572.4 pounds 1/4/2020 - Weigh in? Probably not..

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So she's coming up with over 127 different lahs? I'm surprised it wasn't easy for her to bullshit her way through all of that.
 
Silver Surfer said:
It’s 30 fucking minutes. Can a brave soul summarize
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Fuckadoodle, I'm not tired yet. I'll edit this post when done watching this mess.
Edit: My soul hurts.

FUUUUUCK YOOOOOU AMBERLYYYYNNNNN
(gimme my top hats lol)

0:08 Oh, giving us the reasons she wants to lose weight. Bleh bleh bleh. She wants to give us more meaningful answers because vague shit like ‘health’ doesn’t work for her, boo boo.
0:33 Highest weight is 572.4. BULLSHIT. SO MUCH BULLSHIT. Says the 0.4 matters because it matters to her. Claims to have lost some weight from that.
0:55 Says she wants to lose 127.4 lbs this year in total. Something tells me she’ll just be losing the same miraculous 5.1 lbs over and over the entire year through. She may hit this one, guys!
1:01 Fuck my god damned life. She says she wants to give 127 reasons for why she wants to lose this weight. Ugh. Time stamps, fuck you. We’re just going for numbers now. She rambles about this being important even though its boring and bullshit and my brain’s already turning off.


—ACK—


1- Her reflection won’t hurt as much - says she stares at herself in the mirror and it hurts
2- Collabs. Won’t do ‘em even though a lot of Youtubers want to do them with her and will come to her, but she won’t do them because reasons (embarrassed because of her weight)
3- Wants to be a better gorlfriend, better sister, better friend
4 - Wants to have a lap that her animals can sit on
5- Easier to get a job (say whaaaaaat? I thought youtube was her job?). Claims discrimination in the job field LOL Dumb fuck.
6- Lessen her anxiety
7- Wants to travel and be more adventurous
8- Beat food addiction (at least it’s not BED claims anymore?)
9- Be comfortable wearing a bra. Says they’re uncomfortable.
10- Gain energy
11- Save money on foo
12- Wants to dance rather than wiggle her lard. Claims she was in a jazz float, hip-hop dance group, competitions when she was a kid lolz lahs
13- Wants to take care of loved ones if she has to. Foreshadowing? Blathering about Becky and caring for her…
14- Wants to lose weight so she lessens the chance of getting diabetes. Says she hasn’t been visited by Lord Beetus yet.
15- Breath better lolz
16- More mental and physical strength
17- Walk on the beach. Fuck you, it’s not hard. Riding a bike on it is hard.
18- Lessen her chance of infection - blathers about her UTI she still has. Says she’s never had an infection in a wound - what about your fucking belly button, asshole?
19- Wants softer skin. Claims her legs are really dry. Dude, that means the leggings your palming need washing.
20- Wants to focus more on mental health because she’s distracted by her physical health and weight
21- Wants pain to lessen. Grammarlynn, you dumb fuck. Then complains about her back hurting and shit.
22- Wants to see Miley Cyrus in concert. Bleeeeeeeh.
23- Have more confidence
24- Hate herself less
25- Less stress
26- Shrink lymphoma
27- Be able to fit in chairs that have arms. What about that ‘I fit in movie theater chairs lolz’ shit?
28- wants to wear a nice wedding dress if she gets married
29- lessen her chance for cancer
30- Children are assholes LOL “OMG Mommy how did she get so big?” Hates rude kids.
31- Wants to accept compliments better because she thinks everyone’s against her bleh bleh bleh
32- Boost immune system
33- Get rid of dark circles because they’re tied to weight gain?
34- Break unhealthy cycle (lookin’ at you, peachsandies)
35- Get treated better based off of physical looks
36- Help organs.
37- More energy. Again.
38- Lip injections LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HIYA TESS 2.0!!!!
39- More possibilities or some shit
40- Doesn’t want to be the ugly friend anymore
41- Wants to fit in booths
42- Tired of being stared at in public
43- Doesn’t want her fur babies to lose her. Don’t worry - Twinkie will fucking die of heart failure soon due to her obesity, asshole. And the cats will eat your flesh.
44- A lot of her viewers are aggravated with her
45- No more scooters (less chance of breaking them)
46- More clothing options
47- Better stamina
48- Stronger lungs
49- Go in public and not feel ashamed
50- Less fears (I feel like this has been said earlier)
51- Ride a bike again (Bitch, better get below 275 lbs for something that you can afford and not pop spokes on)
52- Be smaller than she was in high school
53- Go on gym equipment - says she broke some a couple years ago
54- Tired of her shelf butt. Says it was pointed out to her and now she sees it and it’s not cyoooot
55- Tired of brain fog
56- Wear shirts. Confesses to wearing dresses. Professes she wants no one to see her lymphoma/stomach/blah. Tries to carry her weight well.
57- Wants to be a success story
58- Cover her butt with a hospital gown
59- Get off the floor if she falls
60- Be less of a joke (that will never happen lol)
61- Be able to chose stairs instead of the elevator
62- Knuckles are dark. Just like her eyes LOL
63- Get rid of the moon face (she even says it! YUUUUS)
64- Doesn’t know what she looks like because all her features are lost in fat
65- Prove people wrong
66- Doesn’t want to fear breaking furniture
67- Live longer
68- Sleep not sitting up/lounging, aka: managing her undiagnosed apnea
69- Reduction of her depression/mental issues
70- Wear jeans. AL, that’d involve peeling your leggings off. Says she has many of them and bought them in bulk. They all have the same hole, apparently
71- Wants to take a road trip in a rented RV or a van with her friends
72- Wants to be taken more seriously. That won’t happen ever. Because you’re a fucking joke.
73- Wants her body to look more human
74- Be easier to choose healthier options with food
75- Lessen chances of stroke/heart attack
76- Becky wants to take her to Gatlinburg or some shit. I dunno if I spelled that right, and I don’t care.
77- Doesn’t want to be afraid of floors because she feels she’s going to break through them
78- Doesn’t want to fear doctors anymore
79- Wants to feel joy and happiness from losing weight
80- Self care will get better
81- Wants a smaller coffin because realizes big coffins are expensive as fuck
82- Not looking as grotesque
83- Less fat shaming
84- Doesn’t want to see the scale read 3, 4 or 5 for the first number
85- Wants to be more comfortable going into public bathroom stalls
86- Health Health Health
87- Avoid heart disease
88- Make herself proud and inspire others to lose weight
89- Shower more comfortably
90- Visit her family
91- Walk around zoos, aquariums, etc.
92- Wants to go to NYC and watch the ball drop or around Christmas time
93- Wants to see the before and after pics of herself
94- Help others to lose weight
95- Won’t dread body pictures all the time
96- Says she doesn’t have high blood pressure, but wants to improve it
97- Won’t be as fatigued
98- Less weight on her bones
99- Wants to feel younger. Claims she feels 112 years old
100- Doesn’t want to embarrass her friends. Don’t worry, you don’t have friends.
101- Wants to volunteer again
102- Doesn’t want to feel awkward in elevators anymore aka: not exceeding the weight limit
103- Doesn’t want more backhanded compliments
104- No waddling
105- Wants to go on a train. Like Amtrak.
106- Posture improvement so she’s not a blob
107- Insomnia improvement
108- Everyday life to life easier
109- Wants to cross her legs
110- Bragging rights
111- Regular periods
112- Intimacy
113- Doesn’t want to be the fattest person in the room
114- No longer wants to use an industrial scale
115- Wants to walk around amusement parks
116- Swim in Bora Bora (LOLOLOLOLOLOL)
117- Fit comfortably in a plane. Thinks she could get by with only buying 2 plane tickets right now - fuck, you’d need three, turbo.
118- Wants to be able to wear a seatbelt (so recent claims are a lah)
119- Mental clarity
120- Wants to be able to walk Twinkie. Says she plays fetch with her, but can’t walk her. Playing fetch is a lah.
121- Wants to adopt, sees herself adopting a daughter. NOOOOOO. For the love of all that’s holy, unholy, or in any other state, nooooooooo!!
122- Be a better role model
123- Be able to visit LA. Feels like she’s homesick for it even though she’s never been there. You’d be laughed the fuck off the streets and cursed at every turn for blocking the entire sidewalk, moron. Your thin skin would split into pieces.
124- Better self esteem
125- Wants to wear heels.

You know… I even broke apart some of those reasons she was blathering… and this is all I got. I am NOT watching this shit again to figure out if I missed 2 or if she fucked up. I’m willing to bet she fucked up, because so many of these were repetitive.

