- Joined
- Nov 25, 2018
Meet Azealia Banks: The Internet’s greatest dramacow.
“Name one genius that ain’t crazy.” - Kanye West
With an infinite number of cat fights, beefs, and feuds with everyone, Azealia Banks is no stranger to controversy. If you’ve been on the Internet long enough, Ms. Banks has, through one way or another, clawed her way into your timeline and made herself known. To say Azealia is controversial is an understatement – ask any Tumblrite and/or homosexual on the Internet and you will be met with seething rage or overwhelming adoration.
Azealia Amanda Banks, also known as “AB”, “Miss Bank$”, “everyone’s problematic fave”, or simply “Azealia”, was born in Harlem on May 31, 1991, and is a rapper, model, practicing witch, and Internet celebrity with a digital footprint dating back at least a decade across several platforms, including MySpace and Tumblr, on which much of her early career existed. Despite a successful music career marked by multiple critically acclaimed albums and a cult following, Azealia is best known for her hostile, confrontational, and downright based attitude that leaves her embroiled in countless fights with whomever crosses her, whether that be a person, group, or an entire country.
No single quote summarizes the phenomenon that is Azealia Banks better than the opener. Make no mistake about it: Azealia Banks is incredibly talented and exudes pure star-quality through every pore; however, it is her abrasiveness and instability that is off-putting and polarizing to normies. While these qualities may not create an ideal companion, they certainly make an exceptional personality and legendary lolcow. By virtue of her instability and impulsivity, social media posts often disappear within hours and even minutes of posting. Thus, quick and proper archival is absolutely necessary.
The sheer number of controversies that Miss Banks has participated in cannot be understated nor can they be listed exhaustively, as a standard Kiwi Farms post simply does not allow for such a massive number of characters. Her online presence is so controversial, volatile, and explosive that Twitter has suspended Azealia several times, starting in 2016. While the prospect of developing an OP that properly encapsulates the essence of Azealia’s cowdom appears daunting, the purpose of this OP is to provide a whirlwind tour of AB’s best moments in the most informative and entertaining way possible.
Azealia Banks vs. Grimes & Elon Musk
In 2018, following preparation for a collaboration with fellow musician Grimes, current girlfriend of Elon Musk, Azealia involved herself in beef with the couple. The timeline is poorly understood, so much so that Azealia herself wanted to award a cash prize to whoever drafted the most entertaining fanfiction. Azealia visited the Musk household and stayed there for several days unattended, waiting for Grimes to return to work. Meanwhile, Elon was allegedly dropping acid and committing “investment fraud”. The collaboration was never finished, and their relationship culminated in an autistic texting slapfight (archived below) wherein Grimes calls Azealia a “fat narc” with AB claiming, “Elon wants this fat pussy”.
Azealia Banks and Her Dead Chicken Closet
As part of her practicing “brujeria” or “Palo”, an Afro-Latin form of witchcraft, Azealia ritualistically sacrificed live chickens in her apartment closet for over three years. In one 2016 Periscope livestream (archived below), Azealia outlines the belief system, practices, and claims that this practice gives black people “a source of power” and allows people to communicate with the dead. Following this livestream, Azealia posts a video of her readying to scrub the decomposed and oxidized chicken blood, feathers, feces, and bone fragments splattered inside the closet with a sandblaster. AB subsequently drew criticism from authentic practitioners for being disrespectful to the spirits of the departed poultry and for her lack of qualifications in teaching this dark art.
"Real witches do real things."
Periscope Livestream
Cat Soup
In late 2020, Azealia’s favorite cat, Lucifer, passes away from kidney failure. Three months after placing Lucifer’s body into a bag and burying him in her backyard, Azealia exhumes the beloved feline’s corpse and films the process of boiling it and posts the footage onto Instagram. Predictably, the Internet expresses outrage over this and a deluge of #catsoup memes begins. The naive zoomers of TikTok and other deviant social media platforms truly believe that AB exhumed the corpse of her cherished 11-year-old cat to make a pot of soup. In one interview, with Australian radio hosts Kyle & Jackie O, Azealia clears up the situation stating that her boiling Lucifer was in accordance with proper taxidermy protocol to preserve his bones. After providing a reasonable explanation to this odd and erratic behavior, the anti-cat-soup-consumption mob relents.
