Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

John Titor said:

Duuuuude.

DUUUUUDE.
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You have good taste. As an aside, you looking forward to HOI4? Because I am with what I'm seeing. The ability to recreate Enemy at the Gate by giving my dudes only half of their equipment... training them up into real people soldiers. It has serious potential.

John Titor said:

Going to backtrack but this is the same guy who bought all that shit in Warframe, correct?

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Oh no. That's a completely different dude. That's Cole's cousin. They do share commonalities in both being weebs and both stealing cole's credit card though.

John Titor said:

Incredibly hilarious to me because Nat. China's Navy is nonexistent. They only have two transports meaning they can only send two units at a time at most. In a normal game, Japan would utterly rekt Nat. China's ships forcing them to stick to land battles.

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He legit just sat there eating honeycombs without moving his fucking units outside of his army. It was a joke.

Surtur said:

I would like to see the Retsuprae anyways.

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Here it is, physical proof that Benito does legit exist as a living being:

Adamska said:

You have good taste. As an aside, you looking forward to HOI4? Because I am with what I'm seeing. The ability to recreate Enemy at the Gate by giving my dudes only half of their equipment... training them up into real people soldiers. It has serious potential.

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I"ll be keeping an eye on it. I'm not incredibly good at Grand Strategy but I keep coming back. Paradox games are way too addicting and time consuming for my own good.

Here it is, physical proof that Benito does legit exist as a living being:

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Just one archived? I don't follow LP culture that much but did Retsupurae become slang for "Let's watch people suck at LPs"? I assumed you were talking about the original group.

PS - Oh Lord, he has Super Robot Wars.

John Titor said:

I"ll be keeping an eye on it. I'm not incredibly good at Grand Strategy but I keep coming back. Paradox games are way too addicting and time consuming for my own good.

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I'm tempted to get it whenever they get another steam sale for their series as a whole, just so I can get more content for a cheaper price. I love their games, but sometimes it's a bit frustrating when they keep stacking on DLC.

John Titor said:

Just one archived? I don't follow LP culture that much but did Retsupurae become slang for "Let's watch people suck at LPs"? I assumed you were talking about the original group.

PS - Oh Lord, he has Super Robot Wars.

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Yeah, it was just the one unfortunately; Benito doesn't have a big presence online, and this LP was the only time he ever really tried to produce content (and that was years ago to boot). I've personally felt that Retsupurae refers to riffing an LP that happens to be bad, sort of in the same boat as MST3king became another term for riffing bad movies.

I did mention he was a super huge fanboy of Gundam, so it's not shocking he has Super Robot Wars. I think he has all of them too, although I don't particularly have much tales of him sucking shit at that game..

Several years ago I encountered an eight-year-old of all things who was a major 'troll' on several message boards. By that I mean he'd swear a lot, vandalize wikis and start ridiculous arguments.

He wrote several fanfiction in script format and on one occasion plagiarized an entire story from another author, using her name and everything, and when she called him out on it he said that 'it was his cousin's name' and that he hadn't even read her fic.

On one occasion, he tried to claim the word 'crap' was said in an episode of SpongeBob on Wikia, and when his edit was reversed, he wrote "Fuck you asshole! I mean it, fuck you! Ban me forever, I don't care, bitches!".

Eight-year-old. And he was autistic.

He eventually sort of disappeared, made an apology for his past behavior on a deviantART account; it was rumored that he had hacked a message board several months later but he would've been nine at the time and I don't think nine-year-olds can hack.

A teenage girl from the same message board made a rant video about him on YouTube (now deleted), stating that she didn't take sympathy on him for his behavior just because he was autistic, and said 'You wanna know who else is autistic? Christian Weston Chandler.', which was actually my first time hearing about him.

To properly begin the Saga of Whopper, we must come to understand why things came to be. There may be times when you may ask, “Why Sutur, why would you tolerate this?” For a few reasons. One, I am a nice guy. You may not believe it, but deep down in the cockles of my hardened, blackened heart lays a soft spot. Two, there are not a lot of people into nerd shit in to rural Arkansas and we needed a fourth for our tabletop group. Third, well fucking with him was pretty fucking funny.


To begin, I remember the day he started working at my job. Not too often someone shows up cosplaying as the Blob. Dude was fucking fat and he was wearing a shirt far too small and his gut was hanging out, bright red because we work in a fucking freezer and he was too fat to fit in one of the jackets they gave us. This led to why we called him Whopper. He bought this brown, insulated overalls and wore it with this shitty orange shirt and someone remarked that he looked like a Whopper with Cheese.


With this said, where should we start?


Whopper, the Compulsive Liar (Now with 46% more Stolen Valor)

Whopper, the Failed Gamer

Whopper, the Unrepentant Weeaboo.


You may choose Kiwis.

Surtur said:

To properly begin the Saga of Whopper, we must come to understand why things came to be. There may be times when you may ask, “Why Sutur, why would you tolerate this?” For a few reasons. One, I am a nice guy. You may not believe it, but deep down in the cockles of my hardened, blackened heart lays a soft spot. Two, there are not a lot of people into nerd shit in to rural Arkansas and we needed a fourth for our tabletop group. Third, well fucking with him was pretty fucking funny.


To begin, I remember the day he started working at my job. Not too often someone shows up cosplaying as the Blob. Dude was fucking fat and he was wearing a shirt far too small and his gut was hanging out, bright red because we work in a fucking freezer and he was too fat to fit in one of the jackets they gave us. This led to why we called him Whopper. He bought this brown, insulated overalls and wore it with this shitty orange shirt and someone remarked that he looked like a Whopper with Cheese.


With this said, where should we start?


Whopper, the Compulsive Liar (Now with 46% more Stolen Valor)

Whopper, the Failed Gamer

Whopper, the Unrepentant Weeaboo.


You may choose Kiwis.

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I vote for chronological order on stories. If that's not relevant, start wherever you want.

Nara said:

I vote for chronological order on stories. If that's not relevant, start wherever you want.

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And so it shall be, and it works, since so much of this is tied together.

Now, for those of you who don't know, I work in a chicken production plant, more specifically I work in the freezer, which is good because I don't want to deal with raw product. The fact that Whopper, who started out in debone got moved to our part of the plant is relevant, as we shall see later. Now, when he first got moved down it was late in the shift so they just had him do bitch work the first night, but I knew, I just knew I was going to get stuck with his chunky ass as a partner, because they love to have me train the weird ones. The next day, lo and behold the neck bearded blob was on my line. The first thing I notice is one, he is sweating. it is 15 degrees in the back and he has beads of sweat dripping down his face from the little bit of work we were doing as linefeeders The other thing you notices is that he had a distinct...odor. It was bad. He then proceeded to talk to me about his favorite Anime. For four straight fucking hours. It was at this point I began to suspect he had autism.

Of course, this is not the worst of it. He just seems like any other sperg you might say, but no. Remember how I said he was a compulsive liar? His favorite anime, the one he just spent four hours telling me about was complete and utter bullshit. He spent four hours lying to me about anime. I did not know at the time, because I am not into anime but when I asked a friend about it who is, he looked into it. Complete bullshit.

After this conversation is when we started talking about things like the military, Dungeons & Dragons and his 'girlfriend/fiance/wife' who, if people who knew him before he worked with us are correct, has been pregnant for nearly two years. If you guys want to hear anything specific, let me know.

I definitely want to hear about his stolen volar first as well as more of his lies.

I'm curious about Whopper and D&D.

Surtur said:

And so it shall be, and it works, since so much of this is tied together.

Now, for those of you who don't know, I work in a chicken production plant, more specifically I work in the freezer, which is good because I don't want to deal with raw product. The fact that Whopper, who started out in debone got moved to our part of the plant is relevant, as we shall see later. Now, when he first got moved down it was late in the shift so they just had him do bitch work the first night, but I knew, I just knew I was going to get stuck with his chunky ass as a partner, because they love to have me train the weird ones. The next day, lo and behold the neck bearded blob was on my line. The first thing I notice is one, he is sweating. it is 15 degrees in the back and he has beads of sweat dripping down his face from the little bit of work we were doing as linefeeders The other thing you notices is that he had a distinct...odor. It was bad. He then proceeded to talk to me about his favorite Anime. For four straight fucking hours. It was at this point I began to suspect he had autism.

Of course, this is not the worst of it. He just seems like any other sperg you might say, but no. Remember how I said he was a compulsive liar? His favorite anime, the one he just spent four hours telling me about was complete and utter bullshit. He spent four hours lying to me about anime. I did not know at the time, because I am not into anime but when I asked a friend about it who is, he looked into it. Complete bullshit.

After this conversation is when we started talking about things like the military, Dungeons & Dragons and his 'girlfriend/fiance/wife' who, if people who knew him before he worked with us are correct, has been pregnant for nearly two years. If you guys want to hear anything specific, let me know.

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I'm kind of curious how he described this nonexistent anime or why he had to lie about something he's supposed to be into.
And I like to know more about the failed gamer.



I know a similar guy who is a pathological liar who lies about his hobbies. I don't think he's too remarkable so I'll keep it brief:
> In middle school and didn't have much to do; no modern vidya, no cable, shitty neighborhood
> Transferred to new school where almost everyone is a shithead and the only person who seems to want to be my friend, let's call him Lou.
> Lou's also a pariah, one of the reasons I tolerated him for so long was because I thought pariahs should stick together
> Lou's noticeable quirk is he has no indoor voice
> He goes on about his awesome PS2, which was new at the time
> Wanted to hang out his house because I don't have any working consoles at home but he tells me that he can't have guests over
> A "friend" (who I found out was an even shittier person than Lou is) was at his house and said that he doesn't even have a PS2.
> Why he invited him and not me, I'll never know but this event was pretty much why I stopped being friends with him
> Now, I know TVTropes is unpopular here but is anybody familiar with "Cowboy Bebop at his computer"? That's what his lies were like. Apparently Metal Gear Solid was about a secret agent who must save the President's daughter from the terrorist organization called "Metal Gear".
> I guess he became a weeaboo too but the sad part is, that's not even the worse thing about him

There's probably more but one thing I remember where I was furious with him (and in retrospect, suspect he has some autism thing going on) was when he picked his nose and wiped it on my carpet. Seriously what the fuck.

