Cicada invasion of 2021 - A neverending simphony

Agent Abe Caprine

Agent Abe Caprine

Stole Hitler's Mercedes Bens.
kiwifarms.net
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Dec 16, 2019
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Brood X is beginning their invasion of the Eastern United States. Do not be afraid. These are bugs of extremely loud peace.
What is Brood X? When do cicadas come out in 2021? Answering your buggiest questions.
In case you were wondering, yes. They are very excited to visit the White House.
With 90-degree days, cicadas will take over the DC area
Their thirst is so strong, even castration won't stop them.
Zombie-like cicadas strive to mate despite losing the necessary parts
Just like people, they sometimes lose their ass to drugs.
Cicadas getting ‘high, horny, super-sexed’ from fungus that makes their butts fall off, experts say
 
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Haven't seen any of them yet due to how long it took winter to fully fuck off this year (it was still in the 50's barely over two weeks ago here), but I'm just old enough to remember the last swarm when I was little.

Fun tip, if you happen to live around ponds or streams, the cicadas make for the most amazing fish bait. No joke, when they were last here I could dip the rod mere inches away from the shore, right at the surface, and I'd get a fish on the hook instantaneously. Sometimes they'd outright jump for the tasty bugs before I could even lower the line into the water.
 
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Blacklight said:
I'm already seeing "Just eat the cicadas, bigot" articles popping up.
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I mean given the opportunity I'd probably try them? They're probably tastier than whatever that processed cricket-protein soy-powder sludge that shitlib journos are pushing as the "future of food" is..

Maybe I'm just a food daredevil though. I've eaten just about every kind of raw seafood dish you can think of, cow brain, jellyfish, fried tarantula, chocolate covered ants... Yeah, Im probably just the kind of crazy person who's willing to try any weird thing at least once. Don't think I'd go out of my way to eat cicadas unless someone said they actually knew how to cook them or had a recipe or something though.

Anyway, aside from that... cicadas are pretty cool. At worst they're just kind of annoyingly loud I guess. But they're pretty much harmless. I might be a bit far north of them though, I don't see any yet.
 
Imagine losing most of your body to predators or fungus. But you don't care. You still want to fuck.8)

Blacklight said:
I'm already seeing "Just eat the cicadas, bigot" articles popping up.
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I've seen a bunch too and I am still not eating the bugs.

Emperor Percival Tachyon said:
I mean given the opportunity I'd probably try them? They're probably tastier than whatever that processed cricket-protein soy-powder sludge that shitlib journos are pushing as the "future of food" is..

Maybe I'm just a food daredevil though. I've eaten just about every kind of raw seafood dish you can think of, cow brain, jellyfish, fried tarantula, chocolate covered ants... Yeah, Im probably just the kind of crazy person who's willing to try any weird thing at least once. Don't think I'd go out of my way to eat cicadas unless someone said they actually knew how to cook them or had a recipe or something though.

Anyway, aside from that... cicadas are pretty cool. At worst they're just kind of annoyingly loud I guess. But they're pretty much harmless. I might be a bit far north of them though, I don't see any yet.
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If they could they would make cicada burgers with more sodium than a Bic Mac dipped in rock salt and tell you that it's waaaaay healthier than beef.
 
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Dysnomia said:
If they could they would make cicada burgers with more sodium than a Bic Mac dipped in rock salt and tell you that it's waaaaay healthier than beef.
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That's the thing I don't get. They try so damn hard to hide what it is with all these processed beef substitutes... the bugs, the soy, all of them. It doesn't matter how well you hide the bugs, someone grossed out by the idea of bugs still isnt going to eat it. The only two demographics who will willingly eat bug... anything are people who like trying weird or "gross" cuisine and (the far stupider of the two) the soyboy demographic who will do anything the media tells them if it's "better for the environment".

Also you are never going to make soy, peas, beans, bugs or whatever the hell into a real substitute for a beef burger so please stop trying. It's just not possible.
 
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Why do local news station make a big deal out of these things. Every single year I am told that this is the loudest brood in 17 years but again, they say this every year. What's the deal with that? Am I crazy? Is this some kind of story they put out when they have nothing to say on the news? Really makes ya think.
 
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Welp it looks like America finally pissed God off enough for him to start sending them the plagues of Egypt with super horny cicadas instead of locusts. I expect to see articles of frogs raining down from the sky being posted to the happening feed in two weeks.
 
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They apperently have been coming out throughout the month but I have not seen nor heard them despite them being in my area. Who knows maybe the bug propaganda consoomer equivalent of leafers is going around eating them lmao.
Fuck the propaganda cicadas are like those strange kinda bugs that just kinda nibble on some shit underground for a good chunk of a human lifespan only to achieve their goal of coming out of the ground to fuck and then go die. Kinda got an endearing quality to them despite being horny little bastards.


Kenya Jones said:
Why do local news station make a big deal out of these things. Every single year I am told that this is the loudest brood in 17 years but again, they say this every year. What's the deal with that? Am I crazy? Is this some kind of story they put out when they have nothing to say on the news? Really makes ya think.
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It's the equivalent of the shit they run every year with "THIS IS THE HOTTEST DAY EVER IN THE PAST [NUMBER] OF YEARS!!!" It may or may not have actual shit backing it but it also is probably 100% just some fucking filler shit to pad out airtime.
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
cicadas in Japan sound like "REE-ree-ree-ree... REE-ree-ree-ree..."
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They sound like that all over but it IS a very clearly different call despite the similar sound. The Japan one used in a lot of media is the "evening cicada" in particular which is called that because it's more active in the afternoon. There's ones that don't have that specific call in Japan as well.

Brood X is the Pharoah cicada, apparently. They sound like a fucking alarm. They're apperently a "near threatened" level of species. The fucking media spin telling people to eat them en-masse might fucking legit lead to them becoming an actually endangered species. There's annual cicadas that look and sound closer to the evening cicada but much like the 17 year pharoah cicada species their life cycle is actually long as hell and they only come out to fuck and die. There's just more of them to the point you see them nearly every year.
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
cicadas in Japan sound like "REE-ree-ree-ree... REE-ree-ree-ree..."
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Yeah, I KNOW what cicadas sound like (I live in Texas), it's more of a hissing sound you can kind of replicate by clenching your teeth, blowing air through them, and moving your lips from a grimace to a circle and back again.

On the other hand, some cicadas can get really loud and it's not at all charming. (This must be that "Brood X" they refer to).

Japanese cicadas I recognize from video games and anime but have never heard in real life.
 
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