Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Poop Shoot]

Maybe, just maybe Lucas is afraid to make videos now. all his views and desires are still the same but now he will only write about them and not make insane rant videos (for the time being). why else would he still make comments online, put up stupid attraction signs but not film himself in usual fashion? we all know lucas is a coward at heart, so fear must be holding him back. Lucas is very stupid, very crazy and very afraid. at the moment fear is stronger then the other two of his drives

No, he lives for this shit. If he’s not blasting this all over social media that means he can’t for some reason.

He didn’t just suddenly realize he’s an idiot.

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

No, he lives for this shit. If he’s not blasting this all over social media that means he can’t for some reason.

He didn’t just suddenly realize he’s an idiot.

I still think he just doesn’t have a phone and these comments are being posted from the library or something. Hopefully he gets one with his June tardbux and shows up again in the next couple days, otherwise idk what’s preventing him. Banned from every Cricket Wireless in Spokane perhaps?

 

[Obscenity Enthusiast]

There's a really weird element to all this. He has a way of letting little details slip even if he's trying to conceal or be intentionally evasive about something, so it feels strange that nowhere in his messages to Klickitat or Walter and nowhere on the signs he's posted up around town is there even a little hint or a slip up as to what could be the reason for all this. The kind of thing that makes you think, ahhh that's what's really happening here. Lucas is one of the most predictable people I've ever seen in my life, so the fact that he hasn't let slip even a mention of anything is just so out of character. He fucks up absolutely every single thing he can possibly fuck up no matter what, so I just can't buy that this hiatus is due in any way to his conscious efforts or instructions by some authority.

 

[AnOminous]

I still think he just doesn’t have a phone and these comments are being posted from the library or something. Hopefully he gets one with his June tardbux and shows up again in the next couple days, otherwise idk what’s preventing him. Banned from every Cricket Wireless in Spokane perhaps?

It's hard to get banned from these providers. They know much of their business is people who buy multiple phones for whatever reason, although it's often as burner phones for illegal activity, so they look the other way. I suppose it's possible he's literally physically banned from the locations because he actually chimped out in the store itself.

He fucks up absolutely every single thing he can possibly fuck up no matter what, so I just can't buy that this hiatus is due in any way to his conscious efforts or instructions by some authority.

Maybe he has something like two black eyes and a busted nose, and it would be obvious he'd gotten his ass completely kicked if he was on video.

 

[ThomasAudley]

That’s a good point I hadn’t considered, but after a month surely they’d heal? Maybe he got ran out of downtown and got a very severe beat down that still shows marks. However he’s filmed himself with a black eye before and he could also spin this to be a victim of another fat Albert motherfucker. Something doesn’t add up.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

There's one exception to the "Lucas casually incriminating himself" rule... and thats when Lucas thinks something makes him look bad or stupid.

He never admitted to getting Covid, though we're almost certain he had it, he never acknowledged the aforementioned black eye, he never mentioned dropping out of or failing out of college, he never told people he was in remedial classes, and he barely ever mentions his court cases re: trespass in the park.

From this, we can deduce that whatever is stopping Lucas from posting reflects poorly on him.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

Being a glass half full kind of KarenFarmer, I'm hoping he's got a busted up face after finally catching the good bruisin' he's long been cruising for...or he was caught up in some kind of dodgy online fuckery like pedocatchers or the like.

LOL - There must be women named "Karen Farmer"

 

[Josef Mengele]

When I read his post on YT and his attraction signs it looks like Lucas voluntarily gave up owning a phone, it sounds like he was shell shocked by some event in mid-April. Usually Lucas would create backup accounts and reintegrate into social media if he got a temporary or permaban, but seeing him not attempt to post content on Youtube is peculiar. It seems like he only wants to comment or write things, and is not using video or photo to communicate, I can also assume he isn't using his phone to call as well (assuming he has a phone). I sometimes go through phases of reduced verbal communication and sometimes avoid conversation outright when I am overstimulated or stressed out, this also extends to my phone I don't answer calls or respond to texts from friends and family in those situations (I'm a Sperg BTW). I see a little bit of myself in Lucas in this specific situation and think he might be going through similar things I go through when under duress. I also think that he is trying to control the narrative more strongly, writing an attraction sign and simply getting them taken down is a lot less of an ego blow than getting comments like #bumcel and #fatfaggot on IG posts and blocking someone. It also strongly reduces the odds that he gets catfished, over IG it is always a catfish, on the streets of Spokane he just doesn't get a response, it is safer for him to post on a telephone pole with duct tape than online. Then again it could all be something completely different, all I know is I am bored trying to find out what is going on with him and really hope our Kiwis in Spokane have boots on the ground for Werner patrol.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

