@HilmWolfette,
While the debate about your possible fetish has been riveting, I was wondering if you could talk about your suicidal ideation. You mentioned previously that you had five suicide attempts. You mentioned two of them and the particular methods e.g. pain relief overdose and ADHD medication overdose (I am assuming this drug was ritalin because, generally, a ritalin overdose cannot kill you).
What were the other three attempts and what happened afterwards? How did your parents react? Were they understanding or dismissive? Were you placed under a 51/50? Do you still have suicidal ideation? Has transitioning helped alleviate those thoughts?
As a somewhat morbid person and has a past of suicidal ideation, I am interested in your responses.
List of suicide attempts:
November 2015: Entemophobia related & after repeated nervous breakdowns.
Method: tried taking double the lethal amount of niacin
June 2016: tried slitting my throat after bad breakup, quit due to pain.
April 2017: had homocidial ideations and also wanted to end my life after a breakdown caused my untreated dysphoria, which was falsely pegged as schizophrenia by the therapists
October 2017: was heavily embarrassed due to a PTSD trigger moment in public, wanted to jump off a building before being calmed down by school professionals and sent to a mental hospital for a week.
December 2017: tried overdosing on leftover pills I had stashed from the aforementioned ADHD meds, was a failure. Was done due to a bad argument with my mother where she had threatened to hit me over me confronting her about being blatantly transphobic and publicly deadnaming me to family.
March 2018: after suffering abuse from my dad’s side, and my family in Texas ignoring me with no hope of returning; I tried to overdose on Tylenol, with my not only taking more than the lethal dose, but also with a large amount of alcohol (2 bottles of Jack Daniels). Didn’t work, woke up the next day fine for some reason.
Thanksgiving 2018: tried overdosing on Benadryl, Tylenol, and Ibproufen all at the same time, over dysphoria related anxiety. Spent the whole day loopy, hallucinating, and my mind being hazy. Also drank a whole bottle of NyQuil and felt drunk in addition.
January 2019: tried overdosing again, this time with 3x the lethal dose of ibproufen. No effect due to my high drug tolerance.
This isn’t even counting all the times I wanted to commit suicide, was on the verge of doing so, or otherwise didn’t follow through. It has decreased in frequency since I began HRT: June 9th, 2018, but not disappeared entirely due to my depression still being untreated, even if my dysphoria is now being mostly treated.