2019-04-10 DSP Got Married - Replacing the Gorilla Munch mascot put us on the bad timeline.

[clownpiss]

2am tweeting on honeymoon couldn't be enjoying it more

 

[KangarooPissSpray]

2am tweeting on honeymoon couldn't be enjoying it more

Phil talking about cult leaders.....

 

[Shady Attorney]

Just jumping into this lore of DSP and this is the perfect event to jump in. I'm ready for the soap opera. Glad to be here my fellow autists

KHET? WHY IS THE BABY BLACK?

He married a thot he's known for 18 months who has multiple mental illnesses, hates his job and being a public figure, rarely sleeps with him, never fucks him let's be honest, has no chemistry with him, is uninteresting, has offered him literally zero noticeable benefits to his life or mental health, and is a confirmed cheater.

Embarrassing.

Hmm sounds like someone else...

 

[leChinkyRaccoon]

I've seen it asked a few times if Phil is now in a different tax bracket and, unless I missed it in the sea of posts, never saw an answer. I'm by no means a tax expert, so someone who is please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. For 2019, Phil can file as married, but he's filing his taxes for 2018. All the relevant information is from January 1st 2018 to December 31st 2018, so he'd still file as single. I know when I file, I'm specifically asked about marital status for that tax year.

Not an expert either but from:
https://turbotax.intuit.com/tax-tips/marriage/getting-married/L0DvEUlEC

Filing status
If you do face a marriage penalty, you can't get around it by continuing to file as a single person. That's because if you're legally married on December 31, you're considered married for the full year and you must therefore file as either married filing jointly or married filing separately.

Using the married filing separately status rarely works to lower a couple's tax bill. You can't, for example, game the system by having one spouse itemize deductions while the other claims the standard deduction. Both spouses must either itemize or use the standard deduction. You can't mix and match.

So it seems using Kat as a tax break for 2018 would not have been Phil's plan. Now, I suppose that it's possible that him and Kat could have legally been married in Washington during 2018, just some paperwork and quick trip to the courthouse, then just had a ceremony in Connecticut months later with literally the only people that give a fuck about either of them. That's a big if though.

 

[Zaragoza]

Phil looked like he married Monica Rial, lol.

 

[DarkSydePundit]

The ring is a 4 part thing consisting out of a wedding band, 2 eternity bands and a square zirconia with a braided band.

Judging from the quality of the photo and the bad lighting conditions it’s hard to make out the khwality of the stones and material.

Judging the price of these rings together is retarded. Here’s why:

Eternity Band 1 and 2: $1-$5000 (Each stone can be a Moissainite diamond or even a natural diamond, the band can be made out of 10,12,14,18 or 24k white gold or plain sterling silver or even just a clad) - Impossible to judge the prize on

Also it’s unclear if the stones go all the way around the band or just stop half-way.

The stones could range from 0,1 ct to 0,5 ct on most cases.

A fully stacked 24k white gold eternity band with 0,5 ct natural diamonds?
Yeah, we’re in the 5 figure range.
And that ONLY for ONE eternity band.

Same applies to wedding band and ring itself

While Rings with a braided bands are usually more rare - there are too many imitations that you could just pick out a random ring on the Internet and claim it’s that ring.

The whole set could’ve been purchased together or individually and could’ve costed them $10-$40,000

 

[Wurstbrot]

I don't really get how anyone can see more than one ring, if you look how the single "rings" are bend around the finger, but maybe it's just me.

Also, try less blush and matt your cheaks, Khet. You look like a Pikachu with eyeliner.

My issue is more, why now? The worst time for him to have a wedding would be right now, in the middle of a big tax and debt issue where he needs all the money to go into paying off, and right after a tax fundraiser that of course people are gonna now assume is a scam. He had the entirety of this year to have the wedding and he thinks that this point is the best point? Whats the rush

It has to be now because his parents are dying. To meet Khet.

