2019-04-10 DSP Got Married - Replacing the Gorilla Munch mascot put us on the bad timeline.

[Pargon]

Although the pigroach has been known to survive a lot, this "secret wedding" might seriously be the deathblow of his career, comparable to Spoony achieving his Patreon movie goal, or Tonka no-showing the Knoxville bout. DSP's pay pigs will have to be the most gullible people on the planet to still donate to him after this.

If they need a bigger come to Jesus moment than what Phil has provided in the last two years then nothing short of the Rapture is gonna do it.

 

[architects]

There's really no winning for him here.

-Have parents pay for all expenses including eating out, flights, wedding, tux/dress etc
You said they were dying and you're having them dump thousands of dollars on you. Not a good look.

-You used a good grip of "tax money" to pay for things such as the marriage, eating out, etc.
Again, scummy if the situation. You blatantly scammed your fans like you did to move Khet in. No, not everyone forgot about moving Khet in and it's not a damn meme.

-Come out that you were planning on getting married in CT
A bit suspect to anyone especially with the few months prior begging hardcore. Extremely dishonest

Should have just kept your mouth shut and never posted saying you got married. Ya fucking dumbass.

It’s his obsessive need for attention....he’ll gladly fuck himself over for a bit of spotlight.

 

[wabbits]

What's likelier to be the death blow is Phil being ever more obviously a 40-something dadbro with a big gut, thinning hair, squalling baby, and no talent for video games. There's no one thing. It's a combo of ick that will drive off gullible young folx with $$$ even as the old paypiggies fall off because they need their $$$ for doctors.

 

[bearsintrees]

Quick little theory: Phil's mom (shown in back in 2014) has basically the same body as Kat, aka a square head on a rectangle, and appears to be about Kat's height. Definitely possible that Phil married his new mom-daughter in his actual mom's dress.

 

[Nurse Ratchet]

Kat's face... There is no way she is going to a gym. She's fucking fat.

She's probably just face-bloaty from sneaking off into her hotel bathroom at random intervals of opportunity & letting one of the terrycloth bathrobes absorb the triple-digit decibels of her scream sobs..

 

[Collections Agent]

lol kat is a golddigger
if she finds a guy with more money, she'll ditch phil's ass

then again, with them married, kat has phil by the balls


i'm sure it'll eat phil up for the rest of his life that his big day had him waltz into a building with a rented tux and walking right back out then having his picture taken with a smart phone

Honestly I look forward to cheers on Sunday from people talking about how amazing and extravagant their weddings were and how all their friends came, only for DSP to respond with "Uh, uh huh, that sounds nice."

 

[Synth]

Hey, y'all. I generally dislike this place because of the retarded conspiracy theory tism that goes on, but this arc of the DSP Show is just too good.

Figured I'd toss my two cents in on the ring since I feel like you're treading the wrong path with the stacked shit. Grabbed the source from some other post.

Shit below the engagement ring is all one ring, imo. At the most, the top "third" might be separate, but based on how the middle one is butted up against it, it doesn't look like it, in my opinion. I saw the stacked variants posted up earlier, but I don't think Phil's got the audacity to go that deep into his paypal account.

Included a second image with the ring drawn on a front-facing finger to give a better idea of what I think you should be looking for. Tried to reconstruct it in photoshop, so some autistic faggot could try finding the exact ring, but even my capabilities are stymied by the potato-quality image we all know Dave so well for.

Whatever, shit's fucking cubic zirconia, anyway. Not saying I support the diamond (((trade))), but we know the Pigmaestro ain't shelling out that many shekels for his mail-order Michigan bride.

Edit: Also, their honeymoon was at the fucking zoo. Jesus christ.

 

[N0thingICanDo]

Phil's TRIP TO THE ZOO summarized himself perfectly

Prairie Dog
-----------Fat and lazy stay in a dark hole everyday

Bald Eagle
-----------well, obviously, BALD

Turtle
-----------thinks he can stay in his shell to block everyone else, in reality he COULDNT BLOCK DOOD


how ironic..........

 

[Lesbian Sleepover]

Hey, y'all. I generally dislike this place because of the exceptional conspiracy theory tism that goes on, but this arc of the DSP Show is just too good.

Figured I'd toss my two cents in on the ring since I feel like you're treading the wrong path with the stacked shit. Grabbed the source from some other post.

