Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[AbraCadaver]

Can’t wait for Tess to blame her “modelrexia” and the modeling industry for making her yet another waifish starving anorexic statistic. Because that happens to models. Did she mention she’s a model? Did you want her to come back on the show and talk abou- no? Okay wait wait, she’s a 400 lb anorexic model annnnnnnd um...oh! And she cuts herself because of fat-shaming! Mostly her fingernails and hair bu- OKAY OKAY WAIT, she has the ability to see her past lives!! She was Cleopatra! The Elizabeth Taylor kind! She was Helen of Troy! Wait, don’t go!

 

[Little Dark Age]

Can’t wait for Tess to blame her “modelrexia” and the modeling industry for making her yet another waifish starving anorexic statistic. Because that happens to models. Did she mention she’s a model? Did you want her to come back on the show and talk abou- no? Okay wait wait, she’s a 400 lb anorexic model annnnnnnd um...oh! And she cuts herself because of fat-shaming! Mostly her fingernails and hair bu- OKAY OKAY WAIT, she has the ability to see her past lives!! She was Cleopatra! The Elizabeth Taylor kind! She was Helen of Troy! Wait, don’t go!

I happened to overhear Tess on GMA or whatever while in a cafe and my GOD, that AWFUL VOICE and the utter flatness and lack of charisma of any kind. For a second I thought it was just some unfortunate rando off the street they had as a pity normie guest or something, but then they mentioned her name, and she started yammering on about her ~annarexeuh~. It was so bad and also very brief.

I wonder, does she realize this kind of thing is the beginning of the end? That a little bump in interest over her freakshow bullshit does not actually translate to a career? Is she doing this on purpose to squeeze out one last minute of fame, does she simply live day to day on whatever narc energy she can get with no regard for the future, or does she actually think this will get her career going in any meaningful way??

Can't wait for more in the cascade of attention-seeking behavior you describe here. Go ahead and scrabble at online only, publicist pushed, z-list nonsense instead of living with even a scrap of dignity lmao. She's going to lose what little accounts/sponsorships she's got if she makes herself into even more of a clownish spectacle. Who tf wants to do a campaign with someone who evokes "nasal-voiced ageing wannarexia failure who appears on boomer morning shows"?

 

[AbraCadaver]

I happened to overhear Tess on GMA or whatever while in a cafe and my GOD, that AWFUL VOICE and the utter flatness and lack of charisma of any kind. For a second I thought it was just some unfortunate rando off the street they had as a pity normie guest or something, but then they mentioned her name, and she started yammering on about her ~annarexeuh~. It was so bad and also very brief.

I wonder, does she realize this kind of thing is the beginning of the end? That a little bump in interest over her freakshow bullshit does not actually translate to a career? Is she doing this on purpose to squeeze out one last minute of fame, does she simply live day to day on whatever narc energy she can get with no regard for the future, or does she actually think this will get her career going in any meaningful way??

Can't wait for more in the cascade of attention-seeking behavior you describe here. Go ahead and scrabble at online only, publicist pushed, z-list nonsense instead of living with even a scrap of dignity lmao. She's going to lose what little accounts/sponsorships she's got if she makes herself into even more of a clownish spectacle. Who tf wants to do a campaign with someone who evokes "nasal-voiced ageing wannarexia failure who appears on boomer morning shows"?

I would guess this is her plan:

0. This anorexia thing was an oopsie, but like no big deal, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. This will get people TALKING about me again!

1. Lose that pesky 30 lbs or so that’s holding me back and pick up MANY MORE MODEL GIGS because I’m still fresh and ready for the camera!!

2. Gradually segue into “wise older model who is still amazing but is choosing to retire on her giant bed of money while giving out sage advice to the newbies or maybe being a host, a la Tyra Banks.” The podcast will pick up as soon as some of those A listers I @ed on twitter finally get back to me, stuck up fuckers.

3. A few more red carpet appearances and I’ll be able to snag a fit rich husband who looooves curvy goddesses. No more wearing the pig ears costume and sitting on cakes for Daddy! I’ll have a new, RICH man and a big house and a pool and the Hollywood lifestyle.

