A Precautionary Tale of Reddit - A spooky story for this Halloween

Megaton Punch

Megaton Punch

Samurai Kirby
kiwifarms.net
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Feb 18, 2022
Turn off the lights and put on Spooky Scary Skeletons Bass Boosted 10 Hours, because it's time for a chilling tale of what happens when your dad is a Redditor.

Long ago, when Reddit was 80% less shitty (yet still in the top five shittiest shits ever shat), there was a girl named Sylvia. Sylvia wrote a Super-Awesome Book about...girl power and science or some shit. She was a happy, intelligent kid who was clearly going places. She even got to meet the president.

But Sylvia had a dark secret. Her father was a soy...Redditor...CALIFORNIAN.

[SFX Thunder]

One day, Sylvia attracted a lot of attention when her father posted her annual metaphoto with Adam Savage.

UxxRCWKiZbUw4vob8qak-twsQn5MfIAkFSA4a51cO3s.png

A couple of Redditors noticed her aposematism hair and made fun of her for it. The rest of the site rushed to defend m'lady, showering her (dad) with Leddit Gold. Even Adam himself played white knight that day!

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However, there was one thing they didn't know. They weren't simping for a girl at all. They were simping for a Very Real Man Who Is Definitely Male And Not Female™!

[SFX Spooky Laughter]

Shortly after this post, Sylvia made a new account: MakerZeph. She was now a Trans Man™ and her name was...Zephyrus. Yes, seriously.

But despite what the groomers on Reddit promised, Zephyrhills wasn't happy. She was feeling generally undesirable as a trans man. For some reason! I can't imagine why!

Around that same time, her father told Reddit that he was very unhappy with how we treat suicidal people. Now, I know what you're thinking: how could that have anything to do with Sephiroth? She's just a depressed Trans Man™! There's no link here at all! Well, dear reader, just wait until the surprising plot twist at the end of this story. You'll be spooked! Thrilled, even!

[SFX Angry Cat]

Shortly thereafter, Zophar decided to cut off her tits.

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Looking good, Zapdos!

All was well again. Our Male Man protagonist was feeling (Warning: following links contain "top surgery" images) eurphoric about xer flatness and was feeling so free! A good ending to a good story.

Or was it?

[SFX Witch Laugh]

That post about feeling so free was the last time fae would ever be seen. Reddit account? Dormant. Twitter? Dormant. YouTube? Dormant. It would appear that, shortly after being butchered for a short endorphin rush, Zylophone simply disappeared. One month later, her father posted this comment:

I'd love for another human to have more freedom, but BPD is so destructive, having full access to the responsibilities of life and money is just asking for a serious issue to occur. I know a number of BPD afflicted people and they all need some kind of help. They spend money like it hurts them not to, and they can't stop self-sabotaging to save their lives (literally).
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I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED

But our terrifying tale isn't finished. Not quite. For her father is still active on Reddit. Only...he doesn't post about her any more. He posts about his new set of one year old twins. He posts about getting into a new relationship at 35. He posts pictures of his pets with titles like "When your peets floop cause of the chonk (with pupper)". That is a real title he wrote, by the way.

He hasn't mentioned her in years, despite previously almost exclusively posting about her.

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It's as if she simply...disappeared!

[SFX Wailing Ghosts]

And thus, we reach the end of our tale. But before we depart, I leave you with a warning. Before you decide to make a Reddit account and post about heckin' chonkers and trans rights, you may want to think twice about inviting that into your home. Because you never know who will be the next victim of...REDDIT.

[SFX Male-Voiced Reddit Mod Inviting Underaged Child Over To "Play Video Games"]
 
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>Your daughter goes trans, presumably due to your influence
>You post about her on Reddit constantly
>She kills herself
>You continue to post on Reddit like she never existed because you're addicted to updoots

This is peak Reddit brain.
 
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Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this story...
The Tale Of The Weak Father and The Troon​
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Anyways, sometimes you look at some of these people and you wonder to yourself, are more reasonable folk making a mistake by not basically pulling an Ethan Ralph? Just popping out a kid with whoever? Then you realize this is how all these people's children will turn out and you realize no, I don't think they are making a mistake. Now this guy's new twins have a dad who's even older and is still a bitch redditor, they're going to implode even worse.

Dom Cruise said:
I will never get over those photos of "top surgerys", there's something deeply sick and wrong about number 1. women wanting to do that to themselves in the first place and number 2. the fact that we let them do it instead of getting them the help they actually need.
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Yeah, it's pretty sick honestly. Being human is old fashioned, embarrassing, and impolite nowadays I guess. Want to fit in? You have to be a smooth featureless mannequin person, it would be rude not to chop your breasts off.
 
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Despite the OP's joky tone, looking it up and seeing photos of her when she was a girl it's honestly not funny at all that she would ruin her body like that and potentially even commit suicide.

It makes me want to punch a hole in the wall sometimes how sick our society has gotten and how many people it's hurt, just where the hell did it go so wrong and wind up so fucked up?

It especially bothers me because while I was never a full on fedora tipping atheist, I used to be big into the whole Mythbusters, "trust the science" thing around a decade ago, but now it's clear to me how important Religious faith is to keep people from spiraling into unhinged, chaotic thinking.
 
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Dom Cruise said:
Despite the OP's joky tone, looking it up and seeing photos of her when she was a girl it's honestly not funny at all that she would ruin her body like that and potentially even commit suicide.
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I think tranny mutilation surgery is a war crime and unironically should warrant the death penalty, but you either laugh or you cry, right?
 
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That was a spooky story.

I am not personally suicidal, but numerous people around me or my family have been or currently are, and every single effort I've seen to "help" seems like only a stopgap solution, to take time up and hope they'll "snap out of it" or "wake up"
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Dude's so obnoxiously Reddit he created a suicide cluster around himself, damn. People literally want to kill themselves as a result of interacting with him.
 
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Jack Awful said:
>Your daughter goes trans, presumably due to your influence
>You post about her on Reddit constantly
>She kills herself
>You continue to post on Reddit like she never existed because you're addicted to updoots

This is peak Reddit brain.
Click to expand...
I wonder if redditers are born with a mind like that or if reddit mold their minds to be like that.
 
Did this young lady actually commit suicide or not? I didn't see anything definitive in the original story, just that her Fedditor dad stopped mentioning her.
 
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