Shit below the engagement ring is all one ring, imo. At the most, the top "third" might be separate, but based on how the middle one is butted up against it, it doesn't look like it, in my opinion. I saw the stacked variants posted up earlier, but I don't think Phil's got the audacity to go that deep into his paypal account.

Included a second image with the ring drawn on a front-facing finger to give a better idea of what I think you should be looking for. Tried to reconstruct it in photoshop, so some autistic faggot could try finding the exact ring, but even my capabilities are stymied by the potato-quality image we all know Dave so well for.

Whatever, shit's fucking cubic zirconia, anyway. Not saying I support the diamond (((trade))), but we know the Pigmaestro ain't shelling out that many shekels for his mail-order Michigan bride.

Edit: Also, their honeymoon was at the fucking zoo. Jesus christ.

So send us the link to your Tumblr, inspector

 

[Synth]

So send us the link to your Tumblr, inspector

https://XOjew_princezzz.livejournal.com/

 

[DukeMorty]

First off, this is for you Phil (we all know you read KiwiFarms like the Pope reads the Bible), I would say congrats on your wedding but honestly it is not a big deal as nothing changes except that if Kat leaves you she can take half or more of your shit, so basically you played yourself. Also, no one is really jealous because you got married, hell, a shit ton of people said that you were going to marry her soon or on this trip. For some reason, you think your marriage bothers us but in actuality, this is one of the best gifts you can give to the detractor community. Think about it, you are a lolcow, thus you getting married creates a new Saga for us, which allows us to create new theories, speculations, and drama to happen, therefore this was a positive for us. Especially after the repeat Tax Saga you gave us this season (which was kind of boring since it was shit we saw the last season), this Marriage Saga gave us a new Saga to dig our teeth in and be entertained for the next few months, neigh years perhaps. Either way the detractor/lolcow community are grateful for this marriage but not in the way you think.
Also based on what we saw online, you did piss off "fans" because you lied about the Connecticut trip, your parents dying, and lied about being too poor for a marriage. Plus, you suck at timing because the smart thing to do was not to get married after you begged for months about your tax "issue" as people will see this as too coincidental, leading to your paypigs to question your honesty. Even if it is a few piglets leaving you, that bad reputation created because of this could bite you back on your ass, remember it took one person to start World War 1 & 2, so don't think you are out of the woods yet because one ex-fan could do something to get back at you. All and all, I am actually happy you got married as I stated earlier, this gives us a new Saga to watch and the aftermath from this Saga will be epic.

Ok, time for speculation for my fellow autists. Kat does look like she has a bump on her stomach as you can see some wrinkles around that area. Also, her face looks bigger than the last time we saw her, which can mean she got comfortable with her relationship and gained some weight, as that happens when you get into a relationship. However, Dave has stated she has been going to the gym so either she is not balancing her diet with her workouts or she is pregnant and the "gym" was when she would go to the doctor for her checkups for the baby. Also note that Dave had to drive Kat to work when it snowed, why?, well maybe Dave's parental instincts kicked in and wanted to protect his new begging tool, I mean child, thus he wanted to make sure she would get to work safely. Therefore, I am 70% thinking she is carrying a child.

Everything else I won't repeat because it would be ad nauseam but to quickly state my thoughts on the main points:

1. The ring could be expensive or some cheap shit, but we won't know until we get a better look. The real question is if the inside of Dave's ring says "4th Place at Evo, and #1 North American at a Shitty Version of Neo Geo Port of Street Fighter".
2. I think he had no tax issue, and the money he raised was for his vacation. Just weird he didn't freak out when he didn't reach his 5k goal and then goes on vacation.
3. Kat you need to work on your make up skills because I have seen trannies with better faces at a gay pride parade.
4. I think he had a small wedding and his parents are the only ones who were there, oh and the demon that possessed Kat as a kid as that must be her closest and only friend.
5. Ten-year legacy suit!!?? LMAO That is a weird fuckin flex.
6. Him lying about his parents "dying" is scummy as fuck. Just say its been years since you have seen them and you want to spend some time. Why add death to that? That just shows you suck at lying and care about no one but yourself (not surprised since you called your parents stupid for not buying your retarded ass a fucking Wolverine toy, smh)

EDIT: I have been corrected that Kat's sister was the one possessed and not her. I do apologize for my shotty memory, I put shame to this community. As punishment, I will endure watching Dave's Beggathon in its entirety, while sober.

 

[JamFlowMan]

I think he had a small wedding and his parents are the only ones who were there, oh and the demon that possessed Kat as a kid as that must be her closest and only friend

I know this is autistic but everytime I see this it bothers me. Kat was not the person "possessed." Her mom thought her sister was possessed. That is all.

 

[Raven'sChild]

It looks like it's either 3 to 4 separate rings or one massive engagement band and a smaller 'chevron' style wedding band, I'm leaning towards 3 to 4 rings.
View attachment 722642

Even enhanced it's rough to make a call on what's what, what I can tell 100% though is the top ring is the wedding band and like I said is a 'chevron' style which seems to be a more modern type of wedding band since I was unable to find and kind of older examples (oldest I found was a ring from the 80's). I tend to think this ring was bought separate since it has a lot more shine and seems to be completely encrusted with jewels? The bottom part I cannot tell if it's part of the main engagement ring or not, if it is the this ring would be classified as a 'twist' ring which it still might be because of how the setting is done. It's also hard to tell if it's a princess cut or if there's just a bunch of smaller stones in the center, this style is very unique and I was only able to find two rings that shared similarities:

View attachment 722640
This one has the band twist towards the gem in the middle similar to the one in the picture, it's clearly not the same ring because the orientation of the gem is different and the stacked rings it comes with are very thick. This ring is called "Twist Princess Cut Sterling Silver Ring Set" by Jeulia.

View attachment 722641
This is the closest I've come across, it's not the same because on Kat's ring it doesn't look like hers is encrusted in gems on the engagement band part. This ring comes as a set with the wedding band (shown) or without. This is the "Simon G. Princess-Cut "Twist" Split Shank Diamond Engagement Ring".

Overall I want to say this likely isn't a hand me down ring, at least the chevron wedding band isn't. They probably got it from an obscure site somewhere or a local shop which would make it harder to trace, it is odd that they didn't show off a close up picture because a close up would have told us all we needed to know.

Closest I could find to resemble the actual ring ( Kite-set, princess cut engagement ring)

Bridal set with bands on either side of the original engagement ring ( like so )

New, chevron wedding band bought by D$P as it doesn't seem to match the rest of the ring/s as a bridal set would.

 

[Windows 98]

this might be a throw-away post to add to the void, but I'm sincerely hoping there are actual, nice wedding pictures. the idea of these terribly framed, pathetic photos in his parents house is just too depressing, even for the pig roach.

I get this sinking feeling in my stomach that his parents weren't even home when those photos were taken, though. one is a selfie and the other two I'm sure phil took himself - thus no full body pic of him (he's all muscle btw.) why not have Papa Bennett take a good one of the two of them together? why not take some outside where natural lighting would make them look more human?

 

[Synth]

View attachment 722870
Closest I could find to resemble the actual ring ( Kite-set, princess cut engagement ring) View attachment 722871
Bridal set with bands on either side of the original engagement ring ( like so )
View attachment 722872
New, chevron wedding band bought by D$P as it doesn't seem to match the rest of the ring/s as a bridal set would.
View attachment 722896

That was my second guess, with the chevon-looking thing being the wedding band and the ring "below" it being one whole ring, being the engagement one.

Even though Khet comes across as your typical midwestern basic bitch, I don't think she's trashy enough to actually have a ring sitting on top of another ring, since you can clearly see that the "lower" one curves under the ring with the fake rock on it. So the bottom one would be one whole engagement ring, not a stacked one, and the chevron-looking one would be the wedding band.

 

[Cyber Bowling]

I've seen it asked a few times if Phil is now in a different tax bracket and, unless I missed it in the sea of posts, never saw an answer. I'm by no means a tax expert, so someone who is please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. For 2019, Phil can file as married, but he's filing his taxes for 2018. All the relevant information is from January 1st 2018 to December 31st 2018, so he'd still file as single. I know when I file, I'm specifically asked about marital status for that tax year.

 

[clownpiss]

Dunno if it’s been mentioned but dark must have proposed to kat at his secret space needle trip which is why he had a folder of pictures and was trying to downplay it

 

[kamekmagik]

I can't believe Kat let that greasy body get on top and enter her vagina last night

 

[Equinox_]

I can't believe Kat let that greasy body get on top and enter her vagina last night

Well with the tweeting he was doing he was probably too caught up in detractors to have sex. Kat is probably missing the Jim.

 

[Cataloons]

Well with the tweeting he was doing he was probably too caught up in detractors to have sex. Kat is probably missing the Jim.

Maybe he was tweeting while doing his husbandly duty?