I thought I would write up this apology to the speedrun community / discord / mod team, as my document I posted on my twitter was more of an explanation than an apology and I felt the need to more directly apologize.
--- Speedrun Mods ---
I have spoken to many of the speedrun moderators in private and apologized in the past and recently for my behaviors back when the speedrun drama was going on. Although I won't make the specifics of these apologies public, I will directly apologize to them here. I'm sorry to the mod team for causing a shitstorm on Twitter and Youtube and elsewhere with my aggressive and condescending tweets and language. I have explained my mindset during the time period, but that doesn't justify or excuse any of my actions or words. I am truly sorry for the way that I reacted and wish that I could have controlled my emotions better. I'm sorry for any negative things this may have caused for you, I accept responsibility for not doing everything that I could have to prevent them. I can explain my mindset during these situations, but intention is not as important when there was a negative outcome due to my actions. I'm sorry, and I want to continue to make it up to the mod team in any way that I can.
I believe that Geosquare deserves my biggest apologies. I've spoken to Geosquare since, and we have made up with each other and are on good terms, I will not make the contents of our discussions public however I will apologize to him directly here. I'm sorry for the way that I acted towards you, as under no circumstances is that kind of behavior okay. Tweeting out for millions to see calling you a clout chaser and accusing your intentions of being vindictive couldn't have done anything but cause harm. I regret essentially everything that I said to you in private, and in public in the speedrun discord or in tweets. I was full of anger and fear and I let these emotions get the best of me while not at all caring about the effect my actions would have on you as an individual. Although this was almost a year ago, I'm sure that you still face problems today due to the size of my audience and the harshness of my words. I apologize and I want to make it up to you in any way that I can. Since this issue I have made an effort to better control my negative emotions, and be more clear and direct about avoiding hate and harassment. I hope that these are things that can be noticed, and that I can continue to improve upon. Having a large audience means you have to be responsible with it, and I wasn't at all during the situation in December. I am sorry and although you have said you have forgiven me, I still feel terrible and hope that we can better our relationship going forward.
--- Speedrun Community ---
As a Youtuber, I always felt like a bit of an outsider to the speedrun community. I tried my best to promote top runners and make friends with speedrunners and participate in discussions in the discord and elsewhere. I tried to involve the community in competitions, and I tried to do my best to assist the mods with cleaning up the leaderboard from cheaters. I really wanted to be a part of the community because it was something that I loved doing and I really became attached to it. Even before the speedrun drama, there was an instance where I falsely accused a popular runner "Couriway" of cheating. There was a misunderstanding and I jumped the gun in saying something in their Twitch chat about doubts that I had regarding their recent run. I don't think I ever got a chance to apologize to them, so I just want to do so here. I'm sorry Couriway for incorrectly accusing you of cheating. I completely understand how that must have felt and I am extremely sorry. I should never have said something in your Twitch chat, and I should have completely left it up to the mods to do their jobs. I regret this and I regret not having apologized to you sooner. I won't attempt to justify my actions here, but I have added you back on discord and if you would like to chat more about it I am completely willing.
As for to the community, I know that due to this situation being one of the biggest dramas that Minecraft has ever had, it brought a lot of hate and strife to the community. I contributed directly to this by arguing with people in the discord and on twitter, and fueled fans of mine by saying hateful things. I am sorry for this. I understand being doubtful of my explanation, and don't think it's unreasonable to assume that I am being dishonest. While I was not aware that I was running any disallowed modifications, that is completely my fault. I should have been much more reasonable and level headed and done my duty as someone submitting a run to the leaderboards. I explained my mindset during this situation in the other paste, but I want to make it clear that it was not at all a justification or a way of excusing the things that I said or did. Although I believe that there was poor communication on both sides, at the end of the day it is completely my responsibility to make sure that any run I submit has integrity and I failed to do so. I was completely in the wrong, and I argued like an idiot for months not wanting to even explore the fact that I could be. I tunnel visioned and because of that, I ended up arguing an unintentional lie and causing harm to people who were just trying to be fair. This could have been for many reasons, but I blame my ego and the fact that sometimes I just can't accept when I'm wrong. There is no one to blame but myself, and I take responsibility for that. The way I used my influence while saying negative and aggression provoking things was not okay at all and something that I am ashamed of. Since almost a year ago, I have been doing my best to reflect on this and improve as a creator that is new to the spotlight. I have nothing but respect for the mod team, speedrunners and the speedrun community. You are not obligated to forgive me or to accept my apology in any way, but I am sorry for the damage that I caused and wish that I could go back and change the way things went. I like to think that I have had a positive impact on Minecraft speedrunning overall, but that's wishful thinking including the stain that this situation put on the community. I am sorry.
I took all of my runs that I have ever submitted down from speedrun.com personally myself, including the ones that were still up and verified. I also messaged a member of the mod team requesting that I be banned from submitting runs in the future even though I was told before that this wouldn't happen. I think that is a fair result, and I have no plans on submitting runs in the future and haven't since October of last year and since my run was removed. I never intended any harm to the community and I still want the speedrun community to flourish as much as it can. I pledged to donate money I made from the response video to speedrunning, and I did to a live speedrunning tournament that featured a lot of the top runners last month, Break The Record Live. One of my goals since joining the community was to try and help speedrunners turn speedrunning from a hobby into a livable job, and I tried to accomplish that by frequently raiding, donating to, and bringing up runners throughout the community. I still plan to do that, and although I know money doesn't show intentions, I would like to pledge an additional $50,000, that I will be donating to speedrunners of all sizes from the Minecraft community on Twitch over the next month or so.
The reason that I decided to make the post that I did the other day was to provide closure to the community on an issue that should have been resolved almost a year ago. I hope that this accomplishes that if even a little bit. Again, I am sorry to the mod team and the community for all the problems that came from this drama and hope to continue improving as an individual.
- love dream
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