Alright Kiwis lets talk about my favorite personal Lolcow. We'll call him Chris. And much like our OPL everything in life isn't his fault. In fact he blames all his problems on everyone and everything else. Got kicked from the chirstmas ball for throwing up everywhere? Its his job's fault for having so much beer. Can't find a girlfriend? Its because he lives in an area where girls don't like him. He will bitch about anything and everything constantly. He's one of those people who posts old 4chan memes on FB and thinks he funny. He'll message random girls looking for someone , if anyone to give him a peepee touch.

Fun fact he tried doing a threesome with one girl and another guy and ended up throwing out the girls hip, making him a permavirgin.

Chris is also the type of guy who will exaggerate mundane injuries. A pinky scar from skateboarding will become a war wound. A busted nose after failing to do push ups and slamming his face on the ground turns into a fight with a military vet at a concert.

But the best part about Chris is how easy it is to bait him. Believe me at some point I will want to bait the fuck out of him and link him this post. Thats because chris will respond to ANYONE. Anything, no matter how dumb, silly or insulting Chris will respond to it. He'll block you on FB and still bitch you a year after you forgot about him. Again like OPL, he believes there is a vast conspiracy to troll him. Becareful what you say though! He may threaten to sue you for libel or challenge you to a fight.

Chris himself is a heavy set boy with either short greasy hair or long greasy hair. He's a mix of neckbeard,fedora and the worst of metal culture.


Thats him when he had short hair...and below is him after he fucked up his face


Theres also the fact he likes to buy underaged girls beer and hard lquior in hopes of getting laid but this has never come to fruition. Like most Chris's we know, this Chris can't get anything right.

Surtur said:

Of course, this is not the worst of it. He just seems like any other sperg you might say, but no. Remember how I said he was a compulsive liar? His favorite anime, the one he just spent four hours telling me about was complete and utter bullshit. He spent four hours lying to me about anime. I did not know at the time, because I am not into anime but when I asked a friend about it who is, he looked into it. Complete bullshit.

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What? That's impossible - if you pick a set of words at random, there's an anime about it.
Seriously, though, I'm intrigued as to what he told you. I think he's the first person I've heard of who knows what anime is without knowing anything about it.

Ok, so that particular day was a one break day, so that is why I had to put up with his shit for so long. Towards the end, I mentioned me and some friends played Dungeons and Dragons and he got all sorts of excited, probably because he knew that we were not aware of his bull shit. This is the part where he lies about knowing how to play Dungeons and Dragons, more specifically the 3rd Edition rules. He then proceeded to tell me about all of these insane campaigns that he played in, about how him and his uncle played a game where he was like a level 37 and another guy was like level 52. While having PC's above level 20 is not unusual, I can't imagine setting appropriate challenges for parties with that disparate of a power level.

Now, it begun to become apparent that he had no fucking clue how to play. When he showed up, he had a stack of character sheets that made no sense, like a 3,5 sheet that had a level 2 human fighter with 20 Strength. In 3.5 it is impossible for a Human to start with an attribute at 20. So he pulls out a sheet, containing an Aasimar Paladin whose states were awful high, but not outside the realm of possibility. Now, it became apparent pretty early on that he had no fucking clue how to play. Overtime he would get he he would whine about "not getting a reflex save." It ultimately boiled down to a day when the party got split, my PC had been kidnapped by a vampire and was undergoing the process of becoming a vampire, the other two members had found some mushrooms and were getting stoned, so it was up to him to help. He encountered a Vampiric Mist. This should of been an easy fight for him. He was a level 10 Paladin, it was an Evil creature and it was only CR 3, he could of Smited the shit out of it, but that would make sense. The fucker just uses regular attacks, suffering because it has damage resistance. It murdered his shit. After he died, we questioned him on WHY he failed to do so and he legitimately had no idea he could do that. Smite is the Paladins core feature, its why you play the class. It gives you all sorts of bonuses to your attacks, but that would have made sense.

We have this theory that they weren't his sheets and they belong to someone else and he just claimed they were his.

Have a Pepsi said:

What? That's impossible - if you pick a set of words at random, there's an anime about it.
Seriously, though, I'm intrigued as to what he told you. I think he's the first person I've heard of who knows what anime is without knowing anything about it.

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I can't remember much of what he said, but it in evolved this guy and a dog alien in space or something. He changed the details a lot and I know he told me the name of the series and no one could find it.

Surtur said:

Ok, so that particular day was a one break day, so that is why I had to put up with his shit for so long. Towards the end, I mentioned me and some friends played Dungeons and Dragons and he got all sorts of excited, probably because he knew that we were not aware of his bull shit. This is the part where he lies about knowing how to play Dungeons and Dragons, more specifically the 3rd Edition rules. He then proceeded to tell me about all of these insane campaigns that he played in, about how him and his uncle played a game where he was like a level 37 and another guy was like level 52. While having PC's above level 20 is not unusual, I can't imagine setting appropriate challenges for parties with that disparate of a power level.

