Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

[Kosher Dill]

There is no hexameter in Jake's bullshit, dactylic or not.

For some reason I find Seussian meter the most appropriate for Jake. Imagine CHELSAY finally letting it all out.

I could not, would not, with a gnome.
I will not, will not, take you home.
I will not grab you by the beard.
I will not bang someone so weird.

 

[Cryonic Haunted Bullets]

Then I shall be the first to write Gnomish poetry in dactylic hexameter:

fuck i posted by accident

Um, maybe, basically, the full-on Gamergate Nazi
Was kind of maybe just some sort of bigot, a little
Mainly just relative sorta, you know, um, yeah, like WOW
Whispering networks rapacious abducted my CHELSAY

 

[Kosher Dill]

abducted my CHELSAY

Or, "Helen of Soy" - was this the face that launched a thousand simps, and burned the topless bars of Ithaca?
(No apologies for time-traveling ahead to Marlowe)

By the way, it seems that the gnome himself has only ever specifically mentioned one poem that he liked: the lyrics to "Dare" by Stan Bush. He thinks it ought to be a trans anthem.

Stan Bush - Dare Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Lyrics to 'Dare' by Stan Bush: Everybody's trying to break your spirit Keeping you down

web.archive.org

 

[Apteryx Owenii]

If someone attempted to punch Jake's rants into Grammarly.com I think it would count as a DDoS attack

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Or, "Helen of Soy" - was this the face that launched a thousand simps, and burned the topless bars of Ithaca?
(No apologies for time-traveling ahead to Marlowe)

By the way, it seems that the gnome himself has only ever specifically mentioned one poem that he liked: the lyrics to "Dare" by Stan Bush. He thinks it ought to be a trans anthem.

Stan Bush - Dare Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Lyrics to 'Dare' by Stan Bush: Everybody's trying to break your spirit Keeping you down

web.archive.org

Weird that he’d identify with those lyrics. Mind you, I suppose there aren’t any anthems with the words, “Just give up/Sit in the attic and seethe/Waste your life/Don’t try to achieve.”

 

[AirdropShitposts]

A reply to his "search nude trans women" suggestion:

Jake's version:

 

[Kosher Dill]

I just want to point out the absurdity of saying "and I quote" and then not actually quoting someone's words.

 

[kaien]

I just want to point out the absurdity of saying "and I quote" and then not actually quoting someone's words.

This is a sort of meta-Jakeism you see every so often. He'll borrow a phrase or rhetorical device that he's seen someone else use, but in a way that makes it clear he doesn't know how to use it.

 

[Konstantin Romanov]

I just want to point out the absurdity of saying "and I quote" and then not actually quoting someone's words.

If you provide an actual verbatim quote people can easily find the person you quoted and the person you quoted can prove it was them, and potentially respond to your response. In an extreme worst case scenario you might be forced to directly speak to the person you quoted in a conversation. I believe the stress of such an eventuality would be fatal for Jake.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

He's also trying way too hard to pretend to not understand it, the phrase "bolt-on tits" (or, I quote, "bolted-on boobs") is pretty straight forward and self-explanatory. They basically are like you've just bolted implants onto the body rather than done the work to make them appear natural. He actually starts describing this and then suddenly goes "haha like on the neck like Frankenstein haha I wouldn't know!" even though it's probably far easier to Google the phrase without needing pictures to understand than his demand that you look at "nude trans women."

Like from Urban Dictionary, always a decent source:

 

[Kosher Dill]

He's also trying way too hard to pretend to not understand it

I prefer to think that he jumped directly from puritan poolside into the degenerate deep end of the coomer pool, so he knows about furry inflation sissy hypno vore guro but not what a pair of bolt-ons is.
It might even be true.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

This is a sort of meta-Jakeism you see every so often. He'll borrow a phrase or rhetorical device that he's seen someone else use, but in a way that makes it clear he doesn't know how to use it.

It's more than that though. It's not just that he's using the "I quote" incorrectly, it's that his actual quote, in quotation marks, is itself incorrect.

And then there's the suggestion that Jake doesn't understand hyperbole? Like, he literally thinks "bolted-on-boobs" means something actually metal, hardware, screws, and the like? Like, he really genuinely doesn't get that that's a joke way of suggesting that they're breast implants, not natural breasts? Or he's chosen to pretend to not understand this, for some strange reason? Which seems unlikely, because that only makes Jake look stupid.

