How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

Depressed and up shits creek without a paddle.


I need to get on the ball at work and get my act together or they'll replace me...or maybe they will either way idk ... I just had a very bad day at work and dk what to do or if there's anything I can do.


I mean we're all told as kids of you get your act together and improve yourself everything will get better at the last second...but now in the real world how often does that actually ever happen huh?



Yess I've been drinking too.
 
Already tried many times. No medications work, therapy is useless too. Currently in therapy and it isn't doing shit like always. Pretty sure I have BPD based on things my psychiatrist told me and everything I read about it, and of course this is notoriously difficult to treat. The world is literally better off without mental defectives like me. Appreciate the concern though.
If you haven't already, I really recommend you check out Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who created it, did so because she got pissed with all the crap out there about BPD being untreatable while working with highly suicidal clients. She also thinks she herself has BPD. It takes a lot from cognitive-behavioral techniques and Buddhist practice and is backed by a pretty robust literature showing its effectiveness. What's cool about it IMO is that it's very structured and practical, sort of cuts to the chase in comparison to other therapies. If you don't want to or can't find a DBT therapist, there's a lot online including this basic website and also this Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook (PDF, 2.3 MB) and tons more on LibGen and if you just Google "free DBT resources".

Good vibes to you and all my fellow autists reading this thread.

ETA:
This film Borderliner Notes is really interesting and there are so many awesome interviews on their channel with really top psychologists.
 
we're all told as kids of you get your act together and improve yourself everything will get better at the last second...but now in the real world how often does that actually ever happen huh?



Yess I've been drinking too.
Set on a sappy movie and cry your eyes out, sometimes you have to just let it out.
 
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Depressed and up shits creek without a paddle.


I need to get on the ball at work and get my act together or they'll replace me...or maybe they will either way idk ... I just had a very bad day at work and dk what to do or if there's anything I can do.


I mean we're all told as kids of you get your act together and improve yourself everything will get better at the last second...but now in the real world how often does that actually ever happen huh?



Yess I've been drinking too.
I've found in my own life that circumstances can change drastically on short notice - for worse obviously, but also for the better. This is of course providing that you're generally digging uphill, and not fucking around where it matters. I'm convinced that those who (for the most part) put the effort it, will see those rewards both down the road, and in the short term (in various manifestations.)

Anyway, shit's looking up for me. Very up. I left my job back in early August due to it killing me and making me depressed. I was also due to leave for an Asian country and begin a new life. That didn't happen, and the idea has probably been shelved long time, if not indefinitely. But thanks to a friend I got a solid job position that'll start before the month is out. Good pay, amazing work environment, working with a best bud of mine in a nice location about town, generally low stress day to day stuff.

Also killing it in the gym recently - pulled five plates for the first time last week, with other compounds on the rise. This is a far cry from earlier this month when I was legitimately down in the dumps, and shit all around me was falling down.

For my depressed fellow farmers, chin up. We're all gonna make it. ❤
 
Someone in my immediate family died and now everyone is finally talking shit about them since he can’t retaliate. I hope that fucker left me money
Update: he did not leave any full siblings any money.
Dude was rich as fuck, too. His kids are fat and his widow is almost Amberlynn sized, I haven’t seen them in 15 years.
No tears or sadness from me.
 
killed it in the gym today. Recently the nectar has been flowing with some of my favorite lolcows...all I need is PPP to create a fuentes documentary and the triforce will be assembled...Baked Trial...PPP v Surfer continues...Fuentes Docu because he's a daily lolcow for me. And now I'm drinking rum + mango nectar (great combo btw). I wish I had snacks. I'm trying to avoid chips and stuff but god damn could I used some snacks. Also Nintendo Switch updated their software to allow for bluetooth Audio...

But...snacks...
apuheadphones.jpg
 
Bible Study has been amazing. The past few meetings we mostly just been talking about our lives and I was able to talk about my situation and my hopes and dreams. At the end of one session, one guy prayed for everyone in the group. Including me.

This morning one guy even gave me a deluxe version of the Bible that has special sections that go into detail of what certain phrases mean. Dude is awesome.

Can’t believe I was an edge lord atheist at one point.
 
follow up to my last post.


Today was a total 180 at work. didn't argue with anyone, stayed as polite and courteous to everyone as i could, didn't talk back, (though i never saw it as that till it was pointed out to me guess a touch of the tism still lingers in me) and most of stayed on top of everything i was supposed to and kept up a fast pace.

Too bad boss lady who threatened to can and replace me yesterday was off today. Her second in command did say she'd tell her how good i did today, hope that means something though and wasn't just her giving me false hope.


I just don't get the people i work with, one minute we can be all happy and laughing as we work together like we're the best of friends the next...well you've all seen what i posted. I just don't know, maybe what she said she out of stress and as a hollow threat that wont be so hollow if i dont pick up the pace or maybe it was dead serious. Maybe i can turn things around for the better and maybe not. I lost that naive hope of things turning around and being all better at the last possible second a long time ago.


well at least today was an improvement, hopefully she'll be in a nicer mood and see said improvements tomorrow and be swayed.


edit: If i seem to disapper from the farms in a month or so maybe morre don't assume im dead. Assume i lost my job and am struggling to find aniother one in order to pay the verizon bills to stay online. Like i said that hasn't happened YET and idk if it really will in the imediate future...but this time it feels like it could very well be possible.


If i lose my internet connection may my final words on the farms for the time being be this, Guys you';re all a bunch of borderline deviants and psycho...and i love you for it. To the big boss (Uk the one) best wishes and im glad i came to your site. I will look back on my time here fondly and as the most fun ive had on the internet since they launched it.
 
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I've got a gnarly sinus infection going on that's been kicking my ass for several days now, but today I was feeling a little better so I tackled cleaning out the spare bedroom (a lot of boxes and shit we didn't know where to put) and I am ready to crash. But I am glad I was able to do something more productive today.
 
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