Opinion Women who 'settled' for partners who weren't 'the one' reveal what it's REALLY like to be in an unfulfilling relationship with a 'good person' - REDDIT MOMENT

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Women who have admittedly 'settled' for partners who weren't 'the one' have opened up about what life is like in an unfulfilled relationship — but some insist they don't have any regrets.

The thought-provoking responses were shared in a now-viral Reddit thread after u/violetshug asked women who ended up with 'good' people they aren't head-over-heels in love with to share how their relationships are going.

The stories range from women who are getting divorced after years of unhappiness to those who are now fully in love with their partners and everything in between.

'Twenty years of marriage and three kids later, we are very good partners and make a great team. However, I am somewhat sad about how little we have in common outside of that,' one person wrote.

Another woman who has been married to her partner for five years and with him for a total of 16, admitted that 'it isn't always easy.'

'We’re in a rough spot and it’s easy after every issue to think, "I knew I never should have stayed with him,"' she explained. 'Sometimes I wonder if I’m being a coward...

'My husband adores me and is a good man but does not fulfill me intellectually, is emotionally immature, and we are on different planets of sexual desire. It’s a struggle but it’s not a nightmare.'

Someone else who has been married for 28 years said she couldn't be happier.

'We have had our ups and downs, but to be honest, he was the one — I just didn't know it at the time,' she said. 'Sometimes "the one" is an ideal based on youthful priorities, but with maturity, you realize some of those qualities aren't as important anymore...

'I might add too, that I ran into "the one" again a few years back. Was not impressed, and I think I made a good escape there!'

However, not everyone has been that lucky in their relationships over the years.

'It's sad and boring, but safe,' one Reddit user shared. 'I do miss "the one" sometimes, but we're just friends and we could never be more than that. It's either this or total solitude so at least I have a companion, sex and someone truly loves me. Or course I would give my right arm to have my true love, but here we are.'

Many of the women who commented in the thread said they love their partners but aren't in love with them.

'It’s going. I know it’s not right, but he is a good person,' one mom wrote. 'Sometimes I want so much more. Right now, it would cost me so much to leave, and I do have love for him. Our children have a great support system between us, and we live a decent life.'

Another explained that she chose her husband because he 'meets a lot' of her needs and she loves him for who he is.

'He’s not a GQ model, he’s not rich, and yes, sometimes he bugs the crap out of me,' she added. 'But I chose him. And I chose to love him for who he is rather than hold out for the idea of "the one."'

Others opened up about their divorces, insisting that life is too short to stay with someone you don't love.

'Finally ended it just under three years ago, after a decade of on and off. Now living a happy life with someone, who is definitely the one,' one person wrote.

Someone else said she and her partner divorced because their values didn't match.

'We married and had kids too young. Been single two years and I've literally fallen in love [with] myself!' she said. 'Better to be happy and alone than lonely and married.'

'I ended my six-year relationship (married for three) last year and it was the best decision I ever made,' another woman agreed. 'I didn’t see how uncolorful it was until I was out of it.'

 

[round robin]

One of the few correct takes. "The One" is nonsense because no ideal will ever hold up when faced with the harsh reality of what it means to be human.

 

[DoNotReadTheFinePrint]

I think most of those women have warped perceptions on how love works. It isn't like in the big movies where Person A sees Person B and fall immediately in love. Love is something that grows over time and nothing you go shopping for like a pair of shoes.

Spoiler: this might be spregging | food analogy incomeing

I always like to use a metaphor for relationships from platonic to romantic. Every relationship is like an ice cream sundae. In every relationship, no matter the kind, you need a solid foundation: the sundae dish. Then you but in effort to build the relationship: the ice cream, ideally of different yet harmonic flavors. At this point you've a solid friendship. For best friends you put on whipped cream. At this point you've a solid platonic relationship (and a good ice cream sundae) but if you wan't to get into the romantic field just put a cherry on top.
Romance should always be the final point of consideration and not the very first considering long terme relationships. After all, you can have ice cream without a cherry on top but just the cherry is never enough.

Edited because I missed a word

 

[Ita Mori]

More than half of those are probably men.

 

[Petronella]

There is no such thing as "the one." It sounds corny, but love is a choice. Even the happiest couples have their disagreements and their rough spots sometimes, but it's about working with the other person to overcome the problem. But it's much easier to just declare that you aren't happy any more and throw your relationship away.

