does have a filter for "Black owned" shops, so from that:

but I didn't find anything spectacular.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

This is just santeria with extra steps.

 

[Agarathium1066]

What the hell is that fleshy thing?

That's a blobfish, a shitty webcomic has helped popularize it amongst the usual suspects because its used as an avatar for the author to shout slogans like ACAB at Da Wacissts.

It occurred to me that Etsy in particular does have a filter for "Black owned" shops, so from that:
View attachment 2055513
View attachment 2055514
View attachment 2055518
but I didn't find anything spectacular.

Most of it is essentially the same thing as any other shop but the buyer 'knows' its made by a black owner so it allegedly has some intrinsic value. The one that was linked earlier is the worst I've personally seen, their prices are high end grift but none of it is really unique to being black owned. Just being greedy and sketchy.

 

[Not Really Here]

I'll one up you with a photo:

Why are they profaning Dolly Parton's tits with all those political figures?

 

[RazorBackBacon]

I'll one up you with a photo:
View attachment 2055480
Κύριε ελέησον.

If I ever (God help me) go into politics, I will aggressively litigate anyone who makes this shit with my face on it on the grounds of "Stop making a cargo cult about me you fucking assholes."

 

[Flexo]

If I ever (God help me) go into politics, I will aggressively litigate anyone who makes this shit with my face on it on the grounds of "Stop making a cargo cult about me you fucking assholes."

Yeah, only one candle is allowed!

 

[NoReturn]

MayorTomatillo has returned to the coven!

And in your regularly-scheduled bullshit programming:

Also LOL: