Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[George Floyd Sneed]

I'm admittedly not that up on the dynamic between Tess and Olly, but I wouldn't be surprised if she'd agreed to some sort of open relationship situation. She gets to cling to a partner and assure herself she hasn't been dumped, even if it means lowering any expectations, as well as giving herself backpats for being poly and kweer and oh-so-cool and modern.

The dynamic is that they’re two people who use each other. There is no relationship to speak of. Olly wants a free place to stay in the LA area and Tess wants queer cred. That’s it. They fake fawn over each other in social media that’s so over the top that it is obviously performative.

A relationship wouldn’t work between those two anyway. Tess is 100% straight and we can see it when she awkwardly tries to do something that could be considered queer. She looks like she’s about to eat a vegetable when she tries to peck some queer womxn’s cheek. Olly is a “man” who wears Billie Eilish t-shirts. Besides, Tess is extremely unattractive with a terrible personality to boot.

I’m sure it was a guntwrenching narcissistic injury for the Tubbster to see Olly fondling another “man” but it’s the life she chose. She made herself into the butterbeast we laugh at today.

 

[multiverse]

On a fucking family vacation with her children. You are almost 40, Ryann. No one thinks you are the cool hot mom. You are the fat-as-fuck, dumb as a box of rocks, white trash mom who thinks everyone wants her. Here is a big hint: no one does.


This is why you can't get a man.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

> thong swimsuit isn't family-friendly, lmao
Family-friendly:

 

[FuckDuckSeagull]

That strap is holding to dear life.

Goddamm aheago-face.. it's not hot or cute even when vapid size 3's do it, and it certainly isn't when a trashbag like Ryann does it. She's so fucking thirsty.

 

[Oscar Winner]

That strap is holding to dear life.

View attachment 2440036
Goddamm aheago-face.. it's not hot or cute even when vapid size 3's do it, and it certainly isn't when a trashbag like Ryann does it. She's so fucking thirsty.

Pretty sure it's just the scallop cushion off the bed stuffed down her pants tbh

 

[Rotogravure]

On a fucking family vacation with her children. You are almost 40, Ryann. No one thinks you are the cool hot mom. You are the fat-as-fuck, dumb as a box of rocks, white trash mom who thinks everyone wants her. Here is a big hint: no one does.
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This is why you can't get a man.

God I am impressed with how greasy her face is.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

That strap is holding to dear life.

View attachment 2440036
Goddamm aheago-face.. it's not hot or cute even when vapid size 3's do it, and it certainly isn't when a trashbag like Ryann does it. She's so fucking thirsty

Whatever happened to Cake Daddy? She's still “living her best life”, but those selfies with cut decollete (not sure how to phrase that, but her tits never end with clothes hem on those photos, like the head glued to the long backward ass) look like something more than “imma sexay goddess someone fuck me I can't reach my pudendal bits with any vibrator”

 

[Flawmil]

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

View attachment 2440135

 

[theriddler3]

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Is this a still from a video or did she really upload a picture that looks like she just woke up on a bus bench after a wild night out?

 

[Angry New Ager]

On a fucking family vacation with her children. You are almost 40, Ryann. No one thinks you are the cool hot mom. You are the fat-as-fuck, dumb as a box of rocks, white trash mom who thinks everyone wants her. Here is a big hint: no one does.
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This is why you can't get a man.

"I can't believe I look this good on my knees."

You need to take those pics from a much higher angle, Tess. Hold the camera at arm's length, directly above your head, and then make that dick-hungry gape while you eyefuck yourself. Because if you're on your knees, that's the only angle any dude is going to give a shit about.

God I am impressed with how greasy her face is.

It's a look that says, "I exfoliate with a Sausage McMuffin every day." It's so gross; how can she not see that? Oh, wait—she has that body and thinks she looks hot at any angle. Never mind.

 

[Water-T]

Good lord - that strap is STRUGGLING to hold back those People of Walmart back titties.

Proof that Tess has gotten too fat even for sizes made from boat tarps for human rhinos.

I pray none of her family is nearby when that strap gives out, because they're going to get a concussion when her plumber's crack chest busts free.

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

View attachment 2440135

She looks like someone slathered melted butter all over her face.

 

[Water-T]

GODDAMN....JUST GODDAMN

Tess must believe that she's a "natural beauty" and thought that not abusing filters was a great idea.

Hoe looks like she uses bacon as Biore pore strips

 

[multiverse]

God I am impressed with how greasy her face is.

>>ah caint believe how gud ah look


Poor Dolly is giving her the side eye.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

>>ah caint believe how gud ah look
View attachment 2440404

Poor Dolly is giving her the side eye.

Lmao, she looks like she has Down syndrome in this pic for real.

 

[ratatat]

>>ah caint believe how gud ah look
View attachment 2440404

Poor Dolly is giving her the side eye.

Look at those huge fucking craters on her cheek

 

[Oscar Winner]

>>ah caint believe how gud ah look
View attachment 2440404

Poor Dolly is giving her the side eye.

That's some very angry looking skin, doesn't look like it's just sunburn.

There's a whole bunch of seemingly unconnected slides on her stories. Multiple swimsuit pics, a few desert photos (lol @ that fuel can, like why?) more disguised thirst, and some weird evidence of already discussed narc injury. The black and white swimsuit was a video, SS'd for safety due to high level fat-wobbles + random anachan because maybe Tess is into skellys now? IDFK, sorry....? lol

Spoiler

 

[multiverse]

That's some very angry looking skin, doesn't look like it's just sunburn.

There's a whole bunch of seemingly unconnected slides on her stories. Multiple swimsuit pics, a few desert photos (lol @ that fuel can, like why?) more disguised thirst, and some weird evidence of already discussed narc injury. The black and white swimsuit was a video, SS'd for safety due to high level fat-wobbles + random anachan because maybe Tess is into skellys now? IDFK, sorry....? lol

Spoiler

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Lol her crush forever is a very svelte - and practically skeletal - white girl? Looks like SOMEONE has internalized fatphoboia and a preference for whiteness. How problematic can you be, Ryann?

I love how mega fats recognize that attraction to normal sized people is what everyone really has. They'll never date a fat man - they always want the fit hottie without bringing in-kind attractiveness. Deep down they know they're not fooling anyone by declaring themselves desirable. No one wants to lift your hanging flesh rolls and adore you unless they're a fetishist.

 

[blue gopher snakes]

That “on my knees” set is hilarious. I mean. Imagine silly circus music playing behind video of Ryann trying to use that chair (that she’s clutching onto for balance) to help heave herself off her screaming knees. It was YEARS ago that she needed a team of hippo handlers to assist her to her feet. She’s older and fatter and worse in every possible way now.

Like. Either she’s being paid to humiliate herself on social media, she’s acting out in the most embarrassing display of narcissistic injury in a long while, or she’s started filming clips for Johns who beat off to whales who’ve eaten themselves into immobility and needed a breather after getting DOWN on her knees before recording started.

Personally, I think her Cluster B runs so deep that she’s personally offended that her own half-brother isn’t panting with lust over his dad’s butter golem mistake from 35 years ago flaunting her folds in a “family friendly” bikini that she had to storm inside and take nasty pictures for the internet. Her poor sons. They’re gonna be so fucked up.