About yesterday’s stream. I just want to say yesterday I didn’t take anything. 100 percent swear on whatever, I wouldn’t have gone live. Because I know with the people thing and people watching and everything. So, there’s other reasons--I have no idea--why my pupils looked like that. But I’m not going to be answering to anybody about any of that anymore. I’m not ashamed for what I’ve done. I’m not ashamed of being an addict. I’m not ashamed of having issues. So, you’re not going to shame me and I’m going to keep my live streams members only and if you’re going to be an asshole I’m just going to block you and move on. Pupils get large for a lot of reasons. It could have just been my body getting rid of stuff because I was doing—so, like, how I was doing it was—I don’t think—I think I freaked out and was just having a weak moment. I don’t know if I was actually—I don’t know if I’m actually super addicted because I go days without it. I don’t do it every single day. Or, I didn’t do it every single day. For people being “You’re lying, you’re lying, you’re lying” no I’m not. Just because you say I’m lying doesn’t make it so. Another thing is I’m explaining it because I’m just going to say it that once.
Also, I’ve been trying it for about two months. The first month it wasn’t habitual. It started getting more habitual only maybe for three weeks. I didn’t do it every single day. It was only maybe recently where I would start to do it more and more. That’s why I was getting concerned because I noticed myself getting it more and more and wanting it more and more. I thought I would just be honest and talk about it. But people love to shame addicts and food addicts and obese people. It’s really disgusting and sad. I think I have been, like, becoming addicted, yeah. I think I just caught it? You know? Because I’m not stupid I don’t want to destroy my life partying too much. I think I was just really, like, the party lifestyle. Neglecting everything, shitty in life, that normal—that everyone has to deal with, just to go and have fun. But it’s not worth it. After you just feel so much like crap. It’s not worth it.
People are not being constructive at all. I’m getting attacked super bad. Some reaction channels who make up fucking lies, like I’ve been using for six months and all this other shit for views, you’re just ridiculous and you’re just causing more stigma and more bullshit which has always been the fucking problem. I don’t care if you make fun of me or laugh at me or do parodies of me or talk about whatever, but don’t start shit. Don’t cause shit just for your own fucking game. What’s there to talk about after a few hours of the same thing? Like, “Is she using, is she not using?” Believe it or don’t, but I don’t care. Honestly, I know, myself, what I’m doing and that’s just how it’s going to be. When I have more developments on therapy, yada yada yada, all this and that, then I’ll let you guys know in an update or something. But for now do you not see you’re in a group, talking about somebody that’s not even in the group, for hours? Somebody who doesn’t even see what you’re saying. Talking about my problems in life. It’s so weird, but whatever. Anyway, I know that’s not going to stop and that’s fine, but I’m just saying, I’m not going to entertain any of that crap beyond this point. I’m going to do recorded videos. I don’t care if things don’t calm down, they never will. People love to hate me. They do, that’s how it is. “Oh, you fucking crackhead”. Number one, get it right. Crack is not cocaine, thank you morons.
<In response to the chat> People can’t accept when I fail? What do you think I am, a fucking saint? Sorry! I’ll try to be perfect for you! I don’t understand. If you hate me when I fail it has nothing to do with me. You hate yourself for having problems like mine and you hate yourself so you hate me because of that, too. That’s what I think, I don’t know. Otherwise I can’t understand why somebody with issues as well would…you know what I mean? <In response to peeper pooper> I do think people shame addicts. You don’t? You have to be blind. Give me a break. You don’t think what’s happening to Amberlyn is addiction shaming? Food addiction, whatever. People always shame addicts. Even in real life. Even off of YouTube. It’s a big thing. Mental illness. <In response to the chat> Okay, so sincere concerns equal bullying? You can be concerned about somebody all you want but at the end of the day it’s that person’s life. If you don’t want to support me then don’t, but don’t come here and just cause bullshit or make up things. <In response to the chat> The lies I’ve told? What lies? That I was using? Well yeah, who wouldn’t lie about that? I knew I was lying about it because I didn’t want to tell you. Everybody’s told lies.
So, that’s all I’m going to say. I did try not saying anything, Mia, and people still said “You’re lying, please tell us as subs, please tell us" so I ‘fessed up. How long is this going to drag on, that I lied about it? If I told the truth I’d get the same amount of hate, exactly. People just want to be fucking pissed off about something so they can keep growing their channel and having gossip about something. Well, you know what? I’m going to starve you. And from now on you’re not going to see anything other than perfect healthy me. Don’t worry about it. Starting tomorrow. Tee hee.