Any advice for surviving NYC subways?

Corndog

Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius
kiwifarms.net
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Oct 11, 2021
I normally treat my mask with scented oil to fight the stench but it doesn't protect me from the violence. Things are getting bad, worse than I have ever seen. 6 unrelated stabbings/slashing this past weekend and today someone was attacked with a hatchet. My coworkers and I, each who ride different routes to work, trade stories of insanity including but not limited to pissing, shitting, shouting and threats of violence. When the weather gets better I am bicycling but have a few weeks left before that is feasible. How do I make sure I live that long? Anyone have any advice other than (arguably the best advice) get the fuck out of the city?
 
You're lucky you didn't ride pre-covid when people were packed in like sardines to the point you could feel multiple erections on various areas of your body at any given time.

Use hand sanitizer after touching a pole and as for the crazies, enjoy the show. You'll get used to it.
 
Get haunted by a ghost.

Poltergeists, whilst common are pretty ineffectual for public transport. You’d have to bring your own plates to smash.

Ancestor spirits sadly depend on the family. My ancestor spirits stopped talking to me when they discovered I like anime. I have a buddy who has a hussar spirit ancestor and he even has a horse.

Wraiths are pretty great. They usually come with their own chains and have the uncanny sense of detecting LSD. They do sort of disappear in sunlight but I think that’s not a problem on the subway.

Spectres are your good all rounder. They’re the most human, can keep up to date with modern culture so you can even tell them about CWC.

Then there are the more exotic types;

Onryo, my personal weeaboo choice, though taking care of one is hard. They tend to be quite aggressive to those similar to their target for “revenge”, and need at least a basic knowledge of Japanese conversation. Be careful with deals on them though, getting them from an Onryo mill is unethical.

Djinn are an odd case because oftentimes we just get the same ones coming back each time. Saying their true name does NOT give you power over them, it in fact curses you and I feel it was some dumb Discord gayop that spread it around to endanger people. They do however all have a very upper class personality so if you do get one they tend to be very interesting.

Mummies are physical undead so you need to walk them often. Despite stereotypes they’re actually very clean, they just decayed enough that need to bathe in mud to sweat. They do tend to be package deals though, as unless it’s a stray most Mummies have an entourage ranging from their servants and pets all the way to entire dynasties.

Lastly there’s demons. Don’t even bother, there’s a reason Demons are banned from the parks. Also be careful going to shelters as half the species there tend to be a Demon or Demon mix but given the name of a different breed. And so often the Demonmommies will be wondering why their precious little thing has attacked and eaten their child.
 
Join a gang
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One: convert to huediasm

Two: go to Pennsylvania and buy a .44 revolver

Three: shoot 5 nigs for messing with you
 
You can carry pepper spray in New York so I recommend doing that. You can buy pepper spray and gels from Walmart, Target, and sports stores.

Always be sure where your valuables are and keep them in eyesight or safely tucked away where it wouldn't be easy to pickpocket.

Don't be a wigger and walk around poor people with expensive name brand bags.
 
Don't turn your back to anyone and maintain situational awareness at all times.

Only travel in high traffic areas during peak times.

Avoid mentally ill, homeless people, and nogs even if it makes you look racist and do not engage with anyone.

These things used to be understood requirements of riding the subway but there are a lot of people who move to NYC and they're like sheep waiting to be slaughtered.
 
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