Artcow Chris A. Fields

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wow
Never before I thought I'd see the concept of fecal armor outside of the realm of entomology. :cryblood:

Leave it to the internet to make everything weird.:semperfidelis:
I'd play this gemstone of wrong but I don't know if I have enough free time (how do would you play it? by forum posts, IRC, voice chat? never really played an RPG online), however I'd like to read whatever comes out from it. Just make sure to make it hilarious as it deserves, for posterity.
 
  • Semper Fidelis
Reactions: cumrobbery
wow
Never before I thought I'd see the concept of fecal armor outside of the realm of entomology. :cryblood:

Leave it to the internet to make everything weird.:semperfidelis:
I'd play this gemstone of wrong but I don't know if I have enough free time (how do would you play it? by forum posts, IRC, voice chat? never really played an RPG online), however I'd like to read whatever comes out from it. Just make sure to make it hilarious as it deserves, for posterity.
I use roll 20 a free online virtual tabletop.
 
I use roll 20 a free online virtual tabletop.
Ah I see, so it's like IRC where everyone needs to be at the same time? I'll pass in that case, but if you can generate logs I am interested to see what comes out of it.
Soldier on, everyone.
 
  • Agree
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I remember Black Tokyo being mention on 1d4chan.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Black_Tokyo
It reminds me of the Japanese hentai rpg Zettai Reido.
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Zettai_Reido (very NSFW)
1d4chan said:
There are also several supplements (these are the actual titles, we swear):

  • Eternal Pleasurance
  • Lewd Children"
  • Promiscuous Sexcipline
  • The Black Goat's Horny Banquet
  • Book of Sexual Creatures (this one has a table to roll on to determine what flavor of tentacle is probing your netters)
 
  • Winner
Reactions: cumrobbery and VLAD
Sorry I couldn't respond earlier. I am so joining in on this.
Also, is there a way to host the core rulebook so I can create a character without having to download it? I really don't want that on my computer.
 
Just say you have it on your computer so you can honeypot pervs or something.

On that note, since it's 3 AM and I said I'd get this done (even if I then dumped the books for everyone to gawk at), it's time for

CHRIS FIELDS FOR DUMMIES, PART II - Races Humans of Black Tokyo

Again, since this is going to be a text-heavy post, I will be making use of spoiler tags. I will copy and paste the race descriptions (if any are given), give commentary and mechanical benefits, and then list any alternate race features a given race may take. EDIT: I lied, this is going to be humans only. I'm lazy.

Humans - They're everywhere! They use the standard d20 basic line of bonus feats and bonus skills because they're the most adaptable. They can also benefit from (and/or your GM can force you to take) Cultural Templates, which give benefits and drawbacks corresponding to a specific background (did I mention that 'Otaku' is a specific thing you can play? Because it goddamn is).

Akuma - You are violent, ill-tempered, and prone to literally bursting into flames when you get angry. Trades the human bonus skills for +1 fire damage per successful melee attack and a +2 to Diplomacy checks against creatures with the Evil alignment, as your nature makes it easier to get along with the rest of creation's assholes.

Blood Immortal - You can't die! The description includes the phrase 'For some immortals, being murdered and returning to slay your killer is pleasure above any other, and they cum screamingly as they are disemboweled', but you can also play an angsty tragic immortal if you want. This replaces the human bonus feat, and there's a sidebar pointing out how broken this option is. Thanks, Fields!

Hannyo - Half-animal spirits. They all have something a little off about them (bird talons, fox ears, a tail, whatever), and trade the human bonus skill points for the scent ability and +1 to Handle Animal rolls. Fields is blessedly brief on how they are conceived.

Noppera-Bo - You have oni heritage somewhere, which has given you a unique trick and the sense of humor to think it's hilarious. Up to three times a day, you can spend a standard action to completely erase your facial features, letting you cast cause fear as a sorcerer of your level (in exchange for the standard human bonus skill points).

Prowess of Steel - You're good with swords, and you're good with swords too, ifyouknowwhatImean. Only males can take this feature, and it trades the human bonus skill points for a +1 bonus on attack rolls with two handed melee weapons, and a +4 bonus on Perform or Profession (sexual) checks.

Tenga-Ashina - You either have really long legs or really long arms, which give you a +10 ft bonus to your movement speed or +10 feet to your reach, respectively. Replaces human bonus skill points, and I imagine it's a reference to something (since it's not fetish bait), though Google has been less than helpful on the subject.

Umi-Nyobou - You're a fishwoman! Only females can take this, and it gives them the amphibious quality and a swim speed equal to your land speed in exchange for the human bonus skill points and counting as chaotic for the purposes of spells and other abilities.

Winter-Born - You were born during a supernatural blizzard, and retain some of its spirit - you have pale skin and white hair (and your carpet matches the drapes, Fields wants you to know). Minor creepiness aside, it's a loss of bonus skill points and a gain of the cold subtype and the ability to move around unhindered by snow and ice.

Yoki Blood [sic] - You are extra tainted by the demons, and this manifests as your blood being extra evil and occasionally forming black blisters on your chest and (sigh) gentials. You lose the human bonus skill points in exchange for the ability to deliberately invoke the power of your blood once per day, healing you and giving you a small strength boost in exchange for minor charisma damage.

Yuki-Ona [sic] - You were... born during a supernatural blizzard. Gives the cold subtype and a bonus to Stealth and Survival checks in snowy terrain. There's no downside, probably because this trait can be taken by a female of any race and Fields got lazy.

Ainu - jesus christ Fields. 'Ainu speak the language of beasts fluently, and are often considered little more than beasts themselves.' Bonuses to STR and WIS, penalties to INT because they're uneducated, bonuses to dealing with magical and regular animals and penalties if they kill one, despite the fact that they kind of hunt for survival, illiteracy. Clearly this was a thing that was completely necessary in a fucking sex game.

Burakumin - The lowest social caste, tasked with doing all the things considered unclean or impure. Discrimination against hereditary Burakumin is still an issue in parts of Japan, as an aside. In any case, Burakumin get a bonus to CON, bonuses against skatto magic and inhaled toxins, a bonus to the DC of any skatto magic they themselves cast, only require half the amount of food to survive because they're used to starving, and lowlight vision because they're used to going around at night to avoid people of a higher caste. They also have half the starting gold of regular characters and massive penalties to CHA-based checks against any character from another social caste.

Heimin - Your average farmer/peasant/merchant/artisan. Bonus to INT because they're clever, bonus to a certain type of craft skill, chosen at character generation, and the ability to buy common nonmagical goods much more cheaply than they would otherwise. On the other hand, they're forbidden from wearing armor or using exotic weapons, and people higher up on the social ladder don't really trust them.

Ninja - Good at ninja weapons, good at disguises, benefits from a permanent undetectable alignment, bonuses to DEX. If they get into a fight and people live to tell about it, they get a -2 penalty on attack rolls for 24 hours because their ninja feelings get hurt or something, and people who find out the character is a ninja treat them as evil for the purposes of spells and abilities, no matter what the ninja's alignment actually is.

Samuari [sic] - The social class, not the actual warrior type, though obviously there's a big overlap. Samurai are supposed to lawful; those who aren't are considered ronin (but still count as part of the samurai caste). Free proficiency with all types of armor, as well as all simple and martial weapons and the katana, the ability to meditate on the consequences of your actions for a free augury 1/day, a 3/day bonus to damage (and, bizarrely, a permanent penalty to hit) members of the lower castes, and a penalty on any skills not considered sufficiently honorable.

Nobility - The super important samurai guys. -STR, +INT, +CHA, the ability to roll twice on Diplomacy checks and take the better result, the ability to gain a scaling bonus to their intelligence after a minute's meditation, and penalties to their Will saves and initiative checks based on their level and how much they've invested in diplomacy, respectively, because they have divided loyalties and aren't combat-trained, respectively.

Imperial Family - Yep. +2 to all mental attributes, -2 CON. They can make their words serve as a command to members of the lower classes and buy expensive items (>10,000 GP) for a tenth of the cost. However, any member of the imperal family who acts dishonorably (touching a corpse, disobeying a member of the imperial family of higher rank, using dishonorable skills) becomes publicly disgraced and is counted as only having one hit point per hit die for twenty-four hours.

For non-caste templates, we have:

Child Offender - Not like Sick Nick, thank god, but a child who 'committed horrible, sensationalized crimes at such a young age that instead of a death sentence or a lifetime in prison they were sentenced to a few years of juvenile commitment'. Apparently Japan thinks that rehabilitation is better in such cases, and apparently Fields thinks a former child killer is an entirely appropriate character concept. They're really good at intimidating people and can flip out once a day and do level-based extra damage on an attack. In exchange, they're legally forbidden from owning dangerous weapons, and it's harder for them to buy such things on the black market.

Freeter - NEETs, basically. More charismatic than the average person, for some reason, but less wise. They're good at finding bargains and usually have rich friends to help them buy shit, but automatically fail checks to earn a living, and have a cap on the amount of wealth they can have, which for some reason still uses d2o modern mechanics even though I'm pretty sure this is the Pathfinder version.

Gyaru - These ladies. Female-only, bonuses to CHA and finding deals on clothing, penalties to STR (because they 'refuse to bulk up') and dealing with old people. They also get cumulative bonuses on Will and Reflex saves for every other allied gyaru character in 100 feet, which is actually kind of neat. I'd play a game about gyarus kicking the shit out of monsters, but I wouldn't play it in fucking Black Tokyo.

Idols - Other than the fact that Fields keeps pointing out how chastely sexy and virginal they're supposed to be, this is remarkably free of creepy. Gives a charisma bonus and the ability to replace a die roll of 1-9 on a Perform check with a roll of 10 instead. In exchange, they get a -5 penalty to CHA-based skill checks against people familiar with their career for 2d4 days if they're found acting 'inappropriately' - anything from holding hands with a boy to practicing skatto magic counts. Both males and females can be idols, incidentally.

Otaku - Yep, this is still a thing. +INT because ahahahahaahahaha otaku are smart ahahahaahaha, -CON. They automatically succeed on Knowledge (pop culture) and Knowledge (technology) rolls, get a hefty -10 penalty to Diplomacy checks (against non-Otaku), non-pop culture, -religion, or -technology Knowledge checks, and Profession checks to make a living. They also get bonus skill points for taking hentai feats or hentai classes. *sigh*

Next time: More races! Be a radish grater! Be a kawaii little god! Be an animal-fucking dwarf! Let me know if these are boring, and I'll stop. Happily.
 
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Just say you have it on your computer so you can honeypot pervs or something.

On that note, since it's 3 AM and I said I'd get this done (even if I then dumped the books for everyone to gawk at), it's time for

CHRIS FIELDS FOR DUMMIES, PART II - Races Humans of Black Tokyo

Again, since this is going to be a text-heavy post, I will be making use of spoiler tags. I will copy and paste the race descriptions (if any are given), give commentary and mechanical benefits, and then list any alternate race features a given race may take. EDIT: I lied, this is going to be humans only. I'm lazy.

Humans - They're everywhere! They use the standard d20 basic line of bonus feats and bonus skills because they're the most adaptable. They can also benefit from (and/or your GM can force you to take) Cultural Templates, which give benefits and drawbacks corresponding to a specific background (did I mention that 'Otaku' is a specific thing you can play? Because it goddamn is).

Akuma - You are violent, ill-tempered, and prone to literally bursting into flames when you get angry. Trades the human bonus skills for +1 fire damage per successful melee attack and a +2 to Diplomacy checks against creatures with the Evil alignment, as your nature makes it easier to get along with the rest of creation's assholes.

Blood Immortal - You can't die! The description includes the phrase 'For some immortals, being murdered and returning to slay your killer is pleasure above any other, and they cum screamingly as they are disemboweled', but you can also play an angsty tragic immortal if you want. This replaces the human bonus feat, and there's a sidebar pointing out how broken this option is. Thanks, Fields!

Hannyo - Half-animal spirits. They all have something a little off about them (bird talons, fox ears, a tail, whatever), and trade the human bonus skill points for the scent ability and +1 to Handle Animal rolls. Fields is blessedly brief on how they are conceived.

Noppera-Bo - You have oni heritage somewhere, which has given you a unique trick and the sense of humor to think it's hilarious. Up to three times a day, you can spend a standard action to completely erase your facial features, letting you cast cause fear as a sorcerer of your level (in exchange for the standard human bonus skill points).

Prowess of Steel - You're good with swords, and you're good with swords too, ifyouknowwhatImean. Only males can take this feature, and it trades the human bonus skill points for a +1 bonus on attack rolls with two handed melee weapons, and a +4 bonus on Perform or Profession (sexual) checks.

Tenga-Ashina - You either have really long legs or really long arms, which give you a +10 ft bonus to your movement speed or +10 feet to your reach, respectively. Replaces human bonus skill points, and I imagine it's a reference to something (since it's not fetish bait), though Google has been less than helpful on the subject.

Umi-Nyobou - You're a fishwoman! Only females can take this, and it gives them the amphibious quality and a swim speed equal to your land speed in exchange for the human bonus skill points and counting as chaotic for the purposes of spells and other abilities.

Winter-Born - You were born during a supernatural blizzard, and retain some of its spirit - you have pale skin and white hair (and your carpet matches the drapes, Fields wants you to know). Minor creepiness aside, it's a loss of bonus skill points and a gain of the cold subtype and the ability to move around unhindered by snow and ice.

Yoki Blood [sic] - You are extra tainted by the demons, and this manifests as your blood being extra evil and occasionally forming black blisters on your chest and (sigh) gentials. You lose the human bonus skill points in exchange for the ability to deliberately invoke the power of your blood once per day, healing you and giving you a small strength boost in exchange for minor charisma damage.

Yuki-Ona [sic] - You were... born during a supernatural blizzard. Gives the cold subtype and a bonus to Stealth and Survival checks in snowy terrain. There's no downside, probably because this trait can be taken by a female of any race and Fields got lazy.

Ainu - jesus christ Fields. 'Ainu speak the language of beasts fluently, and are often considered little more than beasts themselves.' Bonuses to STR and WIS, penalties to INT because they're uneducated, bonuses to dealing with magical and regular animals and penalties if they kill one, despite the fact that they kind of hunt for survival, illiteracy. Clearly this was a thing that was completely necessary in a fucking sex game.

Burakumin - The lowest social caste, tasked with doing all the things considered unclean or impure. Discrimination against hereditary Burakumin is still an issue in parts of Japan, as an aside. In any case, Burakumin get a bonus to CON, bonuses against skatto magic and inhaled toxins, a bonus to the DC of any skatto magic they themselves cast, only require half the amount of food to survive because they're used to starving, and lowlight vision because they're used to going around at night to avoid people of a higher caste. They also have half the starting gold of regular characters and massive penalties to CHA-based checks against any character from another social caste.

Heimin - Your average farmer/peasant/merchant/artisan. Bonus to INT because they're clever, bonus to a certain type of craft skill, chosen at character generation, and the ability to buy common nonmagical goods much more cheaply than they would otherwise. On the other hand, they're forbidden from wearing armor or using exotic weapons, and people higher up on the social ladder don't really trust them.

Ninja - Good at ninja weapons, good at disguises, benefits from a permanent undetectable alignment, bonuses to DEX. If they get into a fight and people live to tell about it, they get a -2 penalty on attack rolls for 24 hours because their ninja feelings get hurt or something, and people who find out the character is a ninja treat them as evil for the purposes of spells and abilities, no matter what the ninja's alignment actually is.

Samuari [sic] - The social class, not the actual warrior type, though obviously there's a big overlap. Samurai are supposed to lawful; those who aren't are considered ronin (but still count as part of the samurai caste). Free proficiency with all types of armor, as well as all simple and martial weapons and the katana, the ability to meditate on the consequences of your actions for a free augury 1/day, a 3/day bonus to damage (and, bizarrely, a permanent penalty to hit) members of the lower castes, and a penalty on any skills not considered sufficiently honorable.

Nobility - The super important samurai guys. -STR, +INT, +CHA, the ability to roll twice on Diplomacy checks and take the better result, the ability to gain a scaling bonus to their intelligence after a minute's meditation, and penalties to their Will saves and initiative checks based on their level and how much they've invested in diplomacy, respectively, because they have divided loyalties and aren't combat-trained, respectively.

Imperial Family - Yep. +2 to all mental attributes, -2 CON. They can make their words serve as a command to members of the lower classes and buy expensive items (>10,000 GP) for a tenth of the cost. However, any member of the imperal family who acts dishonorably (touching a corpse, disobeying a member of the imperial family of higher rank, using dishonorable skills) becomes publicly disgraced and is counted as only having one hit point per hit die for twenty-four hours.

For non-caste templates, we have:

Child Offender - Not like Sick Nick, thank god, but a child who 'committed horrible, sensationalized crimes at such a young age that instead of a death sentence or a lifetime in prison they were sentenced to a few years of juvenile commitment'. Apparently Japan thinks that rehabilitation is better in such cases, and apparently Fields thinks a former child killer is an entirely appropriate character concept. They're really good at intimidating people and can flip out once a day and do level-based extra damage on an attack. In exchange, they're legally forbidden from owning dangerous weapons, and it's harder for them to buy such things on the black market.

