- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
Doesn't seem to be an Amber move to me (takes too much effort) - if this were the case, it'd be more the handiwork of MG, W.
Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.
- Thread starter PiggyPie
- Start date
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
A couple years ago some reddit member pearl-clutched over such mean forums dedicated to Amber existing and got a few taken down. I think it caused a lot of the members to show up here.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2017
Reddit jannies are particularly sensitive creatures triggered by fucking everything so while I can see Jade asking them to go down, the true culprit is a toss up.
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2022
I know a lot of members, particularly of the snark sub, were getting their panties in a bunch over people being “too mean” just because they called her fat or a cunt. Also they were getting annoyed with repetitive posts (duh) so. Who knows what actually happened? While I don’t think Amber is the one who did it, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me if she did, given her attempt at rebranding. And she’s been especially touchy lately.
- Joined
- May 3, 2021
Diet Coke 4 Life sayeth:
She whines atop a slide that says ‘Which. Is. It.’ and grumbles ‘soooo, which is it? Is it oversharing, or the lack of details?’
Ben n Jerry used to make Dastardly Mash- chocolate ice cream with nuts, raisins, and chips. They got a lot of mail about it. Half of the letters said it had too many raisins, half said there weren't enough. Why Fatty can't figure out individual differences is beyond me.
Also, it's called sins of omission, Amber. Or, as haydurs say, liiiiies.
She whines atop a slide that says ‘Which. Is. It.’ and grumbles ‘soooo, which is it? Is it oversharing, or the lack of details?’
Ben n Jerry used to make Dastardly Mash- chocolate ice cream with nuts, raisins, and chips. They got a lot of mail about it. Half of the letters said it had too many raisins, half said there weren't enough. Why Fatty can't figure out individual differences is beyond me.
Also, it's called sins of omission, Amber. Or, as haydurs say, liiiiies.
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2022
Oooh! Ooh! I can answer this one! You’re oversharing about MG/W and your imaginary sex life. If you don’t want her to be involved in your channel, then don’t involve her, period. Nobody gives a fuck about this “perfect relationship” facade you’re putting on. It’s not realistic and quite frankly, it’s obnoxious.
As far as everything else in your life, you’re severely lacking details, especially compared to what your audience is used to. Your audience, you know? The audience you’ve grown and cultivated over the past decade. “I did that!!” Yes you did, stinky. Now own it or get the fuck off of YouTube. You don’t show us your real life anymore, which is what’s kept most of us around this long. You refuse to listen to your audience and it’s clear you don’t enjoy doing YouTube anymore. You’re reaping what you’ve sown.
low sodium
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2020
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2018
Well that's a fucking lah, Becky proposed by not protesting when Amber bought herself rings and started saying she was engaged.
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2017
Yep, I could have sworn that after she and Becky broke up, Amber admitted that she bought her own engagement ring, but in this video she said that Becky proposed by presenting her a ring wrapped around a vibrator. She didn't specifically say it wasn't the ring she had already picked out, but she sure made it seem like the whole thing, including the ring, was a big surprise to her. Its to the point where the only reason to watch her videos anymore is to see how many of her latest lahs you can find, it's like going on a fabrication treasure hunt
My Cat Is Racist
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 21, 2017
Bullying! BULLYING! BOOLEEEYEEEN!!
It's not allowed you guize.
It's not allowed you guize.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
Man, just as I was celebrating this cuntasaurus's apparent break.
If @Situation Type Deal Gorl isn't back on .top or .onion by this evening, I'll recap. For now, the fish in the nearest river are more important than ALR.
ETA: 28 MINUTES?!!!? FML!!!
If @Situation Type Deal Gorl isn't back on .top or .onion by this evening, I'll recap. For now, the fish in the nearest river are more important than ALR.
ETA: 28 MINUTES?!!!? FML!!!
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
Amber is the reason I discovered the Farms, so I feel it’s only fitting that my last possible post is about her. Or not. We shall see.
This new video is pure trash. She actually brags at one point about not getting lice since she was a kid. Seriously? No one does unless they have kids in elementary school, and even then most parents are diligent enough to not get it themselves.
Her proposal story was just throwing more shade at Becky. She didn’t propose the exact way AL wanted in the exact perfect way, so fuck her. Then she had to mention that they didn’t have sex more than once in three years, and I’m willing to bet AL has never actually had sex in her life.
There’s some dumb shit about AL being done with Trisha Paytas (like Trisha gives a fuck) and a smug comment about the Farms. Dumb bitch doesn’t understand anything. But it’s really interesting she noticed. Like all lolcows, they follow their threads incessantly.
Next, she pulls out a fucking card game, and I’m out.
Off topic: We are all still here. We may not have this website in the future, but we fight on.
This new video is pure trash. She actually brags at one point about not getting lice since she was a kid. Seriously? No one does unless they have kids in elementary school, and even then most parents are diligent enough to not get it themselves.
Her proposal story was just throwing more shade at Becky. She didn’t propose the exact way AL wanted in the exact perfect way, so fuck her. Then she had to mention that they didn’t have sex more than once in three years, and I’m willing to bet AL has never actually had sex in her life.
There’s some dumb shit about AL being done with Trisha Paytas (like Trisha gives a fuck) and a smug comment about the Farms. Dumb bitch doesn’t understand anything. But it’s really interesting she noticed. Like all lolcows, they follow their threads incessantly.
Next, she pulls out a fucking card game, and I’m out.
Off topic: We are all still here. We may not have this website in the future, but we fight on.
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2022
Hopefully some more of the gorls will download Brave and join us again.
Amby's current video is... something else. I find it AMAZING how many times she tries to reinvent herself and carefully construct an UBER-POSITIVE YouTube Influencer image - yet lacks the emotional and mental capacities to realize that her attempts make her look like even more of an asshole wow This isn't a recap: just a 60 second lowlight reel.
Spreads BS about Kiwi Farms. BOOLEAN!! It got taken down for BOOLEAN!! It's not allowed!!
Talking about the ankle is off limits, but not 'boolean' Becky, as that involves Amber's "experiences". I thought nothing was off-limits, gorl? I thought you would never mention Becky again?
Tells the proposal story of Becky and Amber in a way that:
1) contradicts details she has already given about the proposal, and
2) embarasses/shames Becky.
Traumatized in foster care because of the adults telling her what to do - so you found being told to pick up after yourself and keep clean to be "traumatizing"?
Foster home "did the craziest thing to my hair" to remove the lice - yeah, they washed it (with an appropriate shampoo). Implies that she believes that this crazy thing is the reason that she hasn't had lice since. Reminds me of 2018-2019 when she insisted that she couldn't have anything wrong with her teeth currently, because she went to the dentist when she was 18.
Makes a big point about randomly selecting three 'Bad Choices' cards from a game without looking at them... then takes them off screen and jump-cuts before reading them.
For those who are squeamish about that or who are using a shared computer (and who manage to catch a glimpse of this message before whatever next iteration of www.kiwifarms.*** gets 86'ed), you might find interesting results searching for "Tails OS" and "Live OS USB".
Amby's current video is... something else. I find it AMAZING how many times she tries to reinvent herself and carefully construct an UBER-POSITIVE YouTube Influencer image - yet lacks the emotional and mental capacities to realize that her attempts make her look like even more of an asshole wow This isn't a recap: just a 60 second lowlight reel.
Spreads BS about Kiwi Farms. BOOLEAN!! It got taken down for BOOLEAN!! It's not allowed!!
Talking about the ankle is off limits, but not 'boolean' Becky, as that involves Amber's "experiences". I thought nothing was off-limits, gorl? I thought you would never mention Becky again?
Tells the proposal story of Becky and Amber in a way that:
1) contradicts details she has already given about the proposal, and
2) embarasses/shames Becky.
Traumatized in foster care because of the adults telling her what to do - so you found being told to pick up after yourself and keep clean to be "traumatizing"?
Foster home "did the craziest thing to my hair" to remove the lice - yeah, they washed it (with an appropriate shampoo). Implies that she believes that this crazy thing is the reason that she hasn't had lice since. Reminds me of 2018-2019 when she insisted that she couldn't have anything wrong with her teeth currently, because she went to the dentist when she was 18.
Makes a big point about randomly selecting three 'Bad Choices' cards from a game without looking at them... then takes them off screen and jump-cuts before reading them.
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
Whilst Joy Sparkle Bs was my "first" here years back (good times) Amber and Chantal will always be those cows. Even though Chris was my first cow back in 09. The hype around Amber and Chantal was truly something. In a way, it's kind of fitting the farms going down as they go but there are still cows out there but it's a very different breed. There's an innocence around Amber and Chantal and early Chris where it truly was wholesome.
We keyed in every day or 2 to see the mess and chatted about it.
We keyed in every day or 2 to see the mess and chatted about it.
8008135
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2016
If this is my last ALR post before things shit the bed for good, I just want to say:
What a fat fucking loser.
What a fat fucking loser.
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
Could we not? I'm not saying shit isn't dark and that the groomertroons haven't battered the walls, but a forum run by a lesser man who hasn't cut his dick off and fueled on high octane spite would have folded like clot filled laygeengs years ago.
Unlike Amber, we're still standing. We will boolee her until they pry our F A T keys from our cold dead hands. Keep posting. Keep archiving. Never submit.
Onward and upward, lads.
Unlike Amber, we're still standing. We will boolee her until they pry our F A T keys from our cold dead hands. Keep posting. Keep archiving. Never submit.
Onward and upward, lads.
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2018
I believe that there will be a place to booly Amber for the rest of her life and after she dies.
This is her legacy.
This is her legacy.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
Oh gaw I can't feel my fingers anymore.
TL;DW/R, I can't take responsibility for anything because she literally drove me to drink. AL blathers about a bunch of stuff, throwing shade at Becky and making her out to be the worst person ever, talking about how Trisha's the worst person ever, thinking that Kiwifarms is dead, and whining about rumors and crap. Apparently she's not suing the city but I can't care because I am downing my 5th and final shot (approximately) of rum (because this was a full tumbler and now it's not). I can't feel my fingers. Or the thigh my laptop's on. Send help.
Expect me to return to this later because I'm fucking blasted and can't see the typos right now.
Edit: returned to it now that I'm mildly more sober and have corrected the errors I could find.
0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ What the actual fuck is up with how she says this…? It’s like when six year olds try to be cool or something. And then she immediately bursts into giggles. I can already tell this is going to be a long one.
Gotta go get a drink.
OH FUCK ME. Just poured the last of my bottle of vodka into my glass. Guess I’ll be mixing to make it through this mess. Sake is next, because vodka and white wine don’t mix as well as vodka and rice wine. Gah.
Onward, my friends.
0:04 … This dumb cunt has decided to name her video 'So Raw'. Her title card says ‘This video is SO RAW you guys, fuck!’ Ugh. Guess if you’re going to embrace your bullshit that people made fun of you for, go in whole hog. She claims this is a wanna be podcast. Whatever that means. A podcast if you bought it on Wish. Her words, not mine. I am already prepared for the quality of what lies ahead. Vodka ahoy.
0:18 Reasoning behind the retarded title is because of the dumb clip, which she does show. Because AL misses the irony. She misses that people are making fun of her for being blatantly retarded. But she does show that she scours reddit/the Farms for what people are saying about her continually, because she starts rattling off the shit we gripe about: Situation Type Deal, saying molment all the fucking time, her ‘Books is good for the brain’ dumbassery, ‘Mental things is scary’ (she says the books is good for the brain is her favorite). She is attempting to own ‘the joke’ I think. Or try to come off that she’s fucking around and joking instead of being blatantly, certifiably retarded and in need of adult supervision.
1:03 She claims she’s going to be spilling new tea and giving opinions and takes on shit. She’s begging for topics to talk about, and requests topics on her new Instagram.
1:33 velvet.and.honey is her new Instagram for those who are curious. She says her DMs are open for everybody. She chose this name for aesthetic. Because honey is aesthetic, whatever the fuck she thinks she means by that. Then she says it’s based off a song where the lyrics are ‘I like my girls like I like my honey’ and I want to punch her fat fucking face in. Shaddup.
Not lookin’ good, fam. 1/4 through my tumbler (was filled 1/2 with vodka, 1/2 with Diet Coke, features 2 ice cubes, so not very diluted at all) and we’re only 2 minutes into this shitfest. If you’re religious, my liver could use your prayers.
2:00 ‘ya know, sweet, selfish,’ and she’s blathering about that song still, and it makes no sense, so we’re ignoring this bullshit.
2:12 FINALLY going to some bullshit Q&A shit. It’s the ‘how did your ex propose to you,’ which has already been covered ad nauseam, but it’s time to rewrite history. Never mind there’s an entire video library on her own fucking YouTube channel (and archived here on the Farms, which apparently no longer exists) that can countermand her claims.
2:15 AL blathers on about the fact that she’ll be talking about her past experiences and blah blah blah. Doesn’t want to shy away from the things she’s been through because that would be silencing her and it takes way from her human experiences. NarcNarcNarc. Then she says she’s not throwing shade at anyone. HAHAHAHAHA. I didn’t realize this would be a comedy show!
2:55 Says the first time she was engaged was when she was 17. Then goes on to the Necky crap.
3:17 Blathers about dreams about how she wanted to be proposed to, and how she’s vocal about it, so yes, she was demanding rhr shit go exactly as she wants. She says she wanted it to be personal rather than public, so she could put shit online for the public to see at her discretion lolz
4:05 States she doesn’t want public proposals because she’s super private. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Down to 2/3’s full.
4:10 Wants romance, for her to look good (so now we know it’s 100% a pipe dream because we know that ain't happenin'). Wants cheesy, petals, music, so on and so forth, blah blah blah.
4:39 Says how she was proposed to - she was sitting in the living room (as opposed to the bedroom, I guess), it was about 2AM (so she got up not long ago), and she was in a muumuu (which she never admits to having), didn’t shower that day (because she doesn’t shower period). Says it was on January 13th because Becky wanted to change that day for her, because years prior it was the day Destiny shit on her face and waltz off with a fridge. AL doesn’t appreciate that because ’it’s weird.’
5:35 ‘hair greasy, as per uush.’ ARE YOU SO MOTHERFUCKIN’ LAZY YOU CAN’T SAY USUAL?!!? 1/2 full.
5:45 Says there was a disconnect, as Necky walked from the bedroom with something in her hand. Says it was a clear box, and that there was a tiny pink vibrator with an engagement ring on it in said box. We know this is false, because AL would’ve so taken a picture of that and put it online with the caption of “YES WE HAVE SEX 10 TIMES A WEEK, THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO PROPOSE WHEN YOU’RE MAKING LOVE ALL THE TIME *cry emoji*” She states that Necky asked if she’d have sex with her for the rest of her life.
1/4. Didn’t think I’d need another drink on standby so soon.
6:47 AL says that she says yes, then states that they hadn’t had sex recently… they’d had sex 1 time in the last 3 years. Now was it before or after the constant bleeding?
7:13 Blathers on and on about how they might’ve covered that in a livestream, but not everybody watched the livestreams and that was another era that was long ago and super boring. Like this isn’t boring. At least in the livestreams there was Necky correcting her and her being a raw cuntasaurus on display for the masses.
7:33 Oh fuck me, now it’s ‘an advice column’ because she’s a wise fuckface. Her advice shit starts with a question from a nimrod, and goes as follows: ‘I’m talking to my teacher on snapchat’ (that’s a slide, and she says that straight off, then goes on) “Technically it’s my professor. I had this professor last year and we were flirty then, and I thought that was it. Now I have that same professor again this semester and we’ve picked things right back up. This time, on snapchat. I’m 21 and she’s 45. Sure it’s unethical, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it until I found out she’s married. Help!” Oh yes, AL is the person to aid with this. Her advice? 'YA. YA.' Ya need a punch in your throat. She starts in first on the age gap, not the ethical issue of lacking monogamy in the professor’s relationship. Of course. ‘But you both can drink alcohol legally. You’re both adults. So I’m just going to digress away from that.’ OMFG. My glass is now empty. I've paused the video so I can move onto something else.
HA HA! Don’t need to heat sake. Found a bottle of strawberry-infused rum in my wine fridge. Tumbler refilled, ready to ROLL.
8:35 She’s not going to sit and judge people (except she is), and as long as they’re legal blah blah blah. But she’s going into the territory of the professor-student relationship. AL thinks she should be fired, because of fraternization (though she lacks the brainpower to formulate this term). What about the marriage, dummy?
9:23 Finally hits on that she’s married. AL says she don’t fuck with no cheaters. Says that the person who submitted their question for advice needs to talk with the head of their university and show the chat or whatever and report what’s going on, because she might not be the first this professor as subjected to this behavior, and this might be grooming and stuff.
I hate to admit it, but for once I can get behind what this buttermonkey is saying. That is, assuming that this was actual flirtation and not just wishful thinking on the part of the student. And assuming this was an actual person with an actual request for advice, and not a troll or something AL came up with from the depths of her mind which also formulate cruise ships with ERs that have a different ward for every ailment a person can have. Pity it’s all (supposedly) on snapchat, because that purges and shit.
10:00 ‘It’s rocky, ya’ll’ about the fact that fraternization is bad.
10:24 States she’s been asked a lot about her foster care experiences. Says it would take a lifetime to talk about everything that took place during her foster care experience. But decides to divulge a bit.
10:48 ‘STORYTIME’ Now she’s gonna talk about the first few hours after she was taken from her parents. Says she was 8-9 years old, was called into the office while she was elementary school.
