The Retail Horror Thread 2: More Tales to Chill your Bones

[lolwut]

At my previous job (grocery store), there was also this strange old lady who would come in at least twice a week. She would always try to find someone to talk to, be it customer or employee. She would also ask if she could use our phone to call someone. We'd let her use the spare phone at the customer service counter, and she'd sit there and talk for upwards of an hour at a time. After a while, one of my managers started worrying that she might be talking to someone about drugs. After all, she did behave strangely and, according to one of my co-workers who knew her, had a history of drug abuse. So one day my manager decided to do a little snooping and listened in on her call using the office phone.
All he heard was her voice and the dial tone.
She wasn't talking to anybody.
He tried listening in a few more times over the course of several months. Every single time, there was no one on the other end. She was having imaginary conversations with herself.

Dementia is a helluva drug.

 

[DrJonesHat]

When I worked at McDonald's, we had to have a woman removed by the police because she wouldn't accept that we didn't serve onion rings. And started screaming at us when we told her no, that was Sonic.

 

[D.Angus]

When I worked at McDonald's, we had to have a woman removed by the police because she wouldn't accept that we didn't serve onion rings. And started screaming at us when we told her no, that was Sonic.

At BK we had several people get pissed and canceled their orders because we haven't had mozzarella sticks in over 10 years.

 

[Bugaboo]

At BK we had several people get pissed and canceled their orders because we haven't had mozzarella sticks in over 10 years.

My Burger King has mozzerella sticks wtf kind of batshit insane country do you live in where BK has no mozza sticks

 

[D.Angus]

My Burger King has mozzerella sticks wtf kind of batshit insane country do you live in where BK has no mozza sticks

The middle of bumblefuck nowhere. That's why I moved to the city..

Spoiler: Pina Colada Lady

There was also this lady. We called her Pina Colada lady, because every day we had the Pina Colada smoothies, she'd come around after 10 PM and after I had cleaned up the smoothie area and put everything away, and order one. She was a bitch each time she came through. She'd take 2 minutes to order, even though we knew what she was going to order, and she'd always complain about the smoothie being too thick or too thin. Well, when we got rid of them she was pissed..

However, instead of going away and never coming back, she came more frequently. One time, her kids were being so obnoxious in the drive through. She orders one thing, a Coke Icee, and offers me to take her kids in exchange for it. It was a joke, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.. Anyways, she eventually stops coming through the drive through.. And starts coming inside.. Now she would take 5 minutes to order and hold up the line, and complain about whatever food she got, even though we made it fresh, and explained to her what exactly she ordered.

 

[Big Nasty]

She orders one thing, a Coke Icee, and offers me to take her kids in exchange for it. It was a joke, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.

People disrespecting their own kids alway pisses me off.

 

[Overcast]

People disrespecting their own kids alway pisses me off.

Reminds me of this one time I was working. A mom came up to me and asked if I could give her kids a bowling ramp. I explained to her that we only give the ramps to the disabled.

She then jokingly said "Well my boys are pretty disabled. Heheh."

Please don't joke about that kind of thing.

 

[LordDarkrai]

Well, all of this is enlightening. I'm never going inside a Kmart after reading that. Sadly I don't see any of this crazy shit where I'm at. I would love to witness a crazy situation in a store.

 

[HypeBeast]

Reminds me of this one time I was working. A mom came up to me and asked if I could give her kids a bowling ramp. I explained to her that we only give the ramps to the disabled.

She then jokingly said "Well my boys are pretty disabled. Heheh."

Please don't joke about that kind of thing.

I once had a woman with her daughter (9-11 years old or so), I guess they were bickering in the store because when I was checking them out the mom says to me in a dead serious tone "never have kids" with her daughter standing beside her.

I don't know what these people expect me to say.

 

[TheImportantFart]

I don't have much retail experience barring an extremely brief stint in the customer service call centre of a big department store. It was Christmas and there'd been a glitch with the ordering system so a load of orders had gone missing. Naturally, we got a lot of angry calls and emails about this. Not to give away too much but this department store catered to fairly upper-class folk and... let's just say that no-one can throw out insults like angry upper-class British people. Here's an email we got on the last night I was working there. It's kinda tame compared to most of the other stuff on here but some may find it pretty amusing.

Spoiler: Posh people say the darndest things

From:Customer Relations
Sent: [REDACTED]
Subject: [REDACTED] Christmas Order
Thank you for your email.