Freeter - NEETs, basically. More charismatic than the average person, for some reason, but less wise. They're good at finding bargains and usually have rich friends to help them buy shit, but automatically fail checks to earn a living, and have a cap on the amount of wealth they can have, which for some reason still uses d2o modern mechanics even though I'm pretty sure this is the Pathfinder version.

Gyaru - These ladies. Female-only, bonuses to CHA and finding deals on clothing, penalties to STR (because they 'refuse to bulk up') and dealing with old people. They also get cumulative bonuses on Will and Reflex saves for every other allied gyaru character in 100 feet, which is actually kind of neat. I'd play a game about gyarus kicking the shit out of monsters, but I wouldn't play it in fucking Black Tokyo.

Idols - Other than the fact that Fields keeps pointing out how chastely sexy and virginal they're supposed to be, this is remarkably free of creepy. Gives a charisma bonus and the ability to replace a die roll of 1-9 on a Perform check with a roll of 10 instead. In exchange, they get a -5 penalty to CHA-based skill checks against people familiar with their career for 2d4 days if they're found acting 'inappropriately' - anything from holding hands with a boy to practicing skatto magic counts. Both males and females can be idols, incidentally.

Otaku - Yep, this is still a thing. +INT because ahahahahaahahaha otaku are smart ahahahaahaha, -CON. They automatically succeed on Knowledge (pop culture) and Knowledge (technology) rolls, get a hefty -10 penalty to Diplomacy checks (against non-Otaku), non-pop culture, -religion, or -technology Knowledge checks, and Profession checks to make a living. They also get bonus skill points for taking hentai feats or hentai classes. *sigh*

Next time: More races! Be a radish grater! Be a kawaii little god! Be an animal-fucking dwarf! Let me know if these are boring, and I'll stop. Happily.

That "Ainu" bit made me cringe pretty hard. Granted, he's portraying a fucked up universe, so I'll give him a little leeway there, but shit, the Ainu get a lot of IRL racism and prejudice, so that description is just cringe worthy considering the IRL implications.
 
I'm tempted to join in on this game, but I've never really played TRPGs before and I have a feeling that this would be like jumping into a cesspool to learn how to swim. :(

I would honestly not recommend most d20 games as babby's first, but this one especially. Then again, if you start with this, it's highly likely everything you ever play will be better.
 
Winter-Born - You were born during a supernatural blizzard, and retain some of its spirit - you have pale skin and white hair (and your carpet matches the drapes, Fields wants you to know). Minor creepiness aside, it's a loss of bonus skill points and a gain of the cold subtype and the ability to move around unhindered by snow and ice.
https://sneed-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/78/09/71/7809712dd9efb0f836eea12a218a7722.jpg

EDIT: So I downloaded some of the Black Tokyo stuff and thumbed through it. ... Uhh...

7wPpQZc.png
 
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If you use shit armor, what would blacksmith say when you shell it out for repair?
"What is that smell!?"

I keep saying just use leather or metal as armor like a non-asshole.
If this douchenozzle would skip the shit/piss fixation and the loli/rape fixation he'd have........a mediocre d20 supplement. Also, he needs to run his text through a fucking spellchecker.
Nothing should go to press with THAT many typos.

:cryblood: WHY DID THEY HAVE TO ILLUSTRATE THAT?! :cryblood:
Because he's a dickbag who wants you to enter his magical realm; and his magical realm is his mommy's twunt.
 
https://sneed-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/78/09/71/7809712dd9efb0f836eea12a218a7722.jpg

EDIT: So I downloaded some of the Black Tokyo stuff and thumbed through it. ... Uhh...

7wPpQZc.png

Dammit, Sanae, I was getting there!

(and yes, shit like this is what I'm sparing you by giving the writeup instead of including pictures)
 
Found this puke inducing gem in the "Chastity and Depravity sidebook:

Playful Little Loli General SU)
Your body is as slender and hairless as a little girl’s, and you use your lithe, pure beauty to your advantage.
Prerequisite: Lolita Tease
Benefit: You resemble a young pre-teen, and know how to use your size to your advantage. You receive a +2 bonus to your CHA score, and a -2 penalty to your STR score. Though you remain your base size, you are treated as being one size category smaller, when doing so would benefit you. Though Medium sized, you are the lowest end of height and weight norms, gaining a +1 size bonus to attack rolls and armor class, and a +4 size bonus on Hide checks. You do not suffer a size penalty.
 
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