Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 379 14.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 394 14.8%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 12.0%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 192 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.8%

  • Total voters
    2,661
Only made it to the halfway point of the caandy popcorn video. Tess has the talent of being a completely personalityless void, her narcissism aside. And her nasal voice is just grating. Amazing that she still got gigs despite having zero charisma.

And for a food related video looking this greasy and sweaty kills any craving for sweets. So, thanks for that, Tess.

What really kills me is that she couldn't be arsed to mirror the video so you can read the text. It hit me on second thought, that this Narc Bitch was using the selfie camera, so she could eyefuck herself on screen in all her greasy glory. Fuck, why was I even surprised?!

I would say, from her children Rylee is best off. He spent his early years with his granny, while his useless mum partied it up in Seattle, he already clearly distanced himself from her and works on his education. Still, it's heartbreaking. Last year he was bribed with hamburgers and a kernel of attention, so his shitty mum could play badass super mum for Parent Magazine. This year she blurts all over the internet that she would have rather aborted you, if it wasn't her baaaaad family who forced to have you.

And still, in the long run of things Rylee is the luckier one. Bowie is really fucked.
 
Well, it happened. Ryann got desperate enough for clicks to declare a new video series featuring her 5 year old, because unlike her UNGRATEFUL FUCKING OLDER SON WHO SHANT BE NAMED, Bowie is a good boy who will still do anything mama says in despair for the kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl of parental love.
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This caption really bugs me. Most little kids love filming silly videos, but those videos are then shared with friends and family, not 2 million strangers on Instagram. Bowie is too young to understand what it really means for his mom to be posting this for such a large audience. She easily could have sent this in a group chat to the people who actually know Bowie IRL instead of sharing it on Insta.
 
This caption really bugs me. Most little kids love filming silly videos, but those videos are then shared with friends and family, not 2 million strangers on Instagram. Bowie is too young to understand what it really means for his mom to be posting this for such a large audience. She easily could have sent this in a group chat to the people who actually know Bowie IRL instead of sharing it on Insta.
This seems to be Tess’s delayed reaction to having her podcast flop so spectacularly. If she can't get any views even with a number of fairly well known celebs hand picked by a production company, maybe her cute kid can get her into the family youtuber space.

The problem is, she's as unlikeable as ever. Her kind mom act is a very obvious veneer that barely contains her teeth gritted rage that this is what her life has come to. And of course the video has to be centered around food, because that's what her days are filled with.

Of course, her complaints with the candy m&m popcorn were "not enough m&ms" and "why is the bag so small?"
 
Not surprised that Tess is exploiting her poor 5 year-old. All her other grabs for attention (podcast, "anorexia", hanging with black trannies) have flopped, so time to use her cute child as a prop! Bowie is only 5, so he has no idea what the fuck is going on, only that Mommy is finally giving him attention instead of her IG and her CakeJohns. My biggest fear is that Tess is going to go all Joan Crawford/Joseph Jackson on Bowie whenever he doesn't perform perfectly on command.
 
This caption really bugs me. Most little kids love filming silly videos, but those videos are then shared with friends and family, not 2 million strangers on Instagram. Bowie is too young to understand what it really means for his mom to be posting this for such a large audience. She easily could have sent this in a group chat to the people who actually know Bowie IRL instead of sharing it on Insta.

What really bugs me about this, is her entire brand is based on a social movement and has created quite a lot of controversy. She gets hate and discourse on nearly all of her posts. At this point, since she's not actually doing any real work, 99% of her content is just her clapping back at strangers on the internet. She knows even poor little Bowie being the focus of the video won't stop the trolls. And yet, she's gonna go ahead and expose him to it anyway.
 
Tess is a textbook narc mom with a golden child and a black sheep. Both kids are already fucked. It doesn't matter what she is doing to them now or in the future. The most severe damage a narc mother does, happens in the crib. I am sure none of her children have a secure attachment style or developed basic trust.
She just can't resist shitting on Rylee. Ungrateful scoundrel can't bother less to support his loving mother in her only work as an influencer. She gave everything to him, often forgetting to care about herself, yet bitch refused to show his face.
Bowie Morbidly Obese Children & Their Enabling + Exploitative Parents saga when?
 
Tess is a textbook narc mom with a golden child and a black sheep. Both kids are already fucked. It doesn't matter what she is doing to them now or in the future. The most severe damage a narc mother does, happens in the crib. I am sure none of her children have a secure attachment style or developed basic trust.
It depends, sometimes there can be resilience whether or not they develop self-worth and (are able to) avoid the narc. Of course I'm talking about Rylee, but I don't disagree with any potential short- or long-term trust/self-esteem issues down the line. We've also seen it with how she treated poor Bowie on Mother's Day when talking shit to her "friends".
 
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Not surprised that Tess is exploiting her poor 5 year-old. All her other grabs for attention (podcast, "anorexia", hanging with black trannies) have flopped, so time to use her cute child as a prop! Bowie is only 5, so he has no idea what the fuck is going on, only that Mommy is finally giving him attention instead of her IG and her CakeJohns. My biggest fear is that Tess is going to go all Joan Crawford/Joseph Jackson on Bowie whenever he doesn't perform perfectly on command.
“NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!” Except maybe it’s about not enough m&ms in her candy popcorn
 
Oh, taste test videos with a little kid! That sounds fun. What are you going to do, ants on a log? Apples and peanut butter combinations? Chocobanana? Baby's first charcuterie?

Bonus:
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jfc her face and attitude when Bowie trades her for the larger piece
the way she eyes him while he goes for a second and immediately stakes her claim on the rest of the bag by digging through it and eating at a record pace

No wonder Bowie switched gears and went to go eat some m&m's, Tess' food aggression scared him off.

Didn't even ask him if he wanted anymore, Tess just inhaled the rest of the bag as quick as she could.
 
jfc her face and attitude when Bowie trades her for the larger piece
the way she eyes him while he goes for a second and immediately stakes her claim on the rest of the bag by digging through it and eating at a record pace

No wonder Bowie switched gears and went to go eat some m&m's, Tess' food aggression scared him off.

Didn't even ask him if he wanted anymore, Tess just inhaled the rest of the bag as quick as she could.
That's obviously the normal behaviour of someone who finally recovered from her crippling lifelong anorexia and restricted eating.

No disordered eating to find here. Everyone gets catty with their five year old in such a situation.
 
jfc her face and attitude when Bowie trades her for the larger piece
the way she eyes him while he goes for a second and immediately stakes her claim on the rest of the bag by digging through it and eating at a record pace

No wonder Bowie switched gears and went to go eat some m&m's, Tess' food aggression scared him off.

Didn't even ask him if he wanted anymore, Tess just inhaled the rest of the bag as quick as she could.
Is there ever a situation that can't be referenced with a Lazy Town song?

Tess has a case of the mines, most especially when it comes to food.

Her face when he trotted out the giant jar of "Halloween candy" she has lying around the house at the beginning of September was also excellent. Excuses started flying out about how she always keeps some seasonal candy around, haha, doesn't everyone? (No, Tess. We don't.) It's, uh, peanut m&ms, so it's practically a health snack! And the colors are... no, Bowie don't eat mama's candy!
 
Is there ever a situation that can't be referenced with a Lazy Town song?

Tess has a case of the mines, most especially when it comes to food.

Her face when he trotted out the giant jar of "Halloween candy" she has lying around the house at the beginning of September was also excellent. Excuses started flying out about how she always keeps some seasonal candy around, haha, doesn't everyone? (No, Tess. We don't.) It's, uh, peanut m&ms, so it's practically a health snack! And the colors are... no, Bowie don't eat mama's candy!
She shares a lot of food pics. I don't think we've ever seen her show healthy food, or food normal people regularly eat. It's all treats. But is it really a treat anymore if it's an everyday food?
I wonder if she's vitamin deficient
 
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This social media with Bowie gives me bad feelings about well... mamas new cake John not being about the cake at all and instead all about the access to an adorable 5 year old with 0 parental or adult stable figures in their life. Whose mom also loves having their child taken off their hands. Tess is also exactly the sort of desperate mentally ill woman to just either not believe a child or just not put two and two together. To be honest. I get the same concern every time she trots out Bowie.... whoever will take him off her hands is welcome! Not full time, mind, she needs her money and weapon against Nasty Nic.

Tess has already shown she is irresponsible with putting Olly to stay in Bowies room. Not saying anything about Olly. But that is not appropriate at best. It is abuse to allow a child to be exposed to things they should not be. Such as drug taking, conversations of a deeply sexual nature, indecency. Etc. I bet my bottom dollar Bowie has been witnessed to all these things.

I really sincerely hope it doesn't pan out that way. Best that Bowie remains quiet and goes to his barren little room when Mr cake man arrives and mom starts squealing again. I noted on an update about her home tour... Still no further pictures or update about Bowie's room.

Bowie, should let mama have the biggest bits of chocolate and treats. In fact, make sure she does. After all. HAES right?

Late as all hell but ddos. But the mark on Tess's foot is not dirt. The markings are like a fat triangular strap across her ankle from widest at the back to front. But the marked discolouration high on the instep is dirt. As an obese waddle monster she will have collapsed her instep and therefore the dirt mark will be far higher.
 
This social media with Bowie gives me bad feelings about well... mamas new cake John not being about the cake at all and instead all about the access to an adorable 5 year old with 0 parental or adult stable figures in their life. Whose mom also loves having their child taken off their hands. Tess is also exactly the sort of desperate mentally ill woman to just either not believe a child or just not put two and two together. To be honest. I get the same concern every time she trots out Bowie.... whoever will take him off her hands is welcome! Not full time, mind, she needs her money and weapon against Nasty Nic.