When I read his post on YT and his attraction signs it looks like Lucas voluntarily gave up owning a phone, it sounds like he was shell shocked by some event in mid-April. Usually Lucas would create backup accounts and reintegrate into social media if he got a temporary or permaban, but seeing him not attempt to post content on Youtube is peculiar. It seems like he only wants to comment or write things, and is not using video or photo to communicate, I can also assume he isn't using his phone to call as well (assuming he has a phone). I sometimes go through phases of reduced verbal communication and sometimes avoid conversation outright when I am overstimulated or stressed out, this also extends to my phone I don't answer calls or respond to texts from friends and family in those situations (I'm a Sperg BTW). I see a little bit of myself in Lucas in this specific situation and think he might be going through similar things I go through when under duress. I also think that he is trying to control the narrative more strongly, writing an attraction sign and simply getting them taken down is a lot less of an ego blow than getting comments like #bumcel and #fatfaggot on IG posts and blocking someone. It also strongly reduces the odds that he gets catfished, over IG it is always a catfish, on the streets of Spokane he just doesn't get a response, it is safer for him to post on a telephone pole with duct tape than online. Then again it could all be something completely different, all I know is I am bored trying to find out what is going on with him and really hope our Kiwis in Spokane have boots on the ground for Werner patrol.

Agreed. Our endless, fruitless contemplation of the reasoning behind his lack of posting has gotten to be as infuriating as Lucas himself.

Frankly, it's hard not to do it when the dearth of content continues, but as we've said before, I expect this will all end suddenly, and Lucas will resume his old behavior without ever mentioning anything that caused him to stop posting.

One day we'll see a video on YouTube or instagram, where he's talking about telomeres and Gen Z baes, and things will resume.

I second the call for our Spokane kiwis to use their boots on the ground perspective to try to solve this mystery.

 

[Huge Fungus]

After seeing a call to arms for Spokane Kiwis, I decided to investigate a hypothesis of mine, that Lucas has been spending an unusual amount of time on the South Hill. This theory is based on all of his most recent signs having been found taped to traffic-light poles at major intersections on the South Hill. It would seem Lucas favors these over wooden telephone posts because the tape sticks on more cleanly; he places his signs at busy car intersections likely under the misguided notion that this equates to more foot traffic and views, or that passing drivers can read his dogshit handwriting.

It didn't take long for my investigation to yield results; this weathered sign was quickly found at the corner of 29th and Bernard, across the intersection from a Church.

Since time, the elements, and stupidity have rendered portions of this writing indiscernible within mere photographs, I've gone to the liberty of transcribing it.

Spoiler: Schizobabble

"I don't believe in free will. You're born in a place at a time. You have your genetics and your environment. The rest is just circumstance. If you're a racist, you can become a non-racist or an anti-racist by circumstances of your genetics and environment. People don't understand the malleability of DNA. If you eat a bunch of bananas everyday, your kids will likely be born with a love of bananas. If you're overweight and have children, your kids will likely be born with obesity issues. If you lose a hundred pounds and then have kids, your kids will be born healthier. If you conquer your fear of heights and then have kids, your children will more likely be born with less fear of heights. And Generation Z... If you conquer your bigotry, your kids will less likely be bigots. I'd like to date you, Gen Z. Down? I'm Generation X. Just your average 41 year old male who knows about telomerase. If you dudes didn't cockblock me at the bars and IRL, I wouldn't have to tell you about telomerase. They call it a mid-life crisis, but guys my age get along better with women your age than you do. Likely has to do with the high telomerase in your 18-24 year old eggs, which makes kids with you healthier than average. Coincidentally, highest telomerase sperm is 35 to 55 years old. My main passion is designing board games. If I see her and I like her, I myself would enthusiastically complement her clothes or hair, but seeing as you guys are pro-AOC classist hypocrites with more money than me, and a ton of hot women friends, we can't be friends. I don't like greedy human filth. Luke 12:15, Christians. AOC, classists. At least if you found me IRL women, I'd buy you lunch at Twigz to get to know you, even though I'm EBT card poor. At least you're gorgeous, honey. Smart, funny, interesting. You could say I'm an activist, and a comedian. I'm a gruff feminist dude. We grew up in the woods, cutting wood for Dad and learning that if he found out we disrespected women, he'd toss us into the blackberry bushes as we slept, so misogyny wasn't an option in the Werner household. Nunya bigot shitte would be tolerable from Grandpa Roy, were he to have grandkids, ya bigots. Love ya too, Zoomer Baes. Peace!"

