[2024] Kiwi Farms Physical Newspaper - Possibly the dumbest idea I've ever had, 2023 edition

[Swamp_Donkey]

I would paypig, that would be really fun

Addendum: can you deputize all the forum users with press passes?

 

[Sneed's Feed And Seed]

I would like to buy a three year subscription to your fine rag newspaper, The Drooling Dog

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

I'd have no problem paying for it, but the biggest concern for me is the anonymity issue of having an address to physically receive it. You could get it sent to a PO box, but not everybody has one. And in the event of a data leak, keep in mind that the enemies of the Farms are absolute lunatics.

 

[Oxyjen]

Call it The Farmer’s Almanac and have legit hog market listings on the front page.

 

[Lei Wulong's Left Leg]

I'd have no problem paying for it, but the biggest concern for me is the anonymity issue of having an address to physically receive it. You could get it sent to a PO box, but not everybody has one. And in the event of a data leak, keep in mind that the enemies of the Farms are absolute lunatics.

Agreed. The biggest concern is that every person in the chain of information from journoscum to recipient requires anonymity, and when you have a physical item you need to mail someone, with their address printed on the side...
I suppose Jersh could do discreet packaging and send it from a new "company" every month(Slobbermutt Productions, ltd., Mango Ranch Systems, True and Honest Publications, etc.) to allay suspicion. Still, all it takes is one data breach and every person on that chain could be compromised.

 

[RL Steinbeck]

i just don't feel confident with how things have been…

Which is at least half of the reason why we should do it in my opinion.

It’s alarming to me how many people are cool with watching their basic rights get whittled down in real time.

A printed Kiwi periodical, as funny of an idea as it is, would also be sending a message that censoring the internet will not change reality, and that there are still people brave enough to say “we care enough to go to absurd lengths to protect our rights to literally just have an opinion and express it.” This is bigger than the internet and will be a slippery slope if people don’t start finding their backbones.

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but also, imagine the seething.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Addendum: can you deputize all the forum users with press passes?

Universal Life Church sells a press pass, but it's an extra $3.99 if you want an official lanyard.

KF lanyard would rule, and would help clarify our demographic. It's gotta be breakaway, though.

 

[The Guy]

I'd subscribe purely to have it collect in a bin in my basement to be found eons later, surely it would be archived by aspiring archeologists.

 

[Triple Flutz]

There'd definitely be more qualified applicants since I'm ESL, but my English is pretty good and I've done irl editing in both English and my mother tongue before and wouldn't mind offering up my time to help with anything that requires proofreading or light editing/suggestions.

I'd definitely get a PO box and split costs for it with irl friends who don't necessarily frequent the website but care about their personal liberties and simply don't like niggers, trannies, jews, and homos and would enjoy getting a copy as well. If you're worried about your privacy, that's something to consider if you surround yourself with people who share your values. For Americans, I remember from one quickly resolved issue that USPS is insane about mail interference and has an office full of inspectors who investigate mail crimes, and hopefully even retards would think twice about stalking a post office filled with people who have statistically been likely to commit violent crime at their place of work.

 

[WhatIsThePunchline]

I think starting with less than once per month initially would be better. Seems like there would be more to it than just writing it up.
Once per quarter or even three times a year does not seem uncommon for magazines, especially for start ups and more niche stuff. Could make them extra chunky to make up for it. Could also help you manage initial costs.
If you manage more content great, you did better than expected. Happier times than comitting to 12 issues a year and not managing to produce it.

You would likely have to look up a lot of legal aspects. But others have already noted this.

If it is in physical form shipping internationally all over the world would seem like it could easily become a nightmare and not to be underestimated.

Relying to much on volunteers might bite you in the ass somehow. I'm thinking something like accepting volunteer art, find out that some of it has been traced or otherwise plagiarized and getting into trouble for it. Though that could actually happen if you bought it as well because the incident I'm thinking of they paid a lot of money for it >.<

A Samizdat for the Kiwi Farms. Seems like we live in interesting times.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

One significant hurdle is going to be finding an aging hippy who is able to operate the late-19th century printing press that you are forced to dredge from the bottom of a North Dakotan mill pond, after all the respectable printers refuse to do business with The Farms.

A few pointers:

The name of this man will be lost in time; everyone will refer to him by a tool-themed nickname, such as 'Pliers' or 'Wrench' . Wrench (or whoever) will only wear bandanas that he finds tied around the necks of stray dogs. There is absolutely no fucking point buying him a new bandana because he will not wear it and you will have wasted your money. It is likely that he will harbour an objectionable and demonstrably false opinion on a matter of great social import, that you will be forced to tolerate. For example, he may nurture the belief that the final Grateful Dead studio album - Built to Last - represents the band at its creative peak. No amount of calm rational argument will change his mind on this matter. You just have to resign yourself to hearing Picasso Moon blaring out of the print shop several times a day.

Remember, the success of this enterprise rests upon your success in tracking down such an individual.

 

[TV's Adam West]

I'll hold on to this kiwi farms newspaper like my great grandpa did with his copy of VICTORY WORLD WAR 2 IS OVER newspaper.

I served in the kiwi farms, I earned this.

 

[sheep god]

find one major KF autist in each city to dedicate time to printing out batches of newsletters they've been provided with and leaving them in those public newspaper stands under cover of darkness. release the drop zone coordinates on the online forum. now you can read gossip and feel like you're a part of something bigger.

(the homeless population will probably use a lot of them as jizz cloths/toilet paper, but losses are necessary to spread the word)

 

[Pope Urban]

I'd have no problem paying for it, but the biggest concern for me is the anonymity issue of having an address to physically receive it. You could get it sent to a PO box, but not everybody has one. And in the event of a data leak, keep in mind that the enemies of the Farms are absolute lunatics.

Josh could avoid a mailing list by having people order every issue manually. It's a bit tedious, and would reduce orders, but its doable.

 

[Dattechpriest]

100% would subscribe, ads and all. I’d love to do the 50s robe and slippers getting the paper while smoking a pipe and saying mornin’ to my neighbors. Great idea.

If it can be executed to look as legitimately a ‘paper’ as can be, I’d even get multiple copies to leave in libraries and coffee shops. Get it big enough and get physical kiwi-coin operated mailboxes to pick up the dailies.

 

[Monkey Madness]

Sounds fun. Posts/lolcow updates interspersed with user good-quality user submitted art would be nice. Anyone concerned about address dox can just get them shipped to a PO box.

 

[2lolis1cup]

I think it would be prudent to bag each magazine/paper for mailing. It not only protects the paper, but allows you to edit the bag. You could do the opposite of what Playboy used to do. They had the cover completely blacked out for delivery. You on the other hand could have the cover exposed and the back with this message.

 

[Pee Cola]

As others have pointed out, great care should be kept in what gets put into this hypothetical magazine. There are no 230 exceptions as you would be the publisher. Expect lawsuits anyway no matter what you do.

Very true, which is why Null would need to carefully vet any editors volunteering for this role. Whilst it'd be nigh on impossible to find editors who know about defamation law and are willing to work on the zine pro bono, falling back to truth as a defense would be a good start. This means receipts, citations and whatnot.

There are probably other defenses as well, but I'm not a lawyer and I'm on a completely different continent, so I have nothing of further value to add.

Outside of defamation threats, there's also the issue of decency laws. Bad actors will no doubt be scanning for alleged breaches, despite that the fact that many of these bad actors are likely to engage in activities far more degenerate than anything the Kiwi zine would ever depict on its pages.

I think starting with less than once per month initially would be better. Seems like there would be more to it than just writing it up.
Once per quarter or even three times a year does not seem uncommon for magazines, especially for start ups and more niche stuff. Could make them extra chunky to make up for it.

Such a publication could include more long-form writing as well, kinda like the Utne Reader and other similar periodicals. "Muttne Sneeder", anyone?

 

[Trig.Point]

I know someone that published a series of booklets for an extremely niche audience.

He found an agent that then outsourced the job to a company in Eastern Europe. Which was perfect as there was zero vat or customs on them. The first one was the hardest, he got someone on Fiverr to do an InDesign template so all he needed to do was just type up the text in word (which the Fiverr guy had linked to the InDesign doc) and drop the images into right folders, apply some preset styles and each edition looked pretty smart.

He went with A5, and he could send them out 2nd class post. No point messing around with signed for options. International shipment was the same he just marked them as documents no commercial value (strictly speaking people weren't buying the booklets they were just membership perks). If one went missing he just sent another.

He did the mail fufillment himself, just sent a spreadsheet with the names and address on it to a company who posted him out the envelopes addressed and franked, All he had to do was put them in the envelope. Since each shipment is identical there was nothing to mess up.

 

[TheRetardKing]

We need some comics like Dysfunctional Family Circus.

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