I think also a factor that contributes to her depression so badly right now, is YouTube. Obviously she’s no longer having fun making videos, I think she stopped having fun with it around the time her and Destiny were growing apart. Amber is taking as many “breaks,” from YouTube as possible, she’s never actually happy about her subscriber count going up the way that people who have audiences who genuinely enjoy them do. She never celebrates YouTube milestones, she knows that probably 85% of her subscribers are critics, and I can’t imagine how many speds are pretending to be fans to try and get closer to her so that they can get information from her or Becky or the fags.
She deserves all of it, but when I try to think about what possible thoughts could be running through her mind and the feelings she may be experiencing, Amberlynn (hopefully,) must feel, on a human level, pretty disgusted with herself. I’ve noticed how often lately she’s saying “People like, really think I’m a terrible person. Like they really think that.” Yeah, Amber. People think you’re a terrible person because you’re a terrible person. And GOOD people don’t have to continuously draw attention to how GOOD they are, because no one really fucking questions that they’re good in the first place. It takes no time at all to look at ANY ONE of her videos and see that she’s a scumbag. People are always disgusted by people who do horrific things like hurt or murder people, but people also get disgusted by people who treat others like garbage. You can be a shitty person and never murdered or raped someone one. Good people don’t toss around collateral damage like it’s rose petals.
She has to feel the shame of complete failure, or feel it on some level I guess, or... I mean, at least I HOPE she does. Even her successes are failures. 80k subs? They all hate you. Girlfriend who loves you? She’s hideous, rude, gd idiot, and only likes you cause she has a hard on for death and you’re plastered and ringing his doorbell, about to bolt and hide but you forget you’re 600 pounds and Death is skin and bone with a fucking sickle. “Friends?” Uneducated bumpkin fags who are gonna plaster your bare unwashed ass for everyone to see the second you leave that house. Been on YouTube for 5 years? Literally nothing to show for it except an extra 250 pounds, an (awesome) thread (with lots of hilarious and witty people <3) with almost 1100 pages dedicated to how much of a piece of garbage you are... and I can’t think of anything else. She has literally nothing to be proud of, and I like to believe that she is starting to see that and I’m really hoping it’s embarrassing for her. Just watching her videos lately I get a vibe that something is very different with all of them lately.
I’m also pretty sure the amazing “steps forward” regarding going to the doctor, seeing a counselor and getting a dietician, I bet money that she hasn’t seen, called, texted or emailed her counselor is weeks, and that dietician obviously was never a thing and we are never going to get the full truth about her health from the mouth of the whale when she sees that doctor. So again, no growth in any area whatsoever.
And not only has she managed to not accomplish one single thing including accomplishments with her OWN HEALTH, she’s managed to fuck herself super hard. She’s immobile with no backup or friends or family, and she’s fucked up her girlfriend so bad I’m pretty sure Becky will sleepily check her next girlfriends pulse every night or get extremely confused with she doesn’t have to wipe her girlfriends ass, or wonder why she flinches when someone raises their voice, or ask her new girlfriend “are you okay? Are you mad at me? What’s wrong?” When she finds out that regular relationships aren’t heavily reliant on the emotions of one person, and not every day is an emotional rollercoaster.
Oh and she doesn’t have any money saved from this time passed, she’s either shit it out already or it’s being burned to cover the scent of her failure.
If I were Amber, this would be the most depressing year of my life.
