Cultcow Russell Greer / Mr. Green / @ just_some_dude_named_russell29 / A Safer Nevada PAC - Swift-Obsessed Sex Pest, Convicted of E-Stalking, "Eggshell Skull Plaintiff" Pro Se Litigant, Homeless, aspiring brothel owner

[The Great Citracett]

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

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Ah, so this time he's losing money to slots instead of sluts!

 

[RebatsivePulsard]

“ManyInfluence” Jesus Fucking Christ, Shitlips.

 

[BigTed]

my question's answered. entering the lose everything on penny slots phase.

 

[The Dude]

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Oh great, Russ is going to have a gambling addiction. Do you know how many people have moved to Lost Wages to "make their fortune", and end up dying there alone and broke after several decades? Russhole is the perfect example of "what not to do".

 

[The Great Citracett]

I was fairly sure he hated gamblers like how he hates smokers, drinkers, and gamers.

But the guy's a massive hypocrite so who knows.

 

[BigTed]

can't discount the poker face though.

 

[The Dude]

can't discount the poker face though.

Russ would be so full of tells that his frozen face would be no benefit to him in a poker game. There's more to playing poker and keeping your hand to yourself than just your facial expressions. A good player will pick up on even minor tells, like how you arrange your hand, whether you fidget with your chips, how much you wager when you have a good hand vs. a bad hand, even things like where your eyes go or if you touch your face.

Edit: Besides, Russ is convincing himself that he's going to drop a dollar in a slot machine one day soon and walk away with millions of dollars. In his mind he feels he's owed it for his life not going to plan for so long. He might even get attached to one particular machine that he's convinced himself is THE ONE that WILL pay out for him, and might even get mad at people for DARING to sit at HIS machine. And the more money he loses to the machine, the angrier he will get. He might even think that the casino has purposely rigged the machine so that it won't allow him to win. It would be hilarious to see him try to file a lolsuit against the Bellagio or Mirage or something for cheating him.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Meanwhile in Australia, most Mexican places are chains on a par with Taco Bell and the few slightly fancier Mexican restaurants here aren't much better than the chains. As for Japanese cuisine, it's either super formal (complete with taking your shoes off at the front door and sitting on the floor) or super casual. There are sushi bars inside supermarkets over here.

Oddly enough in Japan, while it's not all that common, there are or at least were several TexMex type places out there. One favorite used to be out in Ebisu called "Zest" and they even had a mechanical bull you could ride if you wanted. But then you can find just about any restaurant out in Tokyo if you look hard enough.

He doesn't want to entertain people, though. He wants people (mainly beautiful women) to worship and adore him. This is simply a means to an end. Remember what he said about the Oscars? They sucked because the wrong people are famous.

Well... he's not necessarily wrong about that. These people are famous for being actors and for the most part they're pretty interchangeable. It was the Kids in the Hall that did a kind of sketch on this once:

Sure it's taking the piss out of feel good movies that are the entertainment equivalent of a fast food meal but that's freaking Oscar gold right there. And Hollywood doesn't care so long as they make money in the process. Of course for Pipsqueak it's all because of his plights and not being there celebrated as some incredible song writer with the most inspirational songs out there.

 

[Tookie]

Those tacos though...

I thought the shell looked like Blini left out on the porch to dry out. And there was almost nothing in it (the meat looks almost like fajita meat) and no cheese--no cotija or... Quark. That's what Eastern Block countries would like, huh?

Hard taco shells and those packages of "taco seasoning" you can mix with meat are available anywhere on the planet. They are hot commodities for American ex-pats who demand them and groceries can fetch a hefty mark-up.

 

[Easy Peasy]

I love vegas, weird alternate dimension vibe and all.

Vegas through Russ' eyes is... even better? Lynchian?

Who else but this idiot thinks the slots are a solid financial planning situation type thing?

Fucking fantastic plan you slimy little gremlin

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

So it's not just me. Misery loves company, I guess. Even changing the chorus to "Yo, Yovanna! Come suck my banana" hasn't really done anything other than further embed this earworm.

It wouldn't surprise me if either the production company or Russ himself ripped off an actually good song. In Russ's case he might have done it either accidentally or on purpose; in the company's case they probably figured that Russ's "career" is going nowhere and since basically no one would hear it, no one would notice.

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Yeah, this won't end well. Russ's "I'm just about to be a BIG WINNER!" mentality that leads him to these idiotic songs and videos will carry over to the slots and he'll go broke still thinking that the next spin will win, just like he thinks the next song will be a big hit or the next instathot he hits on will respond to his life-changing DM.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

I hope he wins big. We’ve already got some great milk out of this cow despite his relative poverty. Can you imagine what he’ll give us if he actually gets real money? Here’s hoping Lady Luck responds to his DMs!

 

[REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

What's Russell's end game? How does he see Yovanna's life with him? This is what happens when you let your kid watch too many movies. I want to feel sorry for him but this shitbag is too much of a narcissist. Maybe he could hook up with Emmy Zje. I only say that because Amber Lynn Reid is out of his league.

 

[super thug]

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He can't be fucking serious.

He's getting desperate now, you can tell. He's gonna get so fucked up, holy shit. He's going to lose everything, I think. He has this nasty habit of doubling-down exactly when he shouldn't because it's like he thinks he's in some goddamn movie.

The House always wins, pipsqueak.

 

[Bob Loblaw]

“ManyInfluence” Jesus Fucking Christ, Shitlips.

 

[Constellationzero]

It would still be a longshot for him to find a trophy wife, influence and fame were he to go that route. Very few people do.