 

[soy_king]

People who get married just to get married often end up worse off. That should be common knowledge but apparently it's not

I know a woman who got married just to get married. The only thing she compliments about her husband is that he's a "good man". Otherwise, she doesn't even love him. It's odd

No reason to be so hard on yourself or your spouse. I'm sure she married you for your wit and endearing personality.

 

[CaesarCzech]

Not to be chauvinistic (okay, maybe a little), but I find that relationships where the woman makes significantly more than the man don't work. It works just fine for the man, most of the time, but for the woman there seems to be some sort of entrenched hang-up that prevents a wife from respecting a husband that makes less than she does, and that lack of respect is a key factor in almost all non-infidelity, woman-initiated divorces.

Biology women basically cannot love, as they basically get evolutionary based chemical coctail to encourage them to behave as evolution wants.

 

[Roast Chicken]

'It's sad and boring, but safe,' one Reddit user shared. 'I do miss "the one" sometimes, but we're just friends and we could never be more than that. It's either this or total solitude so at least I have a companion, sex and someone truly loves me. Or course I would give my right arm to have my true love, but here we are.'

I don't understand people like this. I live next door to a spinster who loves her cat and her garden and I was living on my own for eight years before my boyfriend came along.

I understand that we're classed as social animals but people who latch on to someone just to avoid solitude puzzle me. We might sneer at spinsters and hermits but at least they feel secure enough in themselves to survive on their own. Yeah, maybe they'll get crushed by a bookcase and not be found for weeks but at least they didn't marry someone soley because "I don't want to be alone ):"

Biology women basically cannot love, as they basically get evolutionary based chemical coctail to encourage them to behave as evolution wants.

I disagree. There are women who only wish to tend to their husbands and see that they are happy. It seems to be frowned upon now because we're supposed to find our fufillment in racking up arbitrary numbers at work.

 

[Dog-O-Tron 5000v5.0]

She's almost achieved her Final Form...

 

[LurkTrawl]

Rather than be grateful anybody gives a shit you're even alive tomorrow let alone gave enough of a fuck to stay with you, be ungrateful and pining for something better.

Sure, sounds like a winning strategy for happiness. What could possibly be bad about that?

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

FOMO is the biggest reason why relationships fail these days. It generally means that the one who gets it (usually the woman) is unwilling to fix anything, they just want out. Seen a lot of marriages get wrecked and then you hear how the ex-wife drunkenly sobs that she shouldn’t have filed for divorce, usually happens when the ex-husband finds someone younger and hotter than her, it was supposed to be the other way around, damn it! That’s when she starts collecting cats and has to take medication just to function day by day. Hard to be too sympathetic as I’ve seen these women try to take men to the cleaners because they get bitter and remorseful that he took her youth away from her.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

I suspect that nature's sociopath, the domestic cat, evolved to fill the barren niche left in the lives of those who are holding out for 'the one'.

Anyone waiting for this Godot-like figure, who has about as much substance as Santa Claus, guarantees themselves a middle age awash in the company of one or more felines will not give a fuck about them unless they want something. Aside from your toxoplasma starter pack, the most that you will get from a cat is the occasional dead rodent or bird, that cannot be worn or sold as jewellery, no matter how many demented emails, typed in a green font, quoting Taylor Swift lyrics, you send to Etsy.

 

[Drunk and Pour]

Not to be chauvinistic (okay, maybe a little), but I find that relationships where the woman makes significantly more than the man don't work. It works just fine for the man, most of the time, but for the woman there seems to be some sort of entrenched hang-up that prevents a wife from respecting a husband that makes less than she does, and that lack of respect is a key factor in almost all non-infidelity, woman-initiated divorces.

It's the gender roles that feminists pretend they don't want. Women want providers, and if their guy isn't doing that, she isn't going to respect them. Which makes me wonder what all these women's partners would have to say about the same situation. I wonder if the guys regret "just settling" as well. Of course that would be sexist.

 

[frozenrunner]

It's called hypergamy. And there is nothing wrong with the fact that women do this more often than men.

There absolutely is something wrong with it when they also insist on entering and then changing institutions (schools/colleges/workplaces/etc) to cater to women (which often means stacking the deck against men), then focus on career to the exclusion of everything else, and so subsequently price themselves out of the dating market while they also bitch about a lack of good men.

