"ADF" / Philip Vincent Haskins-Delici / Isabel Rosa Araujo - The Original Troon Commie Cow

REGENDarySumanai said:
But would he fig himself afterwards?
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During. After all, it's not like he's gonna wipe himself, stuffing a peeled ginger root up there to block the stench is the next best thing, not to mention causing enough pain to scream lyrics in a GG Alin kind of voice. :philthy:
 
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The Un-Clit said:
The two of you are giving me a godawful mental image of Phil stripped naked, taking a shit on the floor, laying down next to it singing 'bite it, you scum' at his shit-loaf to the dulcet tones of the Murder Junkies......
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REGENDarySumanai said:
But would he fig himself afterwards?
Click to expand...

You're both wrong.

Imagine Phil, on stage and undressed. Ahuviya Araujo, live in concert. There he is, mumbling into a microphone as a smoke machine blows over a crowd of drugged-up idiots. He climbs up on top of a mini-freezer with the lid open and squats down with one foot on either side of the opening.

He looks directly into the crowd, the music cuts, and he exclaims: "And now, time for something completely different! Look at what you make me do, Kiwi-fash!". The whole venue falls silent while Phil grunts and strains, dropping a loaf into the freezer. He stands up, and steps down. A loud "fwoosh" sound can be heard as the contents of the freezer are flash frozen just before the music comes back on.

Phil performs two more songs, using the shit he didn't wipe from his ass for lube to play with his man-cave. After he finishes his second song, he returns to the freezer, opens the lid and retrieves his turd. He holds it up and shows it to the crowd before turning around and throwing his right foot up on the lip of the freezer. He then reaches down between his legs and pushes the entire frozen log of feces back inside his already shit-covered asshole. Turning back to the crowd he gleefully explains "it may not be ginger, but it's just as fun!"

You witness him waddling towards the end of the stage while the music continues to play. Unaware of how closely he's holding the microphone you hear him whisper "You've done it, Phillip, you've finally found your people and will be popular forever" just as he leaps off stage attempting to surf the crowd.

Little did Phil know the entire crowd was full of k-farmers. A man near the back, the fearless leader, null, shouts out "kikes, it's time for the sea to part" and a large patch of concrete floor opens up in front of where Phil should be right now. Phil isn't there, however. He failed to get any air when he left the stage, instead launching himself face-first into the concrete floor. As Phil lies on the ground suffocating to death from complications of a broken neck, the assembled k-farmers each take a turn to piss on his face before leaving the venue, none notifying EMS. Phil expires one-third of the way through the line, but the kiwis have long waited for this moment, each taking their time and finishing until every person in the entire line has urinated upon the bloated corpse that was once Phillip Haskins Delici.

That's how things would go if Phil tried to be even remotely like GG Allen.
 
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muh_moobs said:
You're both wrong.

Imagine Phil, on stage and undressed. Ahuviya Araujo, live in concert. There he is, mumbling into a microphone as a smoke machine blows over a crowd of drugged-up idiots. He climbs up on top of a mini-freezer with the lid open and squats down with one foot on either side of the opening.

He looks directly into the crowd, the music cuts, and he exclaims: "And now, time for something completely different! Look at what you make me do, Kiwi-fash!". The whole venue falls silent while Phil grunts and strains, dropping a loaf into the freezer. He stands up, and steps down. A loud "fwoosh" sound can be heard as the contents of the freezer are flash frozen just before the music comes back on.

Phil performs two more songs, using the shit he didn't wipe from his ass for lube to play with his man-cave. After he finishes his second song, he returns to the freezer, opens the lid and retrieves his turd. He holds it up and shows it to the crowd before turning around and throwing his right foot up on the lip of the freezer. He then reaches down between his legs and pushes the entire frozen log of feces back inside his already shit-covered asshole. Turning back to the crowd he gleefully explains "it may not be ginger, but it's just as fun!"

You witness him waddling towards the end of the stage while the music continues to play. Unaware of how closely he's holding the microphone you hear him whisper "You've done it, Phillip, you've finally found your people and will be popular forever" just as he leaps off stage attempting to surf the crowd.

Little did Phil know the entire crowd was full of k-farmers. A man near the back, the fearless leader, null, shouts out "kikes, it's time for the sea to part" and a large patch of concrete floor opens up in front of where Phil should be right now. Phil isn't there, however. He failed to get any air when he left the stage, instead launching himself face-first into the concrete floor. As Phil lies on the ground suffocating to death from complications of a broken neck, the assembled k-farmers each take a turn to piss on his face before leaving the venue, none notifying EMS. Phil expires one-third of the way through the line, but the kiwis have long waited for this moment, each taking their time and finishing until every person in the entire line has urinated upon the bloated corpse that was once Phillip Haskins Delici.

That's how things would go if Phil tried to be even remotely like GG Allen.
Click to expand...


Who hurt you?
 
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The packing and moving odyssey now has a soundtrack
SmartSelect_20190516-143248_Chrome.jpg
 
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BlueArmedDevil said:
The packing and moving odyssey now has a soundtrack
View attachment 761270
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I thought lefty punks like Phil hate Metallica because they consider metal to be "problematic" and Metallica are largely seen as corporate sellouts by everyone and their mother and have been since at least the Napster debacle in 2000, possibly even earlier.

I haven't even heard of the other bands he's mentioned.

Also, it looks like he's going to try the Bay area again. He really is dumber than I expected.

Even his old stomping grounds in Philadelphia are safer for him than the Bay currently is, if only because of how long it's been since he was even near that area.