Edit again: OH SHIT - Maybe the 3rd reason - Better Girlfriend, Better Sister and Better Friend - were three different reasons!! OK. Fine. There's 127 reasons. Ha. No need to rewatch.
 
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572.4 pounds - 1/4/2020 (Cycle Stage 1 Continues)
Because I hate myself and my blood pressure enough to watch these "inscrutiateen" videos so YOU DON'T HAVE TO:

- All done with intros until the next begging for someone to do work for her for free, as per usual.

- Why does Hamber want to lose weight? The usual vague reasons: "Health. I want to feel better. Look better."

- But what "meaningful" answers are there? Let's find out!

- Title is a reminder of her "highest weight": 572.4 elbees. THE POINT FOUR MATTERS.

- She "has lost some weight". Shelf-ass-pats all around, booboo! So since she wants to lose 127.4 pounds, here's 127 reasons why!

No, seriously...? Are you fucking shitting me?

*fucks off*

(Edit - she's not going to win. I am going to do this. 127 reasons, here we go...)

1. My reflection won't hurt as much. (We're at number 1 and I already can't stand this insufferable bitch.)

2. Collabs. (People will travel to this flesh pile to "collab" with her! Maybe some of them will be brave enough to describe the horrific stench!)

3. I want to be a better girlfriend - and also a better sister / better daughter / better friend. (Your weight has nothing to do with being a good girlfriend, Hamber. Your bitchy attitude and enslavement and bathroom duties do, though.)

4. I want to have a lap. (445 elbees still likely won't get you that, booboo - in the 0.000001% chance you actually lost the weight with magic fairy dust)

5. Easier to get a job. (Blames "discrimination" on why she couldn't get a job now. And love the jump-cuts because SHE IS WINDED FROM READING AND SAYING WORDS.)

6. Muh anxietees!

7. Go on more adventures / travel. (There's plenty of adventures that can be had in a 2-hour-drive radius, since we know you do that for your beloved Cheesecake Factory in Lexington!)

8. Beat food addiction.

9. Be comfortable wearing a bra. (She never stopped to think how the BRA feels, though? DingyBra has been through some SHIT.)

10. Gain energy. (Because she feels so *squeeky-noise* all the time... Sounds more like a mood issue than an energy issue.)

11. Save money on food.

12. I WANNA DANCE AGAIN. (Bonus: shoulder-"jig")

13. I want to take care of a loved one if I have to (mentions her mom, THEN Beggy)

14. Lessen the chance of getting diabeetus BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE DIABEETUS YET YOU HAYDURS.

15. I want to breathe better.

16. More mental strength.

17. More physical strength.

18. I want to walk on the beach.

19. Lessen the chance of infection. (Mentions the UTI. Is it weight related? "WE DON'T KNOW." No, Hamber. We DO know. Also mixes up wound issues with diabeetus.)

20. I want softer skin. ("There are parts of my body that are super-soft" *vomiting intensifies*)

21. Mah mentulz.

22. I want my pain to lessen "in gen-yoo-rul".

23. I want to be able to stand longer.

24. I want to see Miley Cyrus in concert.

25. Be more confident.

26. Hate myself less.

27. I want less stress.

28. Shrinken the lymphedema.

29. I want to fit in chairs that have arms.

30. I want to look good in a wedding dress (love how she believes she'll be liveen long enough for any of this to happen)

31. Lessen the chance of cancer.

32. Lessen the "rude" child-remarks. (Admits children have no filter, which means they're speaking the truth that everyone else is already thinking, so why call out the fact that these ankle-biters are somehow worse for making her listen to the truth?)

33. So I can accept compliments better.

34. Boost my immune system. (Calls out her dark eye circles)

35. Break my "unhealthy cycle" (Cycle Stage 1 much?)

36. I want to get treated better.

37. Help my organs. (Getting really tired of DoctorLynn, Medicine Woman.)

38. More energy. Oh wait, already said that. Um, I WANT LIP INJECTIONS.

39. More opportunities.

40. I don't want to be the ugly friend anymore. (Oh booboo, you first need to HAVE friends before you can be the UGLY friend.)

41. I want to fit in restaurant booths.

42. I will be stared at less in public. (No, a 445-pound behemoth is not going to in ANY way be "invisible", Hamber.)

43. I don't want my fur-babies to lose me. (She thinks her fur-babies would "wonder when she's coming home", as if she wouldn't be dying AT home, with them eating her well-marbled meaty corpse.)

44. Lessen the aggravation her viewers have.

45. No more scooters in stores!

46. More clothing options.

47. Better stamina. (So, nothing to do with her other stamina-related...? no, fuck me for trying to use logic... on we go...)

48. Stronger lungs! (Again, the breathing from before... oh for fuck's sake...)

49. I want to go in public and not feel ashamed.

50. Less fears. (Anxiety again)

51. I want to ride a bike again!

52. I would love to be smaller than I was in high school.

53. I want to go on gym equipment without it breaking.

54. TIRED OF THE SHELF-ASS! MY BUTT LOOKS LIKE A SHELF! (Maybe you should pat it less, then? Or not censor the word "ass"? Them "anxietees" making you do that, booboo?)

55. I'm tired of the "brain-fog". (She wants a "crisper mind".)

56. I want to wear shirts again. My lymphedema is "hanging out". (I'm not in the right mindset to fully go through every repeat of hers right now...)

57. I want to be a "success story".

58. I want to be able to cover my butt with a hospital gown.

59. I want to be able to get up off the floor if I'm ever on the floor.

60. I want to be less of a joke to people. (Booboo, this is NOT the way to do that, weight-loss or not.)

61. I want to be able to choose stairs over an elevator.

62. MY KNUCKLES ARE SUPER FREAKIN' DARK and that'll "lessen" with weight loss. (BeetusPaws got a shoutout too!)

63. I'll have more "structure" to my face. MY FACE LOOKS LIKE THE FREAKIN' MOON.

64. I want to prove people wrong.

65. I don't want to fear breaking furniture.

66. Live longer.

67. Sleep like a normal person.

68. Duh-pression / mentals again.

69. Wear jeans again! (Bought the "leggeens" in bulk, they're NOT all the same one pair!)

70. Road trip! (She admittedly still needs an RV or a Van to do so, of course.)

71. I want to be taken more seriously. ("Because of my weight, I'm no longer a HUMAN to people?")

72. I want to look more human. I look like a monster. (checks previous 10 seconds - yep, that checks out.)

73. I want to be able to choose healthier options over unhealthier options easier.

74. Lessen chances of a stroke or heart attack.

75. Beggy wants me to go to Gatlinburg, TN.

76. I don't want to be afraid of breaking through the floor. (You know, like a monster!)

77. Maybe I won't "fear" doctors as much?

78. I want to feel the joy of weight loss.

79. My self-care will get a lot better.

80. Smaller coffin.

81. So I don't look as grotesque.

82. Less fat-shaming.

83. I don't want to see certain numbers on the scale. (As if she can SEE the numbers? Booboo, the scale has to TELL you those numbers! Goodbye.)

84. I want to be more comfortable going into public bathroom stalls.

85. Health, health, health. (She was TOTALLY trying, you guyze.)

86. Avoid heart disease.

87. Make myself proud and inspire others.

88. I want to be able to shower more comfortably. (Read: "at all")

89. I want to visit my family.

90. I want to be able to walk around zoos, aquariums, places like that. (You know, places where everyone jokes that she's on the wrong side of the fence/bars/tank.)

91. I want to go to New York City and see the ball drop.

92. To see the before-and-after pics.

93. I want to give people advice and "wisdom" about weight-loss.

94. I won't dread "body pitchers" all the time.

95. I DON'T HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, but I want to IMPROVE it.

96. I won't be as fatigued. (Not the same as "more energy"? WHY IS THERE STILL 7 MORE MINUTES?)

97. Less weight on my bones.

98. I want to feel younger! (She feels 112, gorls!)

99. Maybe my "friends" won't be as embarrassed to be seen with me in public anymore?

100. I want to volunteer again!

101. No more awkwardness in the elevator that people think it's going to break! (But isn't she gonna be choosing the stairs instead???)

102. I'm tired of the backhanded compliments.

103. I won't waddle anymore when I walk.

104. I will be able to go on a train.

105. "Gain better posture improvement." (Words no longer mean things. I am broken now.)

106. "My insomnia will get so much better."

107. It'll make my every day life-to-life, uh, I mean day-to-day life, just a lot easier.

108. I want to be able to cross my legs.

109. Bragging rights. (BUT SHE WON'T BE ANNOYEEN ABOUT IT.)

110. I want regular periods. (She'll censor "ass", but not "periods"?)

111. Intimacy. (Because she can't say "sex" or she'll get demonetized!!!)

112. I no longer want to be the fattest person in the room. (Throwing shade at Dana The Fridge?)

113. I no longer want to have to use an industrial scale.

114. I want to be able to walk around amusement parks.

115. Swim in Bora-Bora.

116. I want to fit comfortably in a plane (and not have to buy two plane seats).

117. I want to be able to wear a seatbelt and fit in a car better.

118. I want mental clarity. (NOT THE SAME AS THE "MENTAL FOG" ONE.)

119. I want to be able to walk Twinkie more. (Took over 100 reasons for Twinkie Storr to get a named shout-out?)

120. Adopting a child.

121. Be a better role model.

122. Visit L.A.

123. Better self-esteem. (BUT SHE'S NOT A NARCISSIST!)

124. Wear heeeelz!

Also, I'm missing 3. Some other recappers agree a few of these may have been split, but TimeLordLynn doesn't like stating any numbers/dates/cardinality so everyone is left in the dark, and it doesn't even fucking matter since half of the list items are repeats/rephrasing/restating anyway.
 
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Why even make this video? I've never heard of a more stupid, useless idea. Instead of putting so much hard work into coming up with 172 fucking reasons to lose weight, maybe put that energy into actually making an effort to lose weight. You dont need 172 reasons to lose weight you moron, you need one: TO NOT DIE AT 30. Jesus christ her stupidity continues to amaze me
 
Whatever mythical amount she's allegedly lost can only be attributed to Brain Dead Becky's change in diet and being too out of it to fetch Master fast food four times a day, and not some iron will and determination to lose weight on Hamber's part. Proud. JFC.

Friendly reminder! This is what Amber really looks like.

SPINE.png



eta: "I was on a jazz float" Oh honey. You are a float.
 
With the way Amber is, here are the only ways I could see weight loss happening:
  • She gets a limb or two amputated because of beetus
  • She gets cancer, and has rapid weight loss as a result
  • She becomes addicted to cocaine
  • She starts replacing meals with cigarettes
  • She gets mysteriously stranded somewhere, with little to no food, vitamins, and water
  • She’s goes to a rehabilitation center with 24 hour supervision, with all meals planned and exercises done daily
She’s proven time and time again that she can’t stick to anything long enough to make a difference. Also, until I see reduction of chins or loose skin, I won’t believe Al when she says that she’s lost weight.
 
RandallBoggs said:
Why even make this video?
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Money.

SAVE TWINKIE! said:
i will say, this video is a treasure trove of soundbytes
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Oh yeah, this is some grade-A, top shelf Amber bullshit. It should be pretty obvious to anyone who's watched her for a long time that she doesn't really mean anything she's saying.

And Amber, part of the reason you have dry skin might be the same reason your eyebrows are disappearing: low thyroid.

Archive:
 
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How about actually losing weight instead of listing some generic ass reasons you found on Google

Edit: 30 mins of her reading some reasons she found on Google. She could've waddled around the house or to the tree and back a few times and she would've lost at least 5 lbs
 
JambledUpWords said:
With the way Amber is, here are the only ways I could see weight loss happening:
  • She gets a limb or two amputated because of beetus
  • She gets cancer, and has rapid weight loss as a result
  • She becomes addicted to cocaine
  • She starts replacing meals with cigarettes
  • She gets mysteriously stranded somewhere, with little to no food, vitamins, and water
  • She’s goes to a rehabilitation center with 24 hour supervision, with all meals planned and exercises done daily
She’s proven time and time again that she can’t stick to anything long enough to make a difference. Also, until I see reduction of chins or loose skin, I won’t believe Al when she says that she’s lost weight.
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The moment she went "I disagreeee" when someone said she needs inpatient, all hope was lost for her. That's literally her last option to healthily lose weight but according to mental health PhD amberlynn that's not right for her booboo. I doubt drugs or cigs will happen either, it's too unhealthy and scary (irony). The only way I can see her losing weight is with tragedy like you mentioned. Amputation, cancer, etc.
 
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