🐱 Will Kellogg’s New “Pride” Cereal Relieve the Pressure of Onanism

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Just ahead of our annual Pride month marches and festivities, another corporation has thrust deeply into the LGBTQ capitalist consumer market. The Kellogg company concocted its new “Pride” cereal replete with rainbow-colored hearts crowned with edible glitter, a less-then-healthy, pretty, and hardly nutritious food product.

This is the same company whose founder, John Harvey Kellogg, a 19th-century physician, eugenicist, and son of a family of a small shopkeepers who were staunchly devoted Seventh Day Adventists believed that eating an inadequate diet gave rise to the depraved need to masturbate, and he advocated for sexual abstinence.

He wrote:

“…neither the plague, nor war, nor smallpox, nor similar diseases, have produced results as disastrous to humanity as the pernicious habit of onanism [masturbation – from biblical Onan].”

Kellogg created his now-famous Corn Flakes and Granola at his health sanitorium in Battle Creek, Michigan specifically to “purify” children’s bodies, which, he believed would cure them of the compulsion to masturbate.

Eugenics and Kellogg​

The British psychologist, Francis Galton (1822-1911) — a cousin of Charles Darwin — was a founder of the “Eugenics” movement. In fact, Galton coined the term “eugenics” in 1883 from the Greek word meaning “well-born.”

Eugenicists attempted to improve the qualities of a so-called “race” by controlling human breeding. In his books, Heredity Genius: An Inquiry into its Laws and Consequences (1869) and Inquiries into Human Faculty and Its Development (1883), Galton argued that genetic predisposition determined human behavior.

Galton claimed that the purpose of eugenics was to promote “judicious mating in order to give the more suitable races or strains of blood a better chance of prevailing speedily over the less suitable.”

Galton proposed that the so-called “elites” in the British Isles were the most intelligent of all the peoples throughout the planet, while

“[t]he average intellectual standard of the Negro race is some two grades below our own [Anglo-Saxons]. The Australian type is at least one grade below the African Negro,” and “The Jews are specialized for a parasitical existence upon other nations.”

Galton’s work heavily impacted the development of mandatory sterilization laws of those considered “less suitable” (the so-called “feebleminded,” those “prone to criminality,” and the “mentally insane”) in the U.S. and Germany.

John Harvey Kellogg was a chief practitioner of eugenics. At his Battle Creek Sanitorium, he spent the last 30 years of his life co-founding and promoting the Race Betterment Foundation, and he co-organized several National Conferences on Race Betterment. He also attempted to institute a “eugenics registry.”

In 1906 he founded the Race Betterment Foundation, a eugenics and racial hygieneinstitute to halt what he perceived as “race degeneracy.”

He was adamantly against so-called “race-mixing,” favored racial segregation, and believed that immigrants and non-white people would damage the overall gene pool. Though seemingly contradictory, however, he raised several black foster children.

In addition, he advocated for sterilizing “mentally defective persons while he simultaneously worked for the Michigan Board of Health.

Distinct Separate Human Form​

From the Eugenics movement of the 19th century, some members of the scientific community viewed people attracted to their own sex and others who expressed gender diversity as constituting distinct biological or racial types — those who could be distinguished from “normal” people through anatomical markers.

For example, Dr. G. Frank Lydston, U.S. urologist, surgeon, and Professor from Chicago, in 1889 delivered a lecture at the College of Physicians and Surgeons in Chicago in which he referred to homosexuals as “sexual perverts” who are “physically abnormal.”

The U.S. medical doctor, Allan McLane Hamilton wrote in an 1896 publication titled the American Journal of Insanity that”

“The [female homosexual] is usually of a masculine type, or if she presented none of the ‘characteristics of the male, was a subject of pelvic disorder, with scanty menstruation, and was more or less hysterical and insane.”

Physician, Perry M. Lichtenstein, who co-published A Handbook of Psychiatry in 1943, wrote in 1921 that:

“A physical examination of [female homosexuals] will in practically every instance disclose an abnormally prominent clitoris.” And he expressively added, “This is particularly so in colored women.”

