Shitty Etsy Products

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kittyfucker said:
You don't understand! I NEED my resin penis to be in my own special pride flag colours! It's not rainbow capitalism when a queer disabled polyamorous kinky ETC makes it!
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I thought this was a dildo and got scared. Do not use any resin product internally
Now I'm just scared of all the people that brought it
 
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neverendingmidi said:
Oh, you must be new. Fabric menstrual products are everywhere.

I honestly wonder what keeps them from leaking? I mean you end up with wads of blood covered cloth you have to store somehow until you get home, and then have to wash them, and they'll never be stain free after one use.
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If they're made correctly, the inner core is made with something like terry cloth, cotton jersey, PUL (polyurethane laminate) or another absorbent material. You can get them in different absorbencies, and for some god-forsaken reason, there are even ones for wearing with thongs. You can go a bit longer without them getting saturated if you're using the appropriate absorbency, so unless you bleed like a wounded gazelle, you probably won't need to change them every hour. Maybe every three or four hours.

I can understand why people wouldn't like to use them, but I do prefer them since I don't need to buy shitloads of disposable pads that quickly pile up in the bathroom trashcan.
 
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The Sap Cap:
sap cap 1.png

sap cap 2.png


Self Defense Comb:
self defense knife.png
:thinking:

Shoelace nutbusters:
shoelace 2.png

shoelace 1.png

shoelace 3.png
 
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neverendingmidi said:
Anything blue coming out of your vag is a sign you seriously need a doctor.

However I can't decide if red would've been more or less disturbing.
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I'm going to critique from a purely technical/artistic standpoint because I feel like writing a massive sperg rant about something frivolous to distract myself from something stressful right now...

The backstitching used for the body is sloppy, uneven and has weird angular bits where there should be smoothed curves, plus the line weight is way too thin for the design imo. Thin threads show every flaw in your stitching skill, thicker threads can cover it up much more easily in certain cases, but not all of them. Case in point: the thicker white yarn she used to do the satin stitched shapes in the queef cloud don't even lie flat, they're puckering like crazy.

Speaking of satin stitch, the areas of the queef cloud done with the thinner blue and purple threads look awkward and weird because the direction of the stitching is perpendicular to the direction in which the queef cloud would be flowing. A more talented artist would use something like long-and-short stitch in a wavy pattern that follows the direction of the cloud, since it suggests movement, whereas these shapes just look like random floating blobs of color slapped on.

The bits of wool roving are entirely out of place, they're the most cloudlike thing here, and yet stick out because they're so incongruous with the other materials.

Beads, sequins, or anything else that's metallic or glittery tends to look extremely tacky if you just slap it on. you have to use these in a way that's thought out, well-designed, and made with skill and quality materials, not just because sparkly is pretty.
This is why prom dresses with rhinestone busts look tacky and cheap

navy-dress-DQ-2493-a.jpg


while fan bingbing (Chinese actress) looked stunning at the met gala a few years back, despite having an outfit that's far more over the top. I've loved this since I first saw it that night from some social media post, and I'm not normally someone who cares about celebrity shit.

Met Gala 2015_Fan Bingbing wears Chopard yellow diamond earrings and ring.jpg__1536x0_q75_crop...jpg

I'll give her half credit for following the queef direction in that one shape she filled with beads underneath the blue satin stitch, but the stitching is sloppy and crooked like the body is.

The sequins, however, just have no reason to be here at all.

And thanks to this, I'm doomed to live out the rest of my life with the phrase "sequin queef" burned into my brain, as well as the deep shame of knowing I've spontaneously written an essay discussing an embroidered queef. A fate worse than Dante could have ever imagined.
 
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yasscat said:
Why are men so obsessed with drawing dicks? Come on, it goes on both sides.
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You have to admit the framing is quite different; ha ha penis funny vs MY FEMININE FLOWER IS A SYMBOL OF THE MOTHER GOD'S POWER AND BEAUTY
Fags are just as bad about assigning mystical qualities to dicks tbf 👇🏿

kittyfucker said:
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Lmao they really made the light up part of the lamp out of black resin, did they think this through at all?