RIP LUCIFER 2009-2020
Kyle & Jackie O Interview
Azealia Banks vs. The Irish (Virgin Potatofaggot vs. The Chadzealia)
In early 2019, Azealia was kicked off an Aer Lingus flight for arguing with “fucking ugly” Irish stewardesses, thus beginning her hilarious tirade against Britbongs (especially Irebongs). With this event being the only notable thing to occur in Ireland’s entire recorded history, The Irish Times writes about Azealia’s beef with the potatokunts spanning multiple articles: archived here, here, and here. In true authoritarian Britbong fashion, some retard calls for AB’s immediate arrest, claiming her statements (and rightfully calling the inbred, horrifically deformed potatofaggots “barbaric”) are in violation of Section 127 of the Communications Act of 2003: some thin-skinned sissy law outlawing insults (see: accurate representations of reality). Nothing came of this, as Azealia still performed a legendary set to hundreds of adoring fans dedicating the performance to “all the beautiful Irish women”.
Azealia Banks vs. Troons
Despite her beginnings on Tumblr, one of the worst websites ever conceived, and once espousing leftist talking points (muh white privilege), Azealia is incredibly based. Azealia’s beliefs align closest with a classical liberal TERF: she believes transwomen are deranged men hellbent on encroaching on women’s spaces. The notion of a neurodivergent bisexual woman of color not bowing to the troon cult does not compute to her largely gay, largely leftist fanbase. The cognitive dissonance is delicious as her fanbase’s loyalty is regularly tested in reaction to the controversial and based statements Azealia frequently makes. How can one suck the girldick while following an artist that makes statements such as these?
APRIL FOOL'S!
Fun fact: One of Azealia's siblings (left) is an FtM.
Azealia Banks vs. White People
Rule #873 of the Kiwi Code states that one must simply not omit a wypipo section in the OP of a Black Tumblrina. Azealia is a galaxy-brained troll and being able to differentiate between serious confessions and statements made in jest is tremendously difficult. While these anti-white sentiments have diminished over the years, especially after the rise of the Based movement and Trump’s election, the inclusion of this section is still necessary as it represents a sizable portion of Azealia’s history as a cow. Whether these sentiments, if genuine, are born out of a deeply rooted prejudice against whiteys or an insecurity and desire to fit in with her contemporary Tumblrites is unknown. Formerly held batshit beliefs, in addition to the mainstream Tumblr SJW dogma I need not regurgitate, include claiming white people lack magic causing them to project their magic-less-induced rage onto black and Jewish people as well as black people being extradimensional beings with supernatural powers.
Daily Caller Article
Current Dramas: The Jew-cy Diva Era
Since #catsoup, more recent happenings have revolved around Azealia’s relationship with fellow artist Ryder Ripps. One day, AB posts an after-sex selfie (while wearing a Grimes T-shirt) with an unknown man. Instagram was set ablaze with spectators trying to pinpoint the identity of this man with some speculating that the man was Elon Musk himself. Azealia reveals the mystery man to be Ryder Ripps. The couple collaborates in filming a music video in addition to a 24-minute audio sextape titled “I FUCKED RYDER RIPPS” sold as a non-fungible token (NFT; a unique digital asset, usually an art piece, sold in cryptocurrency) for over $17,000 USD. This NFT is currently being resold for $260 million USD. Suddenly, Ryder proposes to Azealia and asks for her hand in marriage. Azealia emphatically says yes! More controversy sparks as AB claims to be Jewish (a Jew-cy diva to be exact) by virtue of her fiancé’s Jewish heritage. Azealia likened her arbitrary self-identification as Jewish to MtF troons claiming to be women. Within one week, the couple split with Azealia keeping the ring, a family heirloom, and never speaking of Ryder again.
Social Media
Instagram: @azealiabanks, @cheapyxousa
TikTok: @azealiabanks212
Twitter: "banned" but socks often, please be on the lookout!
Facebook
Parler: AzealiaBanksNYC
Credits to /snow/ - flakes & mistakes their organized and robust compilation of Azealia-related images and articles (archive). Writing this OP was made much smoother and more efficient with their page.