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Okay, this dude sounds like he had a high power level in more than one sense.

I do remember one campaign a friend of mine ran that basically got out of hand like this and he basically just ended it in a giant apocalyptic fight to the death that wrecked the world and killed everyone, and started over.

We have this theory that they weren't his sheets and they belong to someone else and he just claimed they were his.

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Or if he wasn't just making shit up, perhaps he came from some ridiculous Monty Haul campaign where he'd always have some bullshit artifact weapon that would overcome horrible play. People who play in those rarely need to learn anything.

AnOminous said:

Okay, this dude sounds like he had a high power level in more than one sense.

I do remember one campaign a friend of mine ran that basically got out of hand like this and he basically just ended it in a giant apocalyptic fight to the death that wrecked the world and killed everyone, and started over.



Or if he wasn't just making shit up, perhaps he came from some ridiculous Monty Haul campaign where he'd always have some bullshit artifact weapon that would overcome horrible play. People who play in those rarely need to learn anything.

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Thats our other theory, that whoever he played with just gave him whatever just to shut him up or they all were just as bad. Like, he wanted to keep the magic items he had on the sheet and the GM said no, he counted up the modifiers on the sword alone, it came out to about +15 in magical enhancments. On a level 10 character. For those who don't know Magic Items in 3.5/Pathfinder have a general bonus maximum of +10. Now the GM can disregard that, but they generally don't unless you are at Epic levels (Or playing Mythic characters in Pathfinder.) so it was absurd that a level 10 character would have a weapon like that and the rest of the gear was just as bad. He was pissed when the GM said he could only have one magic item (a +1 Longsword) because in his setting magic items were extremely rare and most of the rest of us had only one or two magic items. (I had the most, a +2 Ring of Protection and a Ring of Counterspell, the tank had a +1 Tower Shield and our other fighter had a +1 Greatsword, so letting him have those items would of seriously upset the party balance.)

Daniel is a very autistic and a pedophile. He plays Final Fantasy 14 and his character is a miqo'te he named after a real 13 year old he's
dangerously obsessed with. She was his idea of perfection and he speaks of her like she's some kind of goddess. Our autist in question is 28.

Recently he linked me a picture in his photobucket account of his FF14 character and what did I find in his other folders? A TON of pictures of
said girl, many of which being screenshots he took from vlcplayer, all of her face. There are TONS of them. Its like looking into the personal
collection of a stalker or future serial killer.

He also has "severe social anxiety" but likes to go out to a nearby track to run. He can't handle dealing with all the people during regular hours so he runs late at night but suddenly other people have started to show up making him explode on facebook like an entitled brat and lunatic.

He's extremely racist as well and thinks that anytime a black person shows up its because they're selling drugs.

Interestingly, the guy is not a virgin and has been in one relationship, I've seen pictures of the girl and she's not terrible looking. They aren't
together anymore and she deleted her facebook so I can't squeeze any juicy information out of her. Said guy hates her very much and in the past has
shared fantasies with me about killing her. Apparently she gave a bunch of his favorite transformers to her one of her sons (not his kid, he doesn't
have any).

The only content I really have are saved logs from aim where he's being creepy and the link to his photobucket account:
http://s296.photobucket.com/user/ultimaweaponff7/library/?sort=3&page=0

He has frequent meltdowns on facebook where he throws autistic tantrums, here is a recent example: http://imgur.com/yxI898Y

Like CWC he gets SSI benefits, leeching off your taxpayer dollars! You know how CWC was obsessed with finding a true sweetheart and all that shit before he turned tranny? Daniel is obsessed with the perfect, cute young girl and HATES women. He also HATES pornography, yes, he masturbates to girls in their clothes. I asked Daniel once what he would want if he could have anything and he told me "I'd do over middle and highschool so I could have a loli girlfriend and go on trips to the beach with her."

Daniel hates growing up so much and wishes he could have a little child for a gf who would want to do that boring shit and watch cartoons or play video games.

It goes farther though, oh yes..Daniel also hates the way women dress. He likes "simple cotton panties" and fucking HATES lacy Victoria Secret stuff. One night we were talking and he went on this hilarious tirade about how the Jews were using the homosexuals to design all the VS stuff so that young girls would be bigger whores and thus breed with black males. He non-ironically equates Victoria Secret, its models, and lingerie line with Satan. He even linked me an article once saying how VS was marketing a new underwear line to young teens and he kept going "THE FUCKING JEWS. I FUCKING HATE THEM."

Last month he was expressing interest in buying a gun, which is odd because the whole time I've known he has never expressed interest in adult hobbies. He did a little bit of research and figured out there was no way he could get one with his medical history (he's been committed to a mental ward several times). Thank heavens for that.

A few months ago Daniel tried to commission some artist on DA to draw the girl as a Fire Emblem or Final Fantasy character. He decided on either a Pegasus rider or white mage. Was going to fork out some serious dosh for it too but the artist never responded. He was pretty depressed about that.

Some history on his childhood: Daniel was apparently screened for autism as a young child and the results upset his parents enough that they got the opinion of a second doctor who said he was fine. He was not put into any kind of special ed classes, quite the contrary he was moved into some gifted courses early on elementary school.

School was a miserable experience for him though. He disliked a lot of his teachers and had no friends. I asked him what grades were the worst and he said the 6th grade and all of highschool. He said there was one teacher in the 6th grade that gave him a very hard time, some young lady. Daniel seemed full of vitriol when he would talk about her and said the other students loved her, that it was just him who was her target. I never could get out of him why exactly she targeted him, but he said she made him cry on several occasions, that he still remembers well and just talking about her made his stomach hurt.

Just a hypothesis but I think this teacher may have shaped Daniel's aversion to adult women later on. Perhaps she's his own version of CWC's Mary Lee Walsh.

His obsessing over certain girls thing has been a trait since he was 13. How do I know this? He's talked about it to me. He's mentioned some "auburn haired" girl his dad use to teach, she was a little older than him. Daniel's dad took him along on some field trip to the amazon one summer along with several of his students, the girl included.

Daniel says that one day he was feeling under the weather due to the humidity or something like that so he stayed behind one day when the group went on a hike. He took this opportunity to sneak into the girl's room and raided her panties while looking through her other belongings. Daniel says it was one of the most exciting moments in his life.

Early on in the 10th grade he dropped out and finished school by doing "night classes", well that's what he called them.

I got more I'll share later.

More Content
I have some recent aim logs between us where he acts creepy or cringe worthy, its a bit of a text dump and there's some boring talk about vidya early in the convos at several points.

CHAT LOG 1
5:18:40 PM) Meteo Swarm: I really wish you could make the miqo'te females look younger

(5:19:40 PM) Jordan: Should have made a lalafell

(5:20:46 PM) Meteo Swarm: They're cute but they remind me too much of toddlers and I don't like playing really short races like goblins, gnomes etc

(5:23:30 PM) Meteo Swarm: http://s296.photobucket.com/user/ultimaweaponff7/media/the queen/10838876_1528071774100440_887178132_n_zpsmx5lu1og.jpg.html?sort=3&o=0 really wanted to make her look like this as much as possible but it was pretty impossible

(5:24:11 PM) Jordan: I think you got the hair kind of close

(5:26:16 PM) Meteo Swarm: Yeah, but she still looks a bit too old, like she's in her early 20s. I wish there were more options in games for character creation, like giving her a cute overbite etc, instead you always end up having a million ways to create some big boobed amazon, it gets boring as hell.

(5:27:40 PM) Meteo Swarm: I will hand it to square though, I was able to actually create a cute character. Much better than WoW, Guild Wars 2 let me create a pretty decent looking female too but lol fuck that piece of shit.

(5:29:10 PM) Jordan: Yeah, GW2 is pretty shit.

(5:31:55 PM) Meteo Swarm: I wish tera online was actually good..from what I saw that game had some really pleasing options for character creation. But nooo everyone freaked out over lolis and panties, can't have that no sir.

(5:33:53 PM) Jordan: Are you talking about the elin? I think that was the only loli race, the game did look cool though.

(5:35:36 PM) Meteo Swarm: I guess, I dunno. I just remember people here chimping out over their panties so they changed them, kinda like in RO. It use to be that the female priest's "dead" sprite showed her panties but they changed it and made it shorts or something dumb

(5:46:01 PM) Meteo Swarm: http://imgur.com/j4rzMwF her hair is so nice, I love her expression too, so impish. I hate how when girls get older they wear tons of makeup and try to look serious and mature, its such a big turn off.

(5:47:15 PM) Jordan:

(6:06:46 PM) Meteo Swarm: It'd be cute as hell if she cosplayed up as the female hunter from RO http://i.imgur.com/ThPxOJJ.jpg

(6:07:19 PM) Jordan: wb

(6:07:26 PM) Meteo Swarm: Thanks

(6:08:34 PM) Jordan: Why hunter?

(6:11:45 PM) Meteo Swarm: I don't know, I guess I'm just biased because I had one and I don't really like how the female wizards look. I just have an easy time imaging her in the outfit, she could do a lot of stuff though, RO's classes present a lot of cosplay opportunities for attractive people.

(6:14:33 PM) Meteo Swarm: Too bad that every chick that does cosplay is frumpy as hell or has a manly face. Or she's just a girl with big boobs showing off her cleavage as Ivy or Cammy.

Everytime I see con photos with someone cosplaying as Cammy or Mai I just think "Who the hell are you fooling? You stupid cunt. Go die in a fire."

(6:15:40 PM) Jordan: Fooling people into thinking she's into games?

(6:18:05 PM) Meteo Swarm: Yeah, its not just that though, I think most guys think its hot to see an objectively looking decent girl confident enough to strut her ass or titties like its nothing but it just makes me mad. They always have this ugly, smug look on their face, like they think they are the hottest shit in the world. I get the same feeling when I see Victoria Secret models walking down the runway on tv.

