Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Bork Laser]

It sounds like this guy is a real chode. Do you have any more stories about him?

As a great man once said..."I'M WORKIN ON IT"

Seriously though I just need to speak with a few people. My Chris is one of those guys who everyone has some sort of story.

Though I will leave you with this. If your a female and on Chris's facebook friends and suddenly become single, he will make a fucking bee line towards you. I knew someone once that had just gotten out of relationship. It didn't end well, with both the guy and girl beating each other up. Now this girl is obviously traumatized so Chris decides to step in and try to help. He does all these nice things for her and then tries asking her out...one week after her relationship ended violently. Think about that for a moment.

 

[Cabonet]

I guess I might as well share my bit of somebody strange I know. This is an irl friend of mine who happens to have a tumblr too, so I guess it's pretty personal for me.

She acts pretty normal except for two cases of her being... I don't know if calling her an lolcow is even the right word because she's pretty damn tame, but they're definitely funny incidents to me.

First thing that happened was on her Tumblr she started getting anons. Floods of them. They were all saying terrible things about her, just petty insults like "yer art is dumb lol" "please delete" and she threw fits over it saying it made her plummet into depression. I didn't say anything about it to her at that time, but I noticed that the typing style of those anons were identical to her. If she was seeking attention and pity, why didn't she try typing differently to make it seem more believable?

The anons startred fluctuating, happening every few days or so then popping up only every couple weeks until I myself sent her an anon saying "I know you're sending anons to yourself. Why do you keep doing this?" The message didn't get posted, but five minutes after I sent it she started vagueposting that she was nervous and a liar and emphasized how she 'wished she was a better person' or something. It was strange.

About a month later she began posting on her blog about having headmates. She made a system page and created all these different personalities and people that apparently lived in her head. I went over to her house a couple days after she made those posts and asked her about the headmates thing and she literally started acting differently. Her body language was different and word usage changed, and she said that 'one of her headmates was fronting, hello this is me, [system name]'.

It was fuckin weird, man. I made an excuse to leave and haven't met up with her since. She seemed to have chilled out with both things I mentioned, but I really worry if she'll pick up another Tumblr trait or something.

 

[Adamska]

It was fuckin weird, man. I made an excuse to leave and haven't met up with her since. She seemed to have chilled out with both things I mentioned, but I really worry if she'll pick up another Tumblr trait or something.

It's no good; the corruption has begun. Chop down her internet and cut the rot right at the root. That might help maintain some level of the person she once was.

 

[Cabonet]

It's no good; the corruption has begun. Chop down her internet and cut the rot right at the root. That might help maintain some level of the person she once was.

I should sneak into her house and nab her internets

 

[Adamska]

I should sneak into her house and nab her internets

You'd also need to gut any internet within the local area; gut the library's router, any school network, the works. Elsewise she will migrate there to continue mutating into failure incarnate.

 

[Bork Laser]

I'm back with another story of my Chris! So this one starts out a few years ago. Now if you've read my other posts, you know Chris can be a massive asshole. Well lets say that caught up him to once. A few people I know, lets call them S,R and F where hanging outside with Chris, smoking cigs. They where shotting the shit when S brought up the fact he could do front flips pretty cool.

Of course Chris can't be one upped and he has to brag about how he's good at flipping too. It goes as well as you expect a almost 200+ pounder man to do a front flip. It eventually deolves into a shouting match between S and Chris. Now, to fully understand the assholishness of Chris, you have to realize S's mom was in the hospitable at the time with cancer. She didn't have much time left and the chemo was really the only thing keeping her going.

Guess what Chris does. He says loud and proud "The reason your mom throws up every night is not because of the chemo, its because she's sucking my dick!" Now S is a guy who can let thing slide. This though set him off but rather then beat down Chris, he walked away. R and F who had been watching, went to console S and told him not to worry about it.

