Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Compositesludge]

He tries so hard to be Tom McDonald, but he doesn't "get" Tom McDonald, so it ends up being almost a parody of it.

"Kids are getting weaker because of society. Pumpkin spiced Ativan for seasonal anxiety". That's funny and coherent. Jr is barely comprehensible in his song.

Jr flexing about working at a gas station is...odd at best and I don't think Jr actually understands what a flex actually means. It's something that few people have done or are currently doing. Having a wife and full time job aren't a flex. They're quite the opposite of a flex.

A better flex would be saying something along the lines of Jr ruining 3 career paths in so many years.

I was going through the rap line by line, but stopped because it was a lot of effort and I don't think anybody would want to read that much of my bullshit. But the conclusion I came to was about the same that you came to. I joked about his rapping being a random subject and then a snippet from his life, and I'm a little disappointed that his rap was exactly that, but for far, far too long.

The flex Jr's going for is about being, well, boring. The conceit of this song is partially that his life is boring but pragmatic, and that's the kind of life that everybody should be proud to have. The other conceit is an oft-incomprehensible political screed against stimulus checks, vaccines, and anti-Christian sentiments, and the only thing it conjures to mind is a man destined for mediocrity flailing against it by pretending that it's impressive. Nothing in his life is actually bad, it's just proof of how amazing he really is and what incredible things he's doing and going to do.

He's not squandering every opportunity he had. He's "fading like Kobe," which is a weird thing to say because Kobe's legacy is and will always be far greater than Jr's. He's not disliked because his music sucks. He's disliked because he has morals, is a straight white male, and is going head to head against cancel culture by (???). He's not at the gas station by choice. He's there with his squad, working overtime and trying to be patient (for what?) and feels amazing, presumably because he's not relying on stimulus money and can feed his children, this bit's pretty ambiguous because he's actually trying to cope with it rather than endorse it.

You compared him to Tom McDonald, but I think that's a little too kind a comparison to make. He's more like Don Quixote (perhaps with Jack as his Sancho) combined with Alex Jones, but with none of the intelligence, wit, charisma, and other positive attributes that those two men have. It's less a rap song and more a manifesto in defense of crab mentality, in which those succeeding because of what society has offered them (if one would be so charitable to draw a link between his many educational opportunities and stimulus money) are the enemy because of the opioid epidemic. If there was a church of mediocre dumbassery, Jr. wouldn't be its patron deity, or an angel, or even a saint. But this song would definitely be one of its hymns.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

If I had only two words to describe Jagoff at this point, they would be:
desperate & pathetic
P.S. and fat as fuck

 

[A Big Bumbling Black Man]

He tries so hard to be Tom McDonald, but he doesn't "get" Tom McDonald, so it ends up being almost a parody of it.

"You heard my name but no you not know me" sounds like somebody making fun of someone who talks like a caveman.
You can tell he's trying to rip off Eminem's "Rap God" with the first section's constant repetition but it's so terribly done it's the worst part of the song, I literally can't tell what the first word of the song is.
Also I'll interpret your Autism ratings as appreciation for my dedication to detail.
Has Jr. ever talked about having ADD?

 

[GentlemanFaggot]

For a guy who hates mumble rappers with totally-not-racist intensity, his idiotic word salads are so inarticulate.
I'll do my best, but I can't even make out the first fucking words, I'm just writing them as best as I can hear them:


Maybe I been slapping
Take a fat leads over those
who were laughing
at me
"Jack, what does that mean?"
I been overlapping
As passing those whack teens
They distracting in my taxi
never had the drive
just chilling in the back seat
Tell me "Get a mask and a vaccine"
Tell me where does that lead
Tripping on the caffeine
No sleep too deep policy is new sheep

Doctor we would know by now
Goes around that comes around
Starting riots then get violence
Wonder why the peace ran down
Like, why are we not seeing this?
Living off a stimulus?
Don't get jobs and all is lost
And wonder who's gonna feed the kids

Don't understand we run our mouths
Sit there and pout bout things we could change
But we too burnt out cause you too proud to make money
Wrong, you scream and shout! (waah!)
There's no doubt that you think you a victim when you go without
Throw money in yo face
Now here's our drought

Allow me to explain so everyone knows
what I'm talking about
Yall get even wanna beaten the odds
Got a full time job
Just me and the squad
Working over time trying to be patient
At the gas station
Man, I feel amazing.