(6:23:53 PM) Meteo Swarm: The worst part is when actual cute girls try to emulate them. Girls want to be famous and rich now, living a gaudy lifestyle while bleaching their hair and copying celebrities like Paris Hilton because the jewtube says they should be like them. I was so shocked when I found out Paris wasn't jewish.

(6:24:18 PM) Meteo Swarm: God I hate her ugly bitch face.

(6:27:05 PM) Jordan: People have always envied the lavish lifestyles of the rich and famous though, that's been going for hundreds of years

(6:29:07 PM) Jordan: They have it easier and most of the time get praise for just existing, can't blame people for wanting that. I do agree that Paris Hilton is awful though.

(6:32:00 PM) Meteo Swarm: Yeah, I wouldn't mind having tons of money and nice stuff, but instead of parading around on reality tv I'd just settle somewhere quiet, like the outerbanks. Wouldn't even need a huge house.

(6:34:02 PM) Meteo Swarm: FUCK Paris Hilton though, and that nigger fucking kraut Heidi Klum. Poisoning girls everywhere, telling them they want to live the glam lifestyle or be spray tanned models with ugly mascara.

(6:36:00 PM) Meteo Swarm: I wouldn't mind driving a steam roller over that nigger fucking kraut model bitch.

(6:39:55 PM) Jordan: hahaha

(6:41:04 PM) Meteo Swarm: I guess I'm going to go log into FF14

(6:41:26 PM) Jordan: Alright, talk to you later..have fun.

CHAT LOG 2

(10:19:01 PM) Jordan: what's up?

(10:20:21 PM) Meteo Swarm: Reading the FF wiki, holy shit all the expanded universe FF7 stuff is so bad. Worries me even more about the remake and how much Nomura will try to incorporate that shit.

(10:22:26 PM) Jordan: Didn't you like Last Order?

(10:25:33 PM) Meteo Swarm: Last Order isn't really extended universe like AC and Dirge though. Its just a cool little OVA thing about shit that happened in the actual game.

(10:26:47 PM) Meteo Swarm: Like, all the shit in ff7 is pretty cool, you have Midgar, Junon, Cosmo Canyon, Mt. Nibelheim and Rocket Town, pretty iconic locations that seem like actual places in the game's universe.

(10:29:39 PM) Meteo Swarm: Then the extended universe stuff like the novels and games add shit like EDGE CITY and ANGEAL GENESIS and it goes from 90s style gritty jrpg with some weird stuff to fullblown garbage anime tier.

Edge City sounds like something out of a kid's edgy fanfiction. So does all the other stuff.

(10:34:12 PM) Jordan: I never played dirge, I played a little bit of crisis core a long time ago, I don't remember much about it. Advent Children is ehh. Its not cringe worthy like some of the other stuff.

(10:35:43 PM) Meteo Swarm: I hate how they went and made Loveless into an actual thing and not just a reference to My Bloody Valentine.

(10:36:09 PM) Jordan: I don't remember loveless, what was it?

(10:38:11 PM) Meteo Swarm: I think it was this play you see advertised in Midgar early in the game on a poster. Loveless is a my bloody valentine album, a really good one.

(10:39:13 PM) Jordan: Never listened to them before

(10:40:27 PM) Meteo Swarm: Meh, feel like shit.

(10:40:39 PM) Jordan: Why?

(10:48:07 PM) Meteo Swarm: Well, I guess *** has really grown up now, looking at her latest pictures. She's not ugly at all or anything, but her face has matured, I guess. Blonde hair now and all that tanning must have done it.

Guess she's not a little fairy anymore but jailbait now, god it pisses me off. She actually looks A LOT like how one of my cousins use to now, with the blonde hair and stuff. Said cousin was a really beautiful teenager, use to think of her all the time..lol, but I'll miss the cuteness overload.

It kind of bothers me how people think being dark and tanned is better than being really white, she had really good skin. Some girls just happen to tan really good, others don't, but its not a bad thing.

(10:58:06 PM) Meteo Swarm: http://imgur.com/ha1uany,kWNDnUY comparison to show what I mean

(11:02:08 PM) Jordan: Yeah, that's a pretty big change. She's still not a bad lookin girl though.

(11:07:41 PM) Meteo Swarm: She's still pretty, part of feels bad complaining about it, I just much prefer her old look. It always relaxed me and made me feel better. Had the perfect face..

(11:11:46 PM) Jordan: Maybe its time to move on?


(11:17:09 PM) Meteo Swarm: Its not like I ever really knew her or anything, I really just liked this ideal character I made for her in my head, it was pretty painful when I'd search for pictures and find out little bits about her life.

I think when she was younger she wasn't satisfied with her appearance, but that's just an idea from little things I saw on old tumblr posts.

Always been popular though, like, if I was her age and we went to school together, in reality she would probably want nothing to do with me and very little would be different from how it is now. Well, aside from the age thing..and I'd be younger so it would be easier to enjoy my life again.

