OMFG my brain, it hurts.
Running commentary style instead of time stamping, because why not? Let’s get this show on the road.
Opens with her holding aloft some sort of sugary beverage, as to be expected of our skinny queen. She greets us and welcomes us to the ‘post vacation reset vlog’.
Excited to settle back into life…? But wait, vacations are typically to get away from it all and relaxing.
Guess Anderson’s teething and his first tooth came through. She was upset that he was miserable. Gave him baby Tylenol and contacted the doctor and blah blah blah.
He’s apparently happy to be home. Yar’s working, Anderson’s napping, Alex is blathering about having a lot of work to do and whatever. Buuuuullshit.
Says ‘let’s have a productive morning to have a chill afternoon.’
Blames puffiness on not doing a facial massager instead of, ya know, FAT.
Anderson slept for 8 hours straight last night. Apparently he sleeps 5 hours a night right now. She has faux shock.
He did okay on the flight, didn’t want the bottle before and after the flight. She blathers on and on about white noise, movement, ‘car ride energy’ and whatever about why he did okay on the flight.
Alex claims she had a hard time vlogging throughout vacation because it’s busy with a baby. Apparently it’s not really a vacation in her eyes.
Oooooh, I can’t wait until he’s mobile and ripping her house to shreds.
She’s going on and on and on about having to do laundry and dishes and shit.
Montage time! Putting shit in the bottle cleaner because fuck doing it by hand. Drinking her sugar beverage. Rolling around luggage and hauling it up the stairs to throw clothing all over the floor in… random piles. I’d like to think there’s rhyme or reason, but there’s not. And it looks like this woman is just hanging up all the shit she took out of their luggage immediately, despite it being wrinkled to shit from being packed like asshole.
Is it even clean…? Is she hanging dirty or /lightly worn/ clothing? Because she only threw a couple white shirts in the laundry.
Please tell me they did laundry before they returned home… nngh.
She fatly fucks with her hair and makeup while my brain ponders dirty laundry and fupa stank in her closet.
Cooking… something. Looks like buns. Don’t really care.
Many hours later:
Has the flat-head kid (holy shit, you guys weren’t kidding) where you can see the back of his skull outside of the emoji covering his face. She’s blathering about the shit she did, which was getting Hello Fresh and grocery pickup and shopping with her mother and shit.
Then she goes on about men doing the grocery pickup shit and substitutions. Whatever. Do your own shopping you twit.
Now she goes through all of her groceries. It’s boring as shit. All I can think of is FATTY FAT FAT. Because there’s plenty of high calorie options and snacks in that shit. She’s all about the chips and shit.
I’m about ready to die seeing poor Anderson in her stupid hip belt thing - he looks so… unsecured. Like it he just flings himself a little, he’s going to the floor if she doesn’t maintain a good grip on him. (Oh, and she forgets the emoji over the face, and he’s flailing so you can see him often. Great job, Alex.)
MORE FUCKING SNACKS. STAAAAAHHHHHP TUBBO.
Making dinner, Hello Fresh, aka: heating prepackaged shit.
Of course, Hello Fresh is the sponsor. Yay, commercial break.
Tomorrow:
It’s the next morning. They watched the 2nd episode of White Lotus or something. She can’t even remember if they finished it, probably because her brain’s a sieve and she can’t retain information to save her sad little life. Oh, she mentions she’s watching Severance, too. Whatever.
Nancy’s coming to babysit because Alex and Yar are going on a lunch date.
Alex decides to bitch about how much going out to eat costs and ‘it isn’t even that good’ referencing when she and Nancy were going out to eat, so instead of food she and Yar are going out to see a movie that they haven’t researched at all (they have no idea what it’s about) - and let’s not kid ourselves, stuff themselves with popcorn, soda and random snacks.
Shit, got distracted and forgot I had this shit paused in the middle of her squealing about dumbassery. Back on it now.
They’re going to see Riff Raff. She’s happy about the casting. Comedy/drama/suspense. Whatever. She’s reading about the dumb shit movie on her phone. She’s all about Jennifer Coolige and that’s that, apparently. And I know I didn’t spell that right. You know I don’t care.
They got more teething things for Anderson. Shows off food-grade silicon teething tubes. And a plastic noodle teether. And she shows off Camilia (homeopathic medicine, no need to rub on the gums, plant based, has a bunch of things ‘I don’t know how to say’). Of course she feels it’s helping.
Maybe I’m old school, but I remember whiskey on the finger and rubbing that shit on the goblin’s gums. Worked like a charm.
More Hello Fresh sperging. Shaddup.
Actually, she’s talking about Anderson gnawing on a green onion. And apparently his ‘cute little breath’ normally smells like ‘baby breath’ or formula, but he had onion breath, and she’s giggling about that shit.
Fuckadoodle dandy, now package opening time. Because everyone cares so much.
The dress that was too small? She did a replacement and it came after she was already gone. Gonna see if the new dress (she proclaims ‘it’s so pretty’ and it’s ‘kind of kimono style’ (LIES - I own a fucking kimono, and fuck you all) fits. She tosses it aside to try on at some other point.
Prequel. It’s skin care. Moisturizer. She’s enthralled with it and reads from the box. I am zoning out because of the zero fucks I have to give, she’s digging so hard into that zero value that it’s delving into negative numbers.
Saltair. ‘Gorgeous packaging’. It’s… body oil… body mist… body scrub… and a lip oil balm. Stuff. She immediately puts on the balm and douses herself with body mist. It’s ‘SHO GUD.’ When did I start watching Amberlynn again?!
Alex yammers on about how she gets emotional being away from mommy and stuff.
6 1/2 hours later:
Doesn’t know what this vlog was. They didn’t go to the movies because they were late. Went to Chipotle and watched White Lotus in the car, then ran errands. WoW. QuAlItY.
Fatty is tired. Yesterday was real busy and coming home and settling in and yawning and blah. Going to have leftover Hello Fresh for dinner.
Then shows us Krack Corn she had randomly off frame. The fuck. And she goes on and on and on forever about this particular fucking snack. Shaddup.
Her review on Dr. Pepper Zero Blackberry - sucks. Stick with cherry. ‘Tasted too berry-ish. I didn’t get Dr. Pepper.’ …. da fuk.
Wants us to tell her what we think of White Lotus. She does retarded singing talking about the intro. I am lost and I don’t care.
The end.