(Side boxes): "Post Covid 19 DNA in kids"
"YouTube channel is Lucas Werner"
"I'll get a cameo account to buy diapers"

A number of things can be gleaned from this message, namely that;
-Lucas has implicitly acknowledged that he had Covid-19.
-Fatfuck endured terrible medaeval torture in the Dread Halls of the Elk Kingdom.
-Lucas believes he could support a family by charging money for videos on a cameo account.
-Lucas also believes in Stalinist genetic theory from the 1930s, including a newly proposed self-contradicting notion that racism can be genetic.
-This impudent wretch still believes that King Roy would extend him mercy and generosity, by welcoming him back through the Great Gates of the Elk Kingdom, queefy bae in tow.

Attached is also a map of Luca's most recent signs (the orange markers), Twigz and Thai Bamboo (the green markers), and HOC/the bus Plaza (the purple markers). As you can see, three of Fatty's four most recent tard signs have been found far south of his usual haunts, and quite close to his apparent new most favorite restaurants. The reasons for this, however, are still a matter of shudder-inducing speculation. I will continue hunting signs in this region throughout the day, and post again if any more are found.

EDIT: spelling

 

[Wernology]

"I'll get a cameo account to buy diapers"

Spoken like someone who doesn't know what diapers cost or how many a kid will go through from birth to potty trained.

Let's be fair, he didn't say he could support a child on Cameo, he said he'd buy diapers with it and didn't specify how many diapers or how often he'd buy them. If he bought a single diaper he'd have, in his deluded swiss cheese brain, lived up to his role as provider.

 

[Club Sandwich]

anyone else pick up that he kept switching the subject of his statements with either the cock-blocking gen z men, or prospective gen z women?

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas has said he's not like Chris Chan, but he's even worse with these stupid signs nobody will ever read except us trolls. At least Chris's heartsweet searching signs were easy to read and the point was clear. Who can make any sense of Lucas' nonsense except viewers of his videos that have seen him say the same dumb shit 1000x now. Lucas needs a Mary Lee Walsh to lay down the law and kick his ass.

 

[Da Dude123]

Get a cameo account to pay for diapers? Great plan, tubby. What are you gonna do on cameo? Huh, Lucas? God forbid you work a real job. Lol cow!

I wonder if HOC welcomed their prodigal son, Dr. Nigga Luke back? Until he chimps out and has to be dragged out again by security. Then he will be back to time out.

 

[wenttobermuda]

After seeing a call to arms for Spokane Kiwis, I decided to investigate a hypothesis of mine, that Lucas has been spending an unusual amount of time on the South Hill. This theory is based on all of his most recent signs having been found taped to traffic-light poles at major intersections on the South Hill. It would seem Lucas favors these over wooden telephone posts because the tape sticks on more cleanly; he places his signs at busy car intersections likely under the misguided notion that this equates to more foot traffic and views, or that passing drivers can read his dogshit handwriting.

It didn't take long for my investigation to yield results; this weathered sign was quickly found at the corner of 29th and Bernard, across the intersection from a Church.

Since time, the elements, and stupidity have rendered portions of this writing indiscernible within mere photographs, I've gone to the liberty of transcribing it.