11:08 Oh, disclaimer shit. She says there’s lots of holes, and things are like Swiss cheese. She’s talking about her brain. Straight-up rum goes a little slower - 4/5 glass remaining. Anyway, the Swiss cheese is her memory. She’s only going to be able to share what she actually remembers.
11:26 Continuing, she gets called to the office and there’s a police officer there. She’s like ‘Okay, this is weird,’ and they call in her brother. She talks about her having 2 brothers - there's the one who was a year younger than her who attended the same elementary school, and the other one who was 1 year old at the time. She states that she and her brother were placed in a cop car, and then they had her little brother, but she doesn’t remember how they got him. Then she goes off on how disgusting her home trailer was. Says it was 20 times more disgusting than La Casa De La Trompeta Del Bano De Pissa. 10 billion points to those who get that reference.
12:29 Sorry, needed a pause for a sip. 3/4 full. If there’s typos I no longer care, because my fingers feel fluffy. Anyway, she says they went to this huge house and her baby brother was taken then. A woman with short hair at the doorway took him, and she and her brother were allowed to say goodbye. Her brother didn’t cry because he’s a psychopath. Then they went to the police station and were there for hours. They were apparently told at this time that they were going to a children’s shelter, and their baby brother couldn’t go there because the youngest children they’d take were about 4-5 years old.
13:20 So they’re sitting at the police station, then get dropped off at a big building where they see staff members who ask questions ‘like so many questions and so much paperwork’ because yes, I imagine that’s standard protocol, to have 9 year olds fill out paperwork.
13:58 Then they separate them because there's separate boy and girl halls and then separate areas for teens and pre-teens and blah blah blah. She says when she was separated from her brother she thought she’d never see him again. Then she talks about how she had to get into the shower, and they had to look all over her body (probably checking for signs of physical and/or sexual abuse), write down her marks, etc. She says it seems very weird. Says that if they’d asked her now she would’ve declined. In my brain I’m going 'Huh, sounds like when people join the military and they write down every identifying mark on your body so they can ID your corpse.’ But we know it was for checking for physical and/or sexual abuse, as previously stated. She says she might’ve gotten in trouble if she declined, and that there was a point system in the shelter and points got you privileges like outings and whatever.
15:25 Now she blathers about how while in the children’s shelter they lived their lives based off the point system. Sounds like a decent thing to me - reward cooperation and doing what you’re supposed to do with points that earn privileges, take away said privileges if child is a shitmonger. A’ight.
15:36 Says she had head lice for the majority of her childhood, but the shelter did something to get rid of the head lice and succeeded where her parents failed (no, she doesn't extrapolate upon this). 'Love that for them,' the shelter is awesome. Then she randomly mentions that when they finished her head lice treatment it was dinner. HA, YOUR WHOLE LIFE REVOLVES AROUND FOOD AND YOU PROVED IT RIGHT THERE.
Pardon, I am drunk and typing random shit. 1/2 full.
16:24 She states that during dinner she got to meet the other pre-teens at the facility, as they were 12 and under, and the teens were 13+ so they weren't allowed to mingle or whatever and that’s where she ends that fucking story. Whatever. My tumbler of clear deliciousness is beckoning. On with the stupid video, though.
16:35 She’s going on stating that it wasn’t until a few days later that she realized what was going on, because she’s as smart as a box of gravel (apologies to all the gravel of the world for being compared to this vacuous waste of space). But no, she’s done.
16:54 ‘Do you still like Trisha Paytas? What’s your opinion on her now?’ Oh fuck me. Here we go. I think we’re at 2/5ths full. Maybe 1/3? I can’t tell, because my brain can no longer calculate fractions. She says she used to be a Trisha Paytas stan. But then Frenemies happened, and it was the most entertaining shit she’d ever seen, no joke. Blah blah blah. It was so iconic.
17:30 Oh noes! It changed her viewpoint of Trisha! The things Trisha would do, the things she would say, the things she would lie about! The things you’d notice if you had an IQ over 30 if you’d watched her before Frenemies!!
17:40 So AL changed her opinion about Trisha thanks to Frenemies. She doesn’t think she’s a good, genuine person. No shit. After Frenemies she unsubbed and doesn’t watch her. Knows she’s pregnant and wishes her health and whatever, but whatever, she won’t follow her ass.
18:16 Wishes Trisha health and happiness, but blasts her for physically and emotionally abusing her partner. It’s hard for AL to actually like her after Frenemies, because she thought that Frenemies was going to present her in a good light except that’s totally not what it did.
18:42 She feels that Trisha gets away with everything. I’ll bet she’s envious. 1/4 full. Gonna slow down and try to make this fucking tumbler last until the end of the video. I can no longer feel the keyboard. But AL is going off about how Trisha gets away with being homophobic, body shaming, blah blah blah and gets away with everything and I can’t be assed to rewind and catch what all she said. Regardless, she’s not going to support someone that makes her saaaaaad. Or annnngry. Because Trisha’s said things that piss her off.
19:17 AL says she doesn’t want Trisha to take her opinions and be angry about the fact that AL doesn’t like her anymore. NARCNARCNARC
19:47 Random fact of the day, which is something AL loves or whatever heh let’s get on with this. I think 1/5 is left. My SO is asking if the Navy taught me how to drink lolz
19:50 ‘I have this cute little buk’ WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS THAT. IT’S PRONOUNCED BOOK. Ugh!!! Not. Reaching. For. Glass. ‘It is 'True Facts That Sound Like Bullshit'.’ She professes she loves bullshit. The first fact is apparently that hippopotamus sweat is pink to which AL says ‘Excuse me, ma’am?’ Why are we taking a page from faggot-extraordinaire Zach Michales? Gah. I can’t.
20:04 The next one is apparently that kangaroos perform adoptions. Why are we doing this bullshit? Ugh. I am staring at my tumbler of rum and pondering if I should down it. No, no. Only a few minutes of this left.
21:00 Oh, now she says we can’t have a wannabe Wish dot com podcast without rumors. Here we go.