 

[SkunkFeet]

quick search of her username and... winner winner chicken dinner: https://www.reddit.com/r/JuicyOnlyf...k_peak_of_my_of_no_ppv_all_access_to_content/

Imagine paying $7 for that when free porn exists.

Bitch is 19

The fuck is she talking about "settling"

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

There absolutely is something wrong with it when they also insist on entering and then changing institutions (schools/colleges/workplaces/etc) to cater to women (which often means stacking the deck against men), then focus on career to the exclusion of everything else, and so subsequently price themselves out of the dating market while they also bitch about a lack of good men.

Agreed. However thanks to the low value of a bachelors degree, there’s a lot of chicks who do something like English literature and end up doing temp work or a barista gig and don’t make a living wage. Of course she resents any blue collar guy who makes more than her but doesn’t have a four year degree.

quick search of her username and... winner winner chicken dinner: https://www.reddit.com/r/JuicyOnlyf...k_peak_of_my_of_no_ppv_all_access_to_content/

Bitch is 19

The fuck is she talking about "settling"

Deep down most girls are still traditional. Most surveys that come out wish they married younger, had more kids, and/or work part time to focus on their kids. I don’t begrudge any woman for wanting to be more traditional. She’s an OnlyFans thot, sure, but thats just as much of an aberration of humanity as it is for them to make PowerPoints for Human Resources for a living too.

 

[God of Nothing]

quick search of her username and... winner winner chicken dinner: https://www.reddit.com/r/JuicyOnlyf...k_peak_of_my_of_no_ppv_all_access_to_content/

Bitch is 19

The fuck is she talking about "settling"

Probably slept around a lot.
god, this shit is almost as infuriating as it is depressing

 

[The best and greatest]

This is the best one.

FOMO is the biggest reason why relationships fail these days. It generally means that the one who gets it (usually the woman) is unwilling to fix anything, they just want out. Seen a lot of marriages get wrecked and then you hear how the ex-wife drunkenly sobs that she shouldn’t have filed for divorce, usually happens when the ex-husband finds someone younger and hotter than her, it was supposed to be the other way around, damn it! That’s when she starts collecting cats and has to take medication just to function day by day. Hard to be too sympathetic as I’ve seen these women try to take men to the cleaners because they get bitter and remorseful that he took her youth away from her.

Oh dude I knew a guy who went through that. His wife (A fat hag) who would constantly put my boy down (Also a fat rowdyboi) and make him feel worthless. One day she finally gets sick of him and kicked him out and wouldn't take him back even when he begged her. Then he finds a hotter, younger, adoring new girlfriend that makes him feel good about himself and suddenly wifey is all "Please come back now i'm the one you love right? your children miss youuuu!"

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

No reason to be so hard on yourself or your spouse. I'm sure she married you for your wit and endearing personality.

I was talking about your mom. She's sad her dead-end marriage produced nothing but a retard son with crippling autism

 

[Solid Snek]

Didn't the TV shows of the 80s teach us that if we aren't blissfully happy 24/7 we HAVE to get divorced?
Why would that message have been so loud and clear if it wasn't in the public's best interest? Could there have been some ulterior motive to breaking up families as a part of some weird long game? (I need to stock up on tin foil. Weird thoughts keep getting in lately.)

Yes, but you see, nobody KNEW that marriage was fulfilling back then. Marriage, as an institution, had only existed for several tens of thousands of years. We basically had no idea if sticking with your partner would work or not.

Also:

Based Rome.

 

[frozenrunner]

Also:

Based Rome.

Of course, Lucius's wife is fucking around on him behind his back as she's saying this to her daughter. Not quite so based.

But then she does the honorable thing and kills herself before he decides whether to kill her for the betrayal (his right as a Roman husband to an unfaithful wife), so we return to based.

Oh dude I knew a guy who went through that. His wife (A fat hag) who would constantly put my boy down (Also a fat rowdyboi) and make him feel worthless. One day she finally gets sick of him and kicked him out and wouldn't take him back even when he begged her. Then he finds a hotter, younger, adoring new girlfriend that makes him feel good about himself and suddenly wifey is all "Please come back now i'm the one you love right? your children miss youuuu!"

I love a happy ending.