There are some real fools in this TERF/gender critical community who exhibit a mentally unwell level of hatred towards men and trans people. That makes it hard to stand up for them as a community - as some of their members really shoot themselves in the foot with their talk of the evil patriarchy.
I think you possibly misunderstand feminism. It isn't about hatred of men, but (and here is the nuance) if you focus on 2nd wave (and arguably a nascent 4th wave) feminism it has to be looked as a materialist movement which considers the root of the oppression of women, which is on the basis of sex. You may not agree with that assessment, but unlike transgenderism it is internally consistent.
Having said that, any cisgender woman
There's no such thing as cisgender. In fact, there's arguably no such thing as gender. Many/most GC feminists would argue against an internally-felt gender; rather they are women by virtue of birth and biology, their oppression is on that basis, and they don't get to 'opt out'.
that criticizes the trans community nowadays is labeled as a TERF - like JK Rowling. It's the new "bigot" "racist" or "anti-Semite." Simply shut off criticism by throwing a scary label that can get them cancelled by society. In the process, these words become meaningless.
TERF was always a stupid acronym. For a start, it is tautological (rad-fem is by definition by and for women, and thus male-exclusive), but it's an easy slur to use without having to engage with. It is similar to lazy the TERF = right-wing trope; radical feminism is completely antithetical to the right, and in the UK particularly most radfems are strongly of and for the left.
It's not right or fair. We should be able to have a nuanced conversation without fear of labels or cancellation.
This is the internet. Nuance died when TB-L first conceived of html.
I'm not saying you can't be trans or that it isn't valid - a gender critical activist or TERF would certainly feel differently. But that doesn't mean the trans community is free from criticism. GC/TERF activists make points that should be acknowledged rather than dismissed as haturzz. What kind of holier-than-thou attitude could a person have to think any criticisms put their away are attacks by bigots? It's entitled and narcissistic.
The holier-than-thou attitude which has persisted for as long as time: because it is mainly male people making it it should take precedence over the needs and views of women, coupled to the idea that because they're women then should be expected to be caring and kind (tr: roll over and do what the stunning and brave men tell them to).
The trans community is doing itself a disservice to promote this kind of fingers-in-my-ears-your-a-hater attitude. I can't see that going well for them.
To be fair, there are a few trans people (and indeed, some men!) who understand the concept of allyship, mainly among the older, longer established community.
Say what you will about the GC/TERF community, but they're a group of women that's not afraid to call out the legitimate issues with the trans movement.
That isn't the main purpose of the GC and rad-fem movements. In fact, in many cases, defending the principle of sex-based services, is a distraction from what they would prefer to be the focus: understanding and dismantling the patriarchal society in favour of one that is more structurally egalitarian.
Transgender is not the same as cisgender, and it never will be. Trans people want to gaslight the world into believing that there is no distinction. They argue that those that make this distinction are bigots - especially when it comes to sexual preference. Female erasure is happening with woke corporations using words like "vagina havers" "bleeders" and "uterus havers." Transwomen demand to be in formerly ciswomen exclusive spaces. I can understand why a woman that takes pride in her gender would be troubled.
I don't think many, if any, GC or radfem women take pride in their gender or sex. Sex is a material fact which affects how a woman is perceived and treated from the point that it is known.
The worst part of all is that instead of befriending ciswomen as allies, instead of asking to be in ciswomen spaces, transwomen demand these things and seem to have a disdain for ciswomen for naturally having what they can never have. Transwomen seem to overall be a very unhappy lot about their biological/mental misalignment and want to make that internal pain an external pain for everyone else.
The stupidest thing is that Trans-identified males lose out by trying to force women to do their emotional labour, because they're drawn into a long and unwinnable fight with no prize at the end of it. Trans people need medical and social care, advocacy, and facilities that support them as trans people; all co-opting facilities for women and disabled people does is to disguise the problem and reduce provision for everyone except men!