Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

[The Token Ethnic]

It definitely sucks the joy out of it for everyone else too.

I definitely do not want to go through another lecture about how my drinking hurts and depresses my family. I will be happy to avoid those sermons the next time I see them.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

It definitely sucks the joy out of it for everyone else too.

Being sober and seeing how people behave when they're plastered definitely makes you go "fuck, is this how I acted?"

 

[dick brain]

Being sober and seeing how people behave when they're plastered definitely makes you go "fuck, is this how I acted?"

I call them ghosts of christmas past. Or ghosts of christmas future, if it's a fate that could befall me.

 

[shatterspinel]

Started drinking heavily a few years back to cope with having a third shift job that was a little too physically taxing. Still there, worked my way up to a position where I take on longer hours but am no longer waking up after most people have had dinner on my days off. I managed to stop drinking but I haven’t regained my ability to socialize or pick any of my hobbies back up. It’s like adhd but only for things that I want to do coupled with the fact that I am genuinely worn out. What is self work? How do you focus on extra curriculars without thinking about existential bullshit? What’s the difference between being lazy and burnt out and if there’s none, how do you get over it and start living?

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Started drinking heavily a few years back to cope with having a third shift job that was a little too physically taxing. Still there, worked my way up to a position where I take on longer hours but am no longer waking up after most people have had dinner on my days off. I managed to stop drinking but I haven’t regained my ability to socialize or pick any of my hobbies back up. It’s like adhd but only for things that I want to do coupled with the fact that I am genuinely worn out. What is self work? How do you focus on extra curriculars without thinking about existential bullshit? What’s the difference between being lazy and burnt out and if there’s none, how do you get over it and start living?

What's more important to your quality of life, your current job or socializing and hobbies? Would you take a job with less pay if it meant more time for other things you enjoy? If you are feeling too burnt out to do anything with your free time, what are you willing to sacrifice to find more balance?
It's not easy to do. If you are only working to be able to afford to live, are you really living? You might have make some uncomfortable changes in order to get what you really want. If you did have more time and energy, what would you like to do? There aren't any real simple solutions.

 

[Jerk Sausage]

What’s the difference between being lazy and burnt out and if there’s none, how do you get over it and start living?

I've never had a night shift job beyond briefly closing at 2am so I can't relate, but trying to put myself in your shoes, I'd ask:
Am I working this job/shift because:

• I enjoy the schedule and the job.
• I don't like the schedule, but the job is acceptable, though I can't work normal hours for the same money.
• I don't like the schedule, and could get a job with a normal schedule, but I'm afraid of the risk/change.

Am I burned out because:

• My body is rejecting this schedule and my thoughts are not a contributing factor.
• My ego is playing the victim and I'm exhausting myself by dwelling on it so much.

If a magic wand were waved and you started working normal 9-5pm hours tomorrow, your idyllic life is not going to appear in front of you with all the hobbies, habits and social life you desire. You either have to make the life you have work, or do work to get the life you want. To do neither is the lazy part.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Started drinking heavily a few years back to cope with having a third shift job that was a little too physically taxing. Still there, worked my way up to a position where I take on longer hours but am no longer waking up after most people have had dinner on my days off. I managed to stop drinking but I haven’t regained my ability to socialize or pick any of my hobbies back up. It’s like adhd but only for things that I want to do coupled with the fact that I am genuinely worn out. What is self work? How do you focus on extra curriculars without thinking about existential bullshit? What’s the difference between being lazy and burnt out and if there’s none, how do you get over it and start living?

It sounds like the problem here is you work too much. Also, as @Jerk Sausage proposes, it might be an ego thing. Ruminating on shit can be exhausting and self-limiting.

A valuable mental exercise is to ask yourself what you would do with your life if you had a magic wand and could do anything you wanted.

 

[Your Girlfriend's Dad]

Started drinking heavily a few years back to cope with having a third shift job that was a little too physically taxing. Still there, worked my way up to a position where I take on longer hours but am no longer waking up after most people have had dinner on my days off. I managed to stop drinking but I haven’t regained my ability to socialize or pick any of my hobbies back up. It’s like adhd but only for things that I want to do coupled with the fact that I am genuinely worn out. What is self work? How do you focus on extra curriculars without thinking about existential bullshit? What’s the difference between being lazy and burnt out and if there’s none, how do you get over it and start living?

I've worked overnights in some capacity for my entire adult life, so I'm empathetic. I went to sleep at 8am and just woke up at 2pm. It's genuinely not good for you.

That being said, you've got three options: 1) Get a day job and get sober. You don't have to up and quit, but you'll need to start applying and interviewing.
2) Find a way to cope with the burnout and stay overnight, but get sober. There will always be an excuse to drink. No offense intended, but I also managed to be a useless drunk when I worked human hours. You will too.
3) Continue drinking and working overnight. It's an option. It doesn't seem to be working. I just don't think that changing your hours will magically stop your drinking.