Tess has already shown she is irresponsible with putting Olly to stay in Bowies room. Not saying anything about Olly. But that is not appropriate at best. It is abuse to allow a child to be exposed to things they should not be. Such as drug taking, conversations of a deeply sexual nature, indecency. Etc. I bet my bottom dollar Bowie has been witnessed to all these things.

I really sincerely hope it doesn't pan out that way. Best that Bowie remains quiet and goes to his barren little room when Mr cake man arrives and mom starts squealing again. I noted on an update about her home tour... Still no further pictures or update about Bowie's room.

Bowie, should let mama have the biggest bits of chocolate and treats. In fact, make sure she does. After all. HAES right?

Late as all hell but ddos. But the mark on Tess's foot is not dirt. The markings are like a fat triangular strap across her ankle from widest at the back to front. But the marked discolouration high on the instep is dirt. As an obese waddle monster she will have collapsed her instep and therefore the dirt mark will be far higher.
I've wondered about that as well, she panders to some pretty nasty people, and I can see her calling Bowie a liar if he tells mama that one of her precious weirdos touched him in a bad way.
 
That was a very enlightening little video. Her annoyance as Bowie switched candies was a sight: he wanted green instead of blue, but she whined that his was bigger. Bigger? Really? What Ms. Anorexia, might you miss out on an entire mini M&M? Yes, compare them side by side to see. Bowie ate two compared to her five, before she gave up decorum and snarfed the rest up without even asking if he wanted more. The food Gods entered her body at this seance and ate through her.

Anybody who has has children know that you taste one candy and the kids get the rest. If you have two kids, then you spit that bag evenly otherwise they fight. Not with Tess around. I guess, I’ve never heard of an adult gobbling a treat bag down before a kid can have his third piece. I don’t know fats personally, but maybe they are in a perpetual battle over food?

Then out comes the enormous jar of peanut m&ms. Bowie decides to have one of every color while Tess fatly explains why she has that much candy two months before Halloween. It’s decor. Sure.

That was the fatest she’s ever looked. Looking in the bag, you know she wanted to lick it. Even her face-there is no saving it now. She and Amberlynn could be moon-face twins at this point.

It’s sad that Ryann is going to use her own child to draw in viewers. She was already starting to attract pervs, now they will just bubble up.

Bowie is cute and not overweight at all. Considering that little scene, he’s already learned not to fight mama when there is food around or expect that he will get anything when Mama wants it. Maybe she buys fruit, which we know she won’t eat but which Bowie probably likes.
 
That was a very enlightening little video. Her annoyance as Bowie switched candies was a sight: he wanted green instead of blue, but she whined that his was bigger. Bigger? Really? What Ms. Anorexia, might you miss out on an entire mini M&M? Yes, compare them side by side to see. Bowie ate two compared to her five, before she gave up decorum and snarfed the rest up without even asking if he wanted more. The food Gods entered her body at this seance and ate through her.

Anybody who has has children know that you taste one candy and the kids get the rest. If you have two kids, then you spit that bag evenly otherwise they fight. Not with Tess around. I guess, I’ve never heard of an adult gobbling a treat bag down before a kid can have his third piece. I don’t know fats personally, but maybe they are in a perpetual battle over food?

Then out comes the enormous jar of peanut m&ms. Bowie decides to have one of every color while Tess fatly explains why she has that much candy two months before Halloween. It’s decor. Sure.

That was the fatest she’s ever looked. Looking in the bag, you know she wanted to lick it. Even her face-there is no saving it now. She and Amberlynn could be moon-face twins at this point.

It’s sad that Ryann is going to use her own child to draw in viewers. She was already starting to attract pervs, now they will just bubble up.

Bowie is cute and not overweight at all. Considering that little scene, he’s already learned not to fight mama when there is food around or expect that he will get anything when Mama wants it. Maybe she buys fruit, which we know she won’t eat but which Bowie probably likes.
My favorite food memory from when Tess used to show off her then only child Rylee, was an outing for frozen yogurt. She let him choose any topping he wanted (SUCH a GOOD MAWM). Ryann chose fruity pebbles; Rylee choose fresh fruit. Predictably, his maternal unit was irritated af.

She hates when they eat her surgery snacks; and she also hates it if they won't eat her surgery snacks - it makes her feel embarrassed for being an obvious fat fuck.

This is part if why her anorexic story is so ridiculous. I mean, the primary reason is because she doesn't meet the diagnostic standards: she's not got a BMI less than normal (in fact, she's CRUSHING that stat with a deathfat BMI). But her behavior around food makes it so clear and obvious she's a binger: she's always posting about food, talking about it,showing herself eating, commenting on others eating, wanting to bring up food, etc. She gets anxious when others begin eating her food; she hurries to eat it all before they can take her food away. She shows off her regular binge foods believing this to be relatable, but she's ashamed when the additional large amount of unhealthy food she eats is outed.

She looked like she was about to lose her shit on Bowie for showing off one of her binge jars of candy. She can pretend it's for decorating all she wants, she was regularly eating from the "decorative" jars o candy on her podcast so we know she can't resist a candy jar binge no matter how old the contents may be.
 
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