Calling your pre-adolescence "misery" is a luxury that should be reserved for kids that come from abusive or broken homes, war orphans, and the like. Not a turd that grew up as a Toys R Us kid getting to play Nintendo all the time.
Oh he does the woe is me several times despite you know, not actually being that bad off. Apparently being unpopular and weird is a fate worse than death in this tard's mind.
an EKG is an Electrocardiogram. It monitors the heart, not brainwaves. So Bob confused it for an EEG (ElectroEncephalogram) OR someone thought he had heart trouble as a child.
I'm assuming he meant EEG given he talked a lot about his clear mental issues.
I can't thank you enough for looking at that mess for us. Bob's prose is so fucking disgusting that it turns my stomach. But you unearthed this gem:
" I even had an EKG (which at least required me to stay up all night beforehand watching Nick at Nite and playing Nintendo, so there was that). They recommended Ritalin and other mind-altering drugs... but my parents said no. I thank them at least once a month for that, sometimes more"
So, believe science until you don't like that science. Thank your parents for dismissing the 13 years of your doctor's medical school. Thank them, monthly, for refusing to address your mental illness. This is anti-vax before it was cool. The results of said negligence is... Bob. Good work, Mom Chipman, you drunk crackwhore gutterslut.
One of the reasons I seriously read this with friends is as far as I can tell, people when they do a reading miss quite a bit of things that should've been pointed out. Like how he attributes Miyamoto for saving his life many, many times.
I'm not the first to read it, given a lot of the best highlights in this thread already did that thousands of pages back. I'm just doing an autopsy to find more interesting examples of Bob's mental problems given that it took us until 2021 to notice he used Mario as a luck totem.
So here's some more kino Bob moments that I don't think get brought up enough, given I read this dreck up to like page 50+ or whatever:
I watched him play, gladly, for what seemed like forever (it was probably more like 20 minutes) before I was offered a turn myself. I was terrible at it, dying repeatedly, but I was also transfixed. This miraculous machine, to my eyes, projected a cartoon that you could control onto a TV.
So one of the big reasons Bob became a creepy weirdo obsessed with Mario was entirely because "IT WAS A CARTOON YOU CONTROLLED. Very keen hint on how Mama TV already had its fingers deep in this slow-in-da-mind's pumpkin guts.
Meanwhile, I was filling page after page of drawing paper with painstaking recreations of the vivid images I’d seen on my friend’s kitchen TV… that wide open world, those fearsome enemies, that iconic hero…
Here's another quote about this tendency Bob had where he'd obsessively draw Mario and gang even though he didn't own the game or the console. He was that obsessive.
looking back starting with such an earlier form of gaming helped refine my skills and probably gave me a lot more respect for the evolution of the medium overall
Here's Bob lying about getting good at gaming via playing his dad's old Atari 2600. Reminder it took him years to beat the original Super Mario Bros without help.
...and this is supposed to be the part where I tell you how I got my NES. The circumstances. The reasons. How I felt.
Except I don’t remember.
This is more amusing to me, but I love that like a shitty creepypasta, Bob just woke up one day with an NES. Who knows, maybe he did murder that kid for it.
I’d tear through books and magazines about games when I found them at the store, I’d pump my NES-owning friends for information on what was new and awesome. I read every scrap of info about Mario I could find, especially.
Just because I think it's funny, here's Bobby acting like a crackhead about Bing Bing Wahoo!
In between (and sometimes during) sessions of gaming, my imagination would be alive with what Mario and company might be saying or doing beyond the borders of the “story” I was playing through.
Soon enough, I wouldn’t have to wonder.
And here's Bob being a crazy person and imagining and fantasizing about the Epic of a fat Italian man who fights an evil turtle for cake.
He also explains his mindset of "Be grateful for product you fucking pigs" with lines like this:
when some sliver of the culture featured one of your game heroes as a show, movie, comic, etc. you almost had to snap it up; not knowing where the next “fix” was going to come from.
Basically he is addicted to consooming, and he picked up the addiction when he was... I dunno, 7, 8? Basically Bobby's fucked.
And since I know Bobby hinting at wanting to suck down a poison shroom rustled some Jimmies, here's him trying to explain why Mario is "His happy place". This was brought up numerous times, but I want to do an autopsy on this fucker:
While I won’t claim that I had anything close to an unhappy childhood, particularly compared to many of my friends, I wasn’t having an easy time of pre-adolescence. I was, quite emphatically, a “nerd” in every sense of the word, save for academic excellence: I had too much of a problem with authority to be any good at schoolwork, but was still too weird and bookish to be accepted by most of my peers. Instead of dealing with this in some kind of mature fashion, I made one bad decision after another – including the classic asshole move of trying to endear myself to the “cool” kids by trying to join the name-calling and belittling of the other “uncool” kids. A part of me will probably hate myself for that until my dying day.
So basically the reason why Mario is his little disassociation space and the only thing stopping himself from doing a flip is that he was picked on for being a weird stupid kid.
He is so desperate to claim the nerd title, despite lacking the academics required to actually be a nerd. Just like his belief in his own smarts, he had to fudge the results when he didn't like them. So scientastic.
He also lies about being bookish, when in reality he openly stated the only reason he really got into reading for fun was Nintendo Power. To me bookish would be like falling in love with a series like Judy Blume books, Horrible Histories, or even Captain Underpants. But naah, Mario his savior was what gave him the "bookishness" needed to pretend he's a nerd and not a fucking dork.
Also there's him openly admitting to punching down on kids. I'd not be surprised if they were speds that were forced to be mainstreamed in that Catholic School Bob went to.
Anyways, it's late and Bob is a tumor, so I'll leave you with this:
When it came to Mario, the rest of the world… was about to catch up to me.
Yes, Bob pulls a Heath Ledger Joker on his weird obssessive crush on Mario. "I'm just ahead of the currrveee..." he gurgles about his stalker crush on Mario.
Let's just say there's a million reasons why the angry stupid fat kid got bullied a lot.
Next big post I do, I'll include the bit where Mario Brothers 3 spoilers are visions of god, that the High School he went to was full of hoodlums, but not the black and latino kind which are worse, his yandere giggling breakdown when Yoshi's Island broke him, and his attempt to eat the pain away with movies.
