The Trial of Derek Chauvin - Judgement(?) Day(?) has arrived!

Outcome?

  • Guilty of Murder

    Votes: 75 7.6%
  • Not Guilty of Murder (2nd/3rd), Guilty of Manslaughter

    Votes: 397 40.0%
  • Full Acquittal

    Votes: 221 22.3%
  • Mistrial

    Votes: 299 30.1%

  • Total voters
    992
  • Poll closed .
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"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I say before you and God and these United States of America that Chuck was not at the front of the store. Chuck was not inside of the store. Chuck was nowhere even remotely close to the vicinity. As I stand here before you today I say, there is no evidence that Chuck even exists. Now the defense, the defense knows this. Mr Nelson's job it to tell you a lot of stories about what Chuck MAY have done and how he MAY have acted. But it's up to you, to search your soul, and look at the evidence presented. Have you really actually seen Chuck?"
 
They're going to chimp out either way.

They'll chimp out if Chauvin is found not guilty for obvious reasons. And they'll still chimp out even if he's found guilty. It's easy to know how these simple creatures think. With a not guilty verdict they'll chimp in celebration but they'll also chimp because they'll be thinking, "SEE! I told you he was murdered by these white supremacist motherfuckers! REEEEEEEEEE time to riot!!"
 
Awesome, this nigga is putting the Police and the whole damn System on trial!
 
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so who is the best bet to acquit on this line up?

the fact that there's more women than men is troubling, possibly more so than the number of POC on that jury

the chemist sounds promising, but the fact that they work in "environmental testing" and is in their 20s does not

number 9 sounds like absolute dog shit, mixed race who really wanted to be on this jury, uh oh
"Male Black 30s" "a black man in his 30s". Has this person ever made a spreadsheet before?
 
They do live in their own ghettoes if they're Somalians resettled by Obama, which given that it's Minneapolis, it's more likely than not. Black Africans who choose to emigrate on their own to the US are more likely than not more educated and wealthier, and try to avoid the ghetto nonsense.
African immigrants tend to regress to the black mean over time, especially as standards for legal immigration lower in places like Minneapolis, and wealthier/college-educated blacks are often the most liberal and most politically passionate about causes like BLM (most BLM leaders come from that background - Caribbean/African diaspora are over-represented among them too). You could be right, but 9 is by no means an ace in the hole.
 
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"Objection, your honor. Even if the shop once belonged to a man named Chuck, it was still a feed and seed shop then just as it is now. It makes no sense that it would have formerly been called Chuck's Fuck & Suck. It would have been called Chuck's Feed & Seed. This isn't subtlety, this is bad writing. Bad writing on a bad show that should have ended 30 years ago. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, this simply is not funny."
 
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"Objection, your honor. Even if the shop once belonged to a man named Chuck, it was still a feed and seed shop then just as it is now. It makes no sense that it would have formerly been called Chuck's Fuck & Suck. It would have been called Chuck's Feed & Seed. This isn't subtlety, this is bad writing. Bad writing on a bad show that should have ended 30 years ago. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, this simply is not funny."
This makes a surprising amount of sense.
 
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"Objection, your honor. Even if the shop once belonged to a man named Chuck, it was still a feed and seed shop then just as it is now. It makes no sense that it would have formerly been called Chuck's Fuck & Suck. It would have been called Chuck's Feed & Seed. This isn't subtlety, this is bad writing. Bad writing on a bad show that should have ended 30 years ago. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, this simply is not funny."
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"Who told you about a Fuck and Suck? Did I tell you about a Fuck and Suck? Did anybody in this room VERIFY...a Fuck and Suck? The treatment of these few seconds of internet chicanery would never stand in polite society. It's egregious, salacious, preposterous!"
 
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