And this is made apparent by the fact that his posting it suggests that he actually believes that the troll is stupid enough to think that breast implants are held on with bolts and screws, and it's not just a manner of speech. He's posting this so that other people can laugh at the stupidity he sees in his misunderstanding of this joke as a serious descriptor.

This goes some ways to explaining the insane things that Jake says, with the ridiculous level of hyperbole.

Apparently, his lack of social interaction and possible autism are so pronounced that he interprets jokes seriously; he's entirely literal. If Jake hears that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, he's going to laugh and think to himself, that's ridiculous! They don't make houses out of glass!

It's incredible, I give Jake next to no credit, and I think of him as being a very stupid person, and then he goes and says something like this, and I realize that the depths of his stupidity go beyond what I expected.

He barely understands casual spoken English.

He interprets everything entirely literally, and then goes to pass on these incorrect literal interpretations to his Twitter followers, mocking the stupidity of comments which were never intended literally.

It's probably a mixture of Jake being quite thick, this sort of "over-literal-ness", and the fact that Jake rarely if ever interacts with another human being in person, someone who has his interests and his points of reference, so he doesn't understand the difference between written English and spoken english, and consequently completely misses jokes, sarcasm, hyperbole, and all the sorts of fun tricks of speech which make talking more than just a narrative play-by-play of literal events.

It would almost be sad, if he wasn't such a completely vindictive asshole.

 

[Mitt Doggy Dogg]

I guess I'm not the only person surprised he doesn't understand what bolt-on means, everything is so literal with him or is he just pretending to not know what bolt-on means in favor of what he thinks is funny with the bolt on spheres

 

[An Ghost]

It's more than that though. It's not just that he's using the "I quote" incorrectly, it's that his actual quote, in quotation marks, is itself incorrect.

And then there's the suggestion that Jake doesn't understand hyperbole? Like, he literally thinks "bolted-on-boobs" means something actually metal, hardware, screws, and the like? Like, he really genuinely doesn't get that that's a joke way of suggesting that they're breast implants, not natural breasts? Or he's chosen to pretend to not understand this, for some strange reason? Which seems unlikely, because that only makes Jake look stupid.

And this is made apparent by the fact that his posting it suggests that he actually believes that the troll is stupid enough to think that breast implants are held on with bolts and screws, and it's not just a manner of speech. He's posting this so that other people can laugh at the stupidity he sees in his misunderstanding of this joke as a serious descriptor.

This goes some ways to explaining the insane things that Jake says, with the ridiculous level of hyperbole.

Apparently, his lack of social interaction and possible autism are so pronounced that he interprets jokes seriously; he's entirely literal. If Jake hears that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, he's going to laugh and think to himself, that's ridiculous! They don't make houses out of glass!

It's incredible, I give Jake next to no credit, and I think of him as being a very stupid person, and then he goes and says something like this, and I realize that the depths of his stupidity go beyond what I expected.

He barely understands casual spoken English.

He interprets everything entirely literally, and then goes to pass on these incorrect literal interpretations to his Twitter followers, mocking the stupidity of comments which were never intended literally.

It's probably a mixture of Jake being quite thick, this sort of "over-literal-ness", and the fact that Jake rarely if ever interacts with another human being in person, someone who has his interests and his points of reference, so he doesn't understand the difference between written English and spoken english, and consequently completely misses jokes, sarcasm, hyperbole, and all the sorts of fun tricks of speech which make talking more than just a narrative play-by-play of literal events.

It would almost be sad, if he wasn't such a completely vindictive asshole.

You're right, but this is a lot of words to say, "damn this sounds like something cwc would say. Jake really is autistic."

He brought up "milk sacs" again. I wonder if we'll get a reprise of "frankenstein boobs" eventually.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

The fun part of reading Jake’s Twitter is you can never tell if he’s actually retarded or just pretending to be retarded.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

He's decided he needs to opine on the "fascist spa hoax":


edit: he's breaking out the federal law book now!

 

[Kosher Dill]

He interprets everything entirely literally

Or at least he thinks everyone else is so dumb that they only speak literally.

"So this card-carrier from TERF Island just called someone 'liar liar pants on fire'. But it was clear for all to see that there was no combustion reaction taking place in their pants! What insane level of delusion are these people living under??"

 

[Neko GF]

The fun part of reading Jake’s Twitter is you can never tell if he’s actually retarded or just pretending to be retarded.

Well pretending to be retarded is in itself, retarded. So. yeah he's retarded.

