You suddenly appear in an unremarkable social outcast's room, circa December 2007. Although the blinds are open, the warm glow of a bulky plastic PC is the only light source in the room, which is lightly strewn with empty bottles, used napkins, and worn clothes. Although you are an intruder, your new friend senses you are harmless, and beckons you closer. At any rate, he is fortunate to have someone to spend the quiet afternoon with.
"Hey."
"H-hey."
"It's a nice day outside. What are you doing here on your own?"
"Just browsing /v/. CWC just posted his Future Message, or some shit, and we're all laughing at it right now. I mean, he just told everyone to go rub My Little Pony figures all over themselves and pretend they're some girl they like, like, who does that shit?"
"...You'd be surprised. Listen, you might not believe this, but I've got a little 'Future Message' of my own, because for one, I can tell you're all gonna get eaten alive in a couple years if this is what shocks you, and for two, I really have nothing better to do. You cool with that?"
"Um, I mean, sure."
"Wonderful. Let's start out with some background info. What's going on with the government right now?"
"Uhh... it looks like Bush is on his way out. People are still mad at him over Katrina and the Middle East, and a lot of Obama shills are online-"
"Oh, you mean the Antichrist?"
"Dude, what the fuck? You can't go out saying that shit! I mean, I'm all in on Ron Paul myself, but honestly anyone's better than who we have right now!"
"Debatable. But speaking of 'that shit', how's the Westboro Baptist Church doing?"
"I-I mean, they're picketing. They're on the news sometimes. I think they're funny, but I don't take them too seriously. Honestly, I just think they're in it for the attention, kind of like-"
"They're right."
"What?"
"No, I'm serious. They were right about everything. Atheists, Jews, Muslims, transgender people, the whole enchilada. God really does hate fags and they basically control everything where I'm from."
"You mean the people who are trying to get married like everyone else?"
"Wait, is that all they're trying to do right now?"
"...Yeah, why?"
"...They get a little more than that. Actually, gay people aren't even the least of our concerns right now. A full 3/4 of the LGBT do get to live their lives like everyone else. It's the remaining quarter that's going to kill us all."
"You mean transgenders?"
"Yeah, you know what, fuck it, I'm just going to drop the whole bomb on you now. There is an unbelievably entrenched transgender agenda being enforced both globally and in our own country right now, backed by nearly all levels of federal and state government, funded by economic sources that would make Hitler piss himself, and acted upon by your own doctors and nurses. Our most famous advocate is a crossdressing young boy who actively prostitutes himself on video for money to the adoration of literal millions, and no, you can't speak out about any of this, or else you get followed, doxxed, and assaulted in your own home."
"Wait, what the fuck?"
"Yeah. Also, NWO is real, and I don't mean the wrestling thing, I mean in the future it is proven fact that global power is held by a shrinking cabal of global leaders who manipulate media, the economy, and national governments to consolidate power for themselves. You're actually already seeing this right now with the UN. Where I'm from they're going in hard on this one plan where you own nothing, eat bugs and live in pods, and you won't fight back because you're too doped up to care. It's working."
"What? Okay, even if you're right, why isn't anyone fighting back?"
"Oh, most of us don't care. A lot of us spend our time online and make jokes about this stuff like it's normal. It turns out that people can put up with a lot if they're distracted."
"No, this is bullshit. You can't seriously tell me that all those crazy Christian nutjobs were right."
"Oh yeah? How about this: the two sexes are currently pitted against each other so hard that militant gender extremism is now a viable point of discussion in our society. The entire concept of family is fucking dead where I'm from, God might as well be, too, children are growing up without any role models to raise them, and mass Third World immigration is actively underway to replace the demographic slump, which is why the world is going to shit right fucking now."
"Dude, calm down, those are literally only conspiracy theories on the Internet. Like, I don't even believe them. You can't believe everything you read on the Internet, right?"
"No, you definitely can, and it turns out that they're basically prophecy etched in stone, because all of them are actually happening in reality right this minute."
"Okay, schizo, I'm sorry, but this is too hard to believe. Next you're going to tell me that aliens are real and they're living among us."
"Last month the Department of Defense released a report unequivocally stating UFOs to be a threat to national security. Also, please never say those last two words again."
"..."
"...Yeah."
"I... I'm sorry, this is just way too much to handle right now."
"I know. Wanna know how that autist on your screen relates to all of this?"
"I.. Sure. Whatever."
"You know Twitter, right? In ten years, that little site will be both battleground and weapon in a national legal war deciding the freedom of the Internet itself. Right now, it's being used as a de facto propaganda tool espousing all of the shit I just told you about that's just about killed the world as you know it in my time. Of those, trannies are front and center as the 'movement's' poster children and most outspoken advocates. With official support from both corporations and the legal system, they've managed to silence nearly all organized opposition against them, and currently make up a significant portion of academia and the arts, where they continue spreading the Antichrist's message."
"So now what?"
"That man, that fucking high-functioning autist over there causes them to turn against each other across almost all of Twitter. Where I'm from right now, they've split off into factions and are currently turning on themselves as we speak. Shitposters, who are now somehow our current champions for traditional living and long-lost American principles of freedom of expression, are taking advantage of this to delegitimize the movement as a whole and reclaim power for themselves."
"Huh?"
"Yeah, seriously. A lot of them are grifters, but some of them actually think we've gone too far as a society, and are all too happy to use this as a stepping stone to return to what they see as a simpler and less politically charged way of life. Which, if you haven't figured out, is not where your future lies right now."
"And how does he do that?"
"By gaining a massive online following, publicly transitioning, and then raping his elderly mother over the course of a month and stealing money from her in direct violation of federal law."
"And you're telling me this is a good thing?"
"Well, it does do a number on the whole tranny thing, which isn't too bad when you think about it. It does raise a couple of good questions about the grand scheme of things, though..."
"You're telling me that Sonichu saves America?"
"I'm not, but you know what, if it does, I wouldn't even be fucking surprised."
"So... what do we do now?"
"I don't know. Hey, do you have anything to drink?"
"I have some Halo-themed Mountain Dew Game Fuel that I bought a couple months ago for a LAN party. It's in the fridge if you want it."
"Is that thread still active?"
"Yeah, and with 92 new posts, too."
"...I think I know what we can do."