Spoiler: Schizobabble

"I don't believe in free will. You're born in a place at a time. You have your genetics and your environment. The rest is just circumstance. If you're a racist, you can become a non-racist or an anti-racist by circumstances of your genetics and environment. People don't understand the malleability of DNA. If you eat a bunch of bananas everyday, your kids will likely be born with a love of bananas. If you're overweight and have children, your kids will likely be born with obesity issues. If you lose a hundred pounds and then have kids, your kids will be born healthier. If you conquer your fear of heights and then have kids, your children will more likely be born with less fear of heights. And Generation Z... If you conquer your bigotry, your kids will less likely be bigots. I'd like to date you, Gen Z. Down? I'm Generation X. Just your average 41 year old male who knows about telomerase. If you dudes didn't cockblock me at the bars and IRL, I wouldn't have to tell you about telomerase. They call it a mid-life crisis, but guys my age get along better with women your age than you do. Likely has to do with the high telomerase in your 18-24 year old eggs, which makes kids with you healthier than average. Coincidentally, highest telomerase sperm is 35 to 55 years old. My main passion is designing board games. If I see her and I like her, I myself would enthusiastically complement her clothes or hair, but seeing as you guys are pro-AOC classist hypocrites with more money than me, and a ton of hot women friends, we can't be friends. I don't like greedy human filth. Luke 12:15, Christians. AOC, classists. At least if you found me IRL women, I'd buy you lunch at Twigz to get to know you, even though I'm EBT card poor. At least you're gorgeous, honey. Smart, funny, interesting. You could say I'm an activist, and a comedian. I'm a gruff feminist dude. We grew up in the woods, cutting wood for Dad and learning that if he found out we disrespected women, he'd toss us into the blackberry bushes as we slept, so misogyny wasn't an option in the Werner household. Nunya bigot shitte would be tolerable from Grandpa Roy, were he to have grandkids, ya bigots. Love ya too, Zoomer Baes. Peace!"

(Side boxes): "Post Covid 19 DNA in kids"
"YouTube channel is Lucas Werner"
"I'll get a cameo account to buy diapers"

A number of things can be gleaned from this message, namely that;
-Lucas has implicitly acknowledged that he had Covid-19.
-Fatfuck endured terrible medaeval torture in the Dread Halls of the Elk Kingdom.
-Lucas believes he could support a family by charging money for videos on a cameo account.
-Lucas also believes in Stalinist genetic theory from the 1930s, including a newly proposed self-contradicting notion that racism can be genetic.
-This impudent wretch still believes that King Roy would extend him mercy and generosity, by welcoming him back through the Great Gates of the Elk Kingdom, queefy bae in tow.

Attached is also a map of Luca's most recent signs (the orange markers), Twigz and Thai Bamboo (the green markers), and HOC/the bus Plaza (the purple markers). As you can see, three of Fatty's four most recent tard signs have been found far south of his usual haunts, and quite close to his apparent new most favorite restaurants. The reasons for this, however, are still a matter of shudder-inducing speculation. I will continue hunting signs in this region throughout the day, and post again if any more are found.

EDIT: spelling

Marvelous report on the "impudent wretch." Quite the specimen you've brought us.

The words he chooses to highlight, the old fashioned way, interest me. "I'd like to date you, Gen Z. Down? I'm Generation X....EBT CARD"...I can picture the fat faggot sitting at a bus stop, pen clutched in his diabetes numbed fist, scribbled extra ink for "GEN X" and "EBT," in one of the world's saddest mating displays.

ETA: Also, it bears mentioning that the recent attraction signs discovered in Spokane all defensively acknowledge a "midlife crisis." Someone's accused Lucas of having one recently, and it's stuck with him.

Based on the restaurants he's fantasizing about, and the information you provided, it seems Lucas has shifted neighborhoods. I'd lost interest in speculation regarding Lucas's whereabouts, but I'm curious why Lucas finds his old haunts inhospitable. Perhaps this is related to his ban from the shelters he was using. I like to think of it as an animal being driven out of a territory by stronger rivals. Perhaps there's an embarrassing story to be discovered that will help us appreciate the depths of failure and despair.

anyone else pick up that he kept switching the subject of his statements with either the cock-blocking gen z men, or prospective gen z women?

He does this often. The subject of Lucas's intended, or imagined audience when he speaks has long interested me. He can go from addressing his romantic rivals, to Gen Z teens, in the middle of a sentence. He clearly expects both flatbills and queefy baes to come across his sign and take the time to read it.

