Obscure Laughingstocks - Lolcows without substantial online presence.

[Cotton Puddings]

max kit, or max human. this lolcow has a definite end so he's easy to explain and i don't feel bad about "spoiling" him by displaying him on a public forum. he's easy to google

a year or two ago someone called maxkitten shat up a bunch of reddit threads about "human" (later "humanity"), the next big tech company. it was always perpetually a week away from its latest features. if it was real it would be a social network, a charity, a crowdfunder, a free public university, an AI and robotics lab, a mobile phone manufacturer, a green energy producer, etc., any sort of 21st century web 2.0 thing you can think of, he wanted to do with his company, usually at the same time. everyone on the planet would have a share of the company.

people met his claims with skepticism and all attempts to talk sense into him failed. it got obvious he was an egomaniac and a small group of max junkies made their own subreddit to post about him

he didn't actually have a company, surprise. he spent a lot of hours putting likes on all his many facebook pages for each separate division of the company. he spent a lot of hours filling his multiple human-related subreddits with posts. he spent his rich parents' money on a rented office for a day, and he tried to use the receipt for this to prove that some accountant at the office rental was his personal secretary. he said some random lawyer was his lawyer and one of max's watchers emailed him and the lawyer wrote back basically "who the hell is max?"

he tried to bilk people into "volunteering" for human, usually people in india or ukraine, his home country...that pissed off his watchers and they went on a brief publicity campaign on scam-reporting websites to discourage people from talking to him

his girl friday was a girl who lived in ukraine. she was usually the one who did the bilking while max preached. people were more likely to fall for her because she was a slightly pretty human female who seemed really convinced about the company. his watchers to this day aren't sure if she was in on the scam, or she fell into it like someone falls into a cult, or if she was in love with max. she was just as big a bitch as max was

he tried to make a wikipedia article for his nonexistent mobile OS, but it got deleted after a mildly lulzy exchange on its talk page where he sniveled about the mainstream media

then he appeared to get sent to rehab. nobody is sure if it was really rehab because he kept referring to it as a mystical indian retreat where he learned yoga and meditation and enlightenment, plus he had apparent internet/3G access from there, so who knows. he achieved enlightenment and merged with god and the universe. he changed his name to satguru/"human being", wrote a bunch of nonsensical facebook posts and dropped off the world

he is probably in a psych hospital for a manic episode or a more intensive rehab for his drug use, and as far as anyone knows that's where he'll be for the foreseeable future

 

[millais]

That sounds vaguely familiar but that might just be a manufactured memory of my brain mashing up Derek Smart with some other author.

Tom Kratman's antics on Baen Books and other speculative fiction forums are hard to forget if not legendary, as is the infamously edgy headshot from his US Army Reserve days.

 

[Big Nasty]

Tom Kratman's antics

Another lolcow in the same vein is Stuart Slade, who is singlehandedly the worst author i have ever read. His books are to USAF technical manuals what Sonichu is to Sonic the Hedgehog.

 

[millais]

Another lolcow in the same vein is Stuart Slade, who is singlehandedly the worst author i have ever read. His books are to USAF technical manuals what Sonichu is to Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yeah, Slade and Kratman are probably the top two offenders for Tom Clancy wannabe lolcows. A lot of people would say John Ringo should be up there with them, but Ringo doesn't take himself seriously at all and freely admits to the shittiness of his unabashedly fap-based "Ghost" trilogy.

Kratman is so batshit that sometimes it was hard to tell if he was being serious. His tryhard edginess was so cringe-inducingly juvenile that it was hard to reconcile that with the fact that he is actually probably quite scary in real life.

Slade is a real piece of work, though. "The Big Red One" was all around terrible, though all I can really remember of it is the genocidal bits. IMO, "Salvation War" and "Pantheocide" had a very intriguing premise and lots of potential, but Slade really botched the execution. The broad strokes of the plot were solid, but everything linking it together (characters, dialogue, side arcs, narrative style, etc) was horribly done. But what really cracked me up about Slade were his attempts to impress people with stories about his secretive job as a Cold Warrior at that no-name RAND Corp think-tank he used to work for. Slade seemed to think he was some kind of cynical/badass Dr. Strangelove who scared all the State Department civvies with his cold and calculating white papers and nuclear war simluations, but he was probably just an office drone crunching numbers in a spreadsheet.

I remember Slade used to be pretty active on StarDestroyer.net. I never frequented that site enough to get a feel for the site's owner/admin, but IIRC, he initially founded the site to host his incredibly autistic fanfic about how the Galactic Empire from Star Wars would utterly defeat the Federation from Star Trek. He got really spergy about it, doing all these ridiculously pedantic physics calculations to prove that Star Wars lasers were more powerful than Star Trek lasers or some shit like that.

 

[nude tayne]

max kit, or max human. this lolcow has a definite end so he's easy to explain and i don't feel bad about "spoiling" him by displaying him on a public forum. he's easy to google

a year or two ago someone called maxkitten shat up a bunch of reddit threads about "human" (later "humanity"), the next big tech company. it was always perpetually a week away from its latest features. if it was real it would be a social network, a charity, a crowdfunder, a free public university, an AI and robotics lab, a mobile phone manufacturer, a green energy producer, etc., any sort of 21st century web 2.0 thing you can think of, he wanted to do with his company, usually at the same time. everyone on the planet would have a share of the company.

people met his claims with skepticism and all attempts to talk sense into him failed. it got obvious he was an egomaniac and a small group of max junkies made their own subreddit to post about him

he didn't actually have a company, surprise. he spent a lot of hours putting likes on all his many facebook pages for each separate division of the company. he spent a lot of hours filling his multiple human-related subreddits with posts. he spent his rich parents' money on a rented office for a day, and he tried to use the receipt for this to prove that some accountant at the office rental was his personal secretary. he said some random lawyer was his lawyer and one of max's watchers emailed him and the lawyer wrote back basically "who the hell is max?"

he tried to bilk people into "volunteering" for human, usually people in india or ukraine, his home country...that pissed off his watchers and they went on a brief publicity campaign on scam-reporting websites to discourage people from talking to him

his girl friday was a girl who lived in ukraine. she was usually the one who did the bilking while max preached. people were more likely to fall for her because she was a slightly pretty human female who seemed really convinced about the company. his watchers to this day aren't sure if she was in on the scam, or she fell into it like someone falls into a cult, or if she was in love with max. she was just as big a bitch as max was

he tried to make a wikipedia article for his nonexistent mobile OS, but it got deleted after a mildly lulzy exchange on its talk page where he sniveled about the mainstream media

then he appeared to get sent to rehab. nobody is sure if it was really rehab because he kept referring to it as a mystical indian retreat where he learned yoga and meditation and enlightenment, plus he had apparent internet/3G access from there, so who knows. he achieved enlightenment and merged with god and the universe. he changed his name to satguru/"human being", wrote a bunch of nonsensical facebook posts and dropped off the world

he is probably in a psych hospital for a manic episode or a more intensive rehab for his drug use, and as far as anyone knows that's where he'll be for the foreseeable future

https://kiwifarms.net/threads/max-kit-ishuman-me.7380/

https://www.reddit.com/r/HumanFanClub/comments/3gvt9o/max_has_been_messaging_me/ he is also alive as of 20 days ago

 

[Falcon Lord]

Kratman is one of those people who obsessively Google their own name. Here's an example of him showing up on a random forum to argue with people making fun of him: https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/worst-fiction-youve-ever-read.174121/page-9#post-5190314

 

[*Asterisk*]

I did a look into that guy who made the "Hottest Sonic Characters" video. His name's Dylan Guptill.* He really hasn't done much, but he's definitely a laughingstock.

While the kissing scene in Sonic 2006 was indeed strange, at least Elise was bringing Sonic back to life. Although I'm entirely sure the emeralds themselves were powerful enough for a resurrection. In other words, a kiss was most definitely not needed.

Here's his Google+ account, his Youtube channel, and his website.

*That's not even a dox. He posted his name and birthdate on his Sonic video himself.

 

[Tehshigelisok]

I did a look into that guy who made the "Hottest Sonic Characters" video. His name's Dylan Guptill.* He really hasn't done much, but he's definitely a laughingstock.



Here's his Google+ account, his Youtube channel, and his website.

*That's not even a dox. He posted his name and birthdate on his Sonic video himself.

I've come across some Guptill89 videos and commentaries of the same before. I remember mainly that he ranted on how much he hates changes: in corporate logos, in technology, etc. Things like a Dunkin' Donuts changing its floor plan, a CVS and a Rite Aid being built across from each other and how it doesn't make sense when the town already has one drugstore, and how "the poor get squeezed out" because of the Internet taking the place of things like video rental stores and newspapers. Why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a computer or gaming console when you can get a newspaper or a Redbox movie for pennies, he argues.