21:06 Rumor #1! Amberlynn is suing her city for the fall. She says she’s not going to be talking about her ankle or anything about it. Then she gets a constipated look on her face and says ‘Is that even a thing?’ Confirmed it would be MG, W doing it, because AL doesn’t have the brains for it. Claims she didn’t know that’s a thing, so no, she isn’t doing it.
21:38 RARITY!!! CUTEST MEW!!!! AL stares at her like she’s an alien and says “There’s a cat.” Then she ruins the moment by baby talking and mocking the rumor that she’s suing the city while she pets adorable Rarity. I wanna steal that cat so bad. (Tumbler remains untouched for the moment)
22:00 Blathering on about how she wasn’t paying attention while she was hurpling down the sidewalk and she has no reason to sue the city and whatever, I don’t care. She was walking and FOOT WENT INTO A SITUATION TYPE DEAL GAAAAAHHHHHH even drunk as fuck I’m losing my mind. She states that she’s never seweeeen people, sown people, she doesn’t know that it’s SUED. Dumb fuck. Says she wouldn’t sue anyone unless they’re mean to her cat.
22:45 On to rumor 2: “Amberlyn and/or Wifey got the subreddits taken down” AL says that she’s been on reddit maybe 3 times in her life. Says 1 time was to look up herself (NARC), 1 time was to look up. #1500wasenough for whatever, and apparently that one’s about calorie counting and shit and how 1500 calories is enough food (which for a 5'3"/5'2" woman, it certainly is), and she doesn’t talk about the 3rd time. Says it wasn’t her and it wasn’t Wifey. Then she whines that it’s doxxing and booleeen and shit to accuse her of taking down subreddits and shit.
23:56 Here’s our mention! Says ‘same goes with Kiwifarms. That’s been taken down.’ NEWS TO ME, BITCH. (Posting vigorously and staring at a tumbler that has 1/5 of its contents remaining, waiting for the end of this bullshit video)
23:58 Says she looked it up and it’s because it’s actual booleeen and it can hurt people and there’s doxing and there’s harassment and are you delusional? And it wasn’t her or Wifey, but there was a higher power (not God or Buddha) that took it down. I think she’s referring to the removal of the subreddit, but I am staring at letters that I am typing and marveling how they appear in my document right now.
24:35 Next segment! ‘Bad choices’ or whatever. (Really, ya’ll should be praising autocorrect right now because my typing capacities have been seriously compromised). She has a card game or something. She’s going to answer 3 of these cards. Ugh. What the fuck is this. 141 outrageous questions? What?
25:07 She thinks this could be fun and add a little ‘mph’. I’m wondering if it’ll add more alcohol to my system, and I’m thinking the answer will be ‘yes.’
25:12 OF COURSE SHE’S READING THE CARDS BEFORE PULLING THEM. You ding dong, AL! You should pull at random! That’d make it more fun!!! You failed within the first few seconds of this segment. Gah.
25:30 Pulls 3 'random' cards. Though she notices that one isn’t one of the bad choices cards, and shuffles it back into her card deck. What the hell is this game? Where can I buy it? What is it about? Drunk-me wants answers because there are people in the ‘hood that this might be fun to do with. Ugh. Sorry, tangent. On with the recap.
25:33 First card, “Have you ever played strip poker?” She says she never has and she doesn’t think she ever will, because she doesn’t like her body and doesn’t want to show her body. Laaaaayyyyygs wishes, fuck right off.
25:44 “Would you ever pose for a nude art class?” Again, doesn’t like her body and nope. But she says she’d like to see someone her size do it, because every time she’s seen this shit it’s featuring a model who’s actually normal BMI. She thinks we need to see lardgolums featured.
26:08 “Have you give out a fake phone number in the past year?” She has not. But recently she was telling Wifey about a guy in high school back in Petaluma, CA, and she kept running into this dude. Apparently the 1st time this dude pestered her for her number, she gave him the Jenny Craig number, then the 2nd time she ran into him she insisted she gave him the right number even though he was like ‘bitch, wrong number,’ and the 3rd time she switch the number on the end because you know she’s a true lesbian. He apparently asked for her myspace and she was like ‘fucker, no, I don’t have this shit’ because she can’t simply say ‘no.’ Especially for food. Blathers on about how this dude would be attracted to a trussed-up ham.
27:52 Asking if we liked the episode. No. No I did not.
27:54 She threatens us with a continuance of this ‘SO RAW’ nonsense. Says they should be Tuesdays, but she won’t fucking commit to when it’s going to be filled. Future content is up in the air. She’s gonna figure it out. With sprinkles. But Tuesdays are set for ‘SO RAW.’
28:33 Ends on that clip of her that’s been mocked to the ends of the earth stating 'so raw you guise, fawk'.
Gotta go get a drink.
OH FUCK ME. Just poured the last of my bottle of vodka into my glass. Guess I’ll be mixing to make it through this mess. Sake is next, because vodka and white wine don’t mix as well as vodka and rice wine. Gah.
Onward, my friends.
0:04 … This dumb cunt has decided to name her video 'So Raw'. Her title card says ‘This video is SO RAW you guys, fuck!’ Ugh. Guess if you’re going to embrace your bullshit that people made fun of you for, go in whole hog. She claims this is a wanna be podcast. Whatever that means. A podcast if you bought it on Wish. Her words, not mine. I am already prepared for the quality of what lies ahead. Vodka ahoy.
0:18 Reasoning behind the retarded title is because of the dumb clip, which she does show. Because AL misses the irony. She misses that people are making fun of her for being blatantly retarded. But she does show that she scours reddit/the Farms for what people are saying about her continually, because she starts rattling off the shit we gripe about: Situation Type Deal, saying molment all the fucking time, her ‘Books is good for the brain’ dumbassery, ‘Mental things is scary’ (she says the books is good for the brain is her favorite). She is attempting to own ‘the joke’ I think. Or try to come off that she’s fucking around and joking instead of being blatantly, certifiably retarded and in need of adult supervision.