 

[Huge Fungus]

Found another at 29th and Southeast, on a pole he's used before, a mere block from Thai Bamboo. Apparently lightning can strike the same place twice...

 

[Telomere Savalas]

Found at 29th and Southeast, on a pole he's used before, a mere block from Thai Bamboo. Apparently lightning can strike the same place twice...

"Way too many internet trolls"....perhaps he has it in his head that he'd have better luck offline?
"Physical fitness dropping since 1843" lol what?

 

[Cnaiur urs Skiotha]

After seeing a call to arms for Spokane Kiwis, I decided to investigate a hypothesis of mine, that Lucas has been spending an unusual amount of time on the South Hill. This theory is based on all of his most recent signs having been found taped to traffic-light poles at major intersections on the South Hill. It would seem Lucas favors these over wooden telephone posts because the tape sticks on more cleanly; he places his signs at busy car intersections likely under the misguided notion that this equates to more foot traffic and views, or that passing drivers can read his dogshit handwriting.

It didn't take long for my investigation to yield results; this weathered sign was quickly found at the corner of 29th and Bernard, across the intersection from a Church.

Since time, the elements, and stupidity have rendered portions of this writing indiscernible within mere photographs, I've gone to the liberty of transcribing it.

Spoiler: Schizobabble

"I don't believe in free will. You're born in a place at a time. You have your genetics and your environment. The rest is just circumstance. If you're a racist, you can become a non-racist or an anti-racist by circumstances of your genetics and environment. People don't understand the malleability of DNA. If you eat a bunch of bananas everyday, your kids will likely be born with a love of bananas. If you're overweight and have children, your kids will likely be born with obesity issues. If you lose a hundred pounds and then have kids, your kids will be born healthier. If you conquer your fear of heights and then have kids, your children will more likely be born with less fear of heights. And Generation Z... If you conquer your bigotry, your kids will less likely be bigots. I'd like to date you, Gen Z. Down? I'm Generation X. Just your average 41 year old male who knows about telomerase. If you dudes didn't cockblock me at the bars and IRL, I wouldn't have to tell you about telomerase. They call it a mid-life crisis, but guys my age get along better with women your age than you do. Likely has to do with the high telomerase in your 18-24 year old eggs, which makes kids with you healthier than average. Coincidentally, highest telomerase sperm is 35 to 55 years old. My main passion is designing board games. If I see her and I like her, I myself would enthusiastically complement her clothes or hair, but seeing as you guys are pro-AOC classist hypocrites with more money than me, and a ton of hot women friends, we can't be friends. I don't like greedy human filth. Luke 12:15, Christians. AOC, classists. At least if you found me IRL women, I'd buy you lunch at Twigz to get to know you, even though I'm EBT card poor. At least you're gorgeous, honey. Smart, funny, interesting. You could say I'm an activist, and a comedian. I'm a gruff feminist dude. We grew up in the woods, cutting wood for Dad and learning that if he found out we disrespected women, he'd toss us into the blackberry bushes as we slept, so misogyny wasn't an option in the Werner household. Nunya bigot shitte would be tolerable from Grandpa Roy, were he to have grandkids, ya bigots. Love ya too, Zoomer Baes. Peace!"

(Side boxes): "Post Covid 19 DNA in kids"
"YouTube channel is Lucas Werner"
"I'll get a cameo account to buy diapers"

A number of things can be gleaned from this message, namely that;
-Lucas has implicitly acknowledged that he had Covid-19.
-Fatfuck endured terrible medaeval torture in the Dread Halls of the Elk Kingdom.
-Lucas believes he could support a family by charging money for videos on a cameo account.
-Lucas also believes in Stalinist genetic theory from the 1930s, including a newly proposed self-contradicting notion that racism can be genetic.
-This impudent wretch still believes that King Roy would extend him mercy and generosity, by welcoming him back through the Great Gates of the Elk Kingdom, queefy bae in tow.

Attached is also a map of Luca's most recent signs (the orange markers), Twigz and Thai Bamboo (the green markers), and HOC/the bus Plaza (the purple markers). As you can see, three of Fatty's four most recent tard signs have been found far south of his usual haunts, and quite close to his apparent new most favorite restaurants. The reasons for this, however, are still a matter of shudder-inducing speculation. I will continue hunting signs in this region throughout the day, and post again if any more are found.