Y'all mean and I'm a'scream
But two faces
Don't phase us cuz
We serve a king who is too blameless
And the blood made me clean now I feel shameless
Now I feel weightless

Feel any pressure I'm a push on through it
Goin through the weather don't know how I do it
Just open on up
Let god speak through me
Then I pick it all up
Like y'all Ratatouille
Don't like what I say?
Go ahead boy sue me
Work every day
You'll never out do me
Get a camera okay turn my life to a movie
I pray, don't play
So you better listen to me

(Chorus)
Straight White Male? You're a Sexist Racist Homophobe!
You don't get opinions 'less you buying what the culture wrote
Wheelin with the guys who go to hell on a stripper pole
If you don't agree, that's a hate crime and unethical!
(Chorus end)

Rappers so lackin' they lackin' the meat
And sure they got the juice but I'll sauce my pizza
The game fine with that, trust me we don't need ya
DM me to tell me if you need a feature.

More than a rapper, I preach what I'm willin
I'm spittin the bars like tobacco from grisly (spit)
Haters they treat me like I'm someone villain
But I aint here rappin bout gangs dope dealin

I aint the best but I'm next, up
I aint come here to get checked, up
Hearin these rappers I'm fed, up
They dyin, OD'in, it's messed, up

Juicy was rappin bout all of his problems
And we all gone bumpin like "Oh yea I'm rockin this!"
Begging for help but we busy boppin this song that he wrote
About his suicidal-ness

Look at the running, scan the environment
Rappers are dying but we are supplying
And the money they use to go purchase the molly and codine
That sends them right over the top again
None of us care
We letem sit
"They gon wake up, tell us what they did."
Slave to the clout, chains and the whips.
Then when they die, we like "What's this!"

I'm shootin my shot
And I'm fading like Kobe
Yea you heard my name
But no you not know me
I'm sick of the phonies
Not here for the trophies
I just run it up uh because what god told me
People out here
Get mislead (what)
Take is as truth
It's all on the thread
"Who put that concept inside of your head?"
"Well I just go off what my media said!"

(Repeat Chorus)

Have any morals?
You are now canceled.
We killin off Christians
And dance on the Devil
The culture is twisted
It's worse than a pretzel
And I aint gonna sit here and hide in my temple
Comin for guns?
Okay that's fine.
I'll give em to you one shot at a time.
This aint just a rhyme
It's all in my mind
Just know that I warned you
I put up a sign

All of it's FACTS
You aint gonna read it
Cookin up BRECKS
You gettin heated
Handin out SLAPS
Trust me you need it
Listen to DEX
All you conceited
Don't want another sorry
I don't wanna hear you flap lips
Shoulda known we was comin
Gonna put a stop to this
I aint here for the fame
I aint tryin to top the lists
I just came here to try and put a stop to the apocalypse.

(end)
(Wow that was awful)

Oh my god...

Christian Rap is making Christian Rock look good.

I'm sure that every social issue brought up in the rap genre can just be solved by getting a job at a gas station. The man fucking you over? Just get a job, sir!

I'm not even a rap fan but I get what it is and this is terrible.

 

[desudesu]

Sad. Today's PCLM livestream will not be published because the genius fat man self-doxxed his old Buena Park, CA address on video (he openly left his address visible on the pizza box label).

That said, the infamous "green kitchen" has been remodeled by the new owners:

 

[Adamska]

View attachment 2487784
Bets on how long this will last? My bet is 2 hours.