One thing to remeber is that Chris lives in the slums of South Jersey, so the fact what was about to happen didn't happen sooner is amazing. R and F go to his house and speak with him acting all friendly. R goes for a high five and when Chris goes to return it, R brings him up against a tree and him and F just go to fucking town on him, with one of them I think wearing brass knuckles.

So Chris is beaten and broken, and you'd think that be enough to humble him. Nope, he gets his step mom. His step mom hears what Chris said and tells Chris he deserved to get his ass beat. Flabbergasted that his actions have consequences, Chris tries calling his dad and his step mom immediately smacks the absolute shit out of him and tells his dad what he did. His dad agrees and Chris is sent to his room for the rest of the day.

So not only is Chris an asshole, but even his parents agree he needs an ass kicking from time to time to shut him the fuck up.

 

[Ruin]

Do you guys voluntarily hang out with this guy or does he hang around and you tolerate him until he does something exceptional?

 

[Bork Laser]

Do you guys voluntarily hang out with this guy or does he hang around and you tolerate him until he does something exceptional?

Me personally, my only interactions have ever been online. For other people though its pretty much the latter. Most of mine and his friends that know me both live in the same area. As I said they basically live in a slum of South NJ. Its alot of low income white people mixed in with other minorities. All the people there have known each other since they where kids and they all hang out with one another.

Chris is always the type of person whos at the edge of the group and alot of people only really tolerate him because he will by them booze or let them crash at his house. He only really burns bridges when hes up against people he doesn't know or doesn't lives near. Like above. After R beat the shit out of him years later he considers him a good friend because R lived in the same area as him.

TLDR version: He's tolerated because he can get people things and even then his sperg outs and general attitude can push even people who have known him for years aaway.

 

[Mater Lachrymarum]

Well... Decided to write about my personal lolcow as well, because why not. Let's call him Reggie for the sake of the story.

Reggie is the same age as I am and he's a brony with strange obsession towards Princess Luna to the point he confessed kissing her figure and describing the saliva he left on it. And basically worshipping her as a deity. Well, the pony sperging is the least of the problems, to be honest. He's also a wiccan with deep belief that Ponies do exist somewhere in the astral plane, but not even as somewhat physical horses. But as vector drawings.

He actually tried to get me to help him in search for crystals to his wand and shit...

But it's not even the end. He's also sex-repulsed. One day he confessed to me that he deleted all his fapfolders and never felt so free in his life. Well, I couldn't do much but to congratulate him, but then he said that sex is a destructive power and people who are commiting sexual acts of any kind should be executed.
(Of course his kissing of Luna figure wouldn't count because it's not sexual, it's platonic)

Reggie is also a firm believer of every conspiracy theory known to mankind. Also thinks that Hitler did nothing wrong. And Holocaust never happened. To the point that he was exclaiming it loudly even after we went on a trip to Museum of Auschwitz.

However, his worst quality I have yet to talk about is something that would run him into horrowcow territory, that is stalking. I've decided to break off contact with him, blocked him on most of the social media sites, blocked him off skype, not even because of the shit mentioned above, but for dumbass comments he kept leaving on my blog.
So he started writing me text messages that he misses me and he's sorry and I'm his soul-mate. When I ignored him, he started talking to my friends and asking about me.

Last time I saw him standing next to my house. He rung the wrong bell and got no answer, so he got away.

But I'm thinking about getting a restraining order if he does it again.

 

[BurgerKing]

Oh shit. Back in Middle School, I had this friend who used to sit with us at lunch, and he had this autistic kid who liked following him around and stuff sit with us a few times. As time goes on it becomes a more regular thing for him to sit with us, even if the previously mentioned friend was at a different table. This kid was somewhat destructive, and enjoyed fucking with a friend of mine who was really religious, and didnt like fighting at all. The shit he would do would be like taking food and like smashing it all over the place or throw shit at people. One day, the guy got up to go do something but left his backpack at the table, so we took it and like put all sorts of left over food and shit in it for shits and giggles. When he came back and like tried to grab something out of his backpack, he went into a full on fucking rage and tried to like attack my religious friend who stabbed his hand with some pen he was using out of pure instinct causing this guy to freak out and like take his backpack and run to another table. Regardless of that event, he still fucking sat with us for the rest of the year, and still did his little shit for the rest of the time.