EDIT: spelling

Hahaha amazing find. Starting to not mind the signs, at least I don't have to listen to Lucas' gross voice. They still contain that wonderful pure insanity that I come to this thread for. My favorite part is:

You could say I'm an activist, and a comedian. I'm a gruff feminist dude.

Here's a quick schizo to english translation:

• Activist: someone who obsessively complains about a societal issue, such as agephobia or classism, but is actually referring to narc injuries caused by an entire age bracket's romantic indifference/repulsion
• Comedian: someone who says things that are not funny, clever, or structured as jokes, but are socially inappropriate, disturbing, and insane, who then wishes to retreat behind the obviously false excuse that it was a joke
• Gruff: provoking universally negative reactions in social situations due to social retardation and bizarre behavior
• Feminist: someone who wants to save every conventionally attractive 18 year old from her douchebag boyfriend so that she can be his mommy-daughter-wife-slave and get impregnated

 

[wenttobermuda]

Found at 29th and Southeast, on a pole he's used before, a mere block from Thai Bamboo. Apparently lightning can strike the same place twice...

Nice.

Here's a transcript.

Spoiler: TLDR

Zoomer Baes, Spokane, darlings. You’re hot, smart & into #AOC, convenient since I’m at a homeless shelter. Down with classism. Up with female empowerment. Gen Z, we appreciate that most of you are Marxists. We should get a burger some time. I’m 41, anti-bigots. Male. There is no reason to ‘date a guy under 40. They’re less attentive, worse in bed, less doting and caring as fathers and husbands. As a matter of fact, 35 to 55 year old baby batter is on par with 18 to 21 year old ova, is peak telomerase, so healthiest possible baby DNA. And since empathy, intelligence and physical fitness dropping since 1843 and greatly since 1975 is tied to telomere attrition, dating dudes under 40 is factually damning to the human genome. Welp. Find me IRL for a pizza or whatever. Love you so. But man. Way too many internet trolls, babes. At STA Plaza downtown. Ponytail. Green shoelaces. Sunglasses. Studying for PhD and caemo.com cuz of comedy. I’m an observer. Youtube: Lucas Werner 1979 (?)

Lucas encourages the happles Zoomer Baes who read his damned sign to find him "IRL," downtown at the STA Plaza. A bus station. He is apparently spending his days at bus station. How this relates to his older, abandoned haunts and his recent migration isn't clear to me.

I'm relatively certain that this is the same bus station he's been banned from in the past (at least once). Lucas has a history at bus stations. I imagine they rank pretty low on the scale of hobo turf. Perhaps a Spokane local could enlighten us on the STA Plaza and character of the local neighborhood.

As to the contents, of the sign, it's regular ol' Lucas, suggesting that young woman can achieve female empowerment by boning homeless men. Note that this one, unlike other recent specimens, is explicitly addressed to Zoomer baes and doesn't seem directed towards the hated flatbills. It contains no defense mentions of a "mid-life crisis." Lucas also loses a degree of fluency when he writes his telomere science babble. For a sentence or two, English doesn't seem like his native language.

"Way too many internet trolls"....perhaps he has it in his head that he'd have better luck offline?
"Physical fitness dropping since 1843" lol what?

Many an "internet troll," in his blackened, w33n heart, hopes that when he composes a nasty little post it's subject will read it and know despair. Would it gratify the ego of Wernologists to much to speculate that their humble musings, and research, have horrified Lucas to the degree that he's withdrawn from the world? Of course, and it'd be nonsense. But this is one the first examples I've seen in some time of Lucas justifying his plea to "find [him] IRL" and his absence from the internet. Moreover, he directs the Zoomer baes to his accursed YoutTube channel. He mentions Cameo. He has not ceded the internet to his rivals, or abandoned it as a potential tool in his puss puss quest.

 

[AngelOfDeath]

"Studying for phd and cameo". This makes me think he is afk due to the college maybe telling him its a condition that he layoff and focus on his work if he really wants to continue going. Just a thought, that im sure has been stated, but thats how I* feel after reading the last irl post up there.