- Joined
- Apr 19, 2015
My fucking sides right now, you guys.
I feel unclean, after thinking all of that over.
My first thought.
My intermediary thought.
My after-thoughts.
Isn't that what he's going through already? "Take me seriously! Recognize my talent!"
This would make a great anti-drug PSA. "Hey, kids. Do you think drugs are cool? Watch this man make out with a plushie of a pony on camera. Know how we got that footage? He uploaded it to Youtube. Know what you'd do on drugs? Stupid shit like this. Don't do drugs."
Did you draw this? Whether you did or not, that was pretty damn funny.
0:00
One second in, can already see he's high off his ass. That's got to be a new record.
0:35
Oh, great, he's going to speak to us now.
0:44
"I'm in Equestria! I'm making out with two hot stallions! I'm not just high and nearly naked, dancing around madly and imagining that this is happening! No, I really went to Equestria! The plushies I'm holding are actually two unicorn stallions, and we're having a sexy orgy!" For fuck's sake. I'm caught between laughing and cringing. And... on a sort of related note, does anyone else find it strange that these gay ponylovers - Jin and Tax - both like unicorns? Not to be presumptuous, but... the horns. I think they like the horns. And what's with the Gollum voice again? "Yeeeessss, Taxxy gets ALL the hot guys, yeeeeesssss!"
0:57
And back to the dancing. I'm not sure which is more awkward, him rambling about the hot unicorn plushies he's kissing or dancing with them.
1:18
He's put down the plushies! Quickly, someone reach through the screen and rescue those poor things from being molested!
1:38
"I am Count Taxmanula! I have come to suck... and nothing else." The look he gives the camera when he rises up there reminds me of the guy at about 0:30 in this video:
1:51
Pause video, fullscreen, take screenshot, submit to some website with no caption. See what happens.
1:58
"That's not what I look like." It's confirmed, Taxman believes he's in Equestria and the image on the computer screen is just making up lies about him. As most untampered-with video recording cameras are known to do.
2:12
Collegehumor once asked, "Can pony toys get violated?" I think this is a very clear sign that they can.
2:22
Is he trying to eat that plushie or kiss it?
2:30
I know I'm leaving comments every few seconds, but this is so awkward and disturbing that I simply must. Thus begins a good twenty seconds or so of this naked man kissing a plushie in front of the internet...
3:24
Someone call the cops, he smacked his boyfriend. It's domestic abuse!
3:28
"Dance with me, tiny plushie who cannot reciprocate my obsession which I call "love" because you are a plushie!" Is he even dancing, or just jogging in place?
4:00
Rarity's sitting there unmoving as she watches Tax give these two poor plushies Stockholm Syndrome. She's the veteran plushie of the household, she knows there's no escape.
4:32
Another kiss for the Shining plushie. Wouldn't this count as, umm... cheating, on the Curio plushie?
5:00
Shining is glaring at the camera, desperately hoping no one sees this.
5:35
"Cadance, I want to steal your husband." Sounds pretty faithful to me. I think he says a few seconds later that her husband's "better than [his]," but I'm positive I didn't hear that right.
6:40
"Us, together. Taxxy and Curio. We make a lovely couple! Yeeeessssssss." Yes, indeed, a psychotic wild-eyed naked stick figure and a plushie is a match made in Heaven.
7:10
RIP, headphone users.
8:33
Ha! Joke's on you, my ears are already bleeding.
9:00
Not only did he bring his horn to a pub, not only does he come to a conclusion about what team he likes based on race, not only does he bring up the Holocaust for a moment there, but he does it all in the Gollum voice. This guy could be his own one-man show.
9:45
Oh my God. WATER. HE DOES DRINK SOMETHING OTHER THAN ALCOHOL! IT'S A MIRACLE, YOU GUYS!
11:00
"The grass outside is me. [My body] is not me." Hmm. Strange, but... stupid.
12:15
"I am the God! Kyle the Avatar, flowing through time and space!" Sounds about right.
I'm losing my touch with these comments on account of stupidity overload. Time to wrap up.
Near the end, he goes on about how he loves unicorns (I knew it!) and attacks his Shining plushie some more, as well as licking and attempting to eat Curio's mane. I guess he'd like him better bald. Anyway, after giving the creepiest goddamn face to the camera at the end and muttering unintelligibly, he stops recording and the video ends. This is about as absurd as it seems, but nevertheless, it's happening.