For years Azealia has been my girl, and hopefully after reading this, she will be yours too…
“Name one genius that ain’t crazy.” - Kanye West
With an infinite number of cat fights, beefs, and feuds with everyone, Azealia Banks is no stranger to controversy. If you’ve been on the Internet long enough, Ms. Banks has, through one way or another, clawed her way into your timeline and made herself known. To say Azealia is controversial is an understatement – ask any Tumblrite and/or homosexual on the Internet and you will be met with seething rage or overwhelming adoration.
Azealia Amanda Banks, also known as “AB”, “Miss Bank$”, “everyone’s problematic fave”, or simply “Azealia”, was born in Harlem on May 31, 1991, and is a rapper, model, practicing witch, and Internet celebrity with a digital footprint dating back at least a decade across several platforms, including MySpace and Tumblr, on which much of her early career existed. Despite a successful music career marked by multiple critically acclaimed albums and a cult following, Azealia is best known for her hostile, confrontational, and downright based attitude that leaves her embroiled in countless fights with whomever crosses her, whether that be a person, group, or an entire country.
No single quote summarizes the phenomenon that is Azealia Banks better than the opener. Make no mistake about it: Azealia Banks is incredibly talented and exudes pure star-quality through every pore; however, it is her abrasiveness and instability that is off-putting and polarizing to normies. While these qualities may not create an ideal companion, they certainly make an exceptional personality and legendary lolcow. By virtue of her instability and impulsivity, social media posts often disappear within hours and even minutes of posting. Thus, quick and proper archival is absolutely necessary.
The sheer number of controversies that Miss Banks has participated in cannot be understated nor can they be listed exhaustively, as a standard Kiwi Farms post simply does not allow for such a massive number of characters. Her online presence is so controversial, volatile, and explosive that Twitter has suspended Azealia several times, starting in 2016. While the prospect of developing an OP that properly encapsulates the essence of Azealia’s cowdom appears daunting, the purpose of this OP is to provide a whirlwind tour of AB’s best moments in the most informative and entertaining way possible.
Azealia Banks vs. Grimes & Elon Musk
In 2018, following preparation for a collaboration with fellow musician Grimes, current girlfriend of Elon Musk, Azealia involved herself in beef with the couple. The timeline is poorly understood, so much so that Azealia herself wanted to award a cash prize to whoever drafted the most entertaining fanfiction. Azealia visited the Musk household and stayed there for several days unattended, waiting for Grimes to return to work. Meanwhile, Elon was allegedly dropping acid and committing “investment fraud”. The collaboration was never finished, and their relationship culminated in an autistic texting slapfight (archived below) wherein Grimes calls Azealia a “fat narc” with AB claiming, “Elon wants this fat pussy”.
Azealia Banks and Her Dead Chicken Closet
As part of her practicing “brujeria” or “Palo”, an Afro-Latin form of witchcraft, Azealia ritualistically sacrificed live chickens in her apartment closet for over three years. In one 2016 Periscope livestream (archived below), Azealia outlines the belief system, practices, and claims that this practice gives black people “a source of power” and allows people to communicate with the dead. Following this livestream, Azealia posts a video of her readying to scrub the decomposed and oxidized chicken blood, feathers, feces, and bone fragments splattered inside the closet with a sandblaster. AB subsequently drew criticism from authentic practitioners for being disrespectful to the spirits of the departed poultry and for her lack of qualifications in teaching this dark art.
"Real witches do real things."
Periscope Livestream
Cat Soup
In late 2020, Azealia’s favorite cat, Lucifer, passes away from kidney failure. Three months after placing Lucifer’s body into a bag and burying him in her backyard, Azealia exhumes the beloved feline’s corpse and films the process of boiling it and posts the footage onto Instagram. Predictably, the Internet expresses outrage over this and a deluge of #catsoup memes begins. The naive zoomers of TikTok and other deviant social media platforms truly believe that AB exhumed the corpse of her cherished 11-year-old cat to make a pot of soup. In one interview, with Australian radio hosts Kyle & Jackie O, Azealia clears up the situation stating that her boiling Lucifer was in accordance with proper taxidermy protocol to preserve his bones. After providing a reasonable explanation to this odd and erratic behavior, the anti-cat-soup-consumption mob relents.