Even if butternut found a woman to "date" him, and even if he got married, he has zero intentions of remaining faithful. Just look at all his antics and fixations: One right after another. Some happening simultaneously. No, butternut has allegedly seen at least one pussy and set of boobs, and that means...well...he pretty much needs to see them all.
He's a disgusting black hole who thinks anything with a vulva that he deems "hot" is nothing more than a dickdump and resident "mommy." He's Las Vegas' Laramie Busboy with equal looks and equal lack of hygiene.

 

[Picklechu]

If I have to have this shit play through my head over and over again, tormenting me with the pure, unfiltered cringe, I had to rewrite it into something semi-lulzy to keep me from going insane.

Spoiler: Yo, Yovann-ugh

Yo, Yovanna!
Do you know I've got lumps from my trauma?
I have threatened homicide.
Chugging mocha and Red Bull (ah!)
Just pipsqueak things.
Also I'm a closeted bi.

I wanna thank you
I wanna thank you
For giving me something to wank to
But with so many others fapping to you
I don't know if you'll see my DM that's so cool
So here's hoping
That your mind is open
And you are not bias, woo-hoo-hoo!

Yo, Yovanna!
Do you wanna
Suck me my penis
Because my plights mean I deserve it
Yo, Yovanna!
Do you
Do you wanna
Start sucking?
I'll have to sue you if we don't get fucking
Please go out with me
Please go out with me
Please go out with me

Que pasa, Yovanna?
You, you
You're a spicy enchilada, taco taco
Taco, you are a brown person
More racist stereotypes
Taco taco burrito
The Dominican Republic and
Mexico are basically the same.

I wanna thank you
I wanna thank you
For giving me something to wank to
But with so many others fapping to you
I don't know if you'll see my DM that's so cool
So here's hoping
That your mind is open
And you are not bias, woo-hoo-hoo!

Yo, Yovanna!
Do you wanna
Suck me my penis
Because my plights mean I deserve it
Yo, Yovanna!
Do you
Do you wanna
Start sucking?
I'll have to sue you if we don't get fucking
Please go out with me
Please go out with me
Please go out with me

Yovanna
I just wanna
Say frick you
Don't make me sue
Oh woah

Yo, Yovanna!
Why don't you wanna
Suck me my penis?
Because my plights demand it!
Yo, Yovanna!
Do you
Do you wanna
Go to Olive Garden and
Kiss me in a way that helps with my disability?
Please go out with me.
Please go out with me.
Fuck you Fatty McPatty.

She has better academic credentials than Crusty Rusty so I fully support this idea. She might not be a paralegal like he was (however fleetingly), but she did get a BA from American U's Bulgaria outpost in Business Admin & Journalism/Mass Communication. PLUS, she's certified in Adobe (I don't really know what that means but good for her!).

Slightly off-topic, but it's not related to American University (in DC) or any other U.S.-based university. "American University of Wherever" is a common naming convention for American-style universities in foreign countries. Still, American University in Bulgaria is pretty good, and has accreditation in both Bulgaria and the United States.

She may be a bad songwriter, but her "Friday" sounds like Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" compared to anything Russ could ever dream of writing.

Also, have you seen her lately? Hochi mochi, she got hot.

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Rebecca Black confirmed for next stalking victim.

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And all of the hookers breathed a sigh of relief.

 

[StraightShooter2]

I went ahead and did another parody song (this one's a parody of "Safari Ride" - with references to Russell's olive garden date with the hooker from the Bunny Ranch):

If I'm bored enough, I might do a "julienne's Smile" or "I Get You" parody later this week.

---
Lyrics
---

I was a working girl at
Nevada's Bunny Ranch
I barely made it out alive
Cause I had met this short little nerd
But I didn't know he was full of repressed rage

But I let him be my lil' john
Wasn't worth the cash
He made me feel scared
Wasn't until Dennis Hoff
Told him off
That I realized he wasn't all there

(spoken) So I just blocked on Facebook and said...

(chorus)
I don't want
An Olive Garden date
Seeing you slobber on the plate
I made a Facebook post that said... don't go on his date
Here's a creeper
He'll make you want to cry
He'll even make you pay his tip
Then he'll drown you with his slobbery lips
Girls, just take it from me
Don't go on that Olive Garden date

High-tailed out of that Bunny Ranch
It clearly wan't a match

That little nerd keeps following me from behind
He invested so much cash in me
He just wants to try with again with me
But he better not
He has that rapist vibe
I might wind up on Dateline
(chorus)

I thought I was some easy money
Found his slobbery lips funny
Then his true colors showed
Girls take it from me
Don't you go on that Olive Garden date
I don't want any other girls to see him slobber on the plate
Or those creepy eyes
Got my restraining order and beat it, and I'm saying buh bye
Buh bye
Buh bye
Bye

He can't be fucking serious.

He's getting desperate now, you can tell. He's gonna get so fucked up, holy shit. He's going to lose everything, I think. He has this nasty habit of doubling-down exactly when he shouldn't because it's like he thinks he's in some goddamn movie.

The House always wins, pipsqueak.

Of course he's just going to play slots (which are rigged so it's basically just like playing the lottery) rather than actually learn a game like poker or blackjack where some actual skill or talent is required.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

Of course he's just going to play slots (which are rigged so it's basically just like playing the lottery) rather than actually learn a game like poker or blackjack where some actual skill or talent is required.

Perfect play in blackjack doesn't require any skill, just memorizing a decision table. And even with that, it's still a losing game, it's just one of the lowest house edges of any game. Card counting can make it profitable, but there's no chance Russ could master it, and even if he did, Vegas is the absolute worst place to be a card counter. And I agree he'd be terrible at poker, even with his perfect poker face. His lack of theory of mind is a huge disadvantage in poker.