I like 1 and 2.

I've played the "I'd only be sober if X" game a lot. I think your life might be improved by finding a different place to work, but I don't think it's going to erase a bad habit.

 

[dick brain]

I've played the "I'd only be sober if X" game a lot.

Not necessarily helpful information for anybody but just thinking out loud:

I think a silver lining of fucking your whole life up is that it leaves little room for uncertainty. I see a lot of people juggle priorities, trying to determine whether their job is more important than their sobriety, or their social life, or their hobbies, or their relationships, or social status or financial stability, etc. Whereas I have proven, empirically, that in my specific case, indulgence in vices will destroy all of those things. Thus I can say with objective certainty that sobriety/abstinence from vice is priority number one, because it's a prerequisite for everything else. I may or may not be able to achieve or maintain my other priorities sober, but I know for a fact I can't do it drunk.

I've been getting into asceticism a bit lately. Leveraging skills and tools from recovery in daily life to avoid pleasurable but useless pursuits in an effort to force a convergence of the things that I want to do and the things that I should be doing. I think everybody would like to exist in a state where the things that are good for you feel good, and the things that feel good are good for you; I think that's a pretty universal ideal. I think recovery is a microcosm of that -- avoiding immediate gratification for the sake of long-term benefit, until eventually the option of immediate gratification ceases to be appealing. Once you've been through it, it's pretty easy to apply the same formula to other areas of life, such that you start to enjoy doing the things you should be doing, rather than wishing you were doing something else.

I'm kicking around the idea of getting off the internet altogether. I really only use kiwifarms and youtube anymore, and only seldom to my benefit. I'm old enough to remember not having a smartphone and I think my life was, if not better, at least more interesting for it. So if I suddenly disappear at some point, I probably didn't die or relapse, I'm probably just backpacking or reading a book. Or in jail for manslaughter. I'd say 80-20 odds.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

I may or may not be able to achieve or maintain my other priorities sober, but I know for a fact I can't do it drunk.

This is very quotable and true.

 

[Absolutego]

Today's six months since my last drink now. Insanity. Always working on bad habits, and man can I be lazy when facing stress, but that doesn't even manifest as thinking about booze anymore. I'm doing weird shit like reaching out to friends or my sponsor when I'm dealing with a difficult situation instead of isolating and beating myself up for my failures.
Yesterday was such a capstone for where I've come in the last six months. I crushed an in-person job interview with a small company that looks like it'd be a great culture/career fit. Tons of growth potential for me, and an opportunity to really take on responsibility for once. I got pulled over for speeding and talked my way out of a ticket because I could be honest with the cop (just going with the flow of traffic, didn't realize the limit was so slow), and wasn't all squirrely because I was terrified my resting BAC would be enough for a DUI. I went to a rehab clinic and shared my story with people in the exact spot I was in last winter. It's surreal being an example of the process working.
The journey's never over, but it is so strange remembering how impossible all the work before me felt when I started out at my lowest, now looking back at how I've accomplished even more in this short time than I thought I realistically could, and I was beating myself up the whole way for not doing recovery fast enough and dragging my heels.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Half a year no beer. Congrats, dude. I should probably do more commitments.

 

[Absolutego]

Half a year no beer. Congrats, dude. I should probably do more commitments.

It depends on the person, and I am in no way saying what worked for me will work for everyone, but it was when I stopped thinking of it as a commitment for a set amount of time and realized I simply cannot drink (even went through a little mourning period after that), that I started putting more than a few weeks of time together, and wasn't white knuckling the whole way through.
But I also have had multiple seizures and wound up in rehab, I'm pretty well past functional alcoholism.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

But I also have had multiple seizures and wound up in rehab, I'm pretty well past functional alcoholism.

The reason I quit was because all my binges were putting me in the hospital from the amount I was drinking. I never had any legal issues but I was killing myself - so I know what it's like to drink near that point. I'm really glad you're doing better, dude. As for commitments, the main reason I don't do them so much is because the guys in my group who schedule them don't pick times that are doable for me.

 

[Absolutego]

The reason I quit was because all my binges were putting me in the hospital from the amount I was drinking. I never had any legal issues but I was killing myself - so I know what it's like to drink near that point. I'm really glad you're doing better, dude. As for commitments, the main reason I don't do them so much is because the guys in my group who schedule them don't pick times that are doable for me.

oh THAT's what you meant by commitments, I hadn't heard the visits referred to in that way before. Perk of recovery being my only job right now is that I don't really have a good excuse to say "no".

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

oh THAT's what you meant by commitments, I hadn't heard the visits referred to in that way before. Perk of recovery being my only job right now is that I don't really have a good excuse to say "no".