RIP LUCIFER 2009-2020
Kyle & Jackie O Interview
Azealia Banks vs. The Irish (Virgin Potatofaggot vs. The Chadzealia)
In early 2019, Azealia was kicked off an Aer Lingus flight for arguing with “fucking ugly” Irish stewardesses, thus beginning her hilarious tirade against Britbongs (especially Irebongs). With this event being the only notable thing to occur in Ireland’s entire recorded history, The Irish Times writes about Azealia’s beef with the potatokunts spanning multiple articles: archived here, here, and here. In true authoritarian Britbong fashion, some retard calls for AB’s immediate arrest, claiming her statements (and rightfully calling the inbred, horrifically deformed potatofaggots “barbaric”) are in violation of Section 127 of the Communications Act of 2003: some thin-skinned sissy law outlawing insults (see: accurate representations of reality). Nothing came of this, as Azealia still performed a legendary set to hundreds of adoring fans dedicating the performance to “all the beautiful Irish women”.
Azealia Banks vs. Troons
Despite her beginnings on Tumblr, one of the worst websites ever conceived, and once espousing leftist talking points (muh white privilege), Azealia is incredibly based. Azealia’s beliefs align closest with a classical liberal TERF: she believes transwomen are deranged men hellbent on encroaching on women’s spaces. The notion of a neurodivergent bisexual woman of color not bowing to the troon cult does not compute to her largely gay, largely leftist fanbase. The cognitive dissonance is delicious as her fanbase’s loyalty is regularly tested in reaction to the controversial and based statements Azealia frequently makes. How can one suck the girldick while following an artist that makes statements such as these?
APRIL FOOL'S!
Fun fact: One of Azealia's siblings (left) is an FtM.
Azealia Banks vs. White People
Rule #873 of the Kiwi Code states that one must simply not omit a wypipo section in the OP of a Black Tumblrina. Azealia is a galaxy-brained troll and being able to differentiate between serious confessions and statements made in jest is tremendously difficult. While these anti-white sentiments have diminished over the years, especially after the rise of the Based movement and Trump’s election, the inclusion of this section is still necessary as it represents a sizable portion of Azealia’s history as a cow. Whether these sentiments, if genuine, are born out of a deeply rooted prejudice against whiteys or an insecurity and desire to fit in with her contemporary Tumblrites is unknown. Formerly held batshit beliefs, in addition to the mainstream Tumblr SJW dogma I need not regurgitate, include claiming white people lack magic causing them to project their magic-less-induced rage onto black and Jewish people as well as black people being extradimensional beings with supernatural powers.
Daily Caller Article
Current Dramas: The Jew-cy Diva Era
Since #catsoup, more recent happenings have revolved around Azealia’s relationship with fellow artist Ryder Ripps. One day, AB posts an after-sex selfie (while wearing a Grimes T-shirt) with an unknown man. Instagram was set ablaze with spectators trying to pinpoint the identity of this man with some speculating that the man was Elon Musk himself. Azealia reveals the mystery man to be Ryder Ripps. The couple collaborates in filming a music video in addition to a 24-minute audio sextape titled “I FUCKED RYDER RIPPS” sold as a non-fungible token (NFT; a unique digital asset, usually an art piece, sold in cryptocurrency) for over $17,000 USD. This NFT is currently being resold for $260 million USD. Suddenly, Ryder proposes to Azealia and asks for her hand in marriage. Azealia emphatically says yes! More controversy sparks as AB claims to be Jewish (a Jew-cy diva to be exact) by virtue of her fiancé’s Jewish heritage. Azealia likened her arbitrary self-identification as Jewish to MtF troons claiming to be women. Within one week, the couple split with Azealia keeping the ring, a family heirloom, and never speaking of Ryder again.
Social Media
Instagram: @azealiabanks, @cheapyxousa
TikTok: @azealiabanks212
Twitter: "banned" but socks often, please be on the lookout!
Parler: AzealiaBanksNYC
Credits to /snow/ - flakes & mistakes their organized and robust compilation of Azealia-related images and articles (archive). Writing this OP was made much smoother and more efficient with their page.
For years Azealia has been my girl, and hopefully after reading this, she will be yours too…
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