It's always the "I pray so I'm better than you" pose, the "autistic screaming in megaphone" pose, and the "smug 'observe the following'" pose. I have two hypotheses on this one; he picks them on purpose since he knows it comes off as infuriating to the thread and his "HATURZ". The other is he just is a lazy stupid cunt who just has those three ready on hand and he thinks it makes him look quirky.

- Wants to be a youth counselor

- Raps a line about Grizzly chewing tobacco and guns, things that are illegal to purchase unless you're over 21.

Jr.'s not smart, and has become a full cow due to his inability to take criticism and for being stupid and vain enough to use his tiny amount of money to pay for vanity shit.

A topic channel is created for an artist when they have a significant presence on YouTube. (lol what significant presence, Jr?) If an artist doesn't have a topic channel, it may be because: There are only a few videos from the artist. The artist's videos do not have many views. The artist's videos don't meet YouTube's quality standards" - support.google.com

EDIT: 0 likes / 50 dislikes on the video now.

Wow, Jr's really stupid if he thinks this makes him look like a realpeople artist. Rather than pay for fucking audio equipment, better mics, and actually trying to improve his diction and flow, he decides to waste it on Distrokid of all things.

What a stupid lazy moron. I really hope Brianna doesn't let him cry on top of her.

He’s using a service named DistroKid, which distributes an artist’s music across multiple platforms on behalf of them. So instead of someone like Junior submitting their music to Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, et al., DistroKid automates the processes and then charges a finder’s fee if or when an independent musician is signed.

View attachment 2487843

Russell Greer also uses DistroKid.

HAHAHA I love it.

Also another sign of how he WILL get evicted and go homeless several times without Tammy and Brianna propping his useless ass. God, emulating your stroked out faggot of a father is the worst idea.

Qali is taking after his dad by no longer posting songs to YT because of the comment section.

Amusing. He's choosing worse platforms because he can't understand he doesn't have talent, he mumbles harder than the rap he hates, and because he doesn't know how to ignore critics because he just channels his useless sperm donor and cries.

God, his LARP as a musician is even shittier than Jack's; at least Fat Jack uses real equipment that he doesn't know how to use. He also actually had a quasi-career.

 

[feral cat #6385]

Sad. Today's PCLM livestream will not be published because the genius fat man self-doxxed his old Buena Park, CA address on video (he openly left his address visible on the pizza box label).

That said, the infamous "green kitchen" has been remodeled by the new owners:

View attachment 2488879

It would have to after all the abominations Jack made there.

Good christ jack is stupid. I managed to download it just in time. Someday I will be able to sell the lost episode of PC&TLM for MILLIONS OF DOLLARS.

 

[Rod Dangerous]

It appears a journalist at the Sunderland Echo neglected to do their research. In a 2020 article titled Sunderland schoolteacher becomes YouTube star with healthy eating videos as part of a Jamie Oliver campaign (archive), Jack is erroneously credited with being a chef in Jamie Oliver’s Jamie Oliver Cookery School.

The article also claims that a Jo Tissington is taking over the Cook [sic] With Jack series and has renamed it Cook With Jo.

 

[stets]

It appears a journalist at the Sunderland Echo neglected to do their research. In a 2020 article titled Sunderland schoolteacher becomes YouTube star with healthy eating videos as part of a Jamie Oliver campaign (archive), Jack is erroneously credited with being a chef in Jamie Oliver’s Jamie Oliver Cookery School.

The article also claims that a Jo Tissington is taking over the Cook [sic] With Jack series and has renamed it Cook With Jo.

View attachment 2488946

This whole piece is bizarre. There are so many weird non-sequiturs and basic factual errors that it comes across as written by an algorithm and not a human. That’s pretty par for the course with UK media, tbh.