He abandoned everything in the middle of apocalypse tax season, on the edge of losing his house and Khet. The time he has to work very hard and hope for the best. When he was sweating bullets and begging harder than ever before. He published one begging tirade after another, made clear how deep in the shit he's in.

And he has to abandon this dire time of work because his parents are more important than he loosing the house. Fine.

Until the entire network of lies and distress crumbles down the moment he told the world he's now married.

You lost a lot of trust, Dave. You lied before, you lied now, you give every new generation the opportunity to see through you. This is nothing new, but you get scummier by the day and there is only so much bullshit ppl can tolerate until even the most dense exceptionals realize they get scammed.

But somehow you will spin the entire problem in a way that shows you're unable to connect the dots, and maybe you do that on purpose to mislead your audience, if not you are still a dense motherfucker. You always come up with illogical excuses and empty blabla, because you can only lie to everyone's faces in your favor, even when there is nothing to gain.

Stop lying, asshole! As you said yourself years ago, being insincere is the worst, while you are the embodiment of lies!

I mean, I never trusted this guy, I know he is a scamming motherfucker, but somehow I am still disappointed and feel betrayed. I simply can't believe he can come up with this shit without even showing a snippet of understanding what he did wrong and instead calls detractors manipulating idiots, as if this helps his case in any way. He created the storyline, everyone can read it, but we are the monsters? Fuck you Dave. We may pull some theories out of our asses but we do not changed the reality of your doing! How self absorbed can you be?! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SURPRISES ME BUT SOMEHOW IT DOES, because he speaks to my emotions.

So what now, Phil Burnell? How much more of the entire set up story is bolloks or at least overexaggerated? Like, uuuuuh, taxes? Is your tax problem existing? Probably. Is the debt this apocalyptic? Hell no. On the one day you have to pay over 30k (or so), then you admitted you have not understood taxes BUT SOMEHOW you still need 16k on top of your income, which then was reduced to 5k (or so). See, nothing really makes sense and your newest line of lies and excuses won't help your general case.

You can lie sometimes. Everyone has the right to lie for protection. But the intensity makes the difference. It's important what the lie will achieve. And you blatantly, openly, AGAIN, lied to suck money. Because you are a fucking scammer.
...

Also, protecting the family by keeping the marriage a secret? How does this work? Telling everyone you will go to the only Zoo in CT is fine, but a marriage can be sabotaged somehow? How does this work, really? Do we SWAT the local government? Do we keep the churches under a spying glass? Fucking excuses only his most exceptional fanbase will believe.

 

[millais]

He made a mistake in placing his birthday and marriage within the same week. Now in the future if he attempts to do a birthday begathon and anniversary begathon, they will overlap and paypigs will be too burnt out from the first to contribute much to the latter.

Though it will be pretty funny in the future that every anniversary, he will be miserable because the April 15th tax deadline will be looming close in his mind.

 

[FailedAttempt]

If Khet and Phil ever do breed, their kids will look like literal bobble heads. Those two have some of the most disproportionately large heads I’ve seen on a human.

 

[Zaryiu]

Anyone else think the poll need a "as soon as Dave outlive his financial usefulness" option? I admit my first reaction when i learned he was married was near-depression because even Phil got married while i'm alone and lonely but then i remembered who he married

 

[Comma]

https://twitter.com/JanneDaArc135/status/1116366061060771842

This twitter thread pretty much covers it, in addition to what was posted after your question in this thread.

Oof... nice one. Another long-time supporter that has succesfully completed the fan-to-detractor cycle.

If Swagginz does get axed, who is the top paypig heir? Cause it comes with a lot of power. Or will it be a free for all tip and bit massacre for the position?

Goldencolts or eternal_napalm.

 

[MeganDodgedABullet]

"bugged erectile mechanics doodz. Nothing I could do.....Gin and red meat droop. Please give me $$ for viagra... ACK ACK ACK"

 

[James Smith]

Goldencolts

GoldenColts isn't a paypig anymore. He won't even tip DSP after months of pleading, stubbornly claiming cheering is easier even though it literally requires more steps.

 

[Ikas_Ando]

I don't really get how anyone can see more than one ring, if you look how the single "rings" are bend around the finger, but maybe it's just me.

Also, try less blush and matt your cheaks, Khet. You look like a Pikachu with eyeliner.


It has to be now because his parents are dying. To meet Khet.

He abandoned everything in the middle of apocalypse tax season, on the edge of losing his house and Khet. The time he has to work very hard and hope for the best. When he was sweating bullets and begging harder than ever before. He published one begging tirade after another, made clear how deep in the shit he's in.

And he has to abandon this dire time of work because his parents are more important than he loosing the house. Fine.

Until the entire network of lies and distress crumbles down the moment he told the world he's now married.

You lost a lot of trust, Dave. You lied before, you lied now, you give every new generation the opportunity to see through you. This is nothing new, but you get scummier by the day and there is only so much bullshit ppl can tolerate until even the most dense exceptionals realize they get scammed.

But somehow you will spin the entire problem in a way that shows you're unable to connect the dots, and maybe you do that on purpose to mislead your audience, if not you are still a dense motherfucker. You always come up with illogical excuses and empty blabla, because you can only lie to everyone's faces in your favor, even when there is nothing to gain.

Stop lying, asshole! As you said yourself years ago, being insincere is the worst, while you are the embodiment of lies!

I mean, I never trusted this guy, I know he is a scamming motherfucker, but somehow I am still disappointed and feel betrayed. I simply can't believe he can come up with this shit without even showing a snippet of understanding what he did wrong and instead calls detractors manipulating idiots, as if this helps his case in any way. He created the storyline, everyone can read it, but we are the monsters? Fuck you Dave. We may pull some theories out of our asses but we do not changed the reality of your doing! How self absorbed can you be?! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS SURPRISES ME BUT SOMEHOW IT DOES, because he speaks to my emotions.

So what now, Phil Burnell? How much more of the entire set up story is bolloks or at least overexaggerated? Like, uuuuuh, taxes? Is your tax problem existing? Probably. Is the debt this apocalyptic? Hell no. On the one day you have to pay over 30k (or so), then you admitted you have not understood taxes BUT SOMEHOW you still need 16k on top of your income, which then was reduced to 5k (or so). See, nothing really makes sense and your newest line of lies and excuses won't help your general case.

You can lie sometimes. Everyone has the right to lie for protection. But the intensity makes the difference. It's important what the lie will achieve. And you blatantly, openly, AGAIN, lied to suck money. Because you are a fucking scammer.
...

Also, protecting the family by keeping the marriage a secret? How does this work? Telling everyone you will go to the only Zoo in CT is fine, but a marriage can be sabotaged somehow? How does this work, really? Do we SWAT the local government? Do we keep the churches under a spying glass? Fucking excuses only his most exceptional fanbase will believe.

What is even more insane is that Phillip is going to log back in on Twitch on Sunday and have a freshly baked tray of bullshit lies to feed everyone! It will be a sight to behold as this gout ridden greed monster attempts damage control. His one remaining mod will be mass banning dissenters and shooting down remarks like he is playing missle command on the Atari. It will be like watching a Wings stream with the lean-in ban in full effect.

Most of all, the Reverend Phillip Burnell is going to preside over his flock of half wits with a straight face saying “I didn’t do anything wrong, I did everything right”. ON TOP OF THAT. Fuck face McGee is STILL going to ask for money because he is still going to lose his house, owes this and owes that....

At this point he is openly scamming fools, big daddy Twitch knows, we know, Phillip doesn’t give two fucks, and this embarrassment will continue ad nauseum. After all THIS is a crisis Phillip will not let go to waste.

I just pray for the day we get the special emergency stream where it starts with Phillip leaning in, sighing, and saying “well friends, i’ve been better. I spoke to the CEO of Twitch and we decided it’s best if I leave the channel. I DIDN’T get fired, don’t listen to those asshole detractors (sad snort) they actually wanted me to stay, but long story short, I’m really going to need you to step up with sending me money via Western Union.”

 

[Mrannon]

Can't wait 2-3 years from now when they have kids and Kat divorces him and takes the house, and the judge will make him pay the mortgage because its the family home. I have heard this happening alot in Washington. Phil will move back to the Condo and still have two mortgages. You think Phil had a prenup?

 

[Pargon]

Can't wait 2-3 years from now when they have kids and Kat divorces him and takes the house, and the judge will make him pay the mortgage because its the family home. I have heard this happening alot in Washington. Phil will move back to the Condo and still have two mortgages. You think Phil had a prenup?

All gender politics aside, if Kat goes through the pain of childbirth to deliver Philip Burnell's progeny she deserves every penny he has.

 

[Meerkat Ink]

I read quite a few posts about what it would be for Kat, how would she feel marrying this manbaby in this shitty dress, etc etc etc, but I think we're missing something.

How Kat feels doesn't matter. At all.

She's merely an accessory to the pig, to get him to feel better about his near-40-year-old-game-playing-unemployed-raisin-looking ass, to cover for his insecurities (not being a mature adult), give him some advantage with the taxes, and he knows very well that if he slips the Kat and she bounces, he'll most probably never get laid again.

And what do I know, I'm just some dumb fuck on the internet. I don't have an inside look of Dave's life and his thoughts, but I'm basing my thoughts on what his actual (ex)friends
Rambo and Howard had to say, albeit years ago. I don't believe he's any different now (if not worse) in how he treats people.

I like how he goes all smug on Twitter, neener neener to the trolls about having to lie about getting married in the middle of the "make or break" period of his """"career"""". It shows how instead of being all silent and enjoying his vacation and honeymoon (unless we're about to see an (((event to raise funds for a honeymoon)))), he went on a tirade against the trolls to prove for the n-th time that the trolls own him.

The joke is on him though. We can, at any time, press the X in the corner of the screen and go do something else. So can his fans. The whole illusion that "we" are smashing the taxes, "we" are doing this and that is just in his head.

He can get married, beg for money, lie, cheese games, read guides or whatever he likes, but at some point both his fans and detractors will leave. It's evident he's milking his lolcow status as much as he can, to the extent where I think he's intentionally setting up storyline arks for himself (think WWE series of sports entertainment) but judging by his stats (YouTube is dead, patreons are dropping like flies, Twitch well is starting to dry up) and the shadiness of the wedding ark he might end up speeding up his demise.

As I can see it, he's gained some confidence from the tax begathons and he might think his fans are completely brainless (and to their credit some of them are) and he may start pushing the boundaries of begging just to get some extra cash, but pignosis doesn't last forever.

 

[WASR96]

I can't see this marriage lasting long because everyone has their limit. Having a stay-at-home significant other gets rough after awhile, ignoring the fact that his kwality khantent brings in the big bucks, when there's no kids or further education in the equation. Kat may be feeling generous at the moment going off to work a minimum wage only to come home and cook and clean while the pig plays his games and argues with people on Twitter, but the day will come where she walks in after a long day at work, the dishes are piled up from days ago, the trash is overflowing and being stacked next to the trash can, and Phil is upstairs shouting at detractors "troll cheers". She's gonna lose her shit.

 

[og_eras]

Say what you will about Leanna, but if given the chance I would have fucked her to cuck Phil.

This, on the other hand...

 

[strandedcastaway]

To me, I don't care if Phil actually "needed" the money for taxes and didn't instead use it to buy a ring. Cheap ring, expensive ring, who knows? I think saying you have to visit your parents because they're dying when they're not is the lowest of the low. Yes, I know he used various weasel words to not literally say "dying", more like "they're in poor health" and "might not see them again"---but he said it over and over for MONTHS. Who says that about their own parents as an excuse to get married secretly? If your brain works normally, wouldn't you just say you're going to visit your parents because they're your fucking parents and you haven't seen them in years? But there's no pitybux or sympathy donations in that line, and that's where Phil is twisted.