That's part of her charm though, she's so cute and pretty, is social, dances..she'd be a complete untouchable.

(11:24:50 PM) Meteo Swarm: Kassie stayed cute throughout being a teenager and Joanna kept her childish face well into her mid 20s. I think Joanna is where I really gained my appreciation for the finer details, like the upturned nose, thinner lips, etc. It might be an estrogen thing, maybe girls with less estrogen stay girlish longer.

I talk shit about Joanna and may hate her now but when we first met she was so great because she was one of the few women I knew that openly embraced looking childish, like an anime character. She had small a-cup boobs, was as skinny as an 11 year old, had the cutest upturned nose and smile ever. She would tease me on msn webcam and run away wearing a scarf that covered her boobs while in cute cotton panties with animals on them. She was 23.

It was so hot. I really miss oldschool Joanna. We would talk all night about rp characters, rpgs or we'd roleplay ourselves.

(11:27:19 PM) Jordan: Where's she now? I know you told me two hate each other now but I forgot the details of her life you shared.

(11:29:52 PM) Meteo Swarm: She got married, a really nice ceremony actually, though I was not invited or informed at all. Marriage didn't work out, apparently the guy's mom had him on too tight a leash or something. Other shit too but it doesn't matter. They got divorced, she ended up getting a cushy stay at home job with Apple and now she's dating this dorky looking hispanic guy who is also a brony..lol.

(11:38:59 PM) Jordan: Maybe you should become a brony

(11:40:33 PM) Meteo Swarm: Fuck no, thanks. Paw Patrol is better anyway and actual little girls watch that. I think MLP's prime demographic now consists of 20 something males.

(11:45:56 PM) Meteo Swarm: I don't understand how bronies get so passionate about the show, when I saw it I thought the animation was cute but that was it. What's the draw that pulls in everyone? I see people making youtube videos where they seriously discuss episode plots. Isn't the show just about magical ponies who are devices for each episode to teach some kind of value to little kids, like sharing is good, be kind etc. I never watched many episodes but that was the impression I got.

Or does it get like Digimon Tamers and everything turns really dark and serious like Evangelion for kids?

(7/10/2015 12:01:50 AM) Jordan: I don't watch MLP so I wouldn't know.

(12:02:14 AM) Meteo Swarm: WB, I think we both went afk there for awhile.

(12:10:02 AM) Meteo Swarm: I miss my rp friend, she hasn't been around for awhile

(12:10:51 AM) Jordan:

(12:11:40 AM) Jordan: What exactly do you guys rp about?

(12:14:45 AM) Meteo Swarm: Different things , she's really good though. I love her a lot. I had such a big drought for almost 10 years then she shows up and she is simply spectacular. She almost feels some of the void inside me..

(12:16:16 AM) Jordan: Do you know anything about her?


(12:34:03 AM) Meteo Swarm: A bit, I've tried not to pry too much to preserve the purity of our relationship. She is very intelligent with science and math, an avid reader, I think she's in some special program because she does so well. She's a southerner too .

She's a really smart, sweet southern girl with an excellent mind and imagination, she's a rare treat. The best kind of person. I love how she's smart and sweet, like she's not some bullshit psych major or into gender studies, majoring in real science. Fucking sick of frigid, pc yankees that think they are the only ones with any intelligence, that we're all a bunch of retarded fucks who should secede.

I saw that shit so much on SA when I use to post there. Goons are the worst. There was this one dude, forget his name, but he was a MAJOR sjw and his gimmick was that he would post bad shit about the south and how ignorant and racist we were. Turns out he lived in some really nice part of illinois with next to no blacks. He was one of those posters that fashion himself as a champion of the brotha.

Lol, my school district was 60-75% black, I have reason to feel the way I do. Black kids beat the shit out of my dad, took away the career he loved and the nig judge wouldn't even do anything. He said "Its a shame these young men are in a court room and not in class, LEARNING." Fuck you, go eat some KFC.

(12:41:26 AM) Jordan: Lol, you are pretty racist though

(12:48:39 AM) Meteo Swarm: Not really, they irritate me but I wouldn't go burn a cross in one's yard unless they tried dating my daughter or something. My hate is reserved for people like Anita Sarkeesian and the people who participate in liberal think tanks at universities in california. Chapel Hill is pretty awful too, me and my uncle went there before Christmas to do shopping and we saw nothing but white-black interacial couples. Its the meddling of the jews though but what can you do? The damage is done, its not like I'm going to get to have kids and see them indoctrinated by the white guilt culture of diversity.

I got really hateful about it last month but finally decided it just didn't matter anymore. I feel like shit all the time because of my life, I don't need to go read Anita Sarkeesian's stupid tweets to make myself feel angrier.

(12:53:38 AM) Jordan: Yeah, I think you have enough negativity in your life its best not to bring in outside sources.