 

[Water-T]

It's more than that though. It's not just that he's using the "I quote" incorrectly, it's that his actual quote, in quotation marks, is itself incorrect.

And then there's the suggestion that Jake doesn't understand hyperbole? Like, he literally thinks "bolted-on-boobs" means something actually metal, hardware, screws, and the like? Like, he really genuinely doesn't get that that's a joke way of suggesting that they're breast implants, not natural breasts? Or he's chosen to pretend to not understand this, for some strange reason? Which seems unlikely, because that only makes Jake look stupid.

And this is made apparent by the fact that his posting it suggests that he actually believes that the troll is stupid enough to think that breast implants are held on with bolts and screws, and it's not just a manner of speech. He's posting this so that other people can laugh at the stupidity he sees in his misunderstanding of this joke as a serious descriptor.

This goes some ways to explaining the insane things that Jake says, with the ridiculous level of hyperbole.

Apparently, his lack of social interaction and possible autism are so pronounced that he interprets jokes seriously; he's entirely literal. If Jake hears that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, he's going to laugh and think to himself, that's ridiculous! They don't make houses out of glass!

It's incredible, I give Jake next to no credit, and I think of him as being a very stupid person, and then he goes and says something like this, and I realize that the depths of his stupidity go beyond what I expected.

He barely understands casual spoken English.

He interprets everything entirely literally, and then goes to pass on these incorrect literal interpretations to his Twitter followers, mocking the stupidity of comments which were never intended literally.

It's probably a mixture of Jake being quite thick, this sort of "over-literal-ness", and the fact that Jake rarely if ever interacts with another human being in person, someone who has his interests and his points of reference, so he doesn't understand the difference between written English and spoken english, and consequently completely misses jokes, sarcasm, hyperbole, and all the sorts of fun tricks of speech which make talking more than just a narrative play-by-play of literal events.

It would almost be sad, if he wasn't such a completely vindictive asshole.

Jake is just using the old troll technique of being purposely obtuse, just when he acted like "vagina bones" was being used in a serious context and not in a sarcastic manner. Even if he never heard of "bolt-ons", he's smart enough to realize that it means "fake tits" and not actual bolted on boobs.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

It's more than that though. It's not just that he's using the "I quote" incorrectly, it's that his actual quote, in quotation marks, is itself incorrect.

And then there's the suggestion that Jake doesn't understand hyperbole? Like, he literally thinks "bolted-on-boobs" means something actually metal, hardware, screws, and the like? Like, he really genuinely doesn't get that that's a joke way of suggesting that they're breast implants, not natural breasts? Or he's chosen to pretend to not understand this, for some strange reason? Which seems unlikely, because that only makes Jake look stupid.

And this is made apparent by the fact that his posting it suggests that he actually believes that the troll is stupid enough to think that breast implants are held on with bolts and screws, and it's not just a manner of speech. He's posting this so that other people can laugh at the stupidity he sees in his misunderstanding of this joke as a serious descriptor.

This goes some ways to explaining the insane things that Jake says, with the ridiculous level of hyperbole.

Apparently, his lack of social interaction and possible autism are so pronounced that he interprets jokes seriously; he's entirely literal. If Jake hears that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, he's going to laugh and think to himself, that's ridiculous! They don't make houses out of glass!

It's incredible, I give Jake next to no credit, and I think of him as being a very stupid person, and then he goes and says something like this, and I realize that the depths of his stupidity go beyond what I expected.

He barely understands casual spoken English.

He interprets everything entirely literally, and then goes to pass on these incorrect literal interpretations to his Twitter followers, mocking the stupidity of comments which were never intended literally.

It's probably a mixture of Jake being quite thick, this sort of "over-literal-ness", and the fact that Jake rarely if ever interacts with another human being in person, someone who has his interests and his points of reference, so he doesn't understand the difference between written English and spoken english, and consequently completely misses jokes, sarcasm, hyperbole, and all the sorts of fun tricks of speech which make talking more than just a narrative play-by-play of literal events.

It would almost be sad, if he wasn't such a completely vindictive asshole.

That actually clarified a lot of my own thoughts, thanks!

I think part of it comes from him trying to use semantics to rules-lawyer things like if he was the GM of real life(twitter). "Bolt-on tits, haha, that's very funny, does that mean *blocks the person, leans closer to the keyboard* small birds have been literally riveted to the chest of a WOMAN!?"

He's a retard by choice, always has been.