It's far more likely that he still is remembered in the Bay by the local lefties and I'm fairly sure that none of those memories are good ones.

He would be marginally better off going to Seattle or actually sucking it up and going east of the Cascades or Sierra Nevadas and going to a smaller SJW mecca like Boulder or Asheville where he might fare a little better for a little longer than anywhere near Interstate 5.

I mean, yeah he would fuck up big time in Seattle but he wouldn't have anyone who personally knows about his bad reputation (other than any Kiwis in the Seattle area) and it's almost as white as Portland, so there's less fear of him running into some local Surenos and getting his ass kicked over his tattoos, if not outright killed.
 
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I hope he tries going back to the Long Haul infoshop. Or at least I hope he runs into some of the people from Long Haul while he’s looking for someone to mooch off of.

Ooh! Are we going to get the Jordan/Phil reunion? How much content will we get from that? Will Phil demand to be figged in his stink ditch?
 
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BlueArmedDevil said:
The packing and moving odyssey now has a soundtrack
View attachment 761270
Click to expand...
I promise you that the Counting Crows track he's listening to is "Long December." There are no deep cuts from that album, he just has the single(s) lined up. Same with the Chili Peppers, etc.

You know what? I would respect him (a tiny tiny bit) more if he said he was listening to Train's first two albums in full because they were great.
 
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muh_moobs said:
You're both wrong.

Imagine Phil, on stage and undressed. Ahuviya Araujo, live in concert. There he is, mumbling into a microphone as a smoke machine blows over a crowd of drugged-up idiots. He climbs up on top of a mini-freezer with the lid open and squats down with one foot on either side of the opening.

He looks directly into the crowd, the music cuts, and he exclaims: "And now, time for something completely different! Look at what you make me do, Kiwi-fash!". The whole venue falls silent while Phil grunts and strains, dropping a loaf into the freezer. He stands up, and steps down. A loud "fwoosh" sound can be heard as the contents of the freezer are flash frozen just before the music comes back on.

Phil performs two more songs, using the shit he didn't wipe from his ass for lube to play with his man-cave. After he finishes his second song, he returns to the freezer, opens the lid and retrieves his turd. He holds it up and shows it to the crowd before turning around and throwing his right foot up on the lip of the freezer. He then reaches down between his legs and pushes the entire frozen log of feces back inside his already shit-covered asshole. Turning back to the crowd he gleefully explains "it may not be ginger, but it's just as fun!"

You witness him waddling towards the end of the stage while the music continues to play. Unaware of how closely he's holding the microphone you hear him whisper "You've done it, Phillip, you've finally found your people and will be popular forever" just as he leaps off stage attempting to surf the crowd.

Little did Phil know the entire crowd was full of k-farmers. A man near the back, the fearless leader, null, shouts out "kikes, it's time for the sea to part" and a large patch of concrete floor opens up in front of where Phil should be right now. Phil isn't there, however. He failed to get any air when he left the stage, instead launching himself face-first into the concrete floor. As Phil lies on the ground suffocating to death from complications of a broken neck, the assembled k-farmers each take a turn to piss on his face before leaving the venue, none notifying EMS. Phil expires one-third of the way through the line, but the kiwis have long waited for this moment, each taking their time and finishing until every person in the entire line has urinated upon the bloated corpse that was once Phillip Haskins Delici.

That's how things would go if Phil tried to be even remotely like GG Allen.
Click to expand...

I gotta say, that's THE most metal story about Phil that is ever likely to be told.
 
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BlueArmedDevil said:
It was pointed out way back in the day by @Ravenor that Phil gets more tugboat in cali because cali reasons.
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Makes sense, given California is a fairly left-leaning state and has one of the stronger welfare states in the country.

But still, why the fuck would he try to worm his way into the Bay Area?

I understand that the area in and around Los Angeles is likely too full of actual Latinos for him to even consider going there, but he's burned too many bridges in the Bay which was why he had to return to Portland in the first place.

If he wanted a fresh start while still collecting those California bonus bucks, wouldn't it make sense to move out to one of those smaller cities and towns in the North California woods that are mostly just weed farmers, old hippies, and the SJW's and lefty punks who couldn't cut it in Los Angeles or the Bay?

He could probably rent a run-down used trailer or a shitty apartment in that area, or even just get a camper van in the woods that is close enough to a public WiFi signal and he could live semi-comfortably (by hobo standards)

The cost of living would be slightly cheaper, nobody would know about his past unless they were a Kiwi, and he would still be in a culturally left-leaning area with SJW's, punks, and lefty edgelords who are generally less concerned with hating "posers" like Phil because most of them are posers in their own right.

Of course, Phil would blow it eventually like he always does and he'll be older and even more fucked than he is now, but that's because stories like his typically don't have happy endings.

Even Chris is more likely to have a positive outcome in the end than Phil does.

However, he'd be comfortable for far longer because his social security checks would last slightly longer every month, the people in his circles would more likely be willing to tolerate him than in the Bay and probably for longer as well, and he could even better indulge his childish fantasies and LARP as some "Antifa survivalist" and claim he's going innawoods to wage gorilla warfare on the Kiwis and fash (or whatever his next imaginary enemy will be)
 
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BlueArmedDevil said:
It was pointed out way back in the day by @Ravenor that Phil gets more tugboat in cali because cali reasons.
Click to expand...

California is also so insanely expensive that I wouldn't be surprised if your standard of living is still lower there, though. On tard bucks, you'd really be better living somewhere rural or suburban. Of course if you're a belligerent freak they might be less likely to put up with that and more likely to hand you a beating.
 
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