We are sorry for the delay in responding to your email and for the inconvenience this has caused.
We are currently experiencing an unprecedented demand in the lead up to Christmas and we are working hard to process outstanding queries. We are confident that orders for pre Christmas delivery will be fulfilled by Saturday the 24th December.
However if your enquiry is urgent we would ask that you reply to this e mail. Please could you ensure that your order number is contained within the body of your e mail so that we can expedite your enquiry. Once again we sincerely apologise for the inconvenience this has caused and we thank you for your understanding.

Thank you again for contacting [REDACTED].

Yours faithfully
For and on behalf of
[REDACTED]

Customer Relations Department

Order Number Number [REDACTED] - [REDACTED] - as has been QUOTED & CONFIRMED AT LEAST FOUR TIMES BEFORE - ARE YOU IMBECILES OR JUST ILLITERATE?
I am NOT 'understanding' as my previous E-mails testify - may I SUGGEST THAT YOU READ THEM for fear that my repeating same could just push me over the edge - the fact my order of [REDACTED] has not been received despite a categorical assurance that it would finally be sent by priority delivery for me to receive yesterday means that anything actually received by 24th December will be of absolutely NO USE TO ME! There is an exceedingly vulgar suggestion as to where Father Christmas can put his Christmas pudding, I suggest that you do the same with my parcel to the Customer Relations Manager for whom instant dismissal seems the most obvious choice for any senior management that hopes to retain it's customer base.
[REDACTED]
PS See the time, I have been out carol singing a in order to raise money for our local cancer hospice - I can only assume that your senior management are doing something infinitely less worthwhile, perhaps have they joined the bankers, being those BUSINESS PARASITES for whom decent people only feel distain and contempt? I AM SO ANGRY!

 

[nonnewtonian]

People disrespecting their own kids alway pisses me off.

I've seen parents flat out threaten to beat their children on multiple occasions. It's even more fucked up when they look at me, smile, and shake their heads like I somehow understand. All I understand is that you should be sterilized and your children homed with people who actually love them.

 

[Surtur]

I don't have much retail experience barring an extremely brief stint in the customer service call centre of a big department store. It was Christmas and there'd been a glitch with the ordering system so a load of orders had gone missing. Naturally, we got a lot of angry calls and emails about this. Not to give away too much but this department store catered to fairly upper-class folk and... let's just say that no-one can throw out insults like angry upper-class British people. Here's an email we got on the last night I was working there. It's kinda tame compared to most of the other stuff on here but some may find it pretty amusing.

Spoiler: Posh people say the darndest things

From:Customer Relations
Sent: [REDACTED]
Subject: [REDACTED] Christmas Order
Thank you for your email.

We are sorry for the delay in responding to your email and for the inconvenience this has caused.
We are currently experiencing an unprecedented demand in the lead up to Christmas and we are working hard to process outstanding queries. We are confident that orders for pre Christmas delivery will be fulfilled by Saturday the 24th December.
However if your enquiry is urgent we would ask that you reply to this e mail. Please could you ensure that your order number is contained within the body of your e mail so that we can expedite your enquiry. Once again we sincerely apologise for the inconvenience this has caused and we thank you for your understanding.

Thank you again for contacting [REDACTED].

Yours faithfully
For and on behalf of
[REDACTED]

Customer Relations Department

Order Number Number [REDACTED] - [REDACTED] - as has been QUOTED & CONFIRMED AT LEAST FOUR TIMES BEFORE - ARE YOU IMBECILES OR JUST ILLITERATE?
I am NOT 'understanding' as my previous E-mails testify - may I SUGGEST THAT YOU READ THEM for fear that my repeating same could just push me over the edge - the fact my order of [REDACTED] has not been received despite a categorical assurance that it would finally be sent by priority delivery for me to receive yesterday means that anything actually received by 24th December will be of absolutely NO USE TO ME! There is an exceedingly vulgar suggestion as to where Father Christmas can put his Christmas pudding, I suggest that you do the same with my parcel to the Customer Relations Manager for whom instant dismissal seems the most obvious choice for any senior management that hopes to retain it's customer base.
[REDACTED]
PS See the time, I have been out carol singing a in order to raise money for our local cancer hospice - I can only assume that your senior management are doing something infinitely less worthwhile, perhaps have they joined the bankers, being those BUSINESS PARASITES for whom decent people only feel distain and contempt? I AM SO ANGRY!