One second in, can already see he's high off his ass. That's got to be a new record.
0:35
Oh, great, he's going to speak to us now.
0:44
"I'm in Equestria! I'm making out with two hot stallions! I'm not just high and nearly naked, dancing around madly and imagining that this is happening! No, I really went to Equestria! The plushies I'm holding are actually two unicorn stallions, and we're having a sexy orgy!" For fuck's sake. I'm caught between laughing and cringing. And... on a sort of related note, does anyone else find it strange that these gay ponylovers - Jin and Tax - both like unicorns? Not to be presumptuous, but... the horns. I think they like the horns. And what's with the Gollum voice again? "Yeeeessss, Taxxy gets ALL the hot guys, yeeeeesssss!"
0:57
And back to the dancing. I'm not sure which is more awkward, him rambling about the hot unicorn plushies he's kissing or dancing with them.
1:18
He's put down the plushies! Quickly, someone reach through the screen and rescue those poor things from being molested!
1:38
"I am Count Taxmanula! I have come to suck... and nothing else." The look he gives the camera when he rises up there reminds me of the guy at about 0:30 in this video:
1:51
Pause video, fullscreen, take screenshot, submit to some website with no caption. See what happens.
1:58
"That's not what I look like." It's confirmed, Taxman believes he's in Equestria and the image on the computer screen is just making up lies about him. As most untampered-with video recording cameras are known to do.
2:12
Collegehumor once asked, "Can pony toys get violated?" I think this is a very clear sign that they can.
2:22
Is he trying to eat that plushie or kiss it?
2:30
I know I'm leaving comments every few seconds, but this is so awkward and disturbing that I simply must. Thus begins a good twenty seconds or so of this naked man kissing a plushie in front of the internet...
3:24
Someone call the cops, he smacked his boyfriend. It's domestic abuse!
3:28
"Dance with me, tiny plushie who cannot reciprocate my obsession which I call "love" because you are a plushie!" Is he even dancing, or just jogging in place?
4:00
Rarity's sitting there unmoving as she watches Tax give these two poor plushies Stockholm Syndrome. She's the veteran plushie of the household, she knows there's no escape.
4:32
Another kiss for the Shining plushie. Wouldn't this count as, umm... cheating, on the Curio plushie?
5:00
Shining is glaring at the camera, desperately hoping no one sees this.
5:35
"Cadance, I want to steal your husband." Sounds pretty faithful to me. I think he says a few seconds later that her husband's "better than [his]," but I'm positive I didn't hear that right.
6:40
"Us, together. Taxxy and Curio. We make a lovely couple! Yeeeessssssss." Yes, indeed, a psychotic wild-eyed naked stick figure and a plushie is a match made in Heaven.
7:10
RIP, headphone users.
8:33
Ha! Joke's on you, my ears are already bleeding.
9:00
Not only did he bring his horn to a pub, not only does he come to a conclusion about what team he likes based on race, not only does he bring up the Holocaust for a moment there, but he does it all in the Gollum voice. This guy could be his own one-man show.
9:45
Oh my God. WATER. HE DOES DRINK SOMETHING OTHER THAN ALCOHOL! IT'S A MIRACLE, YOU GUYS!
11:00
"The grass outside is me. [My body] is not me." Hmm. Strange, but... stupid.
12:15
"I am the God! Kyle the Avatar, flowing through time and space!" Sounds about right.
I'm losing my touch with these comments on account of stupidity overload. Time to wrap up.
Near the end, he goes on about how he loves unicorns (I knew it!) and attacks his Shining plushie some more, as well as licking and attempting to eat Curio's mane. I guess he'd like him better bald. Anyway, after giving the creepiest goddamn face to the camera at the end and muttering unintelligibly, he stops recording and the video ends. This is about as absurd as it seems, but nevertheless, it's happening.
I feel unclean, after thinking all of that over.
My first thought.
My intermediary thought.
My after-thoughts.
Isn't that what he's going through already? "Take me seriously! Recognize my talent!"
This would make a great anti-drug PSA. "Hey, kids. Do you think drugs are cool? Watch this man make out with a plushie of a pony on camera. Know how we got that footage? He uploaded it to Youtube. Know what you'd do on drugs? Stupid shit like this. Don't do drugs."
Pictured: Taxman's Equestrian job, scaring the baby horses away from drinking
Did you draw this? Whether you did or not, that was pretty damn funny.
)