 

[Korilakkuma]

a few weeks ago i went on a educational field trip with my class to this wildlife park and that's how i found out my 20-something class mate thought bison were carnivores

 

[Rihanna Ikari]

My lolcow I mentioned earlier who was obsessed with Mumfie seems to have deleted her Tumblr, and I don't think it's a coincidence it was right after my post.

My question is, does she Google her Tumblr posts regularly to see if someone's copying them onto another website?

i sadly don't really have anything funny about it, other than it freaked me the fuck out when i realized it was a fake baby. the reborn community are a bit of lolcows too, and started a feud when a willam beatdown-esque commentary was uploaded and claimed it was "bullying" (reminder these are grown women). i have a few links about it, but i don't think it warrants a thread.

My grandmother's involved in the reborn community. Last time I was there she showed me a doll in which something inside made it sound like its heart was beating. Freaky stuff.

 

[Korilakkuma]

a few weeks ago i went on a educational field trip with my class to this wildlife park and that's how i found out my 20-something class mate thought bison were carnivores

Same girl holds our very anxious class dog's mouth shut and screams and gets upset when the dog nips at her or growls

 

[kyz]

When I was a little Kyz, in middleschool, there was an scene kid.
We'd often ignore him, but there was one boy who was popular who would mess with him, and he'd shriek and literally fucking sounded like the xenomorph when we messed with him.
We'd ask him shit like "yo pretty boy why you wearin skinny jeans got a small dick?" and he came back tomorrow with his pants stuffed, showing off.

He'd never shut up about onto how his haul to the mall has been, how much band shirts he got, and kept saying "whale... converse n vans are better den any shoe in da world!", which is why people messed with him in the first place.
He quickly turned into a weeaboo, narutard + some odd ball magigirl animes, so bullying got worse for him because nobody fucking understood random romaji blurted out during instruction. We'd always used to fucking use him for chuckles, because of how he would screech like a fucking raptor when he got criticized or insulted. I remember when a fight broke out between him and a jock because the jock pushed him on accident in the hallway, both got detention, and weeb boy started to paint himself as a damsel in distress, but nobody was buying it.
He grew deluded onto how he was a buff big tough guy ready to save every single female existing, and started to never shut the fuck up about how Sakura from Naburo was the ideal female.

He quickly moved schools however, when one guy thought it was funny to take his Tripp pants and put it in the toilet in the male's gym room, and put it back, completely drenched in piss water.

 

[sm0t]

My husband and I had our first DnD game night with a couple people from our work plus a few other friends of theirs. The storyline for the campaign had condensed race selection to Human, Elf, and Half-Elf, at least according to the house rules, and our characters would be level 9 like most of the party.

I say most because our female co-worker, who's dating our male co-worker who is also the DM, had apparently been using a character for this campaign that I could describe as, I shit you not: an incorporeal, magical sentient cloud (yes, as in the fluffy things that float in the sky) that only spoke in Draconic, wielded a scythe through telekinesis, and was level 20.

:I

 

[Bork Laser]

I'm back with another (my) Chris story. This is is more recent as it happened yesterday.

So Chris posts on Facebook, asking for quick ways to lose weight. Now as stated and the pictures I showed you guys, Chris is a big boy. But Chris always tries to take the easy way out. When people start telling him he'll need to run or go to the gym, he makes up an excuse why he can't do any of those things. He then have twos former marines offer to help train him and get him into shape, for free mind you.