Man, I could not even be mad about this, this is fucking amazing.

 

[TheImportantFart]

Man, I could not even be mad about this, this is fucking amazing.

Glad you enjoyed it. I couldn't reproduce it here but the part at the beginning of the email where he put the order number was in size 72 font and coloured red. Me and my co-workers all had a good chuckle about it - reading creative emails was one of the only perks of that job cos otherwise it was soul destroying. Management was an absolute fucking mess so the guy hit the nail on the head with that one.

There was another email (sadly don't have it on me) which came through to one of my colleagues which said something along the lines of: "I live five minutes away from the store. If you'd strapped the order to the back of a tortoise it would've gotten here faster!"

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Man, I'm super-glad my time working at a supermarket never yielded anything like this. Worst is people who can't count, people who can't read (IE, people who can't figure out they need to swipe their credit card in the terminal that says "Please Swipe Credit Card") and people who get all smug or indignant when we don't have something or they don't like the price of something and loudly declare they're going to shop somewhere else (as if I, a guy making barely above minimum wage, have any power over pricing or stock levels, and as if I really give a shit if you come back or not).

EDIT: Oh, once had a lady who's kid kept manhandling the candy to the point where he broke several chocolate bars over the course of a couple of minutes, until I spoke up and the lady got mad that I dared to say anything. But shit, if she's not gonna stop him from damaging the merchandise, someone has to. She also made it very clear that she was not going to pay for the chocolate bars. No one asked her to, so I guess it worked out for her. The managers just kinda shrugged and wrote the candy off.

 

[Surtur]

I have been busy but before I head to work, I figure I will drop another story from my time working Night Shift at Wal-Mart

Akon-Sperg

Now I am not into rap music, so I know Akon best as the guy who groped a 15 year old on stage, but I guess there are people who like that shit. Anyways, one night I was busy lining up the music cases again, wondering why I had made so many poor choices as to lead to these particular career path, when I was approched by a young man. Now, I am pretty sure this kid had some levelof tism. maybe it was his voice, maybe it was his obesession with a shitty rapper or maybe it was that he looked a bit like a lizard. I don't judge. But when he sqeaked at me "Do you have the new Akon album?" a voice that sounded like a nasally Alvin the Chipmunk if he was also being garroted.

"I don't know what an Akon is sir."

"Oh he is a rapper and he has a new album out."

"Very well sir, let me look it up on the computer"

So I walk over to the computer we had and I look up the album.

"Sir, the album is not out yet." I tell him when the album will be out and he walks away. He spergs around the electronics section for a few minutes and then leaves.

The next night he comes in again and asks the same fucking question. I tell him what I told him before and send him on his way. This continued almost every goddamn night until the fucking album came out. When it was finally released, I made sure to set a copy aside and lo and behold, the fucker showed up, skin peeling away in a way only a lizard should be able too. I held my lunch in as I told him. "It is here sir," I hand him the album.

He smiles as he grabs it with grease stained hands, smiling like a fucking loon. Suddenly, his smile is gone.

"Oh...its expensive."

I was confused, "Sir, its 12.88, like all our new releases. It is a fair price for hours of entertainment."

He looked down at the album and back at me several times. "Could you give it to me for free, like if I gave your car a free paint job."

I pluck the album from his hands. "I am not going to lose my job for a paint job on a car I do not have. Come back when you have 12.88 plus tax."

His eyes went wide. "There is tax?"

I sighed and said yes, as he walked away crestfallen. He never came back.

 

[lolwut]

I have been busy but before I head to work, I figure I will drop another story from my time working Night Shift at Wal-Mart

Akon-Sperg

Now I am not into rap music, so I know Akon best as the guy who groped a 15 year old on stage, but I guess there are people who like that shit. Anyways, one night I was busy lining up the music cases again, wondering why I had made so many poor choices as to lead to these particular career path, when I was approched by a young man. Now, I am pretty sure this kid had some levelof tism. maybe it was his voice, maybe it was his obesession with a shitty rapper or maybe it was that he looked a bit like a lizard. I don't judge. But when he sqeaked at me "Do you have the new Akon album?" a voice that sounded like a nasally Alvin the Chipmunk if he was also being garroted.

"I don't know what an Akon is sir."

"Oh he is a rapper and he has a new album out."