Here's the vid with that argument:

 

[lindsayfan]

So, I found this sort of funny. Also seems like a preview of ADF's possible next phase: towering white trans lady in Arizona becomes devout muslim, gets away with it for 2.5 years because she wears full-face hijaab covering, then gets called out by her Imam and posts hour-long youtube video in response.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

I've come across some Guptill89 videos and commentaries of the same before. I remember mainly that he ranted on how much he hates changes: in corporate logos, in technology, etc. Things like a Dunkin' Donuts changing its floor plan, a CVS and a Rite Aid being built across from each other and how it doesn't make sense when the town already has one drugstore, and how "the poor get squeezed out" because of the Internet taking the place of things like video rental stores and newspapers. Why spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on a computer or gaming console when you can get a newspaper or a Redbox movie for pennies, he argues.

Here's the vid with that argument:

Yeah, these kind of people get to me. You know the kind that bitch and moan about even the smallest thing?

Yeah, that's what he is reminding me of right now. I remember when, during my time following the commentary community, he and Youngblood got into a bit of a pissing match over the logo/building changes video he made. Here's the videos by Youngblood:

Spoiler: The commentary that got Guptill in a tizzy

Spoiler: Youngblood's response videos

And here's Guptill's, who says that Youngblood is "worth his time":

Spoiler

 

[XYZpdq]

So, I found this sort of funny. Also seems like a preview of ADF's possible next phase: towering white trans lady in Arizona becomes devout muslim, gets away with it for 2.5 years because she wears full-face hijaab covering, then gets called out by her Imam and posts hour-long youtube video in response.

View attachment 46855

I never would have thought it was possible to fail to pass as female in full hijab-type gear, but wow he manages to do it.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Not sure whether this counts as minor lolcow or somewhat awesome: I love the Victorian era. So I decided to live in it.

While I would count myself among those who are fascinated by 19th century culture, I think if you take an obsession so far that it hurts your social life and makes you a loner, you quietly slide from "charming eccentric" into lolcow territory.

Or maybe they're right, and the other townspeople are just mean and intolerant to them?

But... if they use exclusively 19th century technology, how come they have a website??

 

[Sam Sung]

Does anyone want to see what r/atheism would look like if it was a jogging kikefag?

 

[AnOminous]

Does anyone want to see what r/atheism would look like if it was a jogging kikefag?

That Christian was a master troll. He just stayed cool and collected. He could have easily finished that video by just asking "but why you mad?"

 

[Big Nasty]

Not sure whether this counts as minor lolcow or somewhat awesome: I love the Victorian era. So I decided to live in it.

While I would count myself among those who are fascinated by 19th century culture, I think if you take an obsession so far that it hurts your social life and makes you a loner, you quietly slide from "charming eccentric" into lolcow territory.

Or maybe they're right, and the other townspeople are just mean and intolerant to them?

But... if they use exclusively 19th century technology, how come they have a website??

I really hate people like that. You know why? Because those that are nostalgic for the lifestyle of a bygone age, are always emulating the lifestyle of the wealthy of that age. A lifestyle that only was available to a tiny segment of society. I'd like to see those ponces try to pull off living the Lifestyle of THESE guys:

 

[Tailypo]

Oh man, I just remembered one that I've had the displeasure of encountering.

I'm sure most of you have heard of Gaia Online. I was a pretty active member back in the day, and the whole website was filled to the brim with lolcows. But since I was in my weeaboo phase at the time, the only forum I hung out in was the A/M/C (Anime/Manga/Comics) forum. That forum had plenty of weebs, but none were more special than this person.

There was this woman called iTsuna Sawada. She named herself after the main character from an anime/manga called Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Now, weebs obsessing over anime characters is nothing new, but this lady took it to the extreme. She not only claimed that she was Tsuna's #1 fan, but also claimed that he was her husband.

No, not her "husbando." Her actual husband. She stated on her profile that she had a ceremony authenticating this and that her friends bared witness to it.

Her obsession didn't stop there. Her avatar was always dressed the same as the character, and she would add massive pictures of Tsuna in her posts whenever she replied to a thread, because that was her posting style. Seriously, it was so fucking obnoxious trying to read her posts.

God forbid if you claimed that you loved Tsuna more. You see, most members of the A/M/C would do this thing where they would claim to be #1 fans of an anime or a character. It's pretty autistic, but most of them were doing it for fun and weren't actually taking their titles seriously. Not this lady, though. If she felt that you were challenging her title of #1 Tsuna fan, she would go into a rage fit and attack you.