(1:02:19 AM) Jordan: Let's be honest Daniel, the real reason you stopped was because your parents kept threatening to unplug your internet if you didn't stop posting controversial stuff on facebook

(1:02:50 AM) Meteo Swarm: Lol yeah..and the libs are doing all they can to get the confederate flag banned. I read an article where Harkeem Jeffries said "Why are we supporting this tradition of slavery, rape, kidnap, genocide, treason etc etc." LMAO. Like General Sherman didn't pillage, rape and burn down anything he could..I know its war and all, but he's regarded as a "noble war hero who stood against a great terrible evil" while you can't say anything positive about Robert E.Lee or Stonewall Jackson.

(1:03:10 AM) Jordan: No, I just stopped caring


(1:18:46 AM) Meteo Swarm: http://i.imgur.com/RXH74df.jpg wish I had more of her

(1:19:52 AM) Jordan: You like blue eyes a lot.

(1:20:54 AM) Meteo Swarm: I've seen some pretty girls with brown eyes, a few with green, blue is by far my favorite though. Every girl I really, really like has blue eyes.

(1:22:49 AM) Meteo Swarm: I saw this fucker on a forum trying arguing that brown was the best because its the original eye color, worst part was that people were agreeing with him.

(1:24:09 AM) Meteo Swarm: And now when you post a girl with an upturned nose people say she looks like a pig, I think soon its going to be pretty taboo to like girls with any nordic traits or that just look really white.

(1:25:57 AM) Meteo Swarm: Alright, its almost 1:30..I'm going to try going to the track and see if things go any different from last time. I feel like eventually one of two things is going to happen: the same people doing drug deals that see me show up are going to bitch at me or threaten me to leave, trying to scare me or a cop is going to confront me instead of said drug dealers. That would be funny but given my luck I can see it happening.

(1:27:05 AM) Meteo Swarm: Its odd that the nights where I see cops stay for awhile follows a day where I've complained about people behaving suspiciously at said track.

(1:27:15 AM) Meteo Swarm: on facebook

(1:28:05 AM) Jordan: Ooooo, yeah that is kind of strange.

(1:28:33 AM) Meteo Swarm: Yeah..I've been more nervous abou going the past few times but whatever, I'll keep going for now.

(1:28:36 AM) Meteo Swarm: about*

(1:28:42 AM) Meteo Swarm: see you later

(1:28:52 AM) Jordan: Alright, ttyl


More Shit
This is some extra stuff I dug up from his facebook,
http://imgur.com/oIyIEnY
http://imgur.com/WlxxWwz

These are two of his "rp" characters, he just had this written on his facebook:

"I didn't draw but one of my best friends did. Sketch of one of my characters from awhile back. Love it (and her)

Sorry to embarrass you, J. Don't worry, ill safe guard your anonymity!"
There actually is some drama because Daniel and J, they are not on speaking terms anymore and Daniel speaks rather badly of her. They use to be close friends, going by what Daniel says.

http://i.imgur.com/0GCj7JF.jpg
"
"When I was in the hospital back in early February I somehow made a positive impression on a very talented, intelligent young lady. The morning I was to go home she presented this poem and drawing to me and I always keep it close when I feel worthless, like I'm no good.

>We both went our ways but little things you do mean a lot to people. Sorry if I still have trouble following your advice,K.D."

Some girl drew this for him when he was in a mental ward. I just find it extremely ironic given what we know about him.

Daniel never shares many details about her but I'm sure she didn't know the extent of Dan's depravities. He said at one day he was wearing a sweater and she touched his arm, commenting on how nice the fabric felt and he had to fight with every fibre of his being not to go masturbate in his room.

Typical beta.

Continuing my short, round, green-shirted "God's Gift To Women" coworker story, he's certainly going from lolcow to horrorcow gradually. Like a lesser @Connor Bible, except no Molly Ringwald obsession. It's getting pretty bad, worse than usual.

"And so this 8 year old black kid came up to me at the bus depot, and said, 'I'd like to ask you a question. DO YOU LIKE DICK?' And so I said, 'Come over here and find out!'"

He delivers it in a way that makes you wonder if he's actually a pedophile. He's already wrapped up in his sexual fantasies and talks about them at work all the fucking time, like a mini Mrz. Except he claims he gets tons of pussy all the time.

I have a friend who's kind of turning into a personal lolcow for me and my wife-to-be. She was a good friend of ours in college who since graduation has become rather vocal and preachy as part of the autistic pride movement (she was not diagnosed as autistic until her thirties or forties as she was raised in a Hasidic community). Part of me wants to share her contributions with the featured thread but she's still enough of a friend that I don't feel comfortable sharing all of her crazy quite yet.

@Adamska
I just read all your posts about that guy. What I want to know is 1) Did his parents just simply give up and let him pig out? I can't understand how they tolerate that behavior for so long 2) Is 600 lbs an exaggeration? At that weight, I would think he would require a motorized scooter in order to move.

John Titor said:

@Adamska
I just read all your posts about that guy. What I want to know is 1) Did his parents just simply give up and let him pig out? I can't understand how they tolerate that behavior for so long 2) Is 600 lbs an exaggeration? At that weight, I would think he would require a motorized scooter in order to move.

Click to expand...

If he is legit 600 lbs, I'm surprised he's not dead from the mounds of fat his legs need to support.