"Very well sir, let me look it up on the computer"

So I walk over to the computer we had and I look up the album.

"Sir, the album is not out yet." I tell him when the album will be out and he walks away. He spergs around the electronics section for a few minutes and then leaves.

The next night he comes in again and asks the same fucking question. I tell him what I told him before and send him on his way. This continued almost every goddamn night until the fucking album came out. When it was finally released, I made sure to set a copy aside and lo and behold, the fucker showed up, skin peeling away in a way only a lizard should be able too. I held my lunch in as I told him. "It is here sir," I hand him the album.

He smiles as he grabs it with grease stained hands, smiling like a fucking loon. Suddenly, his smile is gone.

"Oh...its expensive."

I was confused, "Sir, its 12.88, like all our new releases. It is a fair price for hours of entertainment."

He looked down at the album and back at me several times. "Could you give it to me for free, like if I gave your car a free paint job."

I pluck the album from his hands. "I am not going to lose my job for a paint job on a car I do not have. Come back when you have 12.88 plus tax."

His eyes went wide. "There is tax?"

I sighed and said yes, as he walked away crestfallen. He never came back.

Oh, what a wonderful world this kid must live in.

 

[Surtur]

Oh, what a wonderful world this kid must live in.

It was truly a sight to behold.

 

[Grand Number of Pounds]

I never worked retail, but my brother worked a supervisory level job in retail at an amusement park for a few seasons.

This kid from the South (who my brother said resembled Opie Taylor) took out a lanyard with a fishhook and fished in one of the ponds by the rides. And he caught a catfish as my brother walked up to him. The kid's friends bolted and this kid had to explain what he was doing. My brother made the kid throw the lanyard and hook out and put the fish back in the pond.

 

[fishercat]

So I was working in a supermarket as a bagger. This guy came in with his mom, and he was one of those really scrawny, unwashed guys. With an oily mop of hair and a sad stubble. The whole package. Anyway, the lady brought her order up to the register, the cashier started sending them down towards me for me to put them in the bags, and then things got weird.

The guy came up behind me. Customers sometimes did this thing where they got really fucking close and watched me over my shoulder, and I just kind of brushed it off because it was weird, but not super weird. Then there's this asshole, who got so close to me that I could feel him pressing up against my hips. Keep in mind I was partially bent over so I could collect all the shitty food and put it in the paper bags. So this weirdo was standing way too fucking close to me, and he only backed off when his mom called him over to her side.

Then he started kissing her. Not kissing her like the quick pecks people usually reserve for their relatives. I'm talking full-on attempting to make love to her cheek. The mom seemed completely unfazed by this whole thing. So then the mom asked me to take their cart out for them. I couldn't say no unless I wanted to get written up, so I followed them outside the store. The guy was walking with his arm around his mom's waist, still kissing her every now and again. After I loaded their shit into their car and started getting the hell out of there, the guy bumped up against me again. You know how people say that you can feel it when someone is staring at you? I could practically feel this guy watching me go.

And that is the story of the creepy guy that kept kissing his mom.

 

[yasscat]

So I was working in a supermarket as a bagger. This guy came in with his mom, and he was one of those really scrawny, unwashed guys. With an oily mop of hair and a sad stubble. The whole package. Anyway, the lady brought her order up to the register, the cashier started sending them down towards me for me to put them in the bags, and then things got weird.

The guy came up behind me. Customers sometimes did this thing where they got really fucking close and watched me over my shoulder, and I just kind of brushed it off because it was weird, but not super weird. Then there's this asshole, who got so close to me that I could feel him pressing up against my hips. Keep in mind I was partially bent over so I could collect all the shitty food and put it in the paper bags. So this weirdo was standing way too fucking close to me, and he only backed off when his mom called him over to her side.

Then he started kissing her. Not kissing her like the quick pecks people usually reserve for their relatives. I'm talking full-on attempting to make love to her cheek. The mom seemed completely unfazed by this whole thing. So then the mom asked me to take their cart out for them. I couldn't say no unless I wanted to get written up, so I followed them outside the store. The guy was walking with his arm around his mom's waist, still kissing her every now and again. After I loaded their shit into their car and started getting the hell out of there, the guy bumped up against me again. You know how people say that you can feel it when someone is staring at you? I could practically feel this guy watching me go.

And that is the story of the creepy guy that kept kissing his mom.

my kingdom for a horrifying rating ;-;