User Sub 2014-03-05 - Chris shoplifts from Best Buy

[Marvin]

OK!

So, I have some friends in the Charlottesville area. One of my friends works at a Best Buy as a security guard. He's very familiar with Chris, he's been seeing him for years, throwing pokeballs at girls he liked. He also matched Chris to a recent description of fatty, so I'm pretty confident this was fatty.

Anyway, sometime around an early wednesday in March, 2014, Chris was in this Best Buy, very obviously grabbing stuff off the shelves and shoving it up his shirt. Like, a lot of stuff that he was aiming to steal. We were watching him on the security monitors and it was obvious as fuck, because, heh, y'know, Chris? Subtlety? Nawww...

But anyway, so, we sent our biggest, most intimidating security guy down there and he said something to Chris. Whatever he said, Chris pussied out, dropped everything he was trying to steal, and bolted out the door.

I don't really have anything concrete to back this up, but take it how you will.

 

[LM 697]

Maybe now he'll finally go to prison and die.

 

[Springblossom]

I hope they sanitized all that stuff. I don't think anyone's going to want to buy stuff that was stuffed up Chris' shirt.

 

[applecat]

Great to see that Chris is making good use of all that donation money!

 

[Surtur]

Just...what? This seems bold for Chris.

 

[DeagleDad420]

If this is true it would mean that he's become desperate, likely as a result of the housing situation. Obviously this is speculation, but I would imagine he's living with significantly less comfort than he used to now, and he's never seen the law as an actual deterrent to anything; he probably feels he's entitled to whatever he stole.

 

[Mr. 0]

I don't really have anything concrete to back this up, but take it how you will.

Let's pray that Chris himself corroborates the incident at some point, despite his decreasing level of activity.

 

[Henry Bemis]

No, no, it's okay, take pity on him because he lost all his money in the fi-

No wait, he saved his wallet. Also, donation money.

 

[LM 697]

You know, I've been thinking, but I really don't think Chris did anything like this. He's incapable of shoplifting.

You know, because it has the word "lift" in it.

 

[Marvin]

Just...what? This seems bold for Chris.

Oh, Chris does little stuff like this constantly. See, Chris is a pussy when he thinks there's an actual threat. So, an actual store person in front of him? Yeah, he'll fold. No one around? He'll draw brassieres on magic mike. So, he thought he could possibly make it out the store with the videos. (that he later aimed to go back to the store and return for store credit)

He's just dumb and thinks it'll actually work.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Wow.

Really significant. As much of a shit as Chris can be, he's always respected the "pay money for what you want" rule. He pushes his limits, but that's always been a firm line in the sand for him.

We've seen that once Chris crosses a line in the sand, he often goes to the extreme. If Chris has decided that he no longer needs to pay for his stuff, his entitlement complex will have him doing dumber and dumber heists, until he gets arrested.

Chris is not smart enough to pull off a theft, as Marvin's post showed. This will end badly if he continues.

 

[Marvin]

You know, I've been thinking, but I really don't think Chris did anything like this. He's incapable of shoplifting.

You know, because it has the word "lift" in it.

Nah, he did it. I was skeptical at first, only because exploiting a situation like this requires a high level of confidence. But apparently I just noticed a small detail that completely confirmed this for me. I would've told this story earlier, but I wasn't that confident until now.

 

[Joey Jo-Jo Junior]

I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if that story is true. Chris just cannot handle money issues. Prioritizing rent/heat/etc bills over Lego/Vidya/etc is beyond Chris' skills and mindset. He would never be able to follow a proper budget.

Chris would never rob someone or try to hold up a store, but shoplifting? Yea, Chris would do that.

 

[applecat]

I do wonder how Chris would justify something like this to himself. After all, all of the 90's cartoons he bases his morality around send a pretty clear message that shoplifting is for losers. But I'd imagine it's the same way he justifies submitting a Lego high school to a holiday-themed competition.

 

[Artard]

Wow.

Really significant. As much of a shit as Chris can be, he's always respected the "pay money for what you want" rule.

Actually he had some grifting going on at Best Buy before.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Actually he had some grifting going on at Best Buy before.

I make a distinction between that and the new development. Previously, he'd at least paid for the goods (somehow). Now he's flat-out robbing them.

 

[c-no]

I'm taking this with a grain of salt. Even then if it is true, just not much to say other than "wow" because now he decided to shoplift.

 

[Sweet and Savoury]

Other peoples rules only have meaning when they impact what Chrissy wants.

Morals don't really figure into this. The only reason he would hesitate would be his fear of getting punished.

 

[Henry Bemis]

Just for clarification, is it only a criminal act if the stuff is carried out the door and/or off the premises?

 

[CalmMyTits]

I have to say that I am genuinely shocked by this. Ok ok, I know that we shouldn't be shocked by Chris' antics anymore, but I didn't think he would actually try to shoplift from Best Buy, of all places. I can see him (and Barb) shoplifting from Goodwill, but most idiots have to know that a place like Best Buy would be under heavy surveillance due to the merchandise they carry. Also, how much was he trying to steal? It would be easier to just slip one DVD under his shirt, so Marvin, could you define what 'a lot' means in this case?