Yeah, there are a few new guys who show up in my group and the ones who don't say "no" are the ones who are sober and loving it. Remember to stay active. Lots of guys decide they don't need to stay on top of their alcoholism and then relapse. When you're the kind of person who cannot drink in safety, you have to do regular maintenance or you forget.

 

[Sammich]

@Hey Johnny Bravo you really are a scumbag faggot. Acting like you give a single shit about alcoholism when you can't help but project yours onto others.

 

[UnregisteredHypercam2]

Just wanted to share one of the most impactful things I have ever read about addiction, written from the point of view of an alcoholic:

You cannot quite understand the power of addiction until you have seen it firsthand. Until you have seen it eat like an acid through everything you are. It is astounding to watch. Its slow and total corrosion of your entire life is mesmerizing. As you watch it, you keep thinking, "At some point, the corrosion will stop. There is no way it will be able to eat through this next thing. This next thing is too important to me." But then it does. It eats through everything. And you realize you are dealing with a vast and inhuman power.

The most frightening thing is that consequences do not work against a well-developed addiction. There are ultimately no consequences, none, which can separate you from your drug. As your addiction progresses and your self-control slips away, there is nothing you won't risk to continue doing your drug. Nothing is important enough. Nothing is sacred enough.

Money. Career. Marriage. Home. Family. Goals. Art. Religion. Dignity. Safety. Health. Sanity. Parents. Children. Life Itself. All of it will go into play. All of it will be put on the table. If you play the game shrewdly, you might get to keep some of it. You will not get to keep all of it. You will pay. You will pay in ways that you cannot imagine.

You will look at the people who have lost more than you, and you will pretend you are different than them. You will pretend that you can walk away from the table. But the time will come to walk away, and you won't. You will keep playing. You will be made a liar. If you play long enough, all your pious little promises will be shown to be lies.

"I have a good job. I would never risk my job."

"I love my wife. I would never risk my marriage."

"I love my children more than anything. I would never risk my children's safety. Ever."

"I don't want to die."

Whatever specific promises you make will be the ones that you will break, because those are the ones you have made to try to control yourself. But you won't be able to control yourself. Your self-control will be pried from your grasp like a toy being taken away from a child.

And when break these promises, you will not be some mindless "junkie" who doesn't care anymore. You will be in many ways the same person you are now, and you will know how awful and horrifying your actions are, and you will do them anyway. You will not be able to believe what is happening to you. You will tell yourself that you are unlucky or cursed. You will watch in horror. But what you are watching is yourself. The horror is what you are doing.

I realize that this all sounds rather silly and dramatic. From the perspective of somebody dabbling with drugs, this all sounds laughably overwrought. But if you ever go where I have been, if you ever see what I have seen, this will still sound laughable, not because it is overwrought, but because it is insufficient -- because it doesn't even begin to describe it.


It's the quotes about job, family, and your own life that absolutely sink me. I can't imagine what that is like, I don't even want to feel it for a moment, but I have not heard anyone describe the feeling so perfectly before.

Also, this is from an absolute wonderful series of (strangely enough) Reddit comments that are part of a larger story called "Mother Horse Eyes". If you are at all interested in conspiracy theories, different Christian interpretations of demons/angels, and insane acid trips, I'd highly recommend reading it, or listening to someone else read it. There are other large sections about addiction and recovery, but this one is my favorite. The author is unknown, but he has clearly dealt with this his entire life and it shows through his descriptions of what being an addict is like.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

@Hey Johnny Bravo you really are a scumbag faggot. Acting like you give a single shit about alcoholism when you can't help but project yours onto others.

First you said you haven't drank in years.



Then you said you haven't drank in months...



... and now you're spamming my profile page calling me a pedophile, and bringing an A&N argument to this thread in a petty infighting attempt.

Go fuck yourself, dude. You are an angry drunk, an alcoholic, and a sperg.

 

[Sammich]

First you said you haven't drank in years.

View attachment 7630579

Then you said you haven't drank in months...

View attachment 7630581

... and now you're spamming my profile page calling me a pedophile, and bringing an A&N argument to this thread in a petty infighting attempt.

Go fuck yourself, dude. You are an angry drunk, an alcoholic, and a sperg.

I haven't drank LIQUOR in years, you dumb faggot. I drank beer on election night, you dumb faggot. You are trying to use alcoholism as an own on someone, you dumb faggot. You are accusing me of drinking, you dumb faggot.


Maybe it's you hitting the sauce, or maybe it's more you are just assmad because you want to protect pedophiles and i'm calling you out for wanting to protect pedophiles.

"petty infighting" is fucking rich. I hope you relapse and end up killing someone you care about, you mongoloid bitch.