Like I stated from the beginning, I got a weird set of morals when it comes to people i've met personally. Trust me I can easily deadname/gender my best friends exes like a drop of a hat, and deadgender any bitch on the damn farms, however for this individual in particular it's like difficult. I've never really been through the wringer like this with well- anyone since i'm used to people going "aight Kaiba fuck off you suck" or ghosting me and it's pretty obvious as to what happened. However since this interaction had ALLLLLL that shit some night's it's easy for me to deadgame/gender this retard since it's pretty damn obvious how toxic this was, but some nights its hard to do that cause my damn respect morals pop up (I don't think respect is bad at all, however, my stupid ass mind NEEDS TO NOT RESPECT THIS PERSON).
Course, I didn't know how toxic everything was until I broke down last month, told a couple friends, and were like "Kaiba holy FUCK?????"
To the point my best friend was like "this sounds a lot like what happened between with me and my first toxic ex" and a ton of people pointing out "Kaiba you got suicide baited'. I will do my best to just start deadgendering him to get over this shit however. Mind you, this was my first experience with some HEAVY suicide baiting (as in shit that would end up with a life on my hands if I didn't say something right).
Part of me is assuming, but if anything I feel like maybe this is a phase, but since she took the hormones she might commit the 40-41%? I never encountered those body dysphoria with her (but maybe I did and my mind is blocking it out since this was my first time experiencing this huge load of well, trauma I guess.)
But I do remember she kept wanting to whore her way around California by getting with DILFS (i'm talkin body builder ones)/Sugar Daddies on tinder to sleep around with (she was very into phone sex, and just very sexual and into sex in general which to me is kinda eugh since at the time she was like freshly 18 when we reunited, and I was older not by much but i'm just a late bloomer/have reasons why I don't date/seek out stuff yet but anyways)
was very excited to get her sex toys back from her grandmothers house, bought a female lace maid outfit, and bought lace lingerie (bra/pantie sets) to start an only fans, and kept sending me photo's of her hands and feet asking if they were good for her only fans. Of course, I didn't really support this life style, but any time I asked her to be safe I was always greeted with the "yea yea I will" like ok bitch FINE-. Which relating to her shack up situation, she did consider getting with a guy on tinder to shack with them for a few days until I said "is that really a good idea???"
She also kept sending me uncensored photos of anime boy cock and kept being SUPER horny on chat, even when I told her to censor that shit cause I was either in public or school/ I wasn't in the mood and I didn't want to see that shit. But maybe that's less with her being a girl, or cause I think she said she was either gay or bisexual as a transman i'm not sure.
Again, everything's pretty still fresh for me and I try not to think about it since I usually find out shit's more traumatic than I thought and it just makes me sick to my stomach due to just how I was treated like trash after I bent over backwards n shit for this bitch.
All I wanted to do was help the best I could since it's in my nature to help people, and I genuinely do enjoy helping people. However, after just getting told excuse after excuse, it was just fucking exhausting. Hell it made me re-evalute a little of my life to just get some shit DONE instead of "buh XYZ" since if that was exhausting for me, I couldn't begin to think how my excuses made other people exhausted.
I guess I should also mention as a last minute tact on, she mentioned something about either being molested or nearly molested which I think is why she wanted to get with guys who were way out of her league as a way of coping? Or maybe it's to confirm her masculinity or some shit i'm not sure.