In 1857 in France, Ambroise Tardieu wrote that:

“This degeneracy is evidenced in men who engage in same-sex eroticism by their underdeveloped, tapered penis resembling that of a dog, and a naturally smooth anus lacking in radial folds.”

The Swiss psychiatrist, August Forel, wrote in 1906 that “the [sexual] excesses of female inverts [homosexuals] exceed those of the male” and that “this is their one thought night and day almost without interruption.”

He also claimed that male homosexuals “feel the need for passive submission” and “occupy themselves with feminine pursuits,” while “nearly all [female and male] inverts are in more or less marked degree psychopaths and neurotics.”

Dr. Havelock Ellis, was one of the relatively more “progressive” physicians by current standards, one who did not consider same-sex attractions as a disease. In a 1902 article titled “Dr. Havelock Ellis on Sexual Inversion” [inverting the “normal” gender expectation] concluded, however, that:

“Women’s colleges are the great breeding ground of lesbianism….They learn the pleasure of direct contact … and after this, the normal sex act fails to satisfy them.”

“Pride” Cereal​

So, getting back to Kellogg, the company is certainly no stranger to controversy. In 1989, it released a series of TV Commercials for Nut and Honey Crush cereal. One depicted an old-time western cattle drive where a cowboy asked the cook, “What’s for breakfast”? The cook responded, “Nut and Honey.” The other cowboys immediately surrounded him with guns pointed directly at him.

I wonder, though, whether the pretty little rainbow-colored Pride hearts crowned with edible glitter might now stop all of us perverts from masturbating and whatever else it is that we do. At the risk of being seen as a cereal killer, I prefer to take my Pride by masturbating instead.

But John Harvey Kellogg will be watching from above (below?) no matter what! Be warned!
 
Roll for sanity damage.

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“The [female homosexual] is usually of a masculine type, or if she presented none of the ‘characteristics of the male, was a subject of pelvic disorder, with scanty menstruation, and was more or less hysterical and insane.”
Okay, but let's stick to criteria that distinguish the lesbian from the heterosexual woman.

Seriously, what's with religious nuts and their obsession with children masturbating?
It was a fairly common belief in his day that masturbation weakened the nervous system, or something like that. As late as 1922, books like Sex: Avoided Subjects Discussed in Plain English promoted ideas like this:
A secret vice of the most dangerous kind, masturbation or self-pollution is often taught by older boys and takes place, to quote an authority “in many of our colleges, boarding, public and private schools,” and is also indulged in by companions beneath the home roof. If it becomes habitual, generally impaired health, and often epilepsy, and total moral and physical degradation results. Stains on the nightshirt or sheet occurring before puberty are absolute evidence of the vice in boys.
(Such ideas may have circulated much later, but Gutenberg's archives only go so far, as does my desire to research medical opinions re: masturbation through the ages.)
 
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This is no doubt meant to be eaten with homo man milk. Tastes just like AIDS!
 
I had no idea Kellogg was so based! Wasn't he sort of a degenerate himself too, though? I remember something about him being obsessed with getting enemas several times a day or some shit.
 
> advertises Pride cereal
> box is full of a variant of Froot Loops

The jokes write themselves.

From the Eugenics movement of the 19th century, some members of the scientific community viewed people attracted to their own sex and others who expressed gender diversity as constituting distinct biological or racial types — those who could be distinguished from “normal” people through anatomical markers.
And yet... 🤔
 
This is the same company whose founder, John Harvey Kellogg, a 19th-century physician, eugenicist, and son of a family of a small shopkeepers who were staunchly devoted Seventh Day Adventists believed that eating an inadequate diet gave rise to the depraved need to masturbate, and he advocated for sexual abstinence.

He wrote:

“…neither the plague, nor war, nor smallpox, nor similar diseases, have produced results as disastrous to humanity as the pernicious habit of onanism [masturbation – from biblical Onan].”
He's not too off the mark, but his efforts (which also included promoting circumcision to a mostly Christian population) were flailings in the air.
 
I had no idea Kellogg was so based! Wasn't he sort of a degenerate himself too, though? I remember something about him being obsessed with getting enemas several times a day or some shit.
Yes, with yogurt. For an amusing take on his work, watch The Road to Wellville. Also has the bonus of Chief Miles O'Brien being a perv.
 
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