Did I mention that she was around 23 years old the last time I saw her pull this shit?

I wish I could've archived her posts, but if you search her on Gaia, some of them come up. She also made her profile private, so that's a shame. I guess she got tired of people calling her out on her shitty behavior.

 

[Tehshigelisok]

Can't believe I didn't think of this one: Zach Horan.

Back in the early 2000s, I was a member of alt.tv.game-shows, and Zach would post CONSTANTLY. While the guy had an extensively encyclopedic knowledge of game shows and often gave informative posts, he also had a massive troll side. For instance, he would often post misinformation to get a rise out of people, or post "spoilers" that consisted of things like "Somebody pressed their luck on today's episode of Press Your Luck." One other poster came up with the acronym "ZHIFOS" (Zach Horan Is Full Of Shit) in reference to his posts, and Zach started using the acronym himself. According to other people who go back that far, he would often blame his behavior on the 'tism, and his mother would sometimes e-mail people who had problems with him.

Because of him and a few other trolls, the a.t.g-s community moved to a new forum in 2003. Zach followed them over there, and continued his usual pattern: mostly good posts, but with a few doozies thrown in there. The final straw was a tasteless joke made on the anniversary of Password host Allen Ludden's death, which got him a boot. Apparently he tried to sneak back into the forum hundreds and hundreds of times, and got insta-banned with each new account. (I missed all of this as I stopped posting to a.t.g-s sometime before the migration and didn't join the new forum until much, much later, but I found out about his bannination through archived posts there.)

I came across him again on the now-defunct Sony Pictures forums, which were dedicated mainly to Sony-owned shows, particularly Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy! He kept up the same pattern of being a good poster some of the time, but the rest of the time, he would creep on any female champion and offer them a "Cyberial [sic] cigar", which would eventually get him banned. This spread to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and a Who Wants to Be a Millionaire fan forum among other places by the time the Sony Pictures forums were hacked in 2011. (Apparently, he actually was on Millionaire back when Regis was hosting it, but never got out of the Hot Seat.) The only personal run-in I've had with him to date was deleting a "cyberial cigar" comment from a Jeopardy! video I uploaded to YouTube a few years ago.

Not long after said hack, many of the game show fans on the Sony forums migrated to an existing Wheel fan forum and a newly-created Jeopardy! fan forum. As far as I know, Zach has (surprisingly) never touched the Wheel one, but he made a mess of the Jeopardy! one. One administrator noted that he got banned almost immediately for a "Cyberial cigar" comment, re-joined under a whole bunch of new names, then finally joined under "legendneverdies", suggesting that he knew fully well what he was doing and was reveling in it. He would usually post reasonably well, but sometimes a cigar would slip through and get deleted almost immediately. The last straw came when several female champions on Jeopardy! who posted on the forums (a large part of the forum's membership is former contestants) revealed that Zach had been PMing them cigar comments, which finally resulted in the mods dropping the banhammer on him. The worst part is that one of the PMed individuals was on a Teen Tournament a couple years ago, and is still under 18 as of this writing. From day one, it's seemed that he's worn his strange identity as a badge of honor. At last report he is still living with his mom, and he's gotta be in his 40s by now.

tl;dr: Completely shameless game show nut, shit-poster, troll, sexist, stalker, basement-dweller, and now pedofork.

 

[Bertram]

I recently came across this guy, Gus. Gus spams youtube comments to get people to watch his videos, all of which are him trying to connect comic books from the 80's to a NWO plot involving dozens of bizarre stages (assassinating soldiers, the lowest tier of Masons, for example) and celebrities around the world. He believes that Donald Trump's campaign is somehow the beginning of this plot. I have no clue if Gus is real, but I'm curious to see how this plays out as he's still making videos.

 

[XYZpdq]

"spoilers" that consisted of things like "Somebody pressed their luck on today's episode of Press Your Luck."

that's pretty funny

 

[Cynosura]

I wasn't sure where to put YT animator community drama(read: kids making videos about their OCs/Warrior Cats/memes/whatever) so here we go. I was kinda late to find out about it, but a huge chunk of it was left and I couldn't resist sharing it.
What I think has happened is that a tumblrita decided to make a list of problematic animators to avoid who commit crimes such as saying the word "rеtаrd" or make fun of otherkin, and spawned a shitstorm. The list was deleted since then but some vids on the subject, screencaps and a google document made by tumblrita themself are still there.

A problematic video from a problematic animator

Videos+a document: one,two

Screencaps: one, two, three, four