 

[rubytintedchix]

Sad. Today's PCLM livestream will not be published because the genius fat man self-doxxed his old Buena Park, CA address on video (he openly left his address visible on the pizza box label).

That said, the infamous "green kitchen" has been remodeled by the new owners:

View attachment 2488879

Wow. What a glow up. It looks so much better! Doxing was unfortunate, but this makes me happy. That green was fucking awful. Not sure who picked that train wreck out.

 

[desudesu]

It appears a journalist at the Sunderland Echo neglected to do their research. In a 2020 article titled Sunderland schoolteacher becomes YouTube star with healthy eating videos as part of a Jamie Oliver campaign (archive), Jack is erroneously credited with being a chef in Jamie Oliver’s Jamie Oliver Cookery School.

The article also claims that a Jo Tissington is taking over the Cook [sic] With Jack series and has renamed it Cook With Jo.

View attachment 2488946

Damn, that entire article is so surreal. Did the journo even bother doing a simple quick Google of Jack Salmonella Scalfani? I scrolled down to the Editor's Note and thought it was a correction, but no, it's just some plea for gibs to the dying paper. Journalism is truly dead.

 

[AnOminous]

Wow. What a glow up. It looks so much better! Doxing was unfortunate, but this makes me happy. That green was fucking awful. Not sure who picked that train wreck out.

Well why not counter-DMCA at this point?

 

[Aaway]

wait, so what happened with today's PCLM stream?

 

[desudesu]

wait, so what happened with today's PCLM stream?

PC&TLM played a clip of fat Jack doing an absolutely stupid "taste test" on some corporate chain pizzas; Pizza Hut, Papa John's and Costco. Unfortunately, Jack being the video editing guru he is, forgot to redact his address on the pizza delivery label which was slapped on one of the boxes, essentially self-doxing. Following the revelation of his address on video, TLM stated that they will not publish the stream for the sake of the PCLM channel. The "Taste Test" video was nothing more than Jack scraping off toppings and complaining about how there's NO CHEESE NO CHEESE on the pizzas while they all looked perfectly fine.

You can see the video here:

 

[feral cat #6385]

wait, so what happened with today's PCLM stream?

They replayed footage of 9/11 and made jokes about all the people dying. Talk about a jarring format change!

 

[TurdFondler]

They replayed footage of 9/11 and made jokes about all the people dying. Talk about a jarring format change!

Atrocity tourism is atrocity tourism be it culinary or geopolitical.

 

[Delilah Radio Show]

PC&TLM played a clip of fat Jack doing an absolutely stupid "taste test" on some corporate chain pizzas; Pizza Hut, Papa John's and Costco. Unfortunately, Jack being the video editing guru he is, forgot to redact his address on the pizza delivery label which was slapped on one of the boxes, essentially self-doxing. Following the revelation of his address on video, TLM stated that they will not publish the stream for the sake of the PCLM channel. The "Taste Test" video was nothing more than Jack scraping off toppings and complaining about how there's NO CHEESE NO CHEESE on the pizzas while they all looked perfectly fine.

You can see the video here:

@1:43 "Now as you can see, it's not quite a large; I mean, look how small that is. This used to be a medium when I was a kid" LOL

 

[Chandler Bing]

He's as Italian as Walmart-brand "Italian" dressing.

I fucking despise great value zesty Italian dressing.

Its a crime that shit was ever made in mass to sell.

 

[StraightShooter2]

Sad. Today's PCLM livestream will not be published because the genius fat man self-doxxed his old Buena Park, CA address on video (he openly left his address visible on the pizza box label).

That said, the infamous "green kitchen" has been remodeled by the new owners:

View attachment 2488879

You mean they couldn't have just edited that part out?

 

[James done did it]

so how long before Jr. makes a demonbaby and names it Jack Scalfani III? Will my children have a Scalfani dynasty lolcow to mock too? It's really great that Jr is upping his game because I don't know how much longer Sr is going to be kicking.