A MeToo makeover for James Bond - "It’s young, it’s fun and it is all about female empowerment"

vertexwindi said:
Really? How do you fuck up a James Bond movie? They've made like twenty of them, clearly it can't be that hard.
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The other hour and a half of Die Another Day shows it can be done pretty badly.
 
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Judge Holden said:
The names bond....

Leslie Bond...
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Goddamn that's a wide set of nostrils.
 
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Daniel Craig thinking to himself: "I hate this shit. I'm tired of fucking James Bond. Let someone else do it. Let it be black. Let me be free. I want to fucking kill myself. I want to eat a hamburger for once in the next decade. I'm tired of cat ladies trying to give me STDs. I don't want a personal trainer on call. I know. I'll name terms so ludicrous they'll never fucking do it."

Producer: "Ok, Mr. Craig, how can we get you to do this bond film?"

Daniel Craig: "40 million. And I want total creative control. I want director. Producer. Stunt coordinator. Costume Designer. Set Designer. Cinematographer. Craft Services. All of it. I want it to be me-too friendly. James Bond will be a soy-boy who whimpers in a corner with a strong womyan Bond Girl who sucked a dick for real in another movie."

Daniel Craig Thinking to himself: "Hahaha, they'll never go for this. I'm out of this shitty movie franchise. There's no way they'll be so stupid to blow this movie up like this."

Producer: "Sure!"

Daniel Craig:

 
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That was the tv show.

Idk what Elizabeth Banks is doing. Where the fuck is the goddamn theme song?
 
When has modern Bond ever been problematic? The "Bond girls" have not been helpless damsels in distress since what, Goldeneye? (the Brosnan era at least)

Sure, James still bangs them, but it's always blatantly consensual, so what's wrong with it? James Bond is the archetypal "men want to be him, women want to be with him" character, it's supposed to be as much of a turn on for female audiences to imagine sleeping with Bond as it for male audiences to imagine sleeping with the Bond girls, didn't female fans go nuts over Craig's shirtless scene in Casino Royale?
 
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www.dailymail.co.uk

Thought 007 could never be a woman or black? Well, she's both!

Debate has raged whether the next 007 should be a woman, or black with Daniel Craig stepping down from the role. Phoebe Waller-Bridge has done both in a modern twist on the script.
www.dailymail.co.uk www.dailymail.co.uk

Abandon all hope. It's dead. RIP Bond and hope you politically correct weirdos are happy (be sure to go on twitter and post a sassy black gif and use poorly formatted sentences to try and own the so called bigots who are too afraid to voice their opinion because they would get banned)

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I'm looking forward to the reboot of the Indiana Jones franchise, where Indy is replaced by a trans-cripple in a rocket-powered wheelchair who, instead of finding artifacts from remote and exotic locations around the world, works tirelessly to save indigenous people from being exploited by evil, white Captain Planet villains.
 
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