4. Retire from podcast/tv show life and write a book about my struggle.

5. Awarded a lifetime achievement award for being the most influential and best plus model, who defeated fatphobia with her EFFYOURBEAUTYSTANDARDS campaign.

6. I guess Bowie is like graduating from university at this point? My new husband will hire a nanny at some point. She’ll let me know when to show up for the ceremony.

tldr: she’s a malignant narcissist like Russell Greer. One of the hallmarks of that illness is having absurd, grandiose dreams and goals for the future and not seeing them as laughably unrealistic and selfish.

 

[Oscar Winner]

4. Retire from podcast/tv show life

She's already semi retired, she just doesn't know it yet.

Was watching 'Superstore' on Netflix, and according to Season 3 Ep.19 approx 12 minutes in, the going rate for farting on a cake is $10k. Maybe that 3mil. net worth was correct.

And wtf is this on her wall? Is it reflective enough that she can eye-fuck herself while staring at her own name?

 

[Constellationzero]

I wonder, does she realize this kind of thing is the beginning of the end? That a little bump in interest over her freakshow bullshit does not actually translate to a career? Is she doing this on purpose to squeeze out one last minute of fame, does she simply live day to day on whatever narc energy she can get with no regard for the future, or does she actually think this will get her career going in any meaningful way??

Shit like this makes me realize the injustice of people like Erin Moran winding up in a single wahhhd trailer park as she spiraled towards death, yet Ryann gets a spot on TeeVee for fakerexia...

 

[maggots]

She looks like a Disney villain here:
View attachment 2156585
Bonus Mother's Day content:
View attachment 2156584
Don't eat and talk at the same time you disgusting, fat, asshole!

for the first video-



and about the second, poor Bowie sounded like he was about to cry while listening to his mom bitch about him to her internet friends on Mother’s Day.
He was stuttering over his words in a bashful tone, “well I said…I, I, I…told my mom it’s happy moth…happy mother’s day …” while she evil eyes him with a smug, monotone voice, “yes, yes you did bubba…”

Sounds as if he was speaking to her internet friends, to defend himself from what she was saying about him, not to Tess herself. She must do this often, talk down about him and his actions while FaceTiming friends with him within an earshot

How dare this child wake you up early and make you have a cold breakfast, better talk down on him on the phone to make sure that shit doesn’t happen again. It’s like she's in a mood from the anorexia announcement and is taking her anger out on her kids. But then I remember this is just how Tess mothers. So happy Mother’s Day, Tess, may you only have the very best freshly baked McGriddles from here on out.

 

[rutinacea max]

bonus Mother's Day content:
View attachment 2156584
Don't eat and talk at the same time you disgusting, fat, asshole!

jesus fuck, call me a weakling, but this is genuinely heartbreaking. Bowie sounds so distraught... like he's apologising for the fact that he just wanted to wish his mummy a happy mother's day, like every fucking kid does, and now the bitch is dragging him publicly and forcing him to explain his crime to all her followers. i bet she screeched at him for daring to remind her of his existence at the wrong time (which is, well, all the time, except for when she wants to pretend that she enjoys being a mother on social media for them tasty tasty asspats)
this is just... fucking disturbing. yes, i've known she's a (barely) walking malignant narcissistic tumour for a long time now, but this shit right there really hammers the point home.

 

[Constellationzero]

jesus fuck, call me a weakling, but this is genuinely heartbreaking. Bowie sounds so distraught... like he's apologising for the fact that he just wanted to wish his mummy a happy mother's day, like every fucking kid does, and now the bitch is dragging him publicly and forcing him to explain his crime to all her followers. i bet she screeched at him for daring to remind her of his existence at the wrong time (which is, well, all the time, except for when she wants to pretend that she enjoys being a mother on social media for them tasty tasty asspats)
this is just... fucking disturbing. yes, i've known she's a (barely) walking malignant narcissistic tumour for a long time now, but this shit right there really hammers the point home.

And yet again, Ryann will not get the cancelling with extreme prejudice she deserves.

 

[M.T. Graves]

I’ve never seen someone so blatantly resent their child in a video before. That’s nauseating.

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

She thinks she's so fucking relatable when she bitches about being a single mawn "MY TODDLER WOKE ME UP AT 6, FUCKING KIDS AMIRITE!?" and feeding on cold McDonald's for breakfast. It might come as a shocker to Ryann, but there are plenty of single parents, who manage to feed themselves and their kids healthy food and somehow manage to NOT complain about their offspring online.

Kids can be frustrating, but how fucking DARE you Ryann do this to your kids all the time?!

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Most adults who aren't working the night shift wake up around 6am Ryann.

But maybe she was "working" on sitting on cakes for her clients all night and that's why she's tired.

 

[Water-T]

LOL. Remember when someone accused her of binging on junk food like McDonald's and Tess's clever retort was "bUt I dOn'T eVeN eAt McDoNaLd'S!"

Yet here she is ordering it to be hand delivered to her house....like all True and Honest anorexics do!

Just some of the many examples of Tess contradicting herself.

 

[Tesshollidaysflupaknees]

She thinks she's so fucking relatable when she bitches about being a single mawn "MY TODDLER WOKE ME UP AT 6, FUCKING KIDS AMIRITE!?" and feeding on cold McDonald's for breakfast. It might come as a shocker to Ryann, but there are plenty of single parents, who manage to feed themselves and their kids healthy food and somehow manage to NOT complain about their offspring online.

Kids can be frustrating, but how fucking DARE you Ryann do this to your kids all the time?!

Even though Tess is a "super model," she still gets woken up in the morning by her 5 year old and eats cold McDonald's. Tess is just like us normal peasants! It's hilarious that Tess still thinks she is some kind of A-list model.

 

[knobslobbin]

Isaac Butterfield weighs in on our gorl's anorexia saga, it's pretty funny

 

[pr3nt177]

She thinks she's so fucking relatable when she bitches about being a single mawn "MY TODDLER WOKE ME UP AT 6, FUCKING KIDS AMIRITE!?" and feeding on cold McDonald's for breakfast. It might come as a shocker to Ryann, but there are plenty of single parents, who manage to feed themselves and their kids healthy food and somehow manage to NOT complain about their offspring online.

She's only been a "single mum" for a few months hasn't she? She wants to try working at a full-time job for years raising 2 kids singlehandedly with all that entails before she can sit there and whinge.

Isaac Butterfield weighs in on our gorl's anorexia saga, it's pretty funny

Love it. Sanity at last.

 

[Constellationzero]

She thinks she's so fucking relatable when she bitches about being a single mawn "MY TODDLER WOKE ME UP AT 6, FUCKING KIDS AMIRITE!?" and feeding on cold McDonald's for breakfast. It might come as a shocker to Ryann, but there are plenty of single parents, who manage to feed themselves and their kids healthy food and somehow manage to NOT complain about their offspring online.

Kids can be frustrating, but how fucking DARE you Ryann do this to your kids all the time?!

I didn't watch. Was Ryann dragging her toddler in front of friends on the phone? Because if she WAS, but then--even if she wasn't doing exactly that, but something else--says a lot.
Ryann Hooves does this because she thinks she's a bahhhd bishhh. She does it because she's allowed. And that says so much about her followers. Won't cancel her for fakerexia. Won't cancel her for inflicting psychological damage and humiliating a TODDLER for wishing her Happy Mother's Day. The entire FUCK is the matter with these people?

 

[NoReturn]

"I've figured out TikTok" - Munster-cheese

 

[Salubrious]

It's sad that the son that Tess abandoned (and yes if he is living with a random ex-boyfriend that's not his biological father, that's abandonment), has a so much better chance of being normal than the son/future trans daughter that is currently living with her.

 

[Local Fed]

"I've figured out TikTok" - Munster-cheese
View attachment 2159048

Imagine being so lazy at Tik Tok that you make Anisa (iDubbbz's girlfriend with the personality of a blank sheet of paper) look competent.

 

[Hog]

Imagine being anorexic and seeing this all over the media as what a recovering anorexic looks like, maybe she got bored of possibly leading young girls into eating themselves to death and wanted to try have some starve instead