I love the suggestions that come up when you search self defense in etsy, really says something about the iq distribution of it's audience
1629661169500.png

Most of the results that come up when you search "self defense" really don't make any sense, there's a ton of resin molds and shit for "cutesy" animal heads. I mean if your standard for self dense is "pointy plastic thing" you can justify just about anything as a self defense item.
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Here at my etsy shop we sell only authentic prison shanks made by our skilled felonous artisans. Each shank is tested before sale on Bill from cell block C, fuck that chomo!
1629661575977.png

You might think this is literally somebody reselling office products at a retarded mark up —but no it's worse, it's actually a clay sculpture of a sharpie.
1629661866671.png
He really thought that the pen was a pen, but it was actually garbage destined for a landfill! What a fool! What an epic prank!
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This too is considered a self denfesesese item by etsy.

There's a lot of other inappropriate stuff in the self defense search, mostly keychains. I think retards have managed to gaslight etsy into think that keychains are implicitly self defense items.
Look at this shit, it's literally just a tacky little piece of garbage, not even advertised as being a self defense item, but there's millions more results like it
1629662892429.png
 
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ConcernedAnon said:
Look at this shit, it's literally just tacky little piece of garbage, not even advertised as being a self defense item, but there's millions more results like it
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This one is a popular mold I've seen for nearly everything: from soap to clay to resin to wax melts. I have NO idea why you would market it as self defense aside from extra clicks and the few suckers that woule fall for it, it will only scuff up your pockets or purse at most.
 
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ConcernedAnon said:
You have to admit the framing is quite different; ha ha penis funny vs MY FEMININE FLOWER IS A SYMBOL OF THE MOTHER GOD'S POWER AND BEAUTY
Fags are just as bad about assigning mystical qualities to dicks tbf 👇🏿


Lmao they really made the light up part of the lamp out of black resin, did they think this through at all?


I love the suggestions that come up when you search self defense in etsy, really says something about the iq distribution of it's audience
View attachment 2469993

Most of the results that come up when you search "self defense" really don't make any sense, there's a ton of resin molds and shit for "cutesy" animal heads. I mean if your standard for self dense is "pointy plastic thing" you can justify just about anything as a self defense item.
View attachment 2470033
Here at my etsy shop we sell only authentic prison shanks made by our skilled felonous artisans. Each shank is tested before sale on Bill from cell block C, fuck that chomo!
View attachment 2470047

You might think this is literally somebody reselling office products at a retarded mark up —but no it's worse, it's actually a clay sculpture of a sharpie.
View attachment 2470056
He really thought that the pen was a pen, but it was actually garbage destined for a landfill! What a fool! What an epic prank!
View attachment 2470075
This too is considered a self denfesesese item by etsy.

There's a lot of other inappropriate stuff in the self defense search, mostly keychains. I think retards have managed to gaslight etsy into think that keychains are implicitly self defense items.
Look at this shit, it's literally just a tacky little piece of garbage, not even advertised as being a self defense item, but there's millions more results like it
View attachment 2470163
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Anyone who buys this shit has never been in a situation where they had to physically defend themselves and uses the phrase "literal violence" while discussing memes online
 
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Ol Dirty Fatso said:
Behold, shitty embroidery of a fat chick queefing sequins
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Thank you for posting this, I haven't had that good of a laugh in a while.

Ol Dirty Fatso said:
I'm going to critique from a purely technical/artistic standpoint because I feel like writing a massive sperg rant about something frivolous to distract myself from something stressful right now...
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I've never had more of a need for dual monitors than when I read this critique on one and had the image open in another.

Ol Dirty Fatso said:
And thanks to this, I'm doomed to live out the rest of my life with the phrase "sequin queef" burned into my brain, as well as the deep shame of knowing I've spontaneously written an essay discussing an embroidered queef.
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...or, you could lean into it and change your username. Just sayin'.
 
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