1:03 She claims she’s going to be spilling new tea and giving opinions and takes on shit. She’s begging for topics to talk about, and requests topics on her new Instagram.
1:33 velvet.and.honey is her new Instagram for those who are curious. She says her DMs are open for everybody. She chose this name for aesthetic. Because honey is aesthetic, whatever the fuck she thinks she means by that. Then she says it’s based off a song where the lyrics are ‘I like my girls like I like my honey’ and I want to punch her fat fucking face in. Shaddup.
Not lookin’ good, fam. 1/4 through my tumbler (was filled 1/2 with vodka, 1/2 with Diet Coke, features 2 ice cubes, so not very diluted at all) and we’re only 2 minutes into this shitfest. If you’re religious, my liver could use your prayers.
2:00 ‘ya know, sweet, selfish,’ and she’s blathering about that song still, and it makes no sense, so we’re ignoring this bullshit.
2:12 FINALLY going to some bullshit Q&A shit. It’s the ‘how did your ex propose to you,’ which has already been covered ad nauseam, but it’s time to rewrite history. Never mind there’s an entire video library on her own fucking YouTube channel (and archived here on the Farms, which apparently no longer exists) that can countermand her claims.
2:15 AL blathers on about the fact that she’ll be talking about her past experiences and blah blah blah. Doesn’t want to shy away from the things she’s been through because that would be silencing her and it takes way from her human experiences. NarcNarcNarc. Then she says she’s not throwing shade at anyone. HAHAHAHAHA. I didn’t realize this would be a comedy show!
2:55 Says the first time she was engaged was when she was 17. Then goes on to the Necky crap.
3:17 Blathers about dreams about how she wanted to be proposed to, and how she’s vocal about it, so yes, she was demanding rhr shit go exactly as she wants. She says she wanted it to be personal rather than public, so she could put shit online for the public to see at her discretion lolz
4:05 States she doesn’t want public proposals because she’s super private. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Down to 2/3’s full.
4:10 Wants romance, for her to look good (so now we know it’s 100% a pipe dream because we know that ain't happenin'). Wants cheesy, petals, music, so on and so forth, blah blah blah.
4:39 Says how she was proposed to - she was sitting in the living room (as opposed to the bedroom, I guess), it was about 2AM (so she got up not long ago), and she was in a muumuu (which she never admits to having), didn’t shower that day (because she doesn’t shower period). Says it was on January 13th because Becky wanted to change that day for her, because years prior it was the day Destiny shit on her face and waltz off with a fridge. AL doesn’t appreciate that because ’it’s weird.’
5:35 ‘hair greasy, as per uush.’ ARE YOU SO MOTHERFUCKIN’ LAZY YOU CAN’T SAY USUAL?!!? 1/2 full.
5:45 Says there was a disconnect, as Necky walked from the bedroom with something in her hand. Says it was a clear box, and that there was a tiny pink vibrator with an engagement ring on it in said box. We know this is false, because AL would’ve so taken a picture of that and put it online with the caption of “YES WE HAVE SEX 10 TIMES A WEEK, THIS IS THE PERFECT WAY TO PROPOSE WHEN YOU’RE MAKING LOVE ALL THE TIME *cry emoji*” She states that Necky asked if she’d have sex with her for the rest of her life.
1/4. Didn’t think I’d need another drink on standby so soon.
6:47 AL says that she says yes, then states that they hadn’t had sex recently… they’d had sex 1 time in the last 3 years. Now was it before or after the constant bleeding?
7:13 Blathers on and on about how they might’ve covered that in a livestream, but not everybody watched the livestreams and that was another era that was long ago and super boring. Like this isn’t boring. At least in the livestreams there was Necky correcting her and her being a raw cuntasaurus on display for the masses.
7:33 Oh fuck me, now it’s ‘an advice column’ because she’s a wise fuckface. Her advice shit starts with a question from a nimrod, and goes as follows: ‘I’m talking to my teacher on snapchat’ (that’s a slide, and she says that straight off, then goes on) “Technically it’s my professor. I had this professor last year and we were flirty then, and I thought that was it. Now I have that same professor again this semester and we’ve picked things right back up. This time, on snapchat. I’m 21 and she’s 45. Sure it’s unethical, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it until I found out she’s married. Help!” Oh yes, AL is the person to aid with this. Her advice? 'YA. YA.' Ya need a punch in your throat. She starts in first on the age gap, not the ethical issue of lacking monogamy in the professor’s relationship. Of course. ‘But you both can drink alcohol legally. You’re both adults. So I’m just going to digress away from that.’ OMFG. My glass is now empty. I've paused the video so I can move onto something else.
HA HA! Don’t need to heat sake. Found a bottle of strawberry-infused rum in my wine fridge. Tumbler refilled, ready to ROLL.
8:35 She’s not going to sit and judge people (except she is), and as long as they’re legal blah blah blah. But she’s going into the territory of the professor-student relationship. AL thinks she should be fired, because of fraternization (though she lacks the brainpower to formulate this term). What about the marriage, dummy?
9:23 Finally hits on that she’s married. AL says she don’t fuck with no cheaters. Says that the person who submitted their question for advice needs to talk with the head of their university and show the chat or whatever and report what’s going on, because she might not be the first this professor as subjected to this behavior, and this might be grooming and stuff.
I hate to admit it, but for once I can get behind what this buttermonkey is saying. That is, assuming that this was actual flirtation and not just wishful thinking on the part of the student. And assuming this was an actual person with an actual request for advice, and not a troll or something AL came up with from the depths of her mind which also formulate cruise ships with ERs that have a different ward for every ailment a person can have. Pity it’s all (supposedly) on snapchat, because that purges and shit.
10:00 ‘It’s rocky, ya’ll’ about the fact that fraternization is bad.
10:24 States she’s been asked a lot about her foster care experiences. Says it would take a lifetime to talk about everything that took place during her foster care experience. But decides to divulge a bit.
10:48 ‘STORYTIME’ Now she’s gonna talk about the first few hours after she was taken from her parents. Says she was 8-9 years old, was called into the office while she was elementary school.
11:08 Oh, disclaimer shit. She says there’s lots of holes, and things are like Swiss cheese. She’s talking about her brain. Straight-up rum goes a little slower - 4/5 glass remaining. Anyway, the Swiss cheese is her memory. She’s only going to be able to share what she actually remembers.
11:26 Continuing, she gets called to the office and there’s a police officer there. She’s like ‘Okay, this is weird,’ and they call in her brother. She talks about her having 2 brothers - there's the one who was a year younger than her who attended the same elementary school, and the other one who was 1 year old at the time. She states that she and her brother were placed in a cop car, and then they had her little brother, but she doesn’t remember how they got him. Then she goes off on how disgusting her home trailer was. Says it was 20 times more disgusting than La Casa De La Trompeta Del Bano De Pissa. 10 billion points to those who get that reference.
12:29 Sorry, needed a pause for a sip. 3/4 full. If there’s typos I no longer care, because my fingers feel fluffy. Anyway, she says they went to this huge house and her baby brother was taken then. A woman with short hair at the doorway took him, and she and her brother were allowed to say goodbye. Her brother didn’t cry because he’s a psychopath. Then they went to the police station and were there for hours. They were apparently told at this time that they were going to a children’s shelter, and their baby brother couldn’t go there because the youngest children they’d take were about 4-5 years old.
13:20 So they’re sitting at the police station, then get dropped off at a big building where they see staff members who ask questions ‘like so many questions and so much paperwork’ because yes, I imagine that’s standard protocol, to have 9 year olds fill out paperwork.
13:58 Then they separate them because there's separate boy and girl halls and then separate areas for teens and pre-teens and blah blah blah. She says when she was separated from her brother she thought she’d never see him again. Then she talks about how she had to get into the shower, and they had to look all over her body (probably checking for signs of physical and/or sexual abuse), write down her marks, etc. She says it seems very weird. Says that if they’d asked her now she would’ve declined. In my brain I’m going 'Huh, sounds like when people join the military and they write down every identifying mark on your body so they can ID your corpse.’ But we know it was for checking for physical and/or sexual abuse, as previously stated. She says she might’ve gotten in trouble if she declined, and that there was a point system in the shelter and points got you privileges like outings and whatever.
15:25 Now she blathers about how while in the children’s shelter they lived their lives based off the point system. Sounds like a decent thing to me - reward cooperation and doing what you’re supposed to do with points that earn privileges, take away said privileges if child is a shitmonger. A’ight.
15:36 Says she had head lice for the majority of her childhood, but the shelter did something to get rid of the head lice and succeeded where her parents failed (no, she doesn't extrapolate upon this). 'Love that for them,' the shelter is awesome. Then she randomly mentions that when they finished her head lice treatment it was dinner. HA, YOUR WHOLE LIFE REVOLVES AROUND FOOD AND YOU PROVED IT RIGHT THERE.
Pardon, I am drunk and typing random shit. 1/2 full.
16:24 She states that during dinner she got to meet the other pre-teens at the facility, as they were 12 and under, and the teens were 13+ so they weren't allowed to mingle or whatever and that’s where she ends that fucking story. Whatever. My tumbler of clear deliciousness is beckoning. On with the stupid video, though.
16:35 She’s going on stating that it wasn’t until a few days later that she realized what was going on, because she’s as smart as a box of gravel (apologies to all the gravel of the world for being compared to this vacuous waste of space). But no, she’s done.
16:54 ‘Do you still like Trisha Paytas? What’s your opinion on her now?’ Oh fuck me. Here we go. I think we’re at 2/5ths full. Maybe 1/3? I can’t tell, because my brain can no longer calculate fractions. She says she used to be a Trisha Paytas stan. But then Frenemies happened, and it was the most entertaining shit she’d ever seen, no joke. Blah blah blah. It was so iconic.
17:30 Oh noes! It changed her viewpoint of Trisha! The things Trisha would do, the things she would say, the things she would lie about! The things you’d notice if you had an IQ over 30 if you’d watched her before Frenemies!!
17:40 So AL changed her opinion about Trisha thanks to Frenemies. She doesn’t think she’s a good, genuine person. No shit. After Frenemies she unsubbed and doesn’t watch her. Knows she’s pregnant and wishes her health and whatever, but whatever, she won’t follow her ass.
18:16 Wishes Trisha health and happiness, but blasts her for physically and emotionally abusing her partner. It’s hard for AL to actually like her after Frenemies, because she thought that Frenemies was going to present her in a good light except that’s totally not what it did.
18:42 She feels that Trisha gets away with everything. I’ll bet she’s envious. 1/4 full. Gonna slow down and try to make this fucking tumbler last until the end of the video. I can no longer feel the keyboard. But AL is going off about how Trisha gets away with being homophobic, body shaming, blah blah blah and gets away with everything and I can’t be assed to rewind and catch what all she said. Regardless, she’s not going to support someone that makes her saaaaaad. Or annnngry. Because Trisha’s said things that piss her off.
19:17 AL says she doesn’t want Trisha to take her opinions and be angry about the fact that AL doesn’t like her anymore. NARCNARCNARC
19:47 Random fact of the day, which is something AL loves or whatever heh let’s get on with this. I think 1/5 is left. My SO is asking if the Navy taught me how to drink lolz
19:50 ‘I have this cute little buk’ WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT IS THAT. IT’S PRONOUNCED BOOK. Ugh!!! Not. Reaching. For. Glass. ‘It is 'True Facts That Sound Like Bullshit'.’ She professes she loves bullshit. The first fact is apparently that hippopotamus sweat is pink to which AL says ‘Excuse me, ma’am?’ Why are we taking a page from faggot-extraordinaire Zach Michales? Gah. I can’t.
20:04 The next one is apparently that kangaroos perform adoptions. Why are we doing this bullshit? Ugh. I am staring at my tumbler of rum and pondering if I should down it. No, no. Only a few minutes of this left.
21:00 Oh, now she says we can’t have a wannabe Wish dot com podcast without rumors. Here we go.
21:06 Rumor #1! Amberlynn is suing her city for the fall. She says she’s not going to be talking about her ankle or anything about it. Then she gets a constipated look on her face and says ‘Is that even a thing?’ Confirmed it would be MG, W doing it, because AL doesn’t have the brains for it. Claims she didn’t know that’s a thing, so no, she isn’t doing it.
21:38 RARITY!!! CUTEST MEW!!!! AL stares at her like she’s an alien and says “There’s a cat.” Then she ruins the moment by baby talking and mocking the rumor that she’s suing the city while she pets adorable Rarity. I wanna steal that cat so bad. (Tumbler remains untouched for the moment)
22:00 Blathering on about how she wasn’t paying attention while she was hurpling down the sidewalk and she has no reason to sue the city and whatever, I don’t care. She was walking and FOOT WENT INTO A SITUATION TYPE DEAL GAAAAAHHHHHH even drunk as fuck I’m losing my mind. She states that she’s never seweeeen people, sown people, she doesn’t know that it’s SUED. Dumb fuck. Says she wouldn’t sue anyone unless they’re mean to her cat.
22:45 On to rumor 2: “Amberlyn and/or Wifey got the subreddits taken down” AL says that she’s been on reddit maybe 3 times in her life. Says 1 time was to look up herself (NARC), 1 time was to look up. #1500wasenough for whatever, and apparently that one’s about calorie counting and shit and how 1500 calories is enough food (which for a 5'3"/5'2" woman, it certainly is), and she doesn’t talk about the 3rd time. Says it wasn’t her and it wasn’t Wifey. Then she whines that it’s doxxing and booleeen and shit to accuse her of taking down subreddits and shit.
23:56 Here’s our mention! Says ‘same goes with Kiwifarms. That’s been taken down.’ NEWS TO ME, BITCH. (Posting vigorously and staring at a tumbler that has 1/5 of its contents remaining, waiting for the end of this bullshit video)
23:58 Says she looked it up and it’s because it’s actual booleeen and it can hurt people and there’s doxing and there’s harassment and are you delusional? And it wasn’t her or Wifey, but there was a higher power (not God or Buddha) that took it down. I think she’s referring to the removal of the subreddit, but I am staring at letters that I am typing and marveling how they appear in my document right now.
24:35 Next segment! ‘Bad choices’ or whatever. (Really, ya’ll should be praising autocorrect right now because my typing capacities have been seriously compromised). She has a card game or something. She’s going to answer 3 of these cards. Ugh. What the fuck is this. 141 outrageous questions? What?
25:07 She thinks this could be fun and add a little ‘mph’. I’m wondering if it’ll add more alcohol to my system, and I’m thinking the answer will be ‘yes.’
25:12 OF COURSE SHE’S READING THE CARDS BEFORE PULLING THEM. You ding dong, AL! You should pull at random! That’d make it more fun!!! You failed within the first few seconds of this segment. Gah.
25:30 Pulls 3 'random' cards. Though she notices that one isn’t one of the bad choices cards, and shuffles it back into her card deck. What the hell is this game? Where can I buy it? What is it about? Drunk-me wants answers because there are people in the ‘hood that this might be fun to do with. Ugh. Sorry, tangent. On with the recap.
25:33 First card, “Have you ever played strip poker?” She says she never has and she doesn’t think she ever will, because she doesn’t like her body and doesn’t want to show her body. Laaaaayyyyygs wishes, fuck right off.
25:44 “Would you ever pose for a nude art class?” Again, doesn’t like her body and nope. But she says she’d like to see someone her size do it, because every time she’s seen this shit it’s featuring a model who’s actually normal BMI. She thinks we need to see lardgolums featured.
26:08 “Have you give out a fake phone number in the past year?” She has not. But recently she was telling Wifey about a guy in high school back in Petaluma, CA, and she kept running into this dude. Apparently the 1st time this dude pestered her for her number, she gave him the Jenny Craig number, then the 2nd time she ran into him she insisted she gave him the right number even though he was like ‘bitch, wrong number,’ and the 3rd time she switch the number on the end because you know she’s a true lesbian. He apparently asked for her myspace and she was like ‘fucker, no, I don’t have this shit’ because she can’t simply say ‘no.’ Especially for food. Blathers on about how this dude would be attracted to a trussed-up ham.
27:52 Asking if we liked the episode. No. No I did not.
27:54 She threatens us with a continuance of this ‘SO RAW’ nonsense. Says they should be Tuesdays, but she won’t fucking commit to when it’s going to be filled. Future content is up in the air. She’s gonna figure it out. With sprinkles. But Tuesdays are set for ‘SO RAW.’
28:33 Ends on that clip of her that’s been mocked to the ends of the earth stating 'so raw you guise, fawk'.
TL;DW/R, I can't take responsibility for anything because she literally drove me to drink. AL blathers about a bunch of stuff, throwing shade at Becky and making her out to be the worst person ever, talking about how Trisha's the worst person ever, thinking that Kiwifarms is dead, and whining about rumors and crap. Apparently she's not suing the city but I can't care because I am downing my 5th and final shot (approximately) of rum (because this was a full tumbler and now it's not). I can't feel my fingers. Or the thigh my laptop's on. Send help.
Expect me to return to this later because I'm fucking blasted and can't see the typos right now.
Edit: returned to it now that I'm mildly more sober and have corrected the errors I could find.
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- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
I am back to never watching Amber again until something really fucking bad happens to her. Last time I vowed this, she was nearly killed by a divot in the grass, so do not test me, Amber.
INNYHOO
Did Fat Jade give her an engagement ring that Amber probably paid for, and how trashy is it?
Thx.
INNYHOO
Did Fat Jade give her an engagement ring that Amber probably paid for, and how trashy is it?
Thx.
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2019
Then let us hope Kiwi Farms stays up FOREVER AND EVER!