Dana pastes a link to her Sumerian crap in the description.
https://etcsl.orinst.ox.ac.uk/section1/tr112.htm
Disabled ratings and comments.
26 Minutes...
Black shirt Dana, major fivehead on display in the bedroom.
Sperging about the creation of man. (Wow, I'm blown away that it didn't take Dana 30 minutes to get to the point there.)
The Bible is wrong, because Dana's Banana-Paganism means she's the authority on all things Christian.
"However, for those students of history... ancient history, in particular..." - Dana "Ancient Aliens" Marie
Ok Sumer.
Sumerians invented time, astrology and astronomy (These are identical in Danaland), writing, schools, roads, sailing, copper-smelting and agriculture.
Enki had lots of crazy bitches from Venus.
Dana much like all grand wizards uses Google.
Dana is so fucking clueless she can't describe the story as anything but "interesting".
Ninmah = Ninhursag (Dana's new bestie, IDK, maybe Banana cheated on her?)
Banana and Ninhursag are basically the same person by Dana's own theme-obsessed lore.
(Dana can barely get a full sentence in without stopping, the sad thing is she isn't even drunk.)
Something about supremacy over Earth by gods.
Gods didn't get the asspats they deserve.
Everyone believes in the Garden of Eden story. (Because Dana probably hasn't encountered someone who wasn't a WASP in fucking years.)
Dana talks about science, seems to not believe in evolution.
"The truth is, there's no way that we could have gotten this far, in this short amount of time..." - Dana, who hasn't invented shit so is deciding nobody else did either
Only the Great Vagoo (or whatever the fuck Dana worships) could make technology.
UGH, Sumer lore...
Girl power shit about wamen making humanity, even though Enki did everything.
Dana starts reading. (She'd do a great audio book of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.)
"Taken in marriage, hmm! Seems like the goddesses were, struggling, just as much as Earthly women..." (YOU'RE SO SUBTLE, DANA!!! LIKE, WOW...)
Dana takes offense at the goddesses being "distributed" to spouses. (Didn't you imply Mike was distributed to you be the Great Vagoo?)
Dana makes tard noises whenever she gives her smug "hmm".
The undefined "senior gods" made dinner. (I do hope it was Dana's crunchy lasagna.)
(This translation is dreadful, but there is no way Dana is actually learning a dead language, you know, like actual religious scholars and "students of history" actually do? You fucking dolt!)
Gods made some canals, complained that their life kind of sucked.
Enki was the OG god, didn't have to dig a hole.
There's now another level of gods in the Bananaverse? (Enki's mother, Namma.)
Enki's mother bitches at him for sleeping in. (Just like Dana chucking wine bottles at Alex when he was playing guitar during her drinking hours, IDK, that probably happened, I guess...)
Enki is a lazy asshole.
Enki seemingly has a personal stylist, or something.
Something about putting clay in baskets as a busywork project, or something.
Carry those baskets, Dana!
More proper nouns ensue over dinner.
Dana still can't say any of their names correctly without pausing.
Enki and Ninmah drank together.
Dana finds another pattern, Enki drank with a lot of people. (Indirectly this makes Banana sound even more pathetic as Dana uses this shit all the time to the same pathetic degree.)
Men can be good or bad, because Enki.
Ninmah made men with "weak hands".
The first man was a slave. (Given this translation is crap, slave is likely a more accurate translation from a historical perspective than servant.)
Something about music and a man that turned away from the light.
Ninmah made a disabled man next. (I think she just kind of sucks ass at arts and crafts.)
Dana loses her place in the plot.
Disabled man gets to be a silversmith.
"...and she fashioned one, a third one, born as an idiot..." - Dana, making a cameo appearance in the Bananaverse
The idiot is also a servant/slave.
Ninmah made another person with urinary incontinence.
Also a barren woman who got to be the weaver servant/slave.
(So far the moral of the story is that if you're lazy, you probably need a slave.)
"Understand these are translations, so, some of the lines have been, destroyed..." - Dana "Plot Hole" Marie
"If it seems, disjointed? Well, that's because it is!" - Dana, blaming people who have been dead for like 4,000 years for her idiotic plotline
Dana reads between the lines, despite being borderline illiterate.
Ninmah made a hermaphrodite.
Dana talks about dickless wonder man by reading the lines.
Ninmah is implied to have ripped his penis off.
Enki wanted to try making some people of his own with horrible deformities.
Enki made a clay vagina. (I like how even Dana's characters are fucking psychos.)
Enki asked Ninmah for some semen? (You know, as one does ask of a goddess...)
Everything sucked for the dude that came out of the clay vagina Ninmah shot her load into.
Enki purposely made someone seemingly disabled in every possible way, this gets a smug snort from Dana, because psycho.
Making up fates for the horrific failed experiments at creating disabled people out of clay...
Umul, the man from the clay vagina can't sit, stand, lie down or even eat.
"The man you have fashioned is neither alive nor dead. He cannot support himself..." - Ninmah, kind of stating the obvious here
Weak handed man, light turning man, disabled man, urinary incontinence man, the barren woman and the hermaphrodite all got bread.
Somehow Heaven and Earth are concepts in this origin story that predates at least one of those concepts.
"You entered... Look, you do not dwell in heaven, you do not dwell on earth, you do not come out to look at the Land. Where you do not dwell but where my house is built, your words cannot be heard. Where you do not live but where my city is built, I myself am silenced. My city is ruined, my house is destroyed, my child has been taken captive. I am a fugitive who has had to leave the E-kur, even I myself could not escape from your hand."
(Are we about to get another Skip story?)
Dana loses the plot completely
"Today, let my penis be praised, may your wisdom be confirmed." (I think I found out what Dana wants to put on Mike's tombstone...)
More sperging, Ninmah sucked compared to Enki.
Apparently this was a drunk bet between Enki and Ninmah.
"All of the being, however imperfect they were..." (They purposely made people disabled, your gods are all shitbags, Dana.)
The disabled people just need people to save them.
Acknowledges that Uruk (The completely fucked one who didn't get bread.) was an abject failure because Enki doesn't have vagina powers. (Safe to say he's an idiot because he asked a woman for a sperm sample...)
Ninmah is Dana's newest strawman feminist avatar.
Disabled people aren't really alive, according to Dana.
Magic of vaginas from Dana "Mancave" Marie
Sperm talk.
The greatest act of alchemy is pregnancy.
This story speaks to Dana because everyone is an inept retard and it glorifies her vagina complex.
Genesis in the Bible makes no sense to Dana. (Presumably because she already fucked up retconning that one...)
Dana has a "habit of questioning the status quo...". (Well, you don't get a DUI for following the rules...)
"Having a brain in my head... and, actually considering carefully and, thoughtfully..." - Dana "Status Crap" Marie
The missing parts of the Sumerian crap Dana talks about were intentional and part of he messiah complex.
Dana seemingly can't understand any story unless half of it is missing and it involves penis.
(Funny how this doesn't seem to mention anything similar to the Adam's rib issue she uses as a usual gambit for her feminist supremacy larps.)
Mythology is similar to other mythologies. (It's called a theme, Dana, you like to pretend you're a writer, FIGURE IT OUT.)
"And, this, is, true... and factual, and, it is history..." - Dana "Banana Is the Best OC" Marie
Anyone who rejects Dana's larp is an idiot and hasn't FIGURED IT OUT.
"If you dismiss the Sumerian's and their mythology, then you are definitely going to have to dismiss the entire Bible, Christians!" - Dana "Debate Club" Marie
Dana, as a fake-Christian, implies that nobody in the world is Christian but her because of the Bananaverse.
Dana's kissing-cousin Jesus would have been into the Bananaverse lore, you guiz!
Dana seems bored of her own lore, but then doubles down and says she wants to do more larping instead of her usual hater rants.
"Because, I'm not trying to take Jesus off the throne..." - Dana "Toilet Troubles" Marie, who just fucking did
Dana still can't name anywhere but Sumeria and Babylon.
Dana flexes on people who actually study religion and don't just google magic vaginas.
Dana gives a shrug, this somehow proves her religious canon is the only one that actually exists?
Hoping/coping someone joins the cult of Banana.
"Because, let's face it, the Bible? Begs a lot of questions..." - Dana "Bible Buffet" Marie
The Bible was redacted, but still deserves respect, despite Dana doing nothing to that effect.
Dana's multiple pantheons are neverending and never explained.
"Our slavery, here on Earth, was always illegal!" - Dana, seemingly trying to Karen God
"Because, if they, believe themselves to be free, then certainly their children, were created to be free!" - Dana, despite her trademark parenting style of sabotaging your kid's wedding for no reason
Enki is the best god.
Enki loved his new slaves, not enough to unfuck their disabilities though...
Dana seems to screw up the story, implies the slaves were just sentient clay statues that Enki actually gave life.
Enki is totally caring and responsible, you guiz!
Because Dana believes her own shit, she's immortal because Enki is still alive. (I wonder if she'll run into him at Big Lots...)
(If so, this is a very convenient way of cheating on Mike...)
Dana wants people to do their own research. (You know there will be Hell to pay if you don't come to a conclusion more retarded than hers.)
Banana matters because Enki seemingly did keep disabled people as slaves forever.
Humanity is striving for it's own independence, for some reason this is a good thing despite it probably going against Enki's weird and pointless plans.
Dana insists this boring story isn't actually boring, you guiz!
"And, if, you're thinkin' about this, you might not be thinkin' about how much you hate me, and what a terrible person I am." - Dana "Narcissism" Marie
Talkin' about haters, thinks they actively plot against her.
Talks about karma, from the position of someone who abandoned 2 families, that's fucking rich!
Dana busts out some fortune cookie wisdom.
Dana finds the haters funny because they're dying of hate.
Dana totally has power over the haters, you guiz!
Fin.
omg you are the laughing stock of all things fucking stupid. Is that where she got her big break and promotion in the Big Lots store running a whole department?! I seriously can't breathe listening to this Skeletor ramble on about her greatness. And she found a man...to live her and cherish her and protect her while she takes away his blood pressure meds (Lord Gawd, please preserve that video and keep it at the ready) so that when Garbage Mike dies or suffers a stroke she can be charged criminally. She's the type of person they make Lifetime movies about, sinking her talons into the flesh of the deaf, dumb, elderly and disabled letting them think she's out for their best interests then soaking them for everything. I bet if someone sniffed a trail behind her rotten crotch they'd find a bunch of vulnerable people dead or abused and sucked dry.