This for some reason sets off Chris's autism max setting. He suddenly goes into this tagent about how the army doesn't really train people and how everyone there are just try hards. Obviously this doesnt go well and people tell him how he wouldn't last 5 seconds in boot camp. Not only does the man child who eats chips and plays COD all day says he can, but also said if a Drill Sergeant talked down to him and I quote exactly " open his skull use his mouth as my cock piece and his eyes as my ashtrays". You can feel the autism ratings flowing off that. I'll see if I can grab the good bits of the convo and post em for your viewing pleasure.

 

[Korilakkuma]

I had an ex who was so anti-sjw to the point where he was pretty much obsessed. He saw everything as pro-sjw propaganda to the point where he refused to watch or play like 98% of TV and video games. If he saw something with a female protagonist he'd go into a rant about feminism and if there was a character who was a poc or trans or something he'd go on about white cis people being criminalised and being oppressed or something.

It got kind of fun baiting him because he'd flip out at anything. I spend a lot of time now wondering why I put up with it for a year now though, haha...

 

[Surtur]

My husband and I had our first DnD game night with a couple people from our work plus a few other friends of theirs. The storyline for the campaign had condensed race selection to Human, Elf, and Half-Elf, at least according to the house rules, and our characters would be level 9 like most of the party.

I say most because our female co-worker, who's dating our male co-worker who is also the DM, had apparently been using a character for this campaign that I could describe as, I shit you not: an incorporeal, magical sentient cloud (yes, as in the fluffy things that float in the sky) that only spoke in Draconic, wielded a scythe through telekinesis, and was level 20.

:I

Christ its one of those campaigns. Your mission now is to murder the campaign. Trust me, its the only way.

 

[Innocuous]

There's an ex-girlfriend of mine, and she is trying to get back together with me.

A few years ago, I was dating this girl long distance. Everything was fine, no problems. I was faithful in every meaning of the word. Then she sent me a picture message of her holding a dick. We broke up I was upset, but I quickly moved on. She tried contacting me several times, and later that year she got arrested for almost assaulting her mother with a knife. Why? She didn't want to do the dishes. She was gone for awhile, then I got flooded with messages. I blocked her everywhere, and she got worse. My current girlfriend and I live together, and one night she managed to get ahold of me through text. I have taken to getting close to her again just to see how far she's lost it. Here's some facts:

-She's lying about having sex with strangers
-She wants me to cheat on my current gf for her
-She's a pathological liar (Lies about doing cocaine, being drunk, taking sleeping pills.)
-Claims she had an abortion
-She wants to kidnap me
-She is jealous of my gf (She hasn't seen or met her.)
-She believes she is entitled to me, but realizes how ridiculous that is
-She has told me she was abused and got a restraining order (Again, another lie because she's the type to make a big deal out of it on Facebook.)
-Claims she's now dating a bank manager (I posted oh her profile "hey nice going, dating a bank manager!" Then she asked me to remove it.)
-Did a half-assed Skrillex haircut once

I love talking to her because it's funny to see what she has to say.

Also there's this guy I used to know. He was a CNA in a nursing home. He was obsessed with ghost hunting and made a documentary on it. He left a DVD of his documentary inside patient rooms. Remember, these people are either demented or dying. Turns out he left like ten of them all around the building. My girlfriend had a college class with him. She says he smelled like cat piss. Anyway, the place had enough of him and fired him. I learned that he was trying to make deals with a resident for money.

 

[Abethedemon]

My husband and I had our first DnD game night with a couple people from our work plus a few other friends of theirs. The storyline for the campaign had condensed race selection to Human, Elf, and Half-Elf, at least according to the house rules, and our characters would be level 9 like most of the party.

I say most because our female co-worker, who's dating our male co-worker who is also the DM, had apparently been using a character for this campaign that I could describe as, I shit you not: an incorporeal, magical sentient cloud (yes, as in the fluffy things that float in the sky) that only spoke in Draconic, wielded a scythe through telekinesis, and was level 20.

:I

This seems to be a fairly common thing in RPGs, where an intimate partner of the GM is given absurd bonuses.
It even has a TvTropes article.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DungeonmastersGirlfriend