Culture A video game vampire has captured the hearts of many

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By Scottie Andrew, CNN
October 31, 2023

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Behold, the beloved vampire elf of "Baldur's Gate 3." Astarion has quickly become the popular game's runaway star.

In “Baldur’s Gate 3,” a massive video game set in the world of “Dungeons & Dragons”, winged beasts have nothing on one devilishly handsome vampire.

Astarion, a silver-haired vampire with a jawline that could cut glass and a propensity for even more cutting verbal takedowns, is an integral member of a player’s “party” and sardonic foil to self-serious wizards, warlocks, clerics and other standard D&D characters. But many players care more about what happens between quests — attempting to win Astarion’s cold, undead heart.

“Baldur’s Gate 3” players can woo Astarion throughout the game, and hundreds of thousands of them have tried — and failed. But even those who can’t successfully romance the bloodsucker have fallen for him anyway — he’s inspired TikTok homages that have been viewed over 600 million times, fan-made artwork on Tumblr and, like many vamps before him, steamy Wattpad fan fiction.

“On my honor,” Astarion says with feigned seriousness, “the only thing on my mind is depraved carnal lust.” That line alone has spawned dozens of fan videos.

Astarion is a clever, mercurial charmer, but he’s also a rogue elf who lived much of his eternal life as a slave and became a bloodsucker against his will. His casual coldness, players realize, is his defense against feeling anything too deeply. It’s enough to make them think, “I can fix him.”

Rachel Stewart has tried, even playing the game twice through to win his affections. During her first playthrough of the game, Astarion didn’t care for her “neutral good” campaign style and rejected her. So on her second go-round, Stewart, a Victorian literary historicist at Ohio State University who’s extensively studied vampire fiction, crafted the perfect mate for Astarion — a semi-chaotic dark elf sorcerer with whom the vamp shares a much stronger connection.

“Whether you want to marry Astarion, be his therapist, project your own issues onto him, or merely wallow in the angst, he’s got you covered,” Stewart told CNN.

It’s not easy to win his affections​

Players have a veritable buffet of potential romantic partners in “Baldur’s Gate 3,” but Astarion is perhaps the most charismatic — and objectively gorgeous.

“Let’s get the obvious out of the way — he’s hot!” Stewart said.

And yet, his approval may be hardest to win. The character, colorfully voiced by Neil Newbon, is such a desirable beau that fans have authored step-by-step guides on how to earn his approval and reach coveted “intimate scenes.”

Prying his heart open can take dozens of hours of gameplay, and one wrong response can turn Astarion off for good. Nearly 100,000 players were rejected by Astarion in the opening weekend alone, per Larian Studios, which released the game. It’s given players all the more reason to return to the game and try their luck with Astarion again.

And even if players do get there, there’s no guarantee Astarion will stick around: “Ugh,” he’ll yowl. “Five seconds into this relationship and I already want to break up with you.”

Vampires like Astarion are endlessly compelling​

Stewart said Astarion is a near-perfect example of a “Byronic vampire,” based on the 19th-century poet Lord Byron, known for being “beautiful, flirty but constantly moody and a jerk to most people.”

The modern vampires with whom fans have fallen in love tend to follow a similar model: They’re often gorgeous and shamelessly sexual, but they’re secretly tortured, too, and deeply devoted to those to whom they open up, Stewart said. Before Astarion, there were Louis and Lestat of Anne Rice’s “Vampire Chronicles,” “Twilight’s” Edward Cullen and Damon Salvatore of “The Vampire Diaries,” to name a few vamps with which Astarion shares his most endearing traits.

“The allure of the Byronic vampire comes with the sympathetic quality to them — that they struggle with their own status as ‘monster’ and have a heart underneath all that blood,” Stewart said.

Some players have already brought the best out of Astarion: “I am capable of doing the right thing from … time to time,” he quips in one scenario.

Vamps — they’re just like us!​

When they’re not dream-partner material, they can be our stand-ins, too. Their experiences often represent a fantastical, distorted version of our own, Stewart said.

Astarion may be an especially meaningful character to players who’ve felt subjugated or abused: It was never his choice to become a vampire, Stewart noted, and the lack of control that defined so much of his eternal life shaped who he became even after he was freed.

“Choice is something that seems to be getting stripped away from us more and more each day, so his struggles feel especially topical,” she said.

Creators of vampire fiction have also used vampirism as a metaphor for addiction or sexuality, and many vampires experience alienation or discrimination because of their “abnormal consumption habits,” Stewart said. They often spend their existences reconciling their dark nature with their more human qualities — psychological wrestling that even some humans do.

“Their popularity comes down to our increasing willingness to identify with the monster itself,” Stewart said. “It’s a dangerously dark fantasy to want to be the one to help the vampire fight their inner demons, but it’s also a reality for many people who also struggle with their own darkness and it’s affirming to see our own complex monstrosities depicted in fiction.”

Whether Astarion leans all the way into his inner darkness or overcomes his more violent urges through the power of love is for players to discover. At the very least, they can pray that he offers them a cuddle.
 
So I've played the game. I love the turn-based combat, the graphics are great, and the voice acting is good.

But the writing is ass, a ton of content was cut, very few things have serious consequences, and every recruitable character has something obnoxious and/or special snowflakey. And a bunch of them were really obvious last minute additions that are barely finished.

But the part that kills me is that every single party member is bisexual and immediately attracted to you.

There is a TON of other low-key woke shit, but I can let it slide:
  • There are no racial stats, only racial traits.
  • Genital/pronoun selection at character creation.
  • All of the heavily-armored, melee bruiser classed party members are girlboss females. While the males are stuck as the squishies, Rogues, Wizards, and Warlocks
  • The default "Hirelings" (NPCs with no personality or plot to fill out your party) consist of dangerhairs, bearded ladies, and various other nonsense.
  • Tieflings, a race of demon-bloods that are naturally driven toward their darker impulses, are portrayed as poor, misunderstood refugees. They are, of course, a playable race while their divine-blooded Aasimar counterparts aren't.
And the writing in this game is less insufferably woke then Alan Wake 2 and Spider-Man 2. Let that sink in. A game that had woke as shit Wizards of the Coast breathing down Larian's neck to check off as many boxes and fetishes as they can is less insufferably woke then any Sony game released this year. It would have been so easy for Wizards of the Coast to demand that Larian make Wyll have some snide comment about the white man always telling him what to do like in Alan Wake 2 or Lea'zel bitching about the patriarchy and how so much better the Githyanki matriarchy is but didn't. Larian deserves some credit for showing some restraint and putting their foot down to some of WotC demands. Imagine how bad this game would have been if they did what WotC wanted them to do which was outsource the writing to Sweet Baby Inc.

Also, some of the more questionable stuff in the game (like all the companions being bisexual and the tranny voice actors) can't solely be blamed on Larian. This game was in early access and Larian relied a lot on fan feedback on what people wanted to be in the finished Baldur's Gate 3. If any of you guys frequent the Stinkditch you will know that the D&D fandom is filled to the brim with troons. Even our Feeder Lord notices a correlation between being a D&D fan and being a troon. Swen is a nice guy but is autistic as all hell. He probably didn't notice just how bad and degenerate the D&D fandom has become in recent years and probably said to himself; "Okay. If this is what fans want than fuck it."
 
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Meanwhile Larian made the Divinity series including the excellent Divinity Dragon Commander..... How did they go so off script?
They were given a TON of money by Kickstarter backers, early access buyers, ect.

Way, way more money than they ever had when working on Divinity. Expectations got raised, feature creep set in, and they started getting feedback from the vocal minority.

The vocal minority were the ones screeching about they basically wanted to be able to fuck every character, be edgelord races like Tieflings and Drow, totally fight this and that, ect. It really bogged down development.

You can tell as the game goes on. Act 1 is amazing. Tons of unique dialogue based on races/classes/skills, lots of interactive environments, things to discover.

Act 2, that goes away and it starts to become more linear with fewer options. More jank, less polish.

By Act 3, you can tell they fucking ran out of time. They very obviously cut huge chunks of content. Questlines end abruptly, characters end up with nothing to do.

Hell, the city was supposed to have 3 areas: the outer city, lower city, and upper city.

THEY CUT THE ENTIRE UPPER CITY. There are still people and quests that reference it all over, but you can't get there. Ever. They clumsily took anything plot critical that was there and crammed it into the lower city somewhere, whether it fit and/or even made sense or not.

I'm talking Knights of the Old Republic 2 levels of cut content.
 
Can I get a confirmation on this one? It's so stupid I believe it.
Its something I remember hearing in one of the autistic as fuck Final Fantasy threads in the Games section here. Won't even bother to try looking, but you can go ask or look around yourself.
 
The more I hear about this game, the more I hate it. When people fellate something this fucking hard, I suspect all its praise is astroturfed or blow way out of fucking proportion (and it always seems to be the fucking case these days). D&D is fucking gay (especially now if the current editions are anything to go by) and I'm sick to death of every God damn game these days needing fucking "romance" options. Waifu/fujofags all deserve the rope, and I will not play your gay, larping, dice rolling